AS, but you have evidence of an affair, so I wouldn't worry about it being his word against yours.

I think I recall Mr. Wondering was travelling home today. Hopefully, he'll check in this evening.

I do not say this in jest....send me all the information..I will change all Mr. anonymous references to Mr. Send me....if that is what it takes for you to expose I'll do it....as a concerned citizen....

Sound crazy?? then YOU do it!! But if you won't I will...I have OM issues tonight.....

lolol I love this guy!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Crazy? I'll see your crazy and raise you two magnitudes of weird. I'd take a few dozen copies of that picture he has, a box of thumbtacks, and some scotch tape...and then I'd put a copy on every bulletin board and open wall in that hospital!

I get myself in a lot of trouble being such a mean SOB though. You'd think I'd learn huh? <sigh>

longhorn, what time is that silly game?? Y'all had better win lest I have MUCHO egg on my face!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi, AS

Quote:
===============
Im afraid .....
===============

And therein lies the problem. Fear is normal. Choosing to face it when it stands between you and your goal is the real issue.

Will you choose your marriage or the fear?

All the best,
Gimble

Gimble has good points. If you want to get your wife back, you have to take some chances.

*****

USC vs UT is at 7:00 PM CST, Mel. I'm sure they'll do their best for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Still looking for a sample letter or advice on what to say and what not to say, should I write a letter or just go in and have a meeting. How much detail should I go into, I think my WxW's mother would be willing to go in with me and talk to someone, she knows how much this affair has hurt her daughter and grandchildren and is very upset about it. That might lend some creditibility, or maybe not. Going in and talking to someone or a few people might make the issue feel more real, Im fairly level headed and wouldnt end up getting all emotional or anything, also it would avoid a paper trail in case the DR wanted to make my life more difficult than he already has. Opinions?

Sounds good to me. Can you make an appointment with the hospital administrator for tomorrow morning?

Bumping for Mr W!

Sorry I completely missed this. AtomicSitup...I was traveling from Atlanta to Detroit by mule, I mean automobile yesterday so I was unavailable. I'll check back in a few minutes after this little pansy bowl football game.

Mr. Wondering

Atomic,

Just saw this thread and thought that I would give you my slant on your situation.

What I would envision occuring from a complaint filed by an ex-husband or a Mr Anon, is nothing at best OR your WW getting fired at worst. The CEO will refer it to the chief of staff or possibly the doc's section chief for a "hey what's going on" conversation. This conversation will be held by a fellow doc that would rather hand wrestle a Gila monster than getting caught in the middle of this "drama".

After some discussion it will be decided that the disruptive divorcee and not the married attending is the one behaving improperly.

The next talk will be with your XWW probably from HR with a warning that if another letter is received, she is gone. When she protests that the Doc is the initiator, her rock solid proof will be demanded.

Absent of proof, bye bye XWW's job.

I am on the Medical Executive Commitee at my community hospital and I would be willing to bet dollars to donuts as to the accuracy of my prediction.

Atomic,

I think Gimble has it right. Your fear is interFEARing with you doing what you need to do. Yes, she will be angry. I've got an XW like that, but I've found that the anger is non-linear - more of an on/off kind of thing. She's either FURIOUS - or not. I suspect your XW is the same. She'll get over being angry.

And listen to Gimble. THIS IS ABOUT RESPECT.

She has to know that you did it. Standing up and doing it publicly - for all to see will send the message that you are the man and you are not afraid.

Cymanca seems to have special insight into what is likely to happen in the short to mid term. What happens after that? If she loses her job, she'll find another - somewhere else, where the bad doc doesn't work.

Also, the chance of this doc or hospital suing you for slander is NIL. They want silence and any such slander suit would come to a trial (unless you were foolish enough to fold) - and the trial would be covered in the local papers and on the local news. They don't want that. Besides, are you rich? How much could the doc hope to squeeze out of you. It's silly to sue somebody unless they've got money.

OH, and full and prompt exposure to his wife is still the first order of business.

Just my opinion.


-AD

Exactly...if you ain't got nothin' for him to sue you for I would almost write the letter begging him to sue you. Represent yourself, never settle, battle it out, maybe lose then file bankruptcy. He'll spend $30,000 just to win nothing and be embarassed in the meantime. Just won't happen. If you are entirely collectible he could sue you just to harass you but truth is a defense and Dr.'s hate litigation.

You must CC his wife.

You need not be anonymous. She's already your ex-wife, how much worse can it get and besides she'll respect you down the road for fighting for her. You are doing no different that what she would do to you if the tables were reversed. Once it is done it is done forever.

Here is a link to the letter I advised Gramn to write on Nov 19, 2005 to the board of the YMCA that had just hired OM after another YMCA had fired him for having an affair with his wife (who was merely a customer).

----------> [color:"blue"] YMCA Exposure Letter (scroll to bottom of page) [/color]

Your letter will obviously be different but this may give you a starting point to draft one before I get back on tomorrow. Somebody above talked about it not being vindictive...I agree...the letter is to be informative and exposing. It must be in writing. A conversation will have ZERO effect as there will be no "evidence" of the complaint to even put in Dr.'s file. They will pat you on the back, console you, send you on your way and go golfing. A written letter with a demand for follow up coupled with a request for a meeting or response as the what has or will be done is in order. The Dr. boys club may disregard it but at least OM will be on notice and the complaint will remain in his file. Should he harass a future employee or his wife need evidence for their divorce proceedings there the letter will be. If your Xww gets fired maybe the sooner the affair will end.

I see no downside to at least getting this over with whether it works or has any effect at least your doing something.

The 3 relationship continium states:

Intimacy <----> Conflict <----> withdrawal

By exposing you may be extracating Xww from withdrawal from you into active conflict with you...is that progress????

Mr. Wondering

I am worried that she would loose her job, I spoke with someone that works there and I guess they have a zero tolerance policy towards workplace affairs. Good thing is if he looses his job he might end up moving away, Im afraid that she would just loose her job and he wouldnt though. If she looses her job in the ER, which she tried to get into for years and she loves, she might hate me forever, dont you think?

Would it be better to go to his wife and leave the workplace exposure as a last resort?

Let me get this straight...So the rules say..."no workplace affairs", your wife has a workplace affair, you tell, she gets fired and it's your fault??? You must allow the infidels to suffer the consequences of THEIR actions. If they are ever going to be truly separated and establish "no contact" they can not work together anyway.

That being said...it is your life and your call. If you want to do it in steps it may not be as effective but maybe just exposing to wife will be enough and you can avoid the workplace, for a few days or a week at most. The Doctors wife may really come down on him and eventually get him to quit or leave the practice on his own accord OR better yet, she may expose them at work...though her story will make your xWW appear the aggressor and opportunistic/Gold Digging nurse and more likely to get her fired.

Mr. W

Ok I emailed his wife, I think I will talk to her work also, I think it has the potential to do more good than harm, after all we are divorced and barely talking at this point anyway.

AS, can I make a suggestion? If you are going to do the exposure at work, do it right or don't do it at all. Make it effective and worth your while. Write a letter stating the facts and send it to the head of HR, the director of nursing and the CEO. Just calling up there talking to some HR clerk is a waste of time that will get you nowhere.

If you had exposed at the beginning of the affair, you probably would not be divorced today and the affair would have ended long ago. Exposure is not harmful, AFFAIRS are harmful. Exposure is the solution, not the problem.

p.s. I wouldn't tell the OMW about your plans to expose at work. She will likely forewarn her H and ruin your plans.