JPH



ummmmmm

by chance

was this in Florida? That is the only place I've been where this look is "in"

Suz, did I ever send you a pix of Mr pep's "home office" ????

and his EXTENSIVE collection of GODZILLA crapola???

It looks like the room of a 6-year-old .... and he is just so darn happy sitting there amongst his rubber monsters .... so funny <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I thought it meant one mood for EACH recurring situation (aka "all the time"). You know, each time (fill in the blank) happens, I am in (fill in the blank) mood. Is that not the same???

One time Patriot told me that he has two moods (he's one of your more complex men). What are these two moods???

angry and regular

My H is such a GUY! Hmmm...being a guy sounds kind of fun. I just now caught the part about the same color wallet and shoes (does that include handbags, too) for all seasons. Men get to break ALL the rules!

I simply can't stop ROTHFL at this. What insight <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am just in awe of this thread! I guess I never realized how simple men's lives were.



Did I ever tell you that Patriot plays with Lego's???

He even gets the Lego Magazine. He gets as excited over it's arrival as I do over the arrival of Lucky Magazine (the magazine about shopping - hey, how else would I know which wallet and shoes I can wear this season).

You taught him well, kimo~sabe

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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

No, please send ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

edited to add: make sure he is sitting in the photo looking durn happy. I wanna see that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Not "IS" "in"... "WAS" "in"

and it was in right here in M~I ~crooked letter in the 70's!

My dad had white shoes and white belt. I remember him polishing them with that white baby shoe liquid polish!!!

Suz

Hey, They've got nothing on us!

The Joys of Womanhood
Brilliant Woman Author Unknown

Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

UNLESS you are in the military!

Holy Cow, my son has so much Army/camo stuff. He has an entire 3 bedroom house full (by himself) of footlockers and STUFF!!!

I have no idea where he would put a wife!
Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Pep...nope not Florida...it reminds me of Pat Boone...(you're probably too young to know him)..I asked him if he ever wore them and his reply was yes with a lime green leisure suit...and stupid me married him anyway...

How Dogs Are Better Than Men

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
No dog ever voted to confirm Clarence Thomas.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
Dogs are good with kids.
Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
The worst social disease you can get fron dogs is fleas. (OK). The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
Dogs understand what 'no' means.
Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Dogs do not read at the table.
Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
You can house train a dog.
You can force a dog to take a bath.
Dogs don't correct your stories.
Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.
Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
Dogs look at your eyes.
Dogs like your size.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Dogs are nice to your relatives.
Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.

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How Dogs and Men Are the Same

Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both mark their territory.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Neither does any dishes.
Both fart shamelessly.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither understands what you see in cats.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Where Dogs Fall Down

Men only have two feet that track in mud.
Men can buy you presents.
Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
Men are a little bit more subtle.
Men open their own cans.
Dogs have dog breath all the time.
Men can do math stuff.
Holiday Inns accept men.
Men are strong and like to lift things to prove it.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Take this with a grain of salt fellas

Why woman are like cats

1. Cats do what they want, when they want.

2. They rarely listen to you.

3. They're totally unpredictable.

4. They whine when they are not happy.

5. When you want to play they want to be left alone.

6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.

7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.

8. They're moody.

9. They leave their hair everywhere.

10. They drive you nuts.

Conclusion: Cats are little, tiny women in cheap fur coats.

OK, if we are going to have fund stereotyping, here's another one from the internet:

Good Reasons To Be A Woman
Free Drinks
Free Dinners
Free Movies (You get the point)
You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you’re gay.
You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU’RE gay.
You know The Truth about whether size matters.
Speeding ticket? What’s that?
New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
You never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned in high school.
Condoms make no significant difference in your enjoyment of sex.
If you have to be home in time for 90210, you can say so — out loud.
If you’re not making enough money, you can blame the glass ceiling. .
You can sue the President for sexual harassment.
Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.
It’s possible for you to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.
No fashion faux pas you make could rival The Speedo.
You don’t have to fart to amuse yourself.
YOU never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.
You’ll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clipper.
No one passes out when you take off your shoes.
If you think the person you’re dating really likes you, you don’t have to break up with them.
Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store.
If you forget to shave, no one has to know.
You can congratulate your teammate without ever touching her behind.
If you have a zit, you can conceal it.
You never have to reach down every so often to make sure your privates are still there.
If you’re dumb, some people will find it cute.
You don’t have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
You have the ability to dress yourself.
You have an excuse to be a total b**ch at least once a month.
You can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
If you marry someone 20 years younger, you’re aware that you look like an idiot.
If you’re wearing cologne, you don’t have to pretend it’s aftershave.
You’ll probably never see someone you know while peeing in an alley.
You’ll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist.
You can quickly end any fight by crying.
Your friends won’t think you’re weird if you ask whether there’s spinach in your teeth.
There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
You’ve never had a goatee.
Gay waiters don’t make you uncomfortable.
You’ll never regret piercing your ears.
You can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
You’ll never discover you’ve been duped by a Wonderbra.
You don’t have hair on your back.
You know which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.
You get to hate Kathie Lee in the way that only another woman truly can.

Validation arrives! Thanks losttranslation!

The expansion pack...



We got off the Titanic first.

We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological excuses.

Taxis stop for us.

We can ask for directions before driving across five states.

We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

We don't do comb-overs.

We can go to a movie with a friend without needing an empty chair between us.

I REALLY love this one FROZ:


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

except for creative intimate hair styling. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> bwah, hah, hah!

1. The Auto Hood Release, What Is It And Why Is It There

2. Life Beyond Shoes

3. Money, The Non-Renewable Resource

4. How To Get 90 Minutes Out Of An Hour

5. Why Men Don't Like Any Of Your Friends

6. How To Be A Victim Of Marketing

7. How To Get Out Of Bed Without Waking Up Your Man

8. Is There Really Enough Makeup In The World

9. How To Get The Most Out Of A Garbage Bag

10.Cigar Smoke And Its Benefits

11.Clocks And Time: The Mysterious Connection

12.Tupperware: Its Social And Environmental Drawbacks

13.Where To Look When Your Auto Is In Reverse

14.Learning When Not To Talk, And Then Not Talking

15.How To Avoid Turning Into Your Mother

16.Quality Time: When You And Your Husband Should Spend Time Apart

17.Beyond The Front Page: Exploring The Daily Newspaper

18.How To Accept Criticism or When To Give Up On Cooking

19.Telltales Sounds Associated With Auto Collisions

20.Toilet Paper And The Loss Of The Rain Forests: The Vital Connection

21.When Ignorance Can Be A Blessing: Household Finances And You

22.How To Keep 'Em Guessing, or: 101 Ways To Fold A Towel

23.Talking And Driving: There's Got To Be A Way

Buy him some K'Nex. They're even better.

Now that's funny, although it doesn't really sound like a "pro" for being a woman.

It's actually more of a "con" if you ask me. The fact that we, as women, are forced by society's standards to wear undergarments and bathing suits that consist of merely a few threads of fabric, strategically placed, that actually necessitate "creative intimate hair styling" remains a mystery to me.

Not saying I don't engage in this very primitive practice; just saying it's a mystery...

1. NAMES

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


3. MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


4. BATHROOMS

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.


5. ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


6 CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.


7. FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


8. SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


9. MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.


10. DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


11. NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


12. OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.