thanks redhat, I did go to a DivorceCare group at a church but because I had to move I didnt get to complete all 13 weeks. Had to talk to the Ex. yesterday. During all of this divoece stuff I quite smoking. 13 weeks now!! He had the nerve to give himself credit for that. He said that if he would'nt have divorced me I would not have ever stopped smoking. I will not let him take credit for that. He also said that he was sorry he had to hurt me to become the man he always wanted to be. Oh boy any body want this man!!! he has an A and distroys our marriage, lies non stop. I wonder when he was a little boy if he said I want to grow up to be a lier,a cheat,a broken person. Well I dont like the person he has become. I'm sure he dont like the person he has made me become (well at this stage) I am mean. He alway wants to make me feel he is doing me a great favor being mr. wonderful about the divorce. Well I don.t think, I mean I know he didn't do anything for me or what I should have gotten out of the divorce. He knows I'm not a fighter and he has money and I dont. But I could make life a little harded on him if he keeps jerking me around. The divorce is finel and just do what you should do and stay out of my way because I have nothing to lose and I will come out fighting and I won,t think twice about doing what i have to to get what I should have gotten. All in short NO MORE LITTLE NICE GIRL. DO NOT MESS WITH ME BECAUSE I WILL HURT YOU. Do you think I might think of anger management classes ha ha!!So now that I vented all I really did is called my lawyer and he will talk to my ex's lawyer and it will be more money out of his pocket. I dont know if crying is better or this venting?????

Vent away, Crushed! It's also healthy way to add to the healing process!

You're sounding stronger all the time.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Keep it up, you're on your way to BETTER days! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

How is it that when you are blowing off steam you feel strong and the next day you feel bad for all the ugly things you have said. I feel I was way to nice of a person for my ex to push around and I don't want to be a person that get pushed around all her life but then it makes me sad that being nice is a week or bad thing to be. I loved him so much and he word by word crushed me. I dont think God wants me to be ugly and mean, I alway try to be kind, nice, and loving. I was not petfect but I still didnt deserve what he did to me. Today was sooooo slow at work and I got to think to much, like how someone can just throw you away like a pair of dirty socks? How they can just change every thing about their life they once had and not skip a beat, how a person you loved so much and never thought you would be without them in your life be gone and nothing you said or did no reasoning or praying could change it or stop it form happening. It just ties your gut up into a big knot. Well another sad day. good night

Crushed, Boy can I relate! I know the feeling of blowing off steam, and feeling strong while you're doing it. Then feeling down or guilty the next day, because it goes completely against your nature.

I found a way to be strong, in a nice way. I politly DIVORCED him! I told him, although I was very sorry I had to do this, I'm a human being, too. When MY future becomes based on YOUR actions, then I have to step in, and act for myself, (and the kids). I could no longer depend on his choices to go on with the marriage. I couldn't "change" him, so it boiled down to MY choices, and what I was willing to live with.

It was amazing, the turn around in his attitude when I finally took charge of myself and my life, and put some distance between us! I never got respect from him, until I finally respected myself. By then, it was too late. I had to go. I knew I'd never trust him again. And now, strange enough to say, we are friends.

God wants us to be peaceful but there is a rightous anger ... what you follow with that anger could be sin. Let it go before the sun down. This is part of a greiving process. Hang in there and vent in here.

-rh-

I cryed all night long just couldnt stop. Got into a spat with my Dad I cant live here I cant breath. Thinking it would be better living out of my car. I hate to give my dogs to the ex but I dont think they would do to well living in a car. I sure cant see me getting stronger or that God even knows my name anymore or he is sick of my crying too! I hate me right now I hate my life Why did my sister have to die, she had 3 children to take care of Why didnt he take me.....My husband didnt want me why would God I dont want to do tomarrow!!!!

Crushed,
You are on this earth for a reason!! God has a reason! You may not know what that is, YET, but there is!!

I'm sorry you had it out with your Dad. I know you are at a very low point in your life, but YOU WILL LIVE TO TELL!!

Maybe God wants you here to help other people in similar siutations. God knows, there are enough people out there who need help, or just someone there to listen.

Are you in touch or involved with your sister's children? You could be there for them. You would be the closest thing to their Mother they have.

Crushed, I know you have been thru a tremendous amount of heartache, more than the average person has to endure, all at once like this. You just need to hang on. There is HOPE!!

As for your X, I think you need to do some inventory, and see what it is you were meant to do, that does not involve him. This is your time to soul search, and put things into perspective. Go back to church, and pray about it. OVER and OVER and OVER! The answers will come!!

I'm thinking of you, and praying about this, Crushed! I really am!

Jennifer68

I took the dogs out to the country home to day it is close to my church so my ex meet me there. We was nice and polite to each other. He gave me some money Thank God I had not a clue what I was going to do for the next two weeks. I think he was happy to see the dogs IT BROKE MY HEART TO SAY GOOD BYE TO THEM just another thing I loved I could'nt take care of now I have lost every thing I loved. I miss them already. He gave me a hug when I left and said he still loved me but not in that way????? I know what it means it just hurts alot still. I talked to my Pastor after curch tonight he said I need to direct what I am missing in my live, what I long for and give that to someone else. I miss being loved. So I guss I am off to give love to someone else that is in need of it . NOT A MAN some child or someone in need. Maybe a big sister or a grandma program. I dont even know Jennifer68 if there if any thing to inventory, I feel so helpless. He also said I need to try to build up my selfesteem. Every time I try to soul search I come up empty. I feel like a junky he gave me a hug today and I dont feel the awful withdrawel from him, and even though the house is empty (country house) I felt as if I could breath and I was home... I know tomarrow this is all going to hurt like ****** but today I got my fix and it felt wonderful to have his arms around me if only as a friend hug not a love you hug. I truley want to get over this and try to have a life but I cant seem to let go. SO DONT STOP PRAYING FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks Crushed21

Crushed,

There is always prayer, and I for one, will not stop! God will reveal His answers in His time. Until then, we just need to keep praying and be patient. Easier said than done, I know. But unfortunately, there is no magic in the recovery process, only time. And as time passes, the pain eases! This one, I do have experience with!!

Take care, Crushed and God Bless,

Jennifer68

well I have been moving right along with all the have to's when the divorce is finel. I went to the Sec.of State and got the car put in my name, changed my address, reg.to vote here, went to the lawyers and paid him off and got my ck for my 13 years of love that didnt amount to any thing much. changed my W2 form married to single and 0 dependents, went to the bank, put in another app, for another job, got my hair cut and went to church, and out to dinner with my Dad!! in the past few days. Oh and I sat in the drive way of His Home in the country that he is not ever at during the week. I have to stop going there it is not healthy. I miss my dogs so much. I am praying I get this job. It is about 35 miles from here but I dont care I can live any place. I can move and make a new life for me RIGHT but anyways it starts out at 9.00 an hour and has health Insurance. It would get me about 10 miles closer to my church. I love my church, I have been so blessed to have found a church like this at this time of my life. I am just going to walk in faith that i am going to get this job, I am going to get this job. KEEP PRAYING FOR ME......... GOOD NIGHT

Crushed, it sounds like you've been making tremendous progress! God is working for you! My only suggestion would be that you don't go out to the country home anymore. I know grieving is part of the healing process, and it's natural, but that would add more pain to a place where there's already enough to deal with.

I think a whole new fresh start, in another town, would be a wonderful idea!! That worked for me! No memories surrounding me all over the place. A whole new beginning! I will pray about this, Crushed, and the job!! But remember, even if you don't get this job, don't give up, it only means God has something different planned for you!!

Keep up the GREAT work!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You're doing awesome!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

PS...I just wanted to share something else with you.

Just recently, I decided to go back to church. I prayed that God would take me to the right one. I was working at a deadbeat job, that was just depressing.

Anyway, one day, at Bible study, my pastor's wife mentioned to me there was a position opening at the place where she worked. Well, I've never had an office job, and was VERY intimidated by the type of work this was, (a secretary/receptionist) Anyway, I just kind of passed it off with a "Oh, that's nice" kind of response.

Well, then there was a potluck after church, one Sunday, and it turns out that the Human Resources Director also attended my church, and my pastor's wife had mentioned this to her about me. (By the way, this is a Southern Baptist Church, and these are Southern women!! But this is all out West.) Anyway, before I knew it, I was sitting in an interview, before 3 people, KNOWING I had NO skills for this job!! But I was hired, because they said it was my personality they were looking for, the rest they could teach me. I was stunned!

So now, 3 months later, here I am, and LOVING it, and still in SHOCK that I'm here! And I'm learning things I never thought possible! This is an organization that helps troubled youths. I am now even doing background checks for potential foster parents! (My last job, I was there for 7 years, a cashier at a second hand store!)

Anyway, this ALL occurred, because one day, I decided to go back to church! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> God works in mysterious ways!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Take Care, Crushed...

Jennifer

Jennifer, Thank you so much... I sure could use HOPE about now. Nothing on the job hunt, not one call????? could it be because I'm to old or that I was a devoted wife and put my husband before me??? Just typing that makes me angry, what a fool....... Sunday night when I was on my way to church I went by HIS HOME and he was there and I talked to him later and he was their with her!!!! It's not my home any more and now it is unclean WHY did he have to make both houses **** houses?? he could have just keeped them in the city house and maybe he could put a red light on the fornt pouch. I think he is a male dog, and he has the sent of all the tramps in Detroit. Why do I let this upset me. God when will it stop hurting? He has his little tramp back and this week he could'nt be ugler to me, but it is ok that she still has her boyfriend around and sneeks off with him. he has to be in a big fog to settle for sloppy seconds. it just makes me sick!!!!!!! and he trys to stick up for her sick sick sick Oh please God forgive me for all of this ...

Think of it like this, Crushed...

The way he treated you, (or still IS treating you) is how he will eventually treat the next one(s), and YOU will be able to sit back, and think to yourself, "THANK GOD, that is no longer ME!! He is now someone ELSE'S problem!!" You will be FREE, and they will have to be the one's going thru what you are now. Actually, we should pity them, and (as tough as this may sound) pray for them! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

As far as your job hunt is going, NO, it's not because you're old or because you were a devoted wife. It's because God has something planned for you, we just don't know, yet, what that is. Just hold on tight, because whatever it is, it could just blow you right out of the water!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

And one more thing, I just found out that my pastor and family, are moving away. Back to the South. These are people I've known only for a short time, but yet had a HUGE impact on my life! It was like God put them there for a reason, and now they're moving on. And here I am, at a completely different job, and outlook on life! Who would of thought?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

When Plan A and Plan B fails us, we move on to "Plan C"...CHRIST!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hang on Crushed, the BEST is yet to come!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

My ex has a daughter that lived with us, when she first came to live with us she didnt know how to use the tolit right..... and her skills at keeping her self and her room clean was next to nothing. Well she came a long way from what she was to now. she is a smart girl and will go far in her life but she has the same problem her Dad does. She distroyed her mother for years and when she could be of some profit to her she was the long lost daughter that came home. I use to tell her Dad if any thing happened to us I would never talk or see her again. He would say "no she loves you and you have been more of a mother to her them her real mom". Well I e- mailed her at Christmas and nothing and she has my number but no calls. Wow that hurts but she proved me right. I haven't see or talked to her. She is just like her Dad she can through away people and not think a thing about it. They don't have a clue what real love is. Broken people will never have lasting anything....... oh yes he has another daughter and he dont see her much so I know I won't ever here form her. He told me to talk to her about it and not him so I e- mailed her and told her about the same thing I said in this post and I sent it and I called him to ask if he gave the dog her meds and he said he was talking to her on the phone. She alway runs to Daddy, and she is going to get married in a few mo. grow up...... all he ever did was give her money it was I that had to raise her. He said "I haven't herd form your kids" and I said "I never told you that they would stay in contact with him if any thing happened". But they seem how much he hurt me and I don't think they want to talk to him. They have'nt said much about him other then he is a selfish (HA HA) person. Just thinking about the Kids......

Crushed, I didn't realize you had kids. Tell me more about them. How old are they? Do they live near you? How many do you have? I don't know how I missed this.

Well, there's one of the BIGGEST reasons you have to keep plugging along! Show them what a strong Mama they have! Live for them and you future grandkids!

Sorry with all the questions, but this could be another avenue to your healing process. Just a thought! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I have'nt said anything about the kids till my last post I have two children (well they are all grown up) and the ex has two. Mine are 27 and 23 and his are 21 and 19. The only one that lived with us is his 21 year old daughter. All girls but the oldest. he is in South Korea teaching english, he got married in july and thats when my ex rewrote are marriage for his little tramp. He now feels it is ok for her to sleep with her boyfriend and with him. He said he didnt care. They are not in that kind of relationship, but he knows that she loves him. Why do I talk to him. Back to the kids... My two could care less about him. But I am sure if they would have lived with us as long as his daughter did they would have been hurt by the break up. I e-mailed his daughter back and told her I was sorry and I am just hurting and people do and say dumb or mean things and I didnt want to hurt her and to have a good life. Why do I still love him nobody could ever hurt me like he has and to know he would settle for sloppy seconds compaired to our marriage. He must really hate me! When he talks about me and how bad of a wife I was I dont even know the person he is talking about........ I did get a responce from one of my on line app. I put in. Well thay wanted me to use Word to send my resumae to them but I dont have Word I only have Works. And it is in the same town as he lives in. I dont think I want to go there. I have to find a job soon, do I have time to search more or should I take the first job that comes along? My family would think I only took the job because it would be close to my EX. I dont want to make any moves that would have him in mind. He dont love me and I cant change that.

No, you can't change him, but you CAN change you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I wouldn't take the job in his town. Maybe start searching the surrounding areas. Somewhere you can have a fresh start, with fresh memories of your new beginning. Somewhere that can symbolize YOU and YOUR life! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Sort of like an adventure! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good Luck, I know it really bites! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Still praying...

Jennifer

I cant talk to him any more when I get the dogs back I dont want to talk to him any more!! He has made me sick I dont know what happened to him but I dont like anything about the new man he has become. sick sick sick If God is helping me right now keep it up because seeing him without any morals or integrity makes me sick! To think NO I don't want to think of him and her and the boyfriend.......sick! good night <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Good night, Crushed. It WILL get better! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />