In short, he is experiencing the effects of PLAN B and he doesn't like it.

.

Exactly. Which he has not been doing. I will admit that our gas bill was more than double this month. I didn't look at it & didn't realize it was that much. I will pay a few extra bills b/c of that. As far as his cc's I am not sure if anyone will extend him credit. I have been getting calls here on the home phone about his student loan.



I never considered it woul get so painful this way on my end. I knew I would be sad, etc.about him being gone.



NO. I will not allow him home for that reason alone. NO WAY.



What if he says the A is over, but doesn't want our M either? I somehow have a feeling that might be next.

I sense how uncomfortable he is. Plan B is playing out here, you guys are right.

Why is it so hard for some to admit their mistakes, suck it up and try to do the right thing? Isnt' ther a verse about Pride? Pride cometh before the fall? or something like that??

Kim

Then he has some decisions to make. This wouldn't change a thing in how you act. You just stay dark.

I will stay dark. I just feel awful for him. He scares me. He scares me as to how much he has let this whole thing ruin his life. All for a fantasy. A person he knew for a short time.

DS grows more every day & he is missing that. Sure he sees DS, but I figure that he only sees him on average 13 hours a week. That's it. Imagine how much of his life that WH is missing.

Kim

Kim,

When my H left for a month, he complained to me he needed money to live - he transfered me all the money for the bills that month, and because I was staying with my Mom, I only asked for $100 for the kids...

He reluctantly gave in - I left him with $400 for his own groceries.

I feed our whole family and do gas for $600/month (Canadian)

He then collected a cheque of mine from a client and instead of giving me half liek we agreed on - told me he had to live - he had no food and short changed my end.

I snuck into his bank account about 3 weeks after he left.

ONLY to find his mom had given him money, etc and he by the end of 1 month had spent $1600....he ate out most of the time, bought some new clothes...and took a trip to see OW in the other city - bought her lotsa meals, took her out...

But he was starving - there was no food in the house...(I usually do the cooking....)

I kept feeling guilty too - wanting to find ways to give him money for food in the house - until I found out he wasn't broke - it was his poor money management and he just wanted an easy way to live like he is used too - not realizing what a finacial burden leaving is...

Before we reconciled, when I gave him the seperation agreement, in order for us to live (two kids) LEGALLY based off his salary and his percentage to what I would be making (I had been a SAHM for 5 years, so not much jumping back into the job pool) his share of daycare was alot. What legally he would have to pay me came to just short of half his expensive paycheck....I hadn't asked for alimony, etc - just what was legally entitled here in Canada for child support for 2 kids and his salary, and percentages of daycare.

He called me vindictive and told me I was punishing him and I wanted to see him poor...

after we reconciled he tried this again and my mom and I showed him how very UNvindictive it was and what was left out...

DONT FEEL GUILTY

YOU dont' REALLY know if he is fighting for money - you said he ate out the other day? This is his POOR money mangement and him wanting to maintain the lifestyle he had while living with you...he wants things his way - and you aren't letting him have his way - so he is whining and tantruming.


YOU are doing great girl and hang in there.

Don't forget - please let Sara know that until he can keep his existing agreements with you, there's no way you are obligating yourself to any future contractual relationships - and if she has to spell it out, that means refi.

So far, I'm really not leaving out anything. I expect him to continue his share of the financial responsiblity as usual. This is not being "high & mighty" is it? I shouldn't be cutting him some slack,right?



Yeah, did he not think that him moving out was NOT going to require a bit of a lifestyle change? He should be very thankful that Charlie & Sara let him stay with them as long as they did.

Dorry, thanks for sharing your story. Your fWH was really burning through some money....How do I know he is not getting $$ from elsewhere ---friends or family? Actually, he's most likely not getting $$ from family....they don't have any to spare. I just need to remain dark. Not let his whining get to me. I am bracing myself for the "vindictive" word. He's called me that once before when I exposed OW.

Again, he's trying to manipulate me. It's reminding me of how he tried to make it my fault if OW got "beat up" by her H. I am waiting for him to try to make it "my fault" if he gets into financial trouble.



I will.... still haven't called them....but I need to. I will probably see them at church in the morning.

I know this is too much time spent thinking about WH when I am in Plan B. It's not worth it and it drains my energy.

The bad thing is that I got another voicemail this afternoon. It's sitting in my inbox, unlistened to.

What is up with my WH? He left another VM on Saturday. Didn't listen to it. Just now, he calls again. I don't answer. Now sitting in my VM is two messages from him.

I have been dragging my feet giving Charlie & Sara a call about this. So, it's really my own fault that the calls have continued.

He started his new job today. So he can't pick up DS during the week anymore. Sad, that DS doesn't get to see him.

I am making it a priority to call Charlie & Sara tomorrow about this. I am. I am. I am. I will do it.

Kim

Well, it is understandble how you feel. It's ok to feel awful for him, but you can't lessen the fall for him. He has to feel the concrete split his head open (graphic enough for you)......but you know this already. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I must admit that I am sorely suprised that your WH has not at least once agreed to a reconciliation in order to get you to finance his financial disaster.

Yeah, I know that you won't fall for that, but he doesn't know that. Suprising to me at least.

Ya never know with these Waywards.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi Lem - Hope you had a nice New Year!!

Yeah, I don't think this is going to be pretty.....still hard to tell how this is going to play out.

I'm trying to keep out of the loop here until he comes around - - - -

Good to hear from ya!

Kim

How will you feel if you listen to the voicemails and it is more ranting and raving about the re-fi and his "desperation?"

Wow Kimberly, you're doing GREAT!

MelodyLane -

It will drain me. It will zap my energy. I don't want to hear anymore of his re-fi talk. I am not strong enough to hear any "desperation" in his voice. I wouldn't act on it, but don't have the energy to listen. Perhaps I will feel differently in a couple of days.

So that's four voicemails in less than a week's time.

RiverTam - thanks! I am making up for my Plan A!

Kim

That's what I thought. So can you please pick up the phone and delete them now? That way, you won't pick it up on impulse and torture yourself.

That's a loaded comment! Now you've gotta tell me about your Plan A, or give me the link so I can read up. Melody's told me to look up your posts b/c you've gone through the same kind of thing I'm experiencing now, and I'm keen to track your journey.

It will also make me feel awful b/c if it is about re-fi, it will be just one more insult thrown my way. It's insulting for him to continue to push that issue.

I really, really want to know what happened to the nice chunk of his part of the money that he got from the tax refund. Is he really doing poorly financially, or he is trying to manipulate me into believing that?

RiverTam - I will try to figure out a link for you. I've had so many threads going....except for my Plan B thread. I'll try to read up on your story tomorrow, so perhaps I can give some insight. I have always felt like I could have done a better Plan A - that's what I meant. I did a Plan A for a long time(5 months) and it was very hard for me. Thanks for checking in on my thread & I wish you the best in working through the A in your M. You can make it through this, just be prepared for ALOT of ups & downs.



OOO! ML, you tricked me!! You are making me laugh right now!!! Don't know why this is so funny to me. Maybe, b/c I know you are so right!!!!!! And, I should have done that by myself......

O.k., I'm giggling too much. I think I'm tired.

Kim

The answer is probably yes to BOTH !!

Lem

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, and I'd be interested because I've been wondering about this myself. I didn't strictly do a Plan A b/c I didn't know the Plans until relatively recently, but it turns out that by instinct I actually did. I fell down a few times, and have been hassling over that, so I'd be interested in how you went.