Good job!! Now expect her to be furious at you for interfering in her affair. She will come at you with anger and fury. Don't let her bait you into a fight because she will use it as ammunition against you. When she comes at you, tell her you are sorry she is upset, but you will do what it takes to save your marriage. Just keep saying this over and over again. Don't even try to reason with her; it is useless to use reason on a person who uses no reason.

Expect her to make threats like:

1. "now I am going to get a divorce"

2. "I was going to work on the marriage, but now I'm not."

3. " you are mean and vindictive"

blah, blah, blah, blah. We have heard it all before. It is an EXPECTED response. Her anger will blow over. If there are any other key exposures that need to be done, get them done NOW so you will get your money's worth. Might as well do it right.

What did OM's dad say about all this? Was he going to tell the mother?

Yep she was still trying to deny stuff so I went to the Dad. Showed him my proof. We talked for a good time. He said he's going to get it stopped or through kid out of his house. Very embarrassed etc. Wanted to know why I'd even want to get back with W. I gave the Darth Vader thing where I know in that shell there is the woman I married and had so many good times with. She Is doing all the 'textbook' stuff now and I keep telling myself to hang in there and tell her I know she's hurt and she's going to go through a lot of stages and feelings. She had to hit rock bottom before we start rebuilding. Now I guess I go to her parents. What if she wants to take the kids out of our house and to her apt., which they hate. She comes home in the mornings to get them off to school. Is that good enough 'visitation'? Keep helping me out guys and girls. I did send her a link to the WW story by Dorry (i think that was her name). What now.

You did the single best thing you could have ever done for your marriage.

Very nice job here.

What to do next? The experts will advise you.

I'd bunker down, because you are about to get a storm of anger like you have never seen before, but like all storms....it will pass.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You expose the affair enough to get it stopped and making it very difficult to start up again. You expose to those that can help and have an impact.
Do not, I repeat do not leave that house until those kids are off to school.
If her parents will be an ally to your marriage you bet.
For a newbie you did real good. Do not get cold feet and start to back pedal when the fangs and nails are out. And they will come out. Like Mel always says you can't start recovery until the affair is dead.
And it is textbook. Always remember that.
Alright gurus help this guy stay on course.

good job!! We are proud of you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

lt, how soon can you expose to her parents? The sooner the better, because you want to maximize the impact of exposure and get your money's worth out of her anger.

Am not sure about your question about the kids. Do you mean she might want to remove them from their home and move them in with her?

Has the boy's mother been told about the affair?

nononnono, the entire purpose of exposure is to save the marriage and hopefully reconcile. Recovery won't start until the affair ends, and exposure is the most effective weapon you have in ending this affair. Exposure is ruinous to affairs! Believe me, we are not telling you to expose for any other reason than to save your marriage!

Thanks to all! It feels like I've been kicked in the groin so hard that I have no balls, and you guys help is like back up balls. Hope that make sense. I'm sure the OB's mom will find out tonight. She already had an idea when the rumors started a while back and has never talked to my W since. When I say about my WW talking our kids from home, When she first moved to her apt we used to go a week here a week there, the kids hated it so it made her hate. So they just stayed here and she would come over and be with all of us till bed time and then she go back to her love shack. If she all of the sudden says, it's my week the boys are coming with me and they really don't want to go, what then? I feel like saying nope you can keep coming home like you have been. To me that would keep her more grounded here at home where there are pictures of me and her and all our family and friends all over the place.

Do not let her take those kids anywhere. Especially right now. Do you understand????

yep

lt, I know what you mean about this forum giving you balls. When most BS' come here, they are sooo lost and beat up frm the wacko rationalizations of a WS that they no longer know up from down. And of course, being heartbroken is not condusive to clear thinking. So I am very glad you are here!

I would ask that your W let the kids stay at your house. Is there a custody order in place? How old are these kids?

ITW, have you finished exposing to her parents?

No custody order just agreement between us. Everything is the same as if she lived here. Same checking acct same way we do bills same way we work together. Only she sleeps at another place. She even says we work well together and we parent well, etc. She seems loke classic mid life crisis. started working out got a tight bod, new boobs then BAM. Have told her parents yets, They are suspicious. Her Dad even caught something once but she has a story for everything. Talk about fanatsy worls, have your cake, best of both worlds, etc. There are so many threads here I read and smirk OMG that's exactly what's happening to me. Anyway, I'm going to talk more to bro in law tonight so see where it goes from there.

Sorry about typo's. Trying to hurry and type. Have NOT told parents yet. Kids are 10/13. Been reading about the cons of revealing to but seems more pros. You're right about feeling beat up and just tired of the lies and living this way. But I will not give up on more than half my life, that is her call. And she knows that. I've told her I'm either all in or all out.

ltw, you will feel much better and much stronger if you expose to her parents. Tell them you love your W and want to do everything to save your marriage. Ask for their help and support in saving your family. I would do this soon, lt, so that she finds out about all these exposures around the same time. When she calls you up about either exposure, make sure she knows she has been exposed to everyone.


You are doing great, so don't let up while you are ahead.

And no, I wouldn't make those boys go over there. That is not fair they should be uprooted from their home to accommodate her affair.

OK, exposed to her parents. They are going to try to confront her tonight on it. If she will come over to thier house or even answer their calls. The Other guys parents confronted him last night. There was lots af denial and turned into we're just friends, etc. The Dad said if he heard anymore of it he would throw kid out. The Mom wants to scratch my WW eyes out. The kid says to his parents that my WW is filing D papers today. Funny how he would know that. Hopefully she goes to her parents and of course she is going to dent it or make excuses for evidence. So now what if she is still in denial and angry. And if our kids don't want to leave our house to go to her apt. I shouldn't make them but wouldn't that be huge LB? Don't leave me know guys!!!Need EVERYONE's help.

Ok, just calm down. You did GREAT! You did what it will take to save your family. Be prepared for her anger like we warned you and go back and read our posts about this.

Don't let her take the boys. They don't like going there and she is probably in no frame of mind to watch them tonight. Never ever worry about lovebusters when it concerns your kids. Their security and safety comes before all else.

You did very good, lt, you are a brave man who had the courage to do the right thing. So stand firm and strong, you will be fine.

Here is my post from yesterday:

Good job!! Now expect her to be furious at you for interfering in her affair. She will come at you with anger and fury. Don't let her bait you into a fight because she will use it as ammunition against you. When she comes at you, tell her you are sorry she is upset, but you will do what it takes to save your marriage. Just keep saying this over and over again. Don't even try to reason with her; it is useless to use reason on a person who uses no reason.

Expect her to make threats like:

1. "now I am going to get a divorce"

2. "I was going to work on the marriage, but now I'm not."

3. " you are mean and vindictive"

blah, blah, blah, blah. We have heard it all before. It is an EXPECTED response. Her anger will blow over. If there are any other key exposures that need to be done, get them done NOW so you will get your money's worth. Might as well do it right.

DO NOT APOLOGIZE for exposing her. Here are your talking points. Please print this out and practice saying them:

1. Dear, I am sorry you are so upset

2. I will do what it takes to end your affair and save our marriage

3. I am sorry you feel so bad tonight

Now, she will say, "THERE IS NO CHANCE FOR OUR MARRIAGE AFTER WHAT YOU HAVE DONE." Try not to laugh when she says this, as you realize that your marriage "had no chance" while she in an affair! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Just pay it no mind and just keep repeating to her that you are sorry she is so upset.