The most precious book in my life is the Bible. No matter what situation I'm in or decision I need to make, there's always inspiriation to be found there.

I heard a sermon this morning about David and his affair with Bathsheeba. This man said that someone wise once told him that a man who loves many women, really doesn't love women at all, but a man who loves ONE woman, loves all women. Profound.

Just finished reading Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson. Boy oh Boy did I see myself in the clinging, pleading wife (are you reading this lem?) Anyway - maybe too late, maybe not. I am in a very different place right now, feel ready for the divorce (which my WH keeps telling me is coming!)

I still don't want it - would try reconcilliation. But it would have to be a very different type of marriage now. Too much hurt - I don't know how I could trust him again. And honestly - I don't know that I want to anymore. I still miss him - but more like a child misses a favorite toy until it is replaced with something better. I have NO idea what is better - but anything has to be better than the way my WH has been treating me.

Meeting with an attorney this week - begin working on a more formal separation agreement. Getting angry - that good kind of anger that makes you move forward.

And I did something symbolic this weekend. I took the 3.5 hour ride to the Maine shore where we met, he propsed and where we spent our honeymoon. There on that beach my WH wrote in the sand - I love you - the first time he ever said those words ot me. Well I drove in the snow and sleet, walked onto the beach, found a large stick and then wrote his name in the sand. I stood and watched as the waves washed it away. And then I found a sand dollar. I have a few around that my WH found for me 22 years ago on that same beach. This one will go with them - kind of ironic.

ON the way home he called me and talked with me most of the way. I admit - I asked him toslow down, give counseling another chance. And he just kept on with his mantra - must have divorce, love OW, etc.......

ENOUGH I said. And then I grew a back bone!

SO I used a few simple techniques from Divorce Busters, and Love must be Tough. And I FEEL great and in control again. WH thinks I need more counselihg - I do - but not for what he thinks!

AND he apologized again for calling the police on me - OH I didn't mention that one? Yesterday when I set out on my little soul journey he called the Old Orchard Beach police and told them I was headed their way, that I was distraught about our upcoming divorce, and that I might try to kill myself. SO - I got pulled over by three police cars. At least one of the officers was good looking and asked if i was stayting in the area over night. He gave me his card, told me to call him anytime - he'd be happy to talk to me. And then added - you sure don't look 41 (he asked for me dirvers license). And for a moment - I felt good!! Never mind that I could have been his mother!

OH well - I just have to remind myself to keep smiling and laugh every so often.

I was just about to locate your thread and bump it up for an update. This'll do just fine. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You're stronger now, growing in front of our eyes, as it were. That's good. Excellent.

As for your WH calling the police, is he trying to set something up to mention in family court, by any chance, or is he just being overly dramatic?

HI Longhorn -

Thanks for your concern - I AM feeling stronger. Just wish I could sleep better. It's 12:30 am here, and I am WIDE awake.

My WH's response when I asked why he called the police he said - I had no idea what you meant by finding some peace. And he didn't want anyone saying why didn't he do something. He could try to use that against me - but let's be real - having the kids would seriously cramp his style. He doesn't even visit them now - why would he want to have custoday? No I think he was being very melodramatic. ANd i think the OW put him up to it. I left a VM on her phone - and angry one yesterday morning. Said I "needed to find some peace" and that i was gong back to the place where "we" began. She has attempted suicide in the past - and I bet she called him and suggested it. AND he probably got concerned when I refused to answer his calls when I was traveling up there.

Oh well - seems like he's back in high school. I spoke to hims this morning and he was all chipper and sweet - even laughed and corrected me on something - "no dear, that's not right." Just like old times. strange!

So has the Longhorn glow worn off yet? Or are you still floating?

Okay, I guess drama is the answer. It fits. Sorry he hasn't been visiting the kids. That's very sad. Hang in there.

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No, ma'am. That burnt orange glow will last all year. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Quick Question:

Why can't I find any of the Harley's books at the Library??

I just got Dobson read it and liked it...

Also - who wrote "When the one you love wants to leave"? - I can't find that either..

I've been reading a really good book

"Choosing Forgiveness" By John and Paula Sandford and Lee Bowman.
(http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0963774115/qid=1137533100/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/102-5651763-7690564?s=books&v=glance&n=283155)

If you're a Christian, it will be truly profound, and I suspect it will hit you right between the eyes, like it did me. As I've been reading it (it's only about 200 pgs and goes quickly), I've been able to see WHY the MB principles work as well as they do.

I wish I'd read this years ago.

(Of course "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs" are must-reads, too.)

Alison, a Google search shows When the One You Love Wants to Leave (Guidance and Comfort for Surviving Marital Crisis) was written by Donald R. Harvey. It's available on half.com for $2.85 plus shipping.

One book I just started and LOVE is "Lord, I want to Be Whole" by Stormie Omartian. I am finding it very helpful. This is not a marriage book but a personal growth book. I have suffered from an emotional and verbally abusive mother and have experienced things no child should ever face.

This book is full of biblical and prayer based healing and I find it so soothing.

Stormie also wrote the book - "Power of a Praying Wife" - another good one.

I have a couple of books I realy like. The Dance of Anger is realy good. I don't have the author. I loaned it to someone and can't remember who. It is a very soal searching book but not one that quotes scripture.

The next one I would recomend is Boundries in Marriage. It is by Cloud and Townsend.

How to Win Friends and Influince People is a classic. There is an illustration in it that I just love. My H is always trying to tell be that he is a good guy and shouldn't have to make any change to meet my needs. In the illustration the author tells how when you go fishing you use worms which you personally would not eat but you use them because you know that the fish likes them. You do not use strawberries just because that is what you like. It doesn't work. That illustration alone is so insightful.