(((Ladysheep)))

LS,
I've just posted on another thread about can repeat offenders reform. Maybe look at that. I think that repeat offenders have more of an addiction problem than just not getting their EN's filled. I'm really putting myself out there by these recent posts, but maybe it will help someone.. take care, I know it's hard.

I don't know how you have given it 3 years since affair with the lying and other problems. I am at my breaking point after a year and a half. One of my H problems is habitual lying too and it is a very big LB. He doesn't see how it is such a big deal to me. This is how I see it. The affair couldn't have happened except in an attmosphere of independant behavior and lying. In order for your marriage to heal those behaviors have to be eliminated. Every time those behaviors survace I are wounded and raw again. In Surviving an Affair it lists 5 Extrordinary Precautions that must be taken to guarantee Separation. If all of these precautions were in place then I wouldn't be ready to file for a separation. 1. Change jobs and relocate. 2. Block communication w lover. 3. Accounting for time (This is the big one for me. He is still doing his own thing and lying about where he is just like when I know he was having his affair so how can I know he isn't still doing it. Your H is still lying to you about how he spends his time, so how will you ever know he is being faithful to you.) 4. Accounting for money (Another big one. He still has his secret money that he spends as he sees fit. ) 5. Spending leisure time together. Without free time ond money that H is not being honest with you about then there is no chance of a future affair. The fact that he has had an affair in the past puts him in a hole new catigory. He can never go back to the state of trust as before. A vergin is a vergin till having sex for the first time. The same applies to someone who has had an affair if you ask me.

Hi rb123, I hear you, it is an LB tome too. Every lie took some of my love for him away each time. I have the problem of remembering every lie. If he triggers me with another lie, I seem to remember all of his lies of the past. I try not to do it and walk in forgiveness each time, but it's not easy. I don't like not trusting him, it makes loving him harder to do. It makes my getting close to him harder to do.
It's such a major problem. Last night he lied again (after he committed to no lying)!!!
Said he had GW since he started tanning 1 1/2yrs ago. Wrong!! I told him again "why did you just lie to me, thats not true." He said, "I know, I'm gonna see the dermatologist and get to the bottom of this."
(edit: misunderstanding..this morning now he says he meant the mole was there since he started tanning, not the GW).
He layed down with me and said "I know I'm limited, and it's not of the Kingdom (meaning Kingdom of God).
I'm not going to calmly sit back and accept his limitations of lying?? and I think thats what he wants me to do.
(this man can be so smooth, you wouldn't believe he's not butter).

He doesn't have to lie today, he doesn't have to have a drink today, he doesn't have to cheat today. This is all I ask of him for now.


I agree, and most of all it saddens me that I can't have that state of trusting him back because it really made me feel secure and loved and it made it easier to love him.

Lady