hi dorry

morning

big conversation going here, LOL

scared, how are you? Hi FL! Hi Dorry!

I'm alright ff. very interesting conversation lol

lol

its got me on the edge of my chair this conversation LOL

Ok, I will start..

I am struggling with my own internal triggers about OM. My desire is to erase all memories of him but I know that is not possible plus I don't want to forget the pain my A caused so that it never happens again. I just can't seem to get past feeling sick when something reminds me of him like his favorite football team or the city he was from. Any suggestions?

how come these triggers are impacting you right now?? any thoughts??

i struggle with thoughts when i am fighting the urge to believe that my M has potential for real recovery.

hows that for being messed up!!!

I wanna hear the suggestion too. It's not like an ex boyfriend where you remember and it's like ahh that was a long time ago...it's like UGH - this reminds me of the lowest part of my life. I would love to forget it ever happened. I know pretending wont help...

BOO!!! Did I scare y'all? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Aw, FF, sorry about those feelings...total indifference is what has worked best for me...and just an acceptance of the A as part of my history in general...I can't change it, just have to surge forward, ya know??? I know that's probably not much help...(((FF)))...


Mrs. W

FL, it is possible that now that the crisis in my life is pretty much over I am clear headed enough to react to MY OWN triggers and not just his. I tend to do quite a bit of the self destructive stuff too. It is almost like we feel like we don't deserve to succeed or have happy M's.

Exactly, Dorry! Ugh is right..I think I am no longer compartmentalizing my life so these thoughts and feelings are crashing into my every day life now.

Mrs W., How did you achieve indifference?

I have to say that a lot of that ability has been due to Mr. W's attitude. I know that the A is something that I did that was wrong...but it does NOT define who I am, or erase any of the good things about me...I know that it would be much tougher if Mr. W didn't treat me the way he does...he also sees that to be any other way about it, would be tough on him too. We can't change history, and we knew where our marriage was going before my A...I suppose we are both very grateful to have been shown what we truly mean to each other and how close we came to losing that...We can't change what happened yesterday, but we are gonna be darn sure that it doesn't happen today(or ever)...make sense???

Mrs. W

FF,

As Christians you KNOW that that isn't logical, right???

Mrs. W

or we are scared of it

FL, scared may be the correct word. Mrs. W, yes I know you are right but I have never had a healthy, happy R or M. I see my M right now as a chance for a new beginning with my bright shiny, MB toolbelt on my hips. So maybe deserve is not correct.

I have a husband much the same as MrsWonderings. I was doing really well until about November which was 14 months after NC...suddenly OM was in my thoughts everyday. I tried everything, indifference, anger, remembering bad points about OM, thinking about my husband....nothing worked. I know that the thoughts returned at that time because of intense emotional pressure welling up and my wanting to remove myself from it.

Then I had an email to a spiritual (alternative spiritual I should add) site I visit and a lady had the same problem....she couldn't remove the memories or thoughts...she was still obsessing after 3 years. I have the article somewhere on my PC but the crux of the meditation was to let the image of the person into your mind, really see them, feel them, then imagine a chord between your navels connecting you across the miles and SEVER it.

It has worked for me. If he pops into my head which is now very rarely it is from a distance and can easily be pushed out and thoughts of him no longer affect my emotions, I can feel a wall now (boundaries???). I believe I needed to do something to purge these thoughts which were not only driving me demented but were very upsetting after all that time. This meditation did it for me.

SF, if you find the article let us know. I would love to read it. Thanks for sharing that idea.

FF I found the link. Scroll down to the "Second Question" the meditation I used is on the left column by DreamChaser - it is, like I say, quite an alternative site but I'm pretty sure it worked for me.

removed for MrsWondering

Thanks, it is different but it sounds intriguing. What have I got to lose trying it?