That's what I thought <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

my dad had me subscribe to this site

it used to be called watchman but now it's called the school of christ.

http://www.theschoolofchrist.org/read.html

The articles on this page are fantastic...

Ladies, and especially FF and StrongFoundation...Christian to Christian, I would caution you both about the link provided above(by Strong Foundation)...If something doesn't fall in line with scripture then it is false and many times very dangerous. SF, I'm not sure of your beliefs, but I know FF to be a Christian...As Christians it is our duty to point these things out to each other. I am not trying to spark a debate, I am doing what my heart and the Bible tell me to do.

Even in a secular sense, I believe that to be a dangerous link for any WSes that may read this thread. When I was in my own A, though it went against all that I believed, I actively sought out and went to a psychic...As all waywards do, I wanted someone to tell me what I WANTED to hear, not what I knew in my heart was right. I also sought out a lot of astrology sites to try and justify my actions...This is how I fear that that site might be used...

I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but I would like to respectfully ask that the link be removed...I just feel God telling me to ask that...Again, I am glad to know ALL of you and certainly don't wish to isolate or antagonize with this request...

Mrs. W

My link Wondering? Or SF's?

I've removed the link out of courtesy as I understand this to be a Christian site.

just edited my above post Dorry...not your link...

Mrs. W

Thanks SF, no hard feelings, okay?

Mrs. W <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank you Mrs.W for keeping me on the right track. Dorry I saved your link for future reference. You ladies are all wonderful!

SF - it's not a Christian site - albeit ALOT of the members here are Christian.

As a Christian though, other christians hold you accountable. Mrs/ W was doing her job as a sister in Christ, in stopping FF, another sister in Christ from taking a path that perhaps might not be best in her healing.

Others may enjoy your link - so it might be something to paste on another thread?

SF...

I don't want you to go away...I didn't mean to hurt your feelings if I did...you were DEFINITELY doing a wonderful thing in trying to help FF...Please do come back and post here...We'll miss you if you don't!!!

Mrs. W

Hi ladies!!

Oh I am catching up here on the thread...have I said how much I appreciate your being here and the honesty you bring???

I just came home..had a nice lunch out w/little one and my mom and sister. A nice outing.

ladies...I still feel like I am walking on eggshells but my h was better this morning. So...for that I feel better.

You were all talking about the OM triggers etc...I am triggering big time. I think because of the current tension in the home. these are not fond thought triggers but sick to my stomach triggers. Oh yuck...having one again!!!

I know what brings on my triggers. Tension between my h and I. All the anxiety I felt pre A...during A etc...when my h gets snappy or critical I sink...very low.

I haven't been back to IC since Nov. but thinking of starting back up again. I got to the point where I could "cope" again like I did pre A and if felt so good. Well now I am not coping as well...I want to be strong and handle things with christ like peace and love towards my h.

I want to be that pre A woman who handled herself with dignity...the woman who was sure of who she was in Christ. That woman that wouldn't have allowed herself to be seduced by flattery or charms. I am definitly responsible for MY actions but I want that woman to emerge strong and full of substance.

I was getting there...I will get there again.

I just was in hopes of having a strong sense of our marriage before I returned to work at months end. I have a business trip. I am not tempted ladies for another A...oh sick stomach triggers again...but the thought of getting on a plane is triggering me. My h takes a trip right after mine.

Scared is the appropriate word for me. Scared. Does it come in waves like that for you all?
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
Brandi

Hi all.

Brandi -

What are you scared of? Triggers?

“I know what brings on my triggers. Tension between my h and I. All the anxiety I felt pre A...during A etc...when my h gets snappy or critical I sink...very low.”

I know this is easy to say, but the trick here is not to let HIS moods determine YOUR mood. We have to decide that we are going to do the right thing no matter what - no matter how our H's act, or if our needs aren't met, or who is in a bad mood, or when.

I know the recovery road is long (I am still on it) and can be depressing, but one thing I discovered is that I can be caring about my H's moods, and keep working on our R and our M, but also work on myself by finding (healthy,legal)ways to increase my confidence and self-esteem that don't depend on someone else's moods. I'm not saying I'm perfect at doing that, but I'm learning...

Does that make sense?

God bless,
Rose

{{{Brandi}}} If it is the triggers Rose gave some good tips and read Dorry's tips for helping herself through the tough times with her H's moods. One thing we have to learn is our S's moods are not necessarily due to something we did. We cannot control their feelings all we can do is be supportive when they are hurting.

Dear Rose,
You made absolute sense. I NEED to really get this and understand that his moods cannot dictate my self worth. I am trying I really am and you are completely reading me correctly with everything you said. Thank you.

I fear this.
When I go back to my career in two weeks and he and I are on opposing schedules again. How are we going to make it?
If we are disconnected now...what then?

I think because I am undeterred in my efforts to protect myself and my h from infidelity that I get so overly concerned about things that years ago I wouldn't give a second thought to.

As a woman I feel like I can read the gauge of our marriage meter pretty well. I just want to make sure that I communicate with him. If I keep him in the dark because I am afraid of rejection or disapproval then I will be back to the pre A person. I do not ever want to feel that way again. EVER. But the catch 22...HE won't communicate.

I think I have some co dependency issues...
Whatever it is...it just sucks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I still cannot believe that I had an affair. It just went against the very fiber of who I am.

Brandi

Hi Brandi9,

I was reading your post, and I could relate to what you are talking about.

I am a high energy person by nature, like you.

Maybe you are different in this respect, but I have trouble just sitting with my “pain”…. And if there is a problem in my M, I want to address it, find a solution….or be working on a solution. I tend to have a real sense of urgency about fixing it. It will occupy a lot of my mental energy and I tend to feel insecure if my BS is not portraying the same sense of urgency or enthusiasm about fixing the problem too.

A while back, I was reading the Tao Te Ching and I had an ahaah moment.
Here are some various quotes from the text:

Practice not doing and everything will fall into place
-:-
Do your work, then step back
-:-

Act without expectation
-:-

Hold on to the center…
-:-

I have practiced not “doing” in response to all of my feelings, just doing my “work”—my contribution to the M. Doing what I understand to be fulfilling my BS needs—without expectation. I have been communicating by simply expressing my feelings—without expectation of an “exchange”. I have just been doing—and then stepping back.

When I get that sick feeling or that sense of urgency or panic—I don’t act. I sit with it--“hold on to the center”. To my surprise, it passes.

I gathered from your post that you are Christian, so holding on to the center would mean—holding on to your faith, your love of God.

IT WORKS!!! Maybe this would help you too?

With time and patience, my BS has opened up in his own wonderful ways--without the restraint of my expectations.

How long have you been in recovery?

Dear Fellow FWS,

There is a new member posting in the recovery board named Newstart10 . She is a FWW and has received a lot of lecture-like feed back from posters (okay, even from me) and she seems to have closed off a bit.

I have asked here to come here to be welcomed by you bright ladies!

In particular, I am VERY concerned about a decision that she has made. I am hoping that your wisdom and care may help her!!! Can you please answer / comment on the question below...and go to her thread in Recovery. Thanks!

Can a FWS recover--and can a M recover--if the full extent of the A has not been disclosed (PA not admitted)?

Thanks for the link to this thread... can't tell you how much it helps my state of mind to know that others feel like I do. I'm trying!

Hi newstart! I read some of your thread but had too much going on to post to you. Welcome to our thread. Relax, pull up a chair and make yourself at home.

Hi newstart...

I just posted to you on your thread...As I said there, I am really glad that you are here...

Hey, you might get more input if you post your own thread here on GQII(I know that you've gotten a ton of input tonight-take it in stride...the 2 x 4's here are well intentioned, even if they do sting a bit)...there's a lot more traffic here...the more posters that you have, the better your chances of learning, healing and growing become...some posters just may put things in a way that will touch you on a deeper level than others...you just never know...

Welcome,

Mrs. W

and a lot of us FWW's post on GQ2.