You don't have to convince us. It's all good. Be happy. Move on. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Explain to me why the omw shouldn't know now? How would it be in the omw best interest to find out on her own at a later date then now?

EM,

I see you've moved down to recovery .....asking more questions.

Thanx for addressing mine to you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Can you honestly say that if everything else was the same, except YOU were the BS still "in the dark" .....you Would NOT want to KNOW what your W had been up too and been doing??

YES

Did NOT knowing (before you discoverd the truth) help you or your M in anyway?

EVERYTHING ELSE WAS ADVANCING AND I BELIEVE HER WHEN SHE SAYS SHE WAS BEING IMMATURE AND TRULY DIDN'T REALIZE HE WAS COMING ONTO HER.. SHE SEES HERSELF AS NAIVE AND INEXPERIENCED.. AND IMMATURE..BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY.. SHE GETS A PASS FOR SENDING THE FIRST PHOTO CONSIDERING HER STATE AT THAT TIME.. SHE'S ALSO BEGGING ME TO LET IT GO BECAUSE IT'S CAUSING HER GREAT STRESS AND SHE'S AFRAID OF LOSING IT AGAIN FOR THE KIDS.. SO AM I BUT I AGREE IT DOESN'T GET HER A PASS.. SHE IS ACCOUNTABLE AND SHE'S LEARNED HER LESSON.

And if would want to know, why not Do what you would like someone to do for you??

NORTON... YOU KNOW, THAT I KNOW, THAT YOU KNOW.. THAT I KNOW.. THAT YOU KNOW...TO DA MOON ALICE...

Perhaps you wouldn't ........but for myself, I ONLY Wish there had been someone (ANYONE) that would have had the courage to Let me Know what the Heck was going on for 2 years!

THAT'S YOUR CALL TIGHTROPE. IT'S WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND.

So for me, I'd have a hard time dealing with myself Late At Night (knowing I'd kept this information from someone just like me, Who needed it).

I GUESS I'M SELFISH AND MORE FOCUSED ON MY MARRIAGE, OUR RECOVERY, MY W AND HER RECOVERY.. MENTAL ILLNESS IS A SCARY THING... COUPLED WITH INFIDDELITY... IT'S AMAZING I'VE SURVIVED WITHOUT MEDS OR KILLING SOMEONE...

Lastly,
if in this Hypothetical scenario you keep bringing up (you know --- OP crazy, violent) wouldn't you Want to ensure that He IS OUT of your life permanently??

If so, exposure to His spouse is the best means to achieve that Goal, whether You accept it or NOT.

HE IS OUT OF MY LIFE.. IF MY W CHOSES TO BRING HIM BACK IN, THEN SHE WILL HAVE AFFECTED HER FATE SINCE I WILL BE GONE... WHAT PART OF THAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND.. I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT TOLERATE ANOTHER ACT OF BETRAYAL AND INFIDELITY... WE'LL BE DONE AND I'LL HAVE NO NEED OR DESIRE TO EXPOSE ANYONE.. I WILL NOT HAVE EVEN EXPOSED MY WIFE..

AND I WALK THE TALK TIGHTROPE..

WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?

AND YOU GUYS HAVE STILL NOT ANSWERED MY QUESTION..

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF INDEED SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED AS A RESULT OF EXPOSURE... TO ONE OF YOUR OWN.. DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN?

HOW WOULD YOU LIVE WITH THAT.. NEVERMIND AN A...

I'M SO DONE WITH THIS FORUM AND THIS THREAD...

Dude - find a happy place or something. Seriously. Get some professional help.

EM,
Thanks for admitting that you don't Want to Know what your W is up too.
Hey, as you say:
That's YOUR Call.

I get it now,
The only Mistake she made in your eyes was in Getting Caught.
I appricate you clearing that up for me.

Solution:
stop checking up on her soooo much.

Give HER her space,
Let her do whatever she wants,
And as long as you don't KNOW .........you'll be your Old Happy Self.

As they say, Ignorance for EM is Bliss.

Sadly most of us Do Care and don't have as Easy of a situation to Fix as you.
In that respect Your a Lucky lucky man. (errr, earth man)

You were so sure after the first one, too.
hmmmmmmm

an affair is an affair -doesn't matter if it was email, talking across an office cubile wall, a ONS, or a long time physical relationship.

I think you come here to justify. Too bad it no one backs you up on that.

I got help.. from everywhere but this forum...

dude..

she didn't think/know it was wrong.. judgement impaired?? anti-depressents...

do you guys have any clue on what mental illness is... I'm not making excuses.. but it is an added dynamic that I'm afraid you're not dealing with and it complicates things quite a bit... when a SAHM can't function...

It's not all BLACK AND WHITE and everything MB says... play some of it by ear and make some calls on your own as well...

one or two intellgient, not-so-jaded, folks backed me up..

whatever...

this went on for like 2 weeks... and it's over and we're moving on.. and I'm betting on her.. that's my call.

You want me to contact OM'W because you know how it feels.. well so do I but I'm choosing not to.. and I will still monitor.. .and I all bets are off if she ever f#$% up again..

that's it..

let it go.. the OM's W can remain fat and stupid as far as I care.. for now..


let it go.... don't reply to me...

the first one was 180 degrees different than this one..
read the prior posts...

your addressing this out of context..

just let it go..

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF INDEED SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED AS A RESULT OF EXPOSURE... TO ONE OF YOUR OWN.. DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN?

HOW WOULD YOU LIVE WITH THAT.. NEVERMIND AN A...

OK !

ok Ringo.. ok..

what a waste of bandwidth..

and I'm embarassed to say that we share a penchant for the greatest band ever...

8>)

an affair is an affair is an affair

you are taking it out of context

I'm sorry.. but while I agree betrayal is betrayal.. and respect is respect... and trust is trust... all of which we are working on...

an AFFAIR.. true affair to me, the running to hotels and f#$$ing like bunnies kind, and for years.. and wth multiple people. and the STDs...all that stuff I read about in GQII..

simply does NOT compare to two foolish married people exchanging [censored] banter in an email... sorry.. it's wrong... dead wrong.. and W understands why it's wrong now.. but come one...

If I rub one out in the shower thinking about Pam Anderson and I tell my W, should she call Tommy Lee, or whoever Pam is banging these days, in order to expose..... I wrestle with that one.. and when certain tactics of exposure and hardcore protection need to be applied..

I am SOOO tired of this thread.. but it's addictive.. you know...

EM...I told my husband the same thing your wife is telling you and guess what...I did it again.

I'm sure your W is NOTHING like me. I'm sure that your relationship is better than ours. I'm sure that you are farther along in your recovery than we are. I'm sure that I was much deeper into the A than your W was (since you say she's ended it). But I'm also quite sure that you will be back here to get advice on how to handle yet another A.

I suppose you haven't read surving an affair or his needs/her needs? If you had read those or other things on the site you would see that an affair is an affair.

There are lots of affairs in GQ2 that do not have the things you listed in your post. Ask the betrayed spouse- even without those - it is an affair.

BTW...how do you think affairs start? I'm just curious....

**YAWN**..

Now that's positive and reassuring... I just love SUPPORT boards..

thanks for all the support and confidence and encouragement to help me and W recover...

Hey Flukette. what exactly was the nature of your affair and how long did it go on ?? Was it a whopping 3 week email exchange? I don't know where it could have went but my W ended it.. and is showing tremendous remorse..

and..

Have you ever been hospitalized for depression in a mental institution?

If no to #2, then shut your pie hole and stop sending me negative energy...