Thanks all.. I've noticed the deeper you go into the forum, the less and less the thread lives so I suspect this one will die on the vine by tomorrow.
Anyway... I hope I've expressed the fact that when mental illness, true mental illness is involved, many of the dynamics and recommendations of MB may or may not work.. while they always apply.. there's just too many other things to deal with... and unless you've lived it.. you have no idea... I feel the need to stay on this board and jump in to any threads where mental illness is involved so I can help... I know I can help others...
While I know it's been too soon, I will tell you all that my W's attention to my ENs and her overall outlook on life, herself, our marriage and the kids has improved.. to my satisfaction, by well over 80%.. then again.. going from 0%, it had to get better or the whole thing was over... should I be dancing in the streets and will this last?
That last episode of email nonsense is over and behind us and she has really suffered with accepting her own vulnerability and trust of others... it hurts her... but she opened up to me last night and told me some things that I haven't heard... I think ever since I've known her...
a) Making love is no longer "just sex".. or just for the O.. but she feels "intimacy" with me and want's to actually snuggle afterwards.. this was never the case...ever...sex was only ever sex....always great.. but never intimate.. most guys wouldn't complain.. but as it turns out.. I need more than that..
b) W she feels GREAT shame for her past behavior.. to me and to God, and wants to live a life that's pure and clean... especially for the kids.. she even made me dispose of (3) not-so-dirty pornos that I keep in my underwear draw in order to get them out of the house.. I did.. as well as a DVD I had in the player.. we used to watch together.. but haven't had the need. ******, I don't even masterbate anymore the sex has been so good and so frequent... can this last???
c) She wants the guns and other weapons out the house... hmm... what to do with that one?? NRA membership and all...
d) I feel that the frequent hugs, kisses, pats/rubs on the back, hand holding while sleeping, smiles, kisses, and overall sweet and caring demeanor as sincere and natural.. she couldn't be faking this.. although a friend has told me that everything she does now..she does for herself.. as a survival mechanism.. I feel it's sincere.. she doesn't fake.. never did..
Anyway.. MC session this week and I want to keep it positive.. but I do feel the need to address my exposure of the email fiasco... what to do... stir it up again.. or focus on all the good that's been happening..
I'll play it by ear....
I have one more post to start and I think I'll be shifting to reader and not poster except for mental illness threads, where I can help....
thanks again to all and God Bless..
EM
