Melody...

The Mexican food was excellent, the restaurant in San Antonio was La Margarita... it was fabulous.. It's the restaurant towards the east side, or downtown side of Market Square.

On good Mexican food, we have it aplenty right here in town. Surely you've heard of the Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe Railroad. We have tons of 4th and 5th generation Mexican residents here, not to mention all the "newcomers". Most of them came to the US for jobs working on the installation of the then new Santa Fe railroad tracks. The 4-5 best places here are family owned, and you get a great meal for under $10 and dollar Margaritas on Tuesdays and Sundays.

I am a little pissed I didn't spot an armadillo on this trip, though!

SD

Yes, you are right about the Mexicans, it has been so long since I lived up there I just forgot. We did NOT have good Mexican restaurants, though, in Liberal! It was pretty dry.

No armadillo?? Hey, I have been living down here off and on since 1964 and I have yet to see one! lol

SD's,
Sounds like a fabulous vacation! Glad to hear you changed your camping plans from Mel's yard and instead chose to dine at some fine restaurants! Does your wife golf with you? That's a pretty amazing story about your brother and his wife. I'm glad to hear they are still together.I noticed your use of the word "pissed". I grew up in NY and we said "pissed". Up here in NE they look at you weird if you say that. They use "pissa" to refer to a good time and "BS" instead of "pissed". For example: I was bullsh_t when I found out my husband was cheating on me. Now that I've found MB's, I'm having a pissa in my Plan A. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Oh, and "wicked" is always the qualifying adjective. As in: We had a wicked good time watching the Pats woop the Jags! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Glad you're back!

Okay, back to business.

Mel, Believer, and SD's, Mrs. Stowaway, and Realtor,
Thank you all for your very important input. I will see what he has to say on Saturday. I think I have steeled myself that this may not be the final return. I will say he has been spending a lot of time here so I imagine he is disconnecting there. He was here Saturday afternoon/evening, most of Sunday, had child impact class Monday, was here Tuesday, Wednesday was overnight at charity event, tonight he is here, tomorrow night he is coming here to babysit, and Saturday he will be here.

I spoke to the mutual friend and told her I'm concerned that he might not be ready. She seems to believe that he is as she claims he has been thinking about returning for about two months now. However, she said regarding our meeting Saturday, he just wants to be sure he can still do his charity stuff, etc. I said I might have a problem with that as that was an issue for me. I felt he put this charity before us, spent too much time on it and not enough on us. She said "No, you just go with him to all events." Well, first off, she's not our marriage counselor so her advice got my ire up. Secondly, I don't feel he is in a position to negotiate the terms of his return. I'm concerned he wants to come home and go back to the way things were. The way things were is not good enough for me.

SD's thanks for the tips about the relationship talk and the heads up on old marriage patterns rearing their ugly head. I like the idea of setting aside a time for relationship talk.

Oh yeah, one other thing this mutual friend said. She said something about telling him that what's in the past is in the past although she wouldn't be able to stop from asking her husband all about it if he had an affair. Made me think she is telling him we don't have to discuss it. Yeah, let's just sweep it under the carpet along with all the other unimportant stuff that brought us to this juncture of our lives. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I know she means well but she is going to have to butt out.

I am going to email the Harleys and see what I can set up.

What's in the past can stay in the past is what all WS's want, but it is not helpful for recovery.

How many hours a week did he spend on the charity thing?

The two of you will need to spend the suggested 15 hours a week doing fun things. Will he have time for both?

Believer,

On a weekly basis it's hard to say. Some weeks none. This charity holds some events maybe 4-5 times a year. Each event requires fundraising prior to it; sometimes overnight stays at hotels for event planning (I'm not invited); organizing, distributing materials, etc. In addition to this, he worked way too much OT, and also played softball with a league in the summer. And he's a runner so there's another hour or so each night he wants to exercise. My issue was that collectively he spent too much time on this stuff and not enough with me and our son. Also, he would never say no to anything anyone asked of him, but he would say no to us. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Ooops. Sounds like my WH. I'm surprised I didn't have the affair. It was always one thing after another taking up all his time. We were in 3 motorcycle groups, 2 church groups, did volunteer work, WH played basketball and coached it, he went sailing twice a month, helped do maintenance on his friend's homes, his families' homes, did a prison ministry, and worked on his motorcycles.

Once in awhile I tried to squeeze something in, but it almost always got pre-empted. Not being able to say no is a problem in a marriage.

I think I would let him know that you don't care to have the old marriage back.

It sounds like you will need a new marriage with new ground rules. POJA recreational time. You really should get the MB follow up materials or attend a MB weekend with which you will get the follow up program.

It sounds like your H is clueless about the plan for a successful (and affairproof) marriage. If you don't do something different you are likely to fall into old negative patterns.

I know just what you mean!

Trix and Believer,

Thanks for the advice. I think the good news is that I am painfully aware of why things went off track. I know MB has a plan for a successful marriage and I'd like to follow it. I am excited about what changes we can make. I just hope he will be as excited as me.

This may sound wimpy but here goes. I feel the plan will hold more weight to WH since it is tried and true and is not mine. I feel this way it won't come off looking like I am trying to manipulate him into doing something. I just
hope he has an open mind and is willing to try.

Shattered -

I hope your WH is open for this too. One step at a time. Move slowly and carefully. It sounds like you are really thinking this process through & getting yourself ready for Saturday. That is good. Being prepared and thinking ahead of time will make you feel so much more at ease -

Kim

My WH was quite excited about the MB plan for recovery. It made him feel very relieved. Too bad he couldn't ditch OW.

Believer - seems to be a problem with a lot of these WS's!! After reading part of SAA mine said "It's a good plan. If you're inclined to follow it."

Kim

Haha. Yep, if only they could follow it. Oh well, not my problem anymore.

Believer,

I just have to tell you that I love your sense of humor! We would get along great! I hope you meet someone, maybe on one of your motorcycle rides, that appreciates you. Rock on sister friend!!

Kim, Thanks for your support. You are a role model of self respect. I watch you stand your ground and not waiver. I think I am going to need some of your chutzpah in the coming months!

Thanks Shattered. Unfortunately WH has both bikes.

But I'll poke around and see what I can find after I'm divorced.

Hang in there. I have a good feeling about your situation.

:::::uploading strength, resolve and patience for your meeting with WH on Saturday:::::

SD

Yes, same as SD, I am praying for your meeting to go well with your husband tomorrow... have you decided what you are going to insist upon?

MSA

Shattered 05 -

Thanks for your compliment - I pray that you do not have to go into Plan B like me. I truly never thought it would go that far. I am sending positive thoughts your way for tomorrow - GOOD LUCK!!

Are you ready??

Kim