Inquiring minds want to know.... how was your meeting with WH today?

Best wishes,
SD

Yeah, so would I. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

DS woke up this morning with a stomach bug. He has been throwing up all day. WH called on his way here (DS had a basketball game before our "talk"). I told him DS was sick so he said "Then there's no reason for me to come since I don't feel too good either." Made no mention of our "talk". He has been saying he doesn't feel good since Tues or Thurs. I'm a little suspicious of this because he used it on me last year when he didn't want to be physically close to me.

I'm hurt at his lightly blowing off our meeting although I'm not really surprised. When he told me this on the phone (no reason for me to come) I said "okay, see ya, bye." About 10 minutes later he called and I didn't answer. He tried again two more times about 10 minutes apart and I wouldn't answer the phone. He didn't leave a message.

Same sh_t different day. DS is here sick and throwing up so he retreats to OW's house. I guess that's what he considers home. I really don't want to see him for a few days. I can tell from his behavior he is becoming more attached to me, but as usual I think Mel was spot on when she said she didn't think he was done with OW yet.

I am asking myself why I am putting myself through this. Why do I still want this person in my life? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

My husband said he was coming home for months. He never did. I would continue on with my life - sorry your son is not feeling well.

Thanks Believer and I'm sorry you had to go through the same sh_t. Silly but I STILL can't understand what he gets from her and his relationship over there. Boggles my mind.

It is just a fantasy, all in his mind. That is the tough thing. It's hard to compete with a fantasy.

Hang in there, and don't give up. He is making the right noises, now we just need to see some action.

Thanks Believer, that is comforting to me.

Shattered, how about that Plan B? He wants to come home but is still on the fence and is not quite ready to give up the OW. Plan B may just do that by yanking him off the fence. As it is now, he wants to keep you both on the line and isn;t too keen on giving up 2 women meeting his needs.

Either way, Plan B will remove you from the situation and give you some sanity and peace in your life by detaching from him.

p.s. what he is doing is extremely normal for a vacillating WS, so don't let it get you down. This is routine.

Thanks Mel. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yes I knew Plan B was coming. I'll work on preparing myself to do it this week. I spoke to family friend last night and he said WH could crash there, not a problem. Granted, WH does not WANT to crash there, but it may be his eventual destination.

WH still needs to transfer 1,000 shares of stock to my name as per the divorce agreement. I don't really want to discuss it with him because he will just put me off again, yeah yeah I will. So I think after plan b letter is sent I will download contempt forms, fill them out for transfer of stock and mail them in. I don't feel I have a choice.

Never a dull moment!

Shattered05, sorry for the letdown today. Please try to take it in stride. As Melody said, vacillating back and forth is pretty common, and, it often takes a bit of a catalyst to spring them off the fence.

Keep this all in perspective by remembering this is an addiction, moreso a "medical" condition, so far as what you can expect from him. Any committment he may indicate to you he'd like to make, means "choosing" to leave a very addictive substance (his fantasy world) behind forever. It's not at all unlike going cold turkey in an attempt to stop smoking, drinking, or even crack.

You have come too far to view this as any more than a minor setback. If he "blew it off", then he wasn't ready, and the "talk" would have been less likely to produce the results you are hoping for.

Don't miss a step. Continue working on you, as if he'll never come out of the fog, and keep some distance from the entire situation emotionally. Let's see how the next few days play out, and re-evaluate. Perhaps Plan B is the next step, but only you will know the "right" time. Study up on Plan B and begin to prepare yourself for that eventuality.

Hope DS is feeling better! Hang in there Shattered, this is going to work for you.

SD

Thank you SD's. I think in my heart I know it is minor but for some silly reason it is cutting me today. I just want to be the love of somebody's life and instead I'm feeling like an old shoe.

I know tomorrow I will wake up on my feet again and ready to continue my journey. I'm going to go put a DVD in now and relax.

Have a good night all!
S.

P.S. DS is doing better. He threw up some blood a few hours ago and I called the doctor hotline. Apparently he has been gulping huge quantities of liquids while lying in bed watching videos. I told him to just take sips but he was so thirsty he was drinking it all. This kept his stomach upset all day. The nurse said she felt like it was probably his throat becoming irritated from all the vomiting but of course if it happens again or worsens, I should take him to ER. I went to the store and got him some ice pops and have been monitoring his fluid intake. It has been 2 hours since he threw up - I guess he's on the mend now. Thanks for your thoughts of him.
Goodnight again!
S.

Shattered -

Didn't get a chance to catch up on you yesterday --- was dealing with my own drama, plus my DS was up sick Friday night with a stomach virus on into yesterday as well. Now I've got it. Ugh.

Anyway, I've read up and am sorry that you're meeting was put off. Everybody's probably right though that he wasn't ready for it......

Hope you got rejuvenated and are ready to dig in --- I really believe Plan B will knock him hard!

Glad your DS is better...

Take Care,

Kim

the title of this thread is

[color:"blue"]WH wants to come home!!! [/color]

the issue is this ...

is your H willing & ready to be a functioning participant in the family?

I think those contempt forms + plan B will work like a charm for you. He is so close to jumping off the fence, he just needs a little incentive (or a push!)


I am certainly no Plan B expert... can someone clarify for me...
How long do you do Plan B? At one point do you allow contact to move into recovery - when he has met all the conditions? Just curious how that resolves since that isn't exactly what I did... If you aren't speaking to him, how can he show his progress or ask to reconcile?

MSA

bump

What a roller coaster! Even more reason to take it slow. It reminds me of going swimming when the pool first opens. Sometimes you stick a toe in to test the water and even if you have your bathing suit on and planned on swimming you sit it out...or maybe sit at the edge of the pool dangling your legs..just enough to cool off but not get all the way wet. He needs to jump off the fence into the deep end. Plan B might be the motivator to do that.

I hope DS feels better. Try ice pops or frozen ginger ale crushed up. It will quinch his thrist and soothe his throat without too much fluid in his belly. I hope you get some rest tonight.

Still hoping someone can fill me in on how you know when Plan B is over?

I'm not sure...but I'd say plan B can end in 2 ways. 1st (the one we hope for) WS leaves other person complies with requirements of plan B letter, NC letter, leave OP, IC that starts the discussion for recovery...not necessarily free ticket home.

2nd Love Bank of BS is completely empty and they no longer want marriage to recover and they are ready to move to plan D.

Not sure of time limits could be up to 2 years or as long as BS can hold on to love bank.

Others may be able to give more insite.

Shattered,

I agree with confused42. Make sure there is NC, leave OP and your criterias are met before you take him back.

My WH also wants to come back- as long as I will sleep with him. I said no. Not yet. So, instead of coming back to me and daughter, he flew back to OW for his yearly vacation from overseas work. Their affair is now almost 8 years with 2 OCs, ages 7 & 4. It was a long distance love affair. They are together two months in a year during H vacation from work.

I just happened to know about the affair and ocs last year (on their 7th yr) because we have been separated for five years already.

During the separation I had a brief PA which I regret until now. By that time H had 2 ocs already that I didn't know yet. H knew about my A. Though he said he accepted me and forgiven me, he still resents it (of course). For him it is natural for men to have an affair but not for women.

I wish you all the best,
Someone