And Kim is right, he is trying to bait you into breaking Plan B. That is what this is all about. Just hang tight, be back this afternoon!

KDee-

Stick w/what Mel suggests - she knows what she's talking about!

Kim

okay so i'm going to write back and say "Please
refer to my letter and don't contact me until you have met that criteria."

is this what i should do. just want to be positive.

Kim, you out there? should i proceed with this text message or wait until this afternoon?

I am not a plan B expert, I would not do anything until the experts chime in.

thanks Jean...yeah i guess i should wait before i txt message. from what the others are saying, i don't know whether i should wait for Mel or go ahead and send the txt she suggested. i have it saved on my phone in case i need to send it....this is driving me nuts!

KDee -

Wait for Mel - Don't do anything right now.

Hang in there -

Kim

i'm hanging in here...my anxiety is kicking in, but i'm okay. My doc presribed me some anti-dep. to help get me through this...but he has me taking them at night. i'll start taking them tonight (generic form of Paxil) has anyone taken this?

Are you at work or at home? Can you take a break for a while - get your mind off of this til ML gets back? Go for a walk, put on some music?

Kim

i am at work. actually i just went outside to take a breather and relax. i feel tons better. This day is flying by...so i'm looking forward to talking to ML again. I know this is driving my H crazy though. I know he's either thinking "she doesn't love me that's why she's not writing back." or "man, she must be serious about this." obviously i'm hoping for the latter.

Hi KDee,

The answer to most any question you have in Plan B is :dont answer. If any serious negotiations are taking place, they will gladly wait on your response.

The only thing you can hear is "I have the NC letter, I've mailed it (or let's go over it and we'll mail it), I have another job, or the OW have left the company". You cannot hear any other words.

I'd maybe mail another copy of the same letter, but do not answer any of the tm's. That's the whole point of plan B, you get to ignore him and step out of this drama. They get a foggy type of admiration/respect buzz when they know the BS is hanging on their every word.

I'd block his # and email address from your phone, so you dont have to see the IM's. If he gets serious, he knows what he needs to do, and it will not be done in a tm.

Go get a pedi, and have some fun this weekend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> - Dru

i think he's nutso. he just sent me another message saying " i can tell today is friday the 13th." I mean, what is he thinking?? Is he taking me seriously?? he just wants me to respond, and i won't do it.

Dru, what do you mean "mail another copy of the letter." Mail it to my H???" want to make sure i'm following you.

He just sent another txt message. This one I had to respond to. It dealt with his paycheck and since I'm not checking any of the bills (cell phone, banking, his credit card)for my sanity, I had to reply.

But I just replied with a one word answer. I can’t tell if he’s trying to be a smart a**. He said “Maybe you can respond to this one, did you get the amount of my check?” I said “No.” and he wrote back the amount and that’s it. IS he trying to be smart??? Should I have not responded? As far as money, I DO need to know the amount to balance the checkbook and pay bills. Advice?

Hi KDee,

Someone suggested you tm'ing him saying to refere to the Plan B letter. I thought that instead of tm'ing him, I'd just mail him another copy. But it doesnt matter.

The tm'ing is too intrusive. Means he's got your attention any time he likes. For Plan B, do you have an intermediatary? What was your plan for handling financial issues?

I'd email him and say, 'any questions about finances should be handled via the intermediatary, or via email. Please do not tm me."

Then BLOCK his # from your cell phone! It really is WAY too intrusive, he can jerk your chain at will with tm access, defeating the entire purpose of Plan B. I'd end that very quickly. - Dru

he doesn't have access to email...unless he goes to a friends house. So i can either a) send him a text refering to the plan B and asking that he not contact me again AND tell him any more financial stuff, he can find a way to email me or b) not do anything.

well before he left i knew he got paid today and i just told him to txt me the amount. I told him to be out of the house at least a week, or until he could come to a decision about my 3 criteria.

What should i do?

So, again, what was your PLAN for dealing with financial issues?

He cant just TM you at will... it's too intrusive. There's always snail-mail, does he have access to a fax. He's in an office with OW, but he doesnt have email? That seems odd.


I'm for the pedi and having a fun weekend.

No more contact, OK? He needs to feel lonely, you need to disconnect. - Dru

Well I guess, to be honest, I stupidly thought he'd get his crap straight in a week and we wouldn't have to deal with the whole txt msg thing. But that was not thinking clearly.

He works for a courier service, i.e. FedEx, ups postal. So he's NOT in an office at all. He works as a courier. And I accidentally found out that he's staying at an efficiency, so I know he doesn't have computer access...but he has friends who do...

So I don't need to write back and say "don't contact me anymore...yada yaday...if you need to contact me about financial stuff, do it through email.”???

Or do I just leave it as is and no more responses.

KDee-

He can get to a computer at the library. He could e-mail you from there. Buckle in for a long ride. This will most likely take longer than a week. He's got to miss you and THEN before he comes home you need to be certain that he has met your criteria. That he is going to be transparent and make you feel safe.

Kim

so no more contact. i shouldn't send him a txt saying "don't contact me." i should just leave it as is and move on and enjoy my weekend and ignore his txts...correct?

HI KDee,
No more responses. No need at this point. Remember, the default answer is always 'no response'.

So you say you knew Plan B was not a tool to 'get the WS back', but then you say you thought it'd be all over in a week? I know, it's hard to focus when you're marriage is in trouble, but it's time.

He's going to have to miss you a while before he decides he's miserable enough to quit his job. A week wasnt going to happen. I'm sorry. Plan B isnt for the meek... endurance is key.

So the problem now is that your Plan B letter was incomplete. Think about how your contacts with him can best be handled, then send the updated Plan B letter.

'please send correspondence via ... or leave me a vm/fax/email about financial issues, only. Contact of any personal nature cannot occure until A) B) and C).'

Revise, send, and, as they say here, go DARK.

Do you know about the 180 Plan? It's nice during Plan B, make sure anything he hears about you second hand, is positive. Keep busy, stay social, take up new interesting hobbies. Buy new clothes, do new things. Everything he hears from other people needs to be 'Wow, KDee's doing great, did you know she's taking Mandirine Chinese Cooking classes? She got THE cutest hair cut. She's always so busy, she really lives life to the fullest."

It inflates his ego to know you're pining away for him, waiting by the phone. The message he needs to get is 'she's great, I'd better get off my a**'.

I'm leaving for the weekend soon, hopefully Mel can advise if you have an emergency. Mel = Yoda around here. Guru, extroidinaire! But remember, there arent many 'emergencies'. He quits, he can tell you that. Anything less isnt THAT important. Please take care and go do something fun and interesting this weekend - Dru