Allison,
I have never posted to you before. I have followed your sitch and your alot stronger than you think. My sitch is pretty crappy right now. My W filed Dec 2 2005, this has been going on for a year, her third A, One night stand whatever you want to call it. I should be through but the fog is so dense that I continue to fight for Our M.

Im a Police Officer in MI and are stalking laws are as follow two or more unwanted contacts. Now if you show up at the same place there is nothing wrong with that. he would have to get a restraining order against you after two or more contacts if thats what your state law is. In MI they give these things out like free candy here. If served you will have a certain amount of time to contest it.

One thing as a Police Officer, I could never understand how you can get a restraining order on your spouse if there is no physical abuse. I guess I will never understand it.

MY WW is a Police Officer also and she threatened me by telling me she was going to get a restraining order against me. Trust me My WW has said alot of things and I have really never seen any threat followed through. Believe nothing of what the WS says and only half of what they do.

Just be careful if you do engage them you never know how Ow will act or how H will act. This fog is really crazy.

I was a WH 7 yrs ago and trust me he is thinking alot about you. I remember always thinking of my EXW and never wanting to leave her deep down inside of me, I just couldn't face her anymore especially knowing all the pain I caused her. I was so wrong and I had to live with that for the last 7 yrs and boy do I regret it. Plus when my ex stopped fighting it was a release and made it easy for me.

He just left - he came by to see DD before he went out...Not a good meeting... VERY BAD...

As far as not doing anything and just wanting the DRAMA - I am very new at this so yes - I take that as a mean statement. How in the world am I supposed to know what to do. Every situation is different and I am handing mine the best way that I KNOW HOW...

I am very mad right now because there were so many LB's it is not even funny - I just cannot do it any more... I can't. He is cruel and rude and dispicable. I do not want to deal with him any more. I have got to move on and get on with MY HAPPINESS.... I cannot let this control my life any longer...

I am so mad.... He is just RUDE. I do not want a man like this in my life. I don't need it and my daughter does not need it... He is a liar and a cheat and I have no repsoect for him right now...

He told me I think I will just go ahead and call Traci since that is what you think i am doing anyway... -- WHO IN THEEI RIGHT MIND WOULD SAY THAT TO THEIR WIFE????

He is crazy and I cannot take the fog -- it is rediculous and I will not stand for it... I have taken it for too long. I am not going to sit here and let myself be direspected like this - EVER AGAIN!!!

They deserve each other - I am way to good for this man, Maybe he will see that someday, but I have got to move on. This literally is KILLING me and I must get over it and him..

IF our marriage is meant to be then it will withstand this test, but for now - I must be strong for myself and DD and just get on with life...

Alison-

Exposing is key. I was sick to my stomach today as I e-mailed OWH the news that WH & OW met for dinner recently. It's just a feeling you need to try to conquer and get it done.

If you can get out there tonight, do it. WH & Traci will be so shocked if you just happen to show up.

Kim

Alison - I posted without seeing your post above. I know this is so hard for you and you believe it's not worth it. There are so many here who fought through this though & are incredibly happy with their M's.

AGAIN, will you be thinking years from now -
What if?
What if I fought for my M?

Kim

I wouldn't even know where to look... Unfortunately, I got no info...

I promise you that Flukeboy is not mean.

Ummm... you have 20 MBers advising you?


You are doing fine. You are going to BE fine.


He's a wayward alien in the fog. You cannot take him so seriously.


Faithinme responded beautifully to this before... he is manipulating you.

You don't need to stand there and by disrespected, either. Don't LB and get angry, just ask him politely to leave if he can't be respectful.

MSA

I may as well go over to a different board because I just CANNOT take it any more. WHY would I let anyone treat me this way??? I deserve the best in life an he is not giving it to me and I am supposed to wait for him to figure his ****** out... NO WAY - he has messed everything up (I do hold myself accountable for my part in our problems) but I did not DO THIS!!!

He mayde me so darn mad tonight - madder than I have ever been so far,.... I don't even want to see him... I laid down the rules for visitation, and tomorrow is he is not here by 930 - I will kick his butt!!!

My DD and I will not be treated like this...

Gosh, I wish you could get a break. You are very, very new in this, and I think you are doing fine. I read here for months before I posted. Then I didn't do anything for months.

Your husband is tormenting you. He is the one who is behaving very ugly.

I promise you one thing - if he keeps it up you'll get to the point that you don't want him back. You'll be glad this happened.

See if you can relax and do something for yourself.

I know, Plan A wouldn't have sat that great with me either at first probably...

It's so hard when the man you love and who loved and took care of you, was tender and understanding, becomes mean, selfish, vindictive, angry, manipulative, lies, and shows you no respect or love.

I can understand why Plan A-ing such a creature is like trying to hug a grizzly bear.

We are here to support you whether you want to do Plan A, or if you decide you cannot Alison. That doesn't make you wrong, or bad, or mean that you aren't wanting or trying to save your M.

God loves you. God wants good things for you. So do we.

MSA

Alison...I too can guarantee that Flukeboy is not mean. He has a HUGE heart and doesn't want anyone to go through the pain he went through. He wants to see your marriage thrive.

You DO need to set boundaries with H. You also need to take time for yourself and your DD. All of this stress will carry over to her. Take a deep breath and do something for yourself. Focusing all your energy on H 24/7 will burn you out and will not help the situation at all. He will never take you seriously if you keep caving in to his manipulative tricks.

{{{{Alison}}}}

Yep, we are here for you no matter what.

Kim

Please know that I am very sensitive right now and that anything can set me off...

I have decided that I will not subject myelf to any of my WS's crazy behaviors anymore. I cannot handle it emotionally. I have to be strong for my daughter and for myself. This man I married is bringing me down and I won't let anyone do that to me anymore. EVER.

I will be living for myself and my DD and no one else - at least for a while. I have given to much to this with mothing in return.

I do not expect miracles, but darn, how much abuse do I have to take before I can take no more...

I do love this man A LOT, but I am going to have to go a bit cold and dark for a while... I have not given myself any time to heal and I need it. I feel like I have been fighting the good fight with no result (i know I give up too fast), so for now - I am finished...

I am simply going to give all my love to myself and my daughter - the people who deserve it and need it the most...

PS: I don't think anyone is really mean, but jeez, I am trying and I am not all about the "drama"...

It's just, not to beat this drum again, but I can't help but point out, that if he's going to be this much of a jerk, it might as well be because you exposed to his employer!

Alison -

I bumped a thread for you - BOBpure's Toolkit for the newly betrayed spouse. Take some time when you are up to it to read through it. It really helped me in the early days of discovering the A.

Kim

Wow Kim, Thanks - what an incredible story... Amazing... Let's hope I can also endure... But for now I simply need to take a mental health break...

And that is okay Alison. Take a break. It took me months to get the program here. You are doing fine! This is all so new to you. At your point in time, I was going crazy and throwing stuff in the street, LB'ing constantly, etc.

You can get a break by just not engaging with him. Pretend like you are dealing with an insane person.

Well, H and I had an okay day with DD today. We just ran around. He did tell me that he ended up hanging out with Traci and some other people last night, but what am I supposed to say about that...

We didn't fight, but obviously were not that comfortable with each other. he has left with DD for the evening, but may come by tomorrow so we can spend time with DD...

Just a boring update. wish I had more, but I am still just feeling numb...

Just a funny little update: H took DD for the weekend and she gave him a rough night. He got 4 hours of sleep and DD was waking up all night long... Maybe he knows now what I go through EVERY NIGHT...

Anyway - he called me like 4 times last night because he just didn't know what to do or how to handle DD's crying. I was giggling on the inside since this really is the first time he has had to deal with her on his own...

Anyway - I got a great nights sleep and am feeling very well rested... I am off to get a pedi and a bit of pampering... Then I think I may shoot over to Radio Shack and get the recorder thingy...

Hope everyone had a wonderful Sunday!!

Bump

Getting the digital recorder would be good probably, I've read that the pocket behind the driver's seat is a good place for it to go?