Faith: Thanks - I guess i feel like maybe there will be or could be an AHA moment - I am probably wrong - since in addiction, one has to hit rock bottom... I just don't want my H to hit it...
Alison,
Steve Harley counseled with my EX and I about that AHA moment.
Seems that is one thing that many WS's say they are looking for. They figure that one day that one thing will happen that will show them the right thing to do and everything will become clear. My XH used to say he was waiting for a 'sign' that staying with his family was the right thing.
The BS looks for that one day that one thing they say finally breaks through and makes everything clear.
SH said that very very seldom is there an AHA moment that magically shows the way. Looking for it, as a BS or a WS, is for the most part a waste of time.
That's really when I stopped looking for those questions that would get through or the one magical action that would cause everything to come to an end.
The fact is that it is the PLANS that work. A series of contemplated and executed steps that work together to bring the situation around is what works.
It makes it so much harder than coming up with the AHA comment or action. But it's not a single action led to the affair and it's not one action that can end it.
An affair is made by taking a series of slippery steps and slightly adjusting your morals and reasoning to fit your needs. Ending an affair seems to require a series of steps slightly readjusting your reasoning too. That AHA moment just doesn't often happen.
I'm just passing this bit of advice from SH and the thought process that followed for me on to you in the hopes it helps you work around that same issue.
It may be different for you but I know his advice was right on for my situation.
Good luck Alison. You really are doing a great job <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
FIM
