***He used to say I wasn't romantic enough, but do grownups in a mature relationship do that??***

Well, sure they do. When a man says "you're not romantic enough," that usually means he wants a combination of Admiration + SF. And of course grownups can do that!

Now, I fully understand that your Admiration for an active WS is probably far less than zero (mine is, too.) This is just something to keep in mind for the future.

For now, try the 180 list and see if you can combine it with Plan A, at least for while.

Read up on Plan B and get ready for it.

And get the family attorney to help you make certain that not one more penny of your money or the family's money goes to subsidize his affair. If WH yells about that (and he will,) tell him to get an extra job and/or let his girlfriend pay the bills for the affair.

Better yet, tell him that you are under NO obligation to finance the destruction of your own family and you have no intention of doing so any more.

And for pete's sake take whatever steps you have to STOP him taking the kids around the OW. Don't let him use the kids to make his affair seem normal and okay -- that's why he wants to do it. Remember, this is a man who sees nothing wrong with abandoning these kids the rest of the time except for when he "needs" them to play Happy Families with his girlfriend.

Please don't let this happen. Don't let your kids go through this. Protect them, no matter what you have to do.
Mulan

hoopsie....


How old is this woman? The fact is that to be hired at a place like that now, she does have to have some decent research but the focus is on teaching. This is what is relatively new. So if she is older, she would have been able to get to be at a State University with even poor research if she is quite good at teaching. Now, in order to get hired there she would have to show some publication record, but even that would not have to be very extensive. So, not to undermine what she is doing, but it is probably not gold.

But even if she is young and had some decent publication record (which graycloud does not seem to find), even then there are more people than you can count that will question her research. That is the nature of research. When you are involved in it you realize just on how many thin threads the results depend.

I centainly would not take what she sais as the final word on this issue. That is the point! Have you notice how scientists claimed something was good for us and then couple of years later it no longer was good for us, and then again some new research comes forward claiming it again is.......it just goes on. THere is a lot of Ph.Ds out there.

Daisy

I would give anything to be able to go back and give him what he wanted. He tried to talk to me about it once and I perceived it as an attack and a criticism and shut down. And I tried to tell him that I needed him to be more active and engaged, and he perceived it as a criticism and shut down. And so now he feels, why bother trying to do all the hard work of recovering the marriage when the OW is right there and fabulous?

We just spent an hour on the phone yelling at each other about temporary child support for us when I move. That's probably not in Plan A.

How do you preserve your love for someone when you're going through a divorce? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?

Yes, this is what we all end up butteling with. How long to fight for the M when the OP is detemined to get the D, and get out of our lives. Only you'll know the answer. I don't have that answer for myself either.

I know about wishing you had listened. But does that mean you did not care about your partner? No! Does that mean that person should just give up? No! I think we both are responsible in the M. The other person should not go off looking for someone else when things get tough.

Daisy

I am going to slightly disagree with Mulan on this one. Grownups in a mature relationship do not necessarily act like teenagers.
Sadly, many Ws's do act that way, and they are certain that their new R will always be gooey sweet, head over heels, i want to talk to you 10 hours a day by cell phone kind of stuff.
Can grwon ups be romantic? Certainly. But does a "Romantic" relationship between a H and W, married for many years mean that they still act like love sick teenagers? No. That whole love sick, my heart aches every monet I am away from you feeling does not last. thankfully. Because we all need to be able to work, to spend time with our children, to grief the loss of a parent, to have lunch with a friend, without that heart sick ach that says "I must be with my partner, or at least talking to them on the phone every waking hour". How could he keep that up and still maintain his job? Not for long.
I don't have enough time to go into this further - but I would like to get into it more tomorrow, because I heard the same stuff - in fact my WH told our boys "I am leaving your Mom because she isn't romantic enough for me" and the oldest has never really forgiven him for that. and his relationhship with OW did not last a year.

***I would give anything to be able to go back and give him what he wanted. He tried to talk to me about it once and I perceived it as an attack and a criticism and shut down.***

Have you told him this, exactly as you have posted it here?

From an earlier post:
***I just kept him on the phone for three hours -- crying again, telling him I love him, asking if there is any chance he would come back, telling him I would always hope and love him, that I was so sorry for all my faults and mistakes, that a divorce doesn't change what's in my heart, blah, blah, blah.***

Nobody sits and listens to anything for three hours unless they're getting *something* out of it. What is his payoff? Why not just hang up after three minutes and spend the three hours with his girlfriend instead?

And where was she while all this was going on?

Does she know that he talks to your for hours at a time?

And does *he* know about the wedding registry? That sounds like something OW would do. It probably was not his idea and he might not even know about it.
Mulan

***Have you told him this, exactly as you have posted it here?***

Over and over and over and over. Endlessly. On the phone. In person. In letters. He says it doesn't matter. It's too late. I had my chance. He doesn't think I can change. He says knows me too well. He doesn't want me to *change*, he wants the hot sex and the passion to come from within me not because I'm doing it for him. The OW is desperately hot for him not because he asked her to be but just because she IS. That's what he wants.

Again, I don't know how much of this is my failings and how much of it is his unrealistic expectations. The OW apparently wakes up in a cold sweat at 3 a.m. "moaning and aching" for him. I asked my girlfriend if she woke up moaning and aching for her H when he was on a business trip, and she snorted and said, "Uh, no." But if you're a guy and there's a woman who's moaning for you, who would you pick? Her or your boring old wife snoring at 9 p.m. in her sweatpants?

***Nobody sits and listens to anything for three hours unless they're getting *something* out of it. What is his payoff? Why not just hang up after three minutes and spend the three hours with his girlfriend instead?****

He's not getting anything out of it. He's listening to me cry and plead because he was married to me for a long time and I am the mother of his children and he doesn't want to be rude and hang up on me. However, after a few months of these conversations, he started hanging up.

***And where was she while all this was going on?***
At her house across the country. It's a long-distance relationship. He usually calls her about 11 p.m and they talk for about 3-5 hours. How they get any work done the next day is something I've never been able to figure out.

***Does she know that he talks to your for hours at a time?***
Yes, but she doesn't care, except to tell him how sorry she is that he has to listen to his needy STBX and how proud she is that he is so kind. I've also seen messages from her where she says, "Your wife needs to accept it! You don't have to listen to that! Hang up on her!" And so then he did.

She divorced her H this summer for mine; I think after the initial shock her H pretty much shrugged and said, "If you want to be with another man, then the h#ll with you. Let's get divorced. Bye." He certainly didn't call her and tell her that he loved her, blah, blah.

***But if you're a guy and there's a woman who's moaning for you, who would you pick? Her or your boring old wife snoring at 9 p.m. in her sweatpants?***

Well, no wife has to be boring and no wife should be sleeping in sweatpants, no matter how long you've been married . . . but that's all water under the bridge now.

Okay. The situation sucks. So stop doing the same stuff and do something different. You've got to rock the boat and I can think of three things you can do right off the bat:

1) Expose. You say everybody already knows -- but do they know YOUR side of the story? Do they know that you do not want this, or do they just get WH's and OW's story that you are a boring old wife who doesn't care anything about what they are doing and are content to get out of their way?

Hoopsie, tell everyone on this planet YOUR side of the story -- including the store where OW registered their "wedding."

2) Cut off any and all financial support for their affair in every possible way.

3) Get legal protection to protect your children from being dragged into their nasty and destructive affair.

Hoopsie, we are telling you that your WH is living a fantasy and in some ways so are you. If you think you are helpless, that's as much false reality as WH's thinking this will work out just fine for everyone. The BS can get into their own kind of "fog" just like a WS can.

WH honestly believes that everybody believes *him*, and that he can use YOUR joint money and YOUR joint credit cards for as long as he wants to finance his affair, and that the children will be happy and learn to adjust.

All of these things are in YOUR power to change and they are all tremendous weapons in busting up their fantasy.

Why do you keep rolling over and insisting you are helpless? You are not. What are you waiting for?
Mulan

I know, I know. I should have been wearing lingerie and getting Brazilians and jumping on him. When this affair started, I was a SAHM with a 2yo, a 4yo, and a *newborn.* The baby was 5 months old! Part of me is kicking myself for being tired and involved with the kids instead of tending to his needs, and part of me thinks he's a [censored] for cutting and running during a time that's tiring for everyone.

We had no family nearby to help out. We were new in town. At end of the day that I spent with kids clinging to me like kudzu, I wanted to be alone and unwind and go to bed. I had nothing left to give. And I guess I realize my mistake now. But you're right, it's water under the bridge.

The two of us and our attys are meeting this week to go over his proposed settlement. I told him I am not going to be responsible for affair-related expenses, which he has agreed to. I may be responsible for some of the other debt he incurred on our joint accounts, not because I'm rolling over but just because it's a matter of the law vis a vis marital property and debts. My atty is advising me on that.

The kids have not met the OW because this is a long-distance affair and because he says he would never introduce that kind of new element in their lives until after an appropriate time has passed. The kids are too young to even know that an affair is going on. After we're divorced he does have the legal right to introduce them to her at some point. There may be language in the settlement we agree to about not introducing romantic partners until six months to a year after the divorce or something.

The people who matter know my side of the story: our families, our closest couple friends, etc. Not surprisingly they are shocked and disappointed in him; however, their feelings have not and will not sway him. There ARE people who only know his side, but they are people like his old high school buddies scattered around the country that he only keeps in touch with through emails and such. I have never met them and don't know how to contact them.

I don't know, maybe I haven't communicated his position well enough. He is *determined* to divorce me. He is *determined* to marry her. He is *emphatic* that he does not want me, that he wants her. He has been more efficient, energetic, and organized in pursuing this goal than I have ever seen from him (most if not all of the prodding and organization is no doubt coming from her).

I've got a lawyer who has my financial interests in mind and who is throwing a hefty dose of fiscal reality in his face. But if the imminent prospect of the thousands of dollars that he's about to be legally obligated to pay me and the sight of me driving away with his children isn't stopping him, then my calling Crate&Barrel isn't going to. This is such a nightmare.

hoopsie, I hear you. My first H did the majority of his fooling around (three OW in the same year, two at the same time) when our three children were 4,3 and under 2. Where he found the energy, I don't know. I was killing myself dealing with our opposite working hours (which meant I got the kids fed, bathed, homework for K-age daughter, bedtime, etc.) and then had to get up at 4am to get to work. He, on the other hand, slept in, then got kids up, took and picked up mid-daughter from preschool (oh, which is where he met OW#2) and dropped her off at daycare where I picked them up. He then went to work from 3-11, which is where he met OW#1.

I was horribly overwieght, overwraught, and underappreciated. I was flippin' tired, too. And anything other than sweatpants? Nah. The thought of popping out yet another baby (although I LOVED being pregnant) was not appealing ot me either, so um... ahem. In spite of that, I got pregnant again, had a miscarriage, and he found another OW.

That was the worst time of my life. Nothing I did stopped him.

I could go on and on. I guess that sweatpants comment triggered me. LOL Because you know, I'm not even married to him anymore. LOL See, the anger hides sometimes.

Anyway, I hear ya.

(((((hoopsie)))))

***But if the imminent prospect of the thousands of dollars that he's about to be legally obligated to pay me and the sight of me driving away with his children isn't stopping him, then my calling Crate&Barrel isn't going to.***

Here's what you're not understanding: Those Things Have Not Happened Yet. They Will Not Sink In To Him Until After They Actually Do.

Threats and "imminent prospects" mean less than nothing to an active WS. Only very real and very painful ACTUAL CONSEQUENCES have any effect.

I did not realize your children were so young. He was probably out cheating while you were pregnant, wasn't he?

He is the worst sort of [censored], hoopsie -- he's a man who deserted his own young family for sex -- and on some level he knows it just as well as you do. But the high of his affair keeps him from facing this, so he keeps right on with the drug so he does not have to feel the pain of what he's done to you and face up to the kind of man he chose to be.

So, that's why we keep telling you not to give up. Nothing has *actually happened* yet, except him smoking the crack pipe of sex and getting the daily strokes of knowing that two women want him. What man would want to walk away from that?

Again - NOTHING has happened YET. There have been NO CONSEQUENCES for his actions. Your pain is not a consequence to a WS. You'd think it would be, but everyone here can tell you that it's not.

So: If you don't want the divorce, and you have said you do not, then don't help him get one.

Let the attorney protect you finanacially as much as possible, but you are under NO obligation to help your WS destroy your family. You don't have to agree to anything and don't let the WS threaten and bully you into going along with something you don't want.

WS and OP make this all about what THEY want.

Well, what about what YOU want?

Let the *real* consequences start kicking in -- not just the *threats* of consequences:

Do the 180. Stop feeding his ego by begging him to come back.

Get your family money cut off from his affair.

Make sure your attorney knows your husband WILLINGLY abandoned his family by leaving the family home. (That can make things very different under the law and it's one reason why people here are told NOT to leave the family home.)

Protect your children. Do everything possible to keep your children away from WS and OP.

If you don't want the divorce, then don't sign anything unless it's necessary to protect your money and your children. Would legal separation do this without your having to be forced into a divorce you do not want? ASK YOUR ATTORNEY!

WH will be furious if you do this and he can get only a legal separation instead of a divorce. Heh. Exactly. Consequences. Finally. REAL consequences.

Let him live on sex 100% of the time and see how that goes. He thinks that's what he's doing now, but he's not. He still assumes that you'll do what he wants and meekly give him a divorce if HE wants one, but that he'll still always have you there to care for his children and that you will always be there waiting and pining because you're incapable of living without him.

You've got to be willing to fight for your family if you want to keep it. If nothing else, you will always be able to say that you did everything possible before giving up. Or would you rather tell your children ten years from now that you just meekly gave up and handed over everything to the infidels because gee that's what THEY wanted?

For pete's sake, CALL CRATE&BARREL!
Mulan

So what happened to your H? Is he stil living happily ever after with an OW?

I don't know. Of course affair sex is more exciting than long-term marriage sex. If it weren't, people wouldn't do it. My mother said, "Yeah, wait until she hits menopause. All that'll stop, trust me." And of course the honeymoon ends and real life kicks in. But all of that takes time. Lots of time.

Oh well, hoopsie, there's more to the story than year 7 of our marriage. We did heal, and even had a marriage renewal ceremony in year 13. Things were okay for awhile, though he says he always fantasized about other women.

In year 18, I turned 40, took a look at my life, saw misery (I was depressed, though didn't realize it) and made the very unwise (for many reasons) choice to have an affair with this guy I worked with who'd told me "I think I'm falling in love with you". I'm told it was an "exit affair"... although I still loved my (then)H. That's how come I know that when people say you can't have an affair and still love your spouse, it just isn't true of everyone.

I slept with the OM once and wanted to die. Luckily for me, my (then)H was willing to help me along those lines... he was one of those 'boys will be boys' men... okay for you to cheat, but not your wife. And... he felt that since I opened that door, he would go through it, so he had more affairs. By the way, I confessed on the same day I'd had sex with OM.

We were both here posting for about six months.

In the end, we divorced. I rebounded into my second marriage and he had his last OW/girlfriend for about two years. He's not remarried, but he's always on the prowl for his next ex-girlfriend (that's what he says).

We talk on the phone about once or twice a month. We've made amends, and both see our parts in the demise of the marriage. We loved each other. It didn't have to end the way it did. What a mess, eh?

But the relationship now is the best I could have hoped for.

But in your case... listen to Mulan. I wish I'd had a Mulan to talk to way back when, because had I taken care of my marriage, I really believe that it wouldn't have deteriorated to the point it did... which might have meant that when I had my mid-life crisis (which turned into an affair), I might have turned to HIM (my then-H) instead of some stranger/OM. You know?

No, I know the consequences haven't sunk in yet. And I realize that it's possible that I may be posting here in three years saying that she dumped him after the reality of living with his farts and his big child support payments kicked in, that WH misses the kids too much, and he's planning to move to where we are. (According to the good professor and her research, that's not happening. And according to him, that's not happening. But stranger things have happened on here.)

I did ask the atty if I could refuse to give him a divorce or delay it or if a judge could be persuaded to order counseling. He said not in this state. And I also asked if adultery was or could be a factor in the settlement. He said it rarely is in this state. Thanks, no-fault divorce revolution!

I'm going to be aggressive at our settlement meeting -- there are a lot of things I want that he's going to be resistant to. And there are some things he wants that I'm not going to give him without a fight. But realistically, the attorneys are there to rein us in. They've seen it all. They don't care about adultery or pain or emotions, and neither does the law.

He IS an [censored]. And he has rationalized the betrayal and the cowardice until he's blue in the face. He says because it's right for him, it will be right for everyone. He says if-I'm-happy-the-kids-will-be-happy. He says it takes great courage to do what he's done, to defy convention and your family and follow your heart! It takes courage to take risks! To plunge into the unknown with your beloved!

Yuck! he is so full of crap. One thing I will share with you - the more they say stupid stuff like this, the more you should be convinced that his R with OW will not last. He is completely delusional at this point.

he is no different than my WxH. I heard all the same garbage. "kids will adjust, the boys would want me to be happy, OW is the one I was meant to be with, God must have intended for us to be together, otherwise why would he have brought her into my life, you would really like OW if you would just get to know her." He couldn't wait to be divorced from me so he could marry her, they were going to be married right away, they were going to sell her house and buy a new one with rooms for her kids and his boys.

Our sex life was not steamy and passionate, but I still think it was pretty good after 18 years of marriage and 2 kids. He even told me that it was "good - but not great like it is with OW"
(by the way - I don't believe for a second that OW wakes up moaning for him - I think she wakes up at 3am in a panic about what she has done)

anyway, it may help you to know that none of this stuff happened for my WxH like he said it would. Yes, he was absolutely determined to make it happen. he has even told me that he and OW always swore to each other that "no matter what happens, we will make this work, just to prove everyone wrong" they did not even last a year.

ater D day my WxH moved in with her. I was devastated, reacted the same way you are now. but slowly I started to remember that he was jsut a regualr person, and she was just a regular person, neither of them had some type of super human powers that would make their relationship be THE ONE to defy all odds. After all, I was the one reading all the right books, going to counseling to help me with my own personal growth, reaching out to other people for strength, and love. I felt like I was now doing all the right things. But those two were not. They were not getting counseling, not reading books with advice on how to make a relationship last. WxH had abandoned any friends or family who tried to talk to him. Anyone who did not agree with what they were doing was instantly branded as too judgemental and never talked to again. Affair relationships have something like a 5% success rate. 2nd marriages end in D at least 60% of the time. these statistics exist for a reason. Marriage is a lot of work, period. A second M, especially to an A partner, has A LOT of trouble. the best way to go into it is with the support of friends and family, with the support of a church body, with counseling, and good advice. But your WxH and his OW have none of that going for them. all they have is their "love". they are basing their R on phone calls, where they ONLY tell each other the best stuff, and also on an old high school romance, where they never got down to the reality of every day life. Not much of a firm foundation.

Your WH is completely ignorant of what it takes to have a successful relationship. he is basing it almost entirely on sex - and compeltely on how he feels physically and emotionally.
So what happens when her mom dies, and she is depressed? What happens if one of them gets into a car accident and can not be as passionate. What about when the kids are visiting and one is sick and gets up multiple times, another throws up in the living room, one cries because he or she misses Mommy, etc.
those two WILL have problems. they will have stress. And right now in their minds, no matter what comes the other person is always going to say all the right stuff, and do all the right stuff. So what happens when they each have a bad day at the same time? Who is going to take care of who?

Your H's relationship will not last. I am not sure if he will try to get back together, and I am not sure if you would even take him, but his R is not going to live happily every after. So the question becomes, can you be the one to catch him when he falls? let me tell you that in the end, the answer for me was no. I couldn't do it. But for your WH's sake, it would be best for him if you could be the one to catch him when he falls. Because he has no idea what it is really like to have your kids live so far away, and everytime you see them you realize you barely even know them. Neither one of them is realistic about the strain that finances puts on a Relationsp. Being broke is a real mood killer. when she spends $100 bucks getting her hair cut and colored to make herself all pretty for him, and then he realizes he only has 5 bucks left in his account, that is going to be a real mood killer.

My WxH life is a mess. After his OW kicked him out of the love nest he would call me to cry, and all he could talk about was "why did OW do this to me?"
they lived together for something like 8 or 9 months. In that time she came to find out that he farts, he makes noise when he chews, when he gets sick he is convinced that he is dieing, he has a horrible temper, etc. he got to find out that when her kids have trouble sleeping, she lays in bed with them until they fall asleep (doesn't quite fit the sex goddess profile she painted for him) that she hates it when he makes noise when he chews, that her kids needs would always come above his, etc.

The fact is that the reality of living together is way different from the fantasy they are imagining right now.

My WxH used to always say "people who say that we won't make it, don't really know us. We are different. We are going to make it. We were meant to be together"

A year later, after they had broken up, he told me "you know, everyone tried to warn me, but I wouldn't listen. We were not any different than anyone else. it happened exactly like everyone said it would."

I had friends tell me "he has moved on, he is determined, he is never coming back, you need to move on as well." Well, he never did marry her. And he did make a feeble attempt to come back. Although at that point he was trying to string me along as well as several other women. He told me he was keeping all of his options open, in case it didn;t work out with me. At that point, he said he jsut had to find somebody. he hated being alone, and needed someone in his life. I told him to take me out of the list of options.

Your WH is headed for a huge fall be certian of that.

What a great post! Thanks so much for that.

I got some family gossip today. My WH's sister left her H and children five years ago and moved to another country for a man she met on the internet. Everyone told her she was making a mistake, but she was in love, they got married right away, they were going to live together forever, blah, blah. Fast forward to today -- they broke up and now she's back home. Duh.

I remember right after D-day, WH and I went to church together and the sermon happened to be on forgiveness and reconciliation. I nudged him and said, "Do you think God is trying to tell us something?" and he said, "No." And now I'm not sure if it's a coincidence that his sister's affair marriage broke up right when he's about to divorce me. Maybe God is trying to tell him something now too. If so, he's not listening. He says HIS relationship is different because they were old lovers, and his sister just met some random guy on the internet. Okay. Whatever.

I do feel in my heart that we're not finished somehow. Maybe I'm just in denial because I still love him despite all this. Or maybe it just means that we'll go our separate ways for the next 50 years but I'll come back to wheel him around in the nursing home because I'll be the only person in his life who's still alive. Gee, I'm not sure I should pin my reconciliation hopes on that one.

hoopsie - thinking of you, and wondering how you are doing.

I haven't been on line much lately, but I did want to laugh out loud with you about this comment:

"He says HIS relationship is different because they were old lovers"

they ALL think they are different. They are the superman of all affair relationship and will miraculously defy all odds. But he is no different.

In his case they were "old lovers" - or, in other words, he chooses to go back in time, to when he was in high school with very few responsilibties. Life was less stressfull, and relationships were all about fun. There was no pressure.

So OW will be expected to be the high school sweetheart. She is not allowed to be a grown up woman with grown up needs. She better not have any expectations of him - that would add stress to their relationship. There better not be any reminders that he is older - she is older - and this ain't high school anymore!

this is another similarity to my WxH. Many times I have commented that WxH acted like his 18 year M was just another high school romance. it is ok to break up with one girl friend, and then be seen holding hands in the hall ways with another one. After all, in high school, girl friends are inter-changeable.

Well, they forget that breaking apart a M is actually tearing apart flesh. Two people leave their parents, cleave to each other, and become one. Breaking apart that union is actually tearing apart flesh. the stress of his broken M alone will cause trouble in his R with her.

When you reach the point where you are finally able to say "I am not going to fight him, I will not engage in harsh words, I am simply going to let him go to truly experience the consequences of his own bad choices - when you finally just "let go", that is when the OW will truly struggle. After all, they will no longer be able to talk about how mean you are to him. Here you are, calm, taking the high road, being the better woman. Anything OW says about you, in a negative manner, will only make her look bad. Anytime the two of them look for excuses to justify their horrible actions, you will not be giving them anything to talk about.

I am not suggesting that you give up on your M - I am just suggesting that you no longer engage him in arguements and battles that only give him further excuses.

Hang in there Hoopsie.

***In his case they were "old lovers" - or, in other words, he chooses to go back in time, to when he was in high school with very few responsilibties. Life was less stressfull, and relationships were all about fun. There was no pressure.***

Bull's eye.

***So OW will be expected to be the high school sweetheart. She is not allowed to be a grown up woman with grown up needs. She better not have any expectations of him - that would add stress to their relationship. There better not be any reminders that he is older - she is older - and this ain't high school anymore!***

Excellent points. WOF5 has given you some very good advice and some very good points to consider.

Just because your WS insists on this and insists on that does NOT make any of true. It's like trying to reason with a drunk. It's not going to make any sense, even though the drunk is convinced that it all makes perfect sense.

As we keep saying, please don't give up yet. Maybe now you can more clearly see the road WS is going down.

It ain't the one he thinks it is.
Mulan

Hoopsie, just wondering how you are doing.

And something else I was thinking about - I think WOF5 is right on when she points out that your WH is running away from the stress of being a grown man with a wife, kids, babies, job, etc. by regressing into a high school boy who only has his little high school sweetheart to worry about.

Has your WH ever shown signs of running away from things before? Has he ever quit a job or dropped out of school or blown off a project anytime the pressure started to build?
Mulan

Mulan - good point