|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
I have just been told by the OWH that she was with him all weekend. of course OW said there was no sex. LOL. I just know that they have been lieing to everbody. I call up his boss and told him because he is in the military and will be getting in very big trouble. My WH is very mad and I am scared that I may have pushed to far. You see we have ahd a emtional divorse for a very long time. I want to save this marriage but I think he may have checked out long before the A started. I have friends telling me this. That is why I am here. I have told his MOM and my parents and all his friends. There isn't that many. I don't want to play victim because that will just pi$$ him off more. I will need your help here. Please!!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 748
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 748 |
Good for you, exposure all in one clean sweep. Yes, there will be fall-out and your angry WS will spew venom...
remain calm, collected, cheerful, or appear that way towards WH.
Don't power struggle, no LBs.
Read up on Plan A. Read the link in my signature. Implement Plan A. Work on YOU. Make some pleasant changes in YOU. Be a good Mom. Make your home a peaceful, warm, and inviting place to be.
Keep posting here...
Me BS 44
XH 45
M 20 years
D19
D12
DDay 11.29.04
Separated 12.29.04
Plan A 24.02.05
Plan B 10.9.05
Plan D 2.2.06
Divorce 13.6.06
OW - former friend and D12's x-godmother (Skunkypoo)
OWH - philander, XH's former best friend (still shares skunkypoo with XH)
Anger = drinking a rat poison and waiting/wishing the rat would notice you drink it and the rat die from it.
Redhat
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
But he moved out a month ago and he doesn't seem to care if he never comes back. I have been reading about Plan A and boy I know I am going to be in for a ride. The guilt is the worst. I have told all and he will be in so much trouble at work. I know he will blame me and I know I am not at fault. Any ideas on what to say when he spews the venom. I will try not to LB that for some reson is not hard right now I think because I new this point was going to come. I just hope I am not wasting my time and energy emotionaly and physically on this.
Me-30
WH-29
M-6.5yr
D-day #1 12/17/05
D-Day #2 1/16/06
DD's-5 and 9
Exposed 1/16/06
Moved to US 6/1/06 2000 milesaway from OW.
I won't give up without a fight.
The future????
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
When the spit flies, step out of the way. Expect it and carry napkins to wipe off or stop the crap from doing major damage.
Of course that's figurative speaking so what it means is to exepct it and practice tactics like reverse babble.....learn to differentiate when you speak to the WS vs your H. Don't take his guilt. Identify your boundaries and implement them. Secure your finances and check out you D options. That way, when he throws or threatens you, you will know what to take seriously vs what to throw back (reverse babble) back.
You don't have to take his guilt.
L.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
OW does not want to report that she was with WH because he will get into trouble. OWH is telling me he will make her. She wants me to call and suggestions on what to say?
Me-30
WH-29
M-6.5yr
D-day #1 12/17/05
D-Day #2 1/16/06
DD's-5 and 9
Exposed 1/16/06
Moved to US 6/1/06 2000 milesaway from OW.
I won't give up without a fight.
The future????
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Who wants you to call who?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
The OW that was with my WH this weekend. He is now going to be introuble with is work and she needs to tell the police. I have option #2 she will be investigated if she does not.
Me-30
WH-29
M-6.5yr
D-day #1 12/17/05
D-Day #2 1/16/06
DD's-5 and 9
Exposed 1/16/06
Moved to US 6/1/06 2000 milesaway from OW.
I won't give up without a fight.
The future????
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Why would she want you to call her? Good grief, she just slept with your H, isn't that sort of nervy?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
She wants to find out what I want. Makes me sick.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 4,138
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 4,138 |
don't call her!
she just want a chance to convince you to change your mind or to get you to believe and support the lies she will tell about thier time together
i wish all our WS had to answer to someone like they have to in the military!!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,808
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,808 |
I am so cconfused here.
Why is does she need to know what you want?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
She wants to find out what I want. Makes me sick. She can go to he11. How dare she ask that you speak to her.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
I have just gotten over the phone with the OWH and he is telling me not to call her. I have already desided not to. OWH says she is going between killing her self or killing me. I had a feeling this was going to happen. OWH has told her thing to to or he is done. He will also be informing my WH boss what has happened. I have not heard from my WH in over 8 hrs and I he might do something drastic. I don't know. He has NEVER anything like this before? I know that my stituation sounds like many others but you just can't see it till your in the shoes. This site I am glad I found before all this opened. But if he is already moved out what do I do? And when do I put the other parts of Plan A?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Okay, I would be careful that OW doesn't sneak up on you and hurt you. That happened once here since I've been posting.
Your husband will be very angry. He will say that this is the last straw, he was going to work on the marriage, but now he wants a divorce, it was none of your business, how could you hurt the OW like that, it is your fault he is in trouble at work, you are crazy, he will never trust you again, and blah, blah, blah.
You need to remain calm and tell him you want to save the marriage and will do whatever it takes.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
He just came over and OMG I am shaking. I remain calm and invited him in with open arms. He was very calm also. He asked me what do I want and I told him what ever it takes. Yes he did give me the line that I was out to get him and I replied I did not do this he did. He said "I thought we were going to be friends." I said " Lieing to your friends is real nice." He said "You are making things up." I said"OK" His last line was" YOu have changed this past week." I said"Thank you fo the better I think. and you have changed to but over more than one week" He said nothing. He went to do laundry. WOW He had to hear OMW voice on voice message to belive me. SAD
Me-30
WH-29
M-6.5yr
D-day #1 12/17/05
D-Day #2 1/16/06
DD's-5 and 9
Exposed 1/16/06
Moved to US 6/1/06 2000 milesaway from OW.
I won't give up without a fight.
The future????
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Well, so far, so good. He will probably try to placate you so that you don't talk to his work anymore. Keep in mind that HE is the one who caused the problems.
I hope the other woman's husband will check out this site.
Anyway, just be like a broken record, repeating that you want to save this marriage and will do whatever it takes. Don't argue with him.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
WH called again he still is calm he is aways calm. He says " I thought we were on a break and I could do my own business." I realy did not know what to say. He will be back again later. I don't want to sound desperate. I don't know what to say. Help
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Repeat that you will do what it takes to save your marriage, and being "on break" and with another woman is not in the best interest of your marriage.
Be sure to watch your back. One lady here got attacked by OW the day after D-day with a pool que. She was getting out of her car at K-Mart, and was badly injured. Be aware of your surroundings.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
What if he starts asking questions? Like What do you want? I don't love you can't you see that? I am not sure we can make this M work don't you see that? I know this question will come. And many others. I have never been a good speaker but what little cofidence I have is slowing fading right in front of me. He know about Plan A and said this is not getting me into realty I have been in it. RB is not happening for me. I don't know if I am saying things right. I don't want to push him.
Me-30
WH-29
M-6.5yr
D-day #1 12/17/05
D-Day #2 1/16/06
DD's-5 and 9
Exposed 1/16/06
Moved to US 6/1/06 2000 milesaway from OW.
I won't give up without a fight.
The future????
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
The broken record technique works the best. Just tell him that you intend to try to save the marriage. When he says that he doesn't love you, tell him, none the less, I will work toward keeping the family together.
If he says that the marriage can never work, let him know that many marriages have been through worse, and went on to be happy. Then repeat, repeat, repeat.
Whatever he comes up with, tell him that you will try to save the marriage so you have no regrets later on.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
511
guests, and
66
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,038
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
