Hmmm my last post didn't post....that's weird. Anyone out there??? I'm bored.

-Caren

Caren, your MIL indulges in a fair bit of babble herself, doesn't she? Sheesh! Well done though, that's supremely clear thinking and replying.

Thanks RiverTam.

I think that the text message communication might be okay.....if it starts to work on me I'll just change the number and advise him of another way to contact me regarding DD11.

I am sorta proud of myself, I realized that I haven't been sitting around thinking about what he was doing....and that's all I did when we were separated before. I haven't thought about it much at all actually, and I was completely OBSESSED with it before.

I thought I'd be tempted to snoop, like look at his cell phone records, but I haven't.

I'm wondering if he's going to file on me though....that's an annoying thing to have hanging over your head.

I think that the next time he'll spaz out is when he has DD11 for visitation, that's when he'll start thinking that I'm having some torrid love affair....I'm sure that's the reason he's telling himself that I moved out the way I did....what else could it be? He's perfect, right?!

I put a few more things away today...not many, but a few, it was mostly because I had to get the washer and dryer squared away....the drain hose for the washer was too short to reach into the drain and so my Dad went to the hardware store and bought some more tubing, and then after that was fixed I realized that the cold water spout had some kind of crazy fitting on it, and I had no tools here and the hot water spout was leaking like crazy and was forming a river on the basement floor, so my Dad came back over and brought his tools and we got the leak fixed and the cold water hooked up, and I got my dryer hose on, so now I can actually do laundry! Yippeee!!!! Clean clothes...LOL, I was running out fast!!

I told DD11 tonight, so she wouldn't be surprised when WH tells her that I said she can't go with him next weekend....she said "Uh! Mom! Why?!" I said "Because I want you and your sister to be here together on the same weekends so we can do stuff together" She said "Like what?" I said "Well next weekend I planned on getting the paint and stuff to paint your rooms" She said "Oh!" (She's liked that idea). I think things like that to look forward to are helpful for her.

She hasn't heard from WH this evening, she called him before she went to school....and she hasn't even tried to call him, and I'm certainly not going to make her do it....that's all what she's comfortable with, and he will call her if she doesn't call him, and I think it's sorta better that way since HE'S the adult.

She does miss him though, she loves her Dad and she always hovered around him from the time he got home until the time he went to bed, and made him pictures and signs that said "Number one Dad" and stuff (Poor deluded child...LOL Just kidding). I'm glad that she loves him so much, I actually worked really hard making sure that they had that sort of attachment from the time she was a baby, because my WH is a lot like my Dad, and he was always sort of stand offish....he loved us, but I guess he wasn't always sure how to show it. But DD11 is really kind of in your face kissing you and hugging you and making you look at her....it's really cute. And he could NEVER stay mad at her, even if she was really bad, he'd yell at her, but then within 15 minutes he'd say "Punkin? C'mere....Daddy's sorry he yelled, but you can't do that....Daddy loves you okay?".

Those are good memories....WOW, there are good memories...who knew.

God Bless,

-Caren

Well I'm up and getting ready for work, another day...another dollar, you know how it goes.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I got a few hours of sleep last night I went to sleep about 11:30 and slept pretty well until almost 4am, but then I woke up and was up for about an hour, but then I went back to sleep for a little bit....I think it's just the new apartment, I'm just not used to things yet...not to mention D11 is a whirling dirvish all night long....LOL.

Oh well off to the shower.

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren,

Be on strong guard where this is concerned. Your dealings with Mark remind me a lot of my ex-husband...give him an inch and he tries to take a mile.

I learned that I had to draw my boundaries SO CLEAR - almost to the point I seemed ridiculous and unreasonable. If I didn't, my boundaries were useless and he would tromple all over them.

I suspect that Mark will view any form of communication with you as opportunity to take advantage and I don't want you to find yourself right back in the same vicious cycle again.

I am so proud of you for removing yourself from it. It takes a lot of guts to do what you did and if there is one thing you have, girlie, it's GUTS!




You are SO RIGHT! This has been such a hard time for the girls, too. All this chaos in their lives must leave them feeling as though they don't have control over anything. Don't be shocked if they respond with a little acting out once things are calmed down somewhat.

There are good and bad things to every situation in life. I think it would help them if you did as you suggested and showed them the advantages to your current situation.

Paint is cheap. Let them pick the color and turn up their favorite music and go to town. Painting is good for the soul (except maybe the fumes). I'm interested to know what color you guys choose. (I have a lot of experience with faux finishing if you need some ideas).

Have a good day today!

Love,

Froz

I'm actually missing him really bad today, and I'm not sure why.....maybe it's just sinking in, or maybe it's because the guy I take care of is a gear head and he was talking about cars a lot today, and Mark is the same way.

I guess I'm just lonely, although it's only been 4 days, I've been going for months without much in the way of affection and I guess it's just catching up with me.

I cried a little in the car on the way home from work. I started to stop myself, but then I thought....I should probably just get it over with before I get home so the kids don't see me, God knows they're confused enough.

What exactly do I miss?? I'm not even sure.

Oh well, figured if I vented it here that I wouldn't do anything about it in real life, and I'm not...I know if my marriage is going to work, this is my last shot, so I know I can't screw it up.

God please help me through this.

Guess I'll go to the store.

God Bless,

-Caren

Hi Caren -

Hang in there. Days like this will come and go.....You can do this! I know how you feel, but it will get better.

You are doing great!!

Kim

Caren, you've let go of the man-you-want-him-to-be, and now...you are grieving.

It's ok to grieve.

I dunno. I know I have to stay strong, stay dark, and it's not even that it's hard, it's just particularly painful today.

I'm not going to contact him....what would I even say?

It's hard not to hope that this will work.

I prayed today "God please, I know it's only been 4 days, but please either bring him back to me, or let me stop loving him"

-Caren