Why not tell your sister about MB concepts...I would warn, however, if you intend on bringing your W to the site, that you not bring your sister...as I am sure you can see where that could lead...

Keeping in mind as you have been told that a NC letter is NOT about questions or about rehashing the details of the A...but more of a statement of intent regarding what the infidel will now do to restore the marriage and how that MUST include NC for life...It might be good for your W to get one from OM...especially since you imply that he is truly "done" with your W, his letter to her might be pretty abrupt(don't be 100% sure of your BIL's intentions right now...toy or not, AFFAIRS=ADDICTION)...on the other hand, the fog is so THICK right now for your W, it's hard to say whether or not she would believe a NC letter from him-WS's have very active imaginations when it comes to Romeo & Juliet/The-World-Wants-to-Keep-Us-Apart type fantasies...her writing(with you) and sending and then her receiving a curt one from the OM would, however, give you a great "answer" to the oh-so-common, but very bogus "closure" cries from your W...you know, a real "You want closure, you got it" statement...

Just so you know, pretty much all waywards say the "closure" thing-standard fare...it just doesn't penetrate the fog that the OM is NOT the important one here...YOU are...it will come in time.

Mrs. W

I just want to make clear to you that NC pertains to the two ex-lovers . . . not the rest of the family. I wouldn't let my sleazy wife's behavior with your sister's husband ruin my (or my daughter's) relationship with my sister. She is family.

Yes, maintain NC with the two infidels . . . the rest of the family can certainly still meet. Do not lose your sister over this. Do not make your daughter lose her cousin either. None of the folks have done anything wrong.

I would still attend family gatherings. I would call my sister and work it out that the two of them wouldn't attend functions at the same time.

I am sure that this was a typo from ComfortablyNumb...wife's sleazy behavior...NOT "sleazy wife's behavior", right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

I will talk to my sister about the NC letter from her H. I really don't know how she will perceive any of this right now. We did as CN suggested on Thanksgiving, the family met at my parents house without either WS. It was nice, but not the same. Christmas was different as my parents came to my house and then went to my sis's house. So neither me or my daughter saw the family that day.

My sister and I will not be broken apart over this and she has stated many times that she will not let their idiotic nonsense take her family away. In other words she won't pay for their mistake.

MW,

Well sleazy is as sleazy does . . . no it was a typo as you suggested.

Krk,

Good. I'm glad that you and sis. are handling this in a rational fashion. Of all the people to have an affair with . . . this was such a bad idea.

CN...

This is the last that I will say, because it is somewhat of a "threadjack"...krk is here to try and save his marriage to his W, he loves her, and probably doesn't view HER as sleazy...what she did is WRONG...but her sleazy behavior does NOT define who she may become on the road to recovery...To call HER sleazy IS a disrespectful judgement, IMO.

Mrs. W

I talked to WW today at lunch and she stated that she still needs to talk to him one last time, and that I can't stop her because she is not a child. She is right about that, so I simply stated that I would appreciate it if she did not. It is the same as I said to her yesterday about it. I called my sister and told her to let me know if she gets wind of any contact. She will let me know.

krk..

Tell your W that contacting OM is NOT acceptable behavior! Tell her that it is VERY disrespectful to you...You are right that you can't control another, but you can and should define your own boundaries...I am sorry that your wife can't see this as being extremely painful for you...I will say a prayer for you...

Mrs. W

I don't think she is capable of caring or seeing that it is disrespect to me at this time. She got very defensive about all of it and began to throw blame at me for some this. I realize it is only 4 months out, but she needs to wake up and soon.

Wondering,
Thanks for the prayer. I need it.

krk,

You are right she isn't "getting" it...still VERY foggy...How long did the A go on again?

Did you ask her if phone counseling with the Harley's might be more palatable for her?

Has she been to this site?

Mrs. W

The A lasted 2 years off and on. She stated that they stopped it from time to time and then started again.

She has NO interest in any type of counseling at this point.

She would not read anything on this site because she feels that it can be worked about between us alone.

I am blessed to have found this site and it has been a tremendous help to me, but I don't think she is ready to face up to alot of what this A has caused.

How does your W plan on contacting your BIL? If your W contacts your BIL, what will you do? What will your sister do?

Mrs. W

She wants to call him, which is out of the question. She said she hopes to run into him in a store or something of that nature. I don't think he will talk to her though.

I believe my sister will call me and inform me about any contact and let me deal with it. Just as I would do if he contacted WW. Hopefully my sis won't do anything stupid.

I believe that it would be in everyone's best interest for your BIL to write a wife/your sister approved very to the point NC letter to your wife...I think that may be the only way that your wife will get the point. I know it will be hard on your sister, but if your wife contacts your BIL on her own, it will be worse for all involved...

Mrs. W

I will talk to her about this, it does seem to be the best way to get her to realize that it is over.

02-Feb-05

WW went to a local shopping center last Sunday and ran into my sister and her H. He turned his back on her and walked away, she later told me about this and I think she sees that he has no need for her in his life anymore. I was glad that it happened.