Dark, my pretty...DARK....it really works when you don't even really think of him..

Gotcha......I had been pretty dark before now, I guess I was thinking Dark was only really concerning what he knew, but you're right. Dark is DARK for me too.

I didn't actually ask Brooklyn about the conversation, she sorta told me, but I'm sure she assumed I wanted to know, so I'll have to work on that one.

Anyway, you guys are SOOO right, as usual. Thanks for keeping me on the straight and narrow <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

I agree. Even though I do wonder about WH, it is SOOOO much better not knowing what he's up to!

Yeah, it's hard to help but wonder. I don't obsess about it, it's usually just a passing thought, as opposed to before when it totally consumed me, I didn't sleep without sleeping pills back then, because I couldn't keep my mind quiet long enough to sleep, I'd seriously go 4 days with zero sleep, and then I'd start flipping out.

But I'm off anti-d's I haven't taken a sleeping pill in probably a year, and I'm sleeping pretty well.

I think it's probably the satisfaction of knowing *I* am doing the right thing. My life has been totally out of my control for such a long time it feels great to be able to say that I am in control of it now, that I decide.

Well, the drag show was sorta lame...lol, kinda funny, I guess now I can say I've been to one. I don't know what I expected.....it wasn't a big production, like I'd imagined...it was sort of a little bar, and there were only 3 drag queens. I had 1 bloody mary (light on the vodka) and then I switched to coke.

I don't usually drink, and I don't really like being out of control like that.

Arrrrgh the neighbors stupid dog is howling it's butt off next door, I gather their not home. It's supposed to be no pets here.....but of course MY neighbors are gonna have one, and let it come and poop on the grass right out in front of my apartment.....Yippeee. If it gets too much more annoying I think I'll call and complain to the landlord, like "Hello....I thought there were no pets...explain the poop out in front of my apartment."

It's just a little dog......I think they lock it up when they're gone because the howling seems to be coming from a bedroom. I should bring my dogs over for a visit...show the neighbors what real dogs sound like...LOL. They sound like a herd of elephants when they go up and down stairs...LOL!!! And when they bark....forget about it.

Oh well, guess I'll see what's going on out there in GQII.

God Bless,

-Caren

.............Maybe I should get a job on a psychic hotline.

My cell just started ringing at 2:15 am, I thought.......hmmmmmm can't be Brooklyn, I'm sure she's been asleep for a while, so I go and look at the phone, sure enough it's Mark. Of course, I don't answer it, I let it go to voice mail.

I just listened to the voice mail, and it's him....sounds like he's at a bar, he sounds lit, and he says "Hello......Happy Birthday, talk to you later.....bye".

That was either a fishing expedition (Hmmmmm wonder what she's doing) or a booty call, sorry buddy.........no dice.

-Caren

Caren,

If you can't stay away from the info, and I hope you can, and soon, just be wise as a snake and an innocent as a dove.

You know what is going on. You were SOOOO in plan A for so long, and your WS was well, the WS, not your H.

Do not dance that dance anymore.

Be wise.

Perhaps God will save your M. I do hope so. That is what I am all about, after all.

Try to keep your DD out of it. Try to tell her in the best way that you don't want to hear about it. If that is not an option, just read the above, be wise as as a snake, and innocent.

You are doing well, just try to let go. No info is good for you right now.

And as for the gay bar, well, I hope you learned something. LOL. Like maybe, it is not where you should be in the Lord, but we are not to judge, we are to be a good example.

And as for the stripping tape, LOL. And just HOW are you supposed to get your jollies when you do not have a partner? LOL. Perhaps you should try dance areobics.

Keep on trying Caren. Plan B is what your FWS? WS? needs. Strength, and stay out of it. Do not respond, no matter what. That IS the key.

Be strong. Praying for you and yours. Try to keep your DD out of the middle.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Happy Birthday, Caren!!!

What are you doing today?

Happy B-day!!!

Look....don't overthink everything...your WH is predictable ...don't you yourself be....

dark....birthday girl...try and stop thinking about it....look forward...not back

Caren -

Hey - I've slipped up listening to WH's VM too. I have SOOO learned that I don't need to listen to them though. It took a bit for me to learn that.

Now I delete them.

It's a bit hard to get into the DARK frame of mind on your end too. We can't know what they are doing or else it will drive us crazy.

Take care!

Kim

Happy Birthday Caren - You are doing well, and it looks like you are having fun and finding some entertainment.

Stay very dark. My WH used to send me long letters. Like a dummy, I opened them, always hoping that this letter would say something about the A ending. But they were always disappointing. Same old WS fog. Now I toss them in the trash without opening them.

Hope you will treat yourself too something nice on your birthday.

Thank you for the Birthday greetings. I took a bath and went to bed after the last post.

Miss M, yeah, learned my gay bar lesson....lol. As for the strip aerobics tape, there's no taking your clothes off or anything, so it's basically dance aerobics...just sexier I guess (I'm guessing since I've never seen a dance aerobics tape).

Mark called back at 3:22, but I had already gone to bed, and he left no message.

My Mom called about 10 minutes ago and woke me up, she wants me to come over for lunch at noon.

Then I have a birthday party to go to for the gentleman I work for at 1pm.

I believe I will then come home and finish cleaning my house.

I told Mark in my PBL that leaving a voice mail or text message regarding Brooklyn, was how he could get ahold of me, and although I'll admit that I knew the VM wasn't about Brooklyn last night, how can I be sure his Voice Mails aren't about her? I don't have anyone he can call as a contact (I've been down this road before, and my previous contact person was my younger sister, who is now addicted to heroine....not exactly someone I trust with my child or my informaton...she may have been then too, but I wasn't aware of it). So I don't know what else to do. He doesn't have a computer, so he can't e-mail me. Can anyone suggest a better method of communicating regarding Brooklyn?

I was actually sort of following Mortarman's lead (I think that's who it was). He said he had a phone installed that had a special ring when it was his WW, and the kids were the only ones who would answer that phone, and that his WW could only contact him to talk about the kids via voicemail. Since I have no one who is willing (everyone is sick to death of this situation and can't believe I am not willing to give my WH the divorce), and trust me I've asked, I am kind of between a rock and a hard place.

The voicemail last night didn't shake me up, but I thought it was an interesting development. It didn't make me want to call him, or pick up when he actually called, I had a feeling he'd call back, so I left my cell phone downstairs last night, went up to the bedroom and turned on the fan so I couldn't hear it if it did ring, and he doesn't have my home phone number.

For the record, I have faith that God will restore my marriage, and this is why.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of him. 1 John 5:14-15 NIV

I believe that this is his will, and when I pray I always ask for the strength to let his will be done and I believe that the Lord graciously gives me that strength.

I think one of the biggest differences in this Plan B and the last one is just that. My personal relationship with God. I pray to him all day, everyday. I thank him for all the gifts he has bestowed upon me.

I know that I can't do this by myself, I know that I am strong only because the Lord is with me. I was so lost before that although he was trying to help me, I couldn't give everything over to him, and I have now. I know that this is the only way my marriage can possibly be saved.

I will not be caught up in the drama again. I will not contact Mark, and you are so right, not knowing what he's doing is the best thing. He'll give up on calling me to tell me Happy Birthday soon, I hope.

I learned my lesson in my previous Plan B. I will not screw this one up. I won't let it happen.

Thank you all again, for the birthday wishes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

Happy Birthday, Caren!

I agree.

HE WILL NOT LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE YOU!

TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART!

Thank you Mimi!!!

I actually felt forsaken by God before, what I didn't understand is that I had to give everything over to him I was praying and praying but I was still holding onto the steering wheel.....until I let go, he couldn't steer.

It reminds me of a joke my Dad told me.

A woman had lost her job and was in dire financial trouble and was about to lose her house. She was very upset and said "Lord Please, let me win the lottery or something" she didn't win, so again she prayed "Lord, I don't want to lose my house....Please let me win the lottery!" Finally the Lord said "Phyllis, you have to help me out here.....at least BUY a lottery ticket!!" LOL!!!

The Lord can't help you if you won't let him.

God Bless,

-Caren

Wow....so Mark just called again.....that's attempt #3 to call me. He must REALLY REALLY wanna tell me happy birthday, eh?

-Caren

First Happy Birhtday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And of course he wants to talk to you. Remember being dark is not just to protect you from his hurtful behavior, but also from his "fake", waffleing, behavior.

I made the mistake of listening to all the false committments from my STBX and being tricked back. Mainly because I wanted to believe her. I know you want, and even probably need to believe him. But see what he does not what he says.

Eat some cake for me.

Yeah, make that 4 phone calls now. I haven't answered any of them, and he's called Brooklyn 3 or 4 times today too.

She came up a little while ago and kissed me and said "Happy Birthday, that's from Daddy", now she just told me she gave him the home phone number....arrrrgh. I said "Brooklyn!" She said "What? I didn't want to NOT give it to him" I said "Ummm there is a reason he didn't have it, you should have asked me first." I have caller ID, so I can just not answer, but that's not really the point. It's been pretty serene here, apparently that's all gonna come to a screeching halt.

So here comes the 1st WS push, I gather.

Just shoot me.

-Caren

Caren -

Mark's not liking this NC thing with you! It is your birthday after all --- how about one tiny little "hi" for him???

Just kidding!!!

You are doing FANTASTIC! Especially it being on your BDay.

Take Care!

Kim

Now he just called Brooklyn again....and had her come and ask me if I wanted to go out to dinner with him.

She said "No Daddy....she just made spaghetti, no....she already made it..." Then she said "Hang on..." and came to the kitchen and told me that he wanted to know if I wanted to go out to dinner........I was sorta shell shocked and kept putting the spaghetti I was dishing out onto the plate, and I said 'Uh...I can't'. She said "How 'bout tommorrow night?" I didn't reply, and he got off of the phone in a hurry.

Gawd, he's like freakin' Plan B kryptonite..........

Yeah, I guess he's not liking Plan B, and this is where I caved the last time....any little sign that he still wants me around and I turn to butter...........it's so hard, I know I can't see or talk to him, and all these things he's doing are just showing that it is indeed working....but as I said.....Kryptonite.

-Caren

Bump

Caren - Hang in there girl. You can do this. Stay dark, dark, dark, dark. The trouble with Plan B is that NOTHING happens. It is hard to get into it, but will make you feel so much better.

Also Plan A usually doesn't bring them back. Plan A does.