Thanks for the tip, Mulan.

I will ask Patriot " how he would feel about that ".

Geez, this POJA thing is really tripping us up. We're just a step away from "How would you feel about me going to the restroom right now", or "How would you feel about me brushing my hair right now" (me, not Patriot. He doesn't have hair)! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I fear, just a little, that he will agree out of desperation to solve the POJA difficulty. The truth is, he doesn't appreciate it at all when I ask a lot of questions.

I am a very curious person by nature. Couple that with a very strong interest in psychology and he begins to feel more than a little like he's being interrogated.

Here's a mental picture for you:

Froz sits Patriot down in a chair and shines a very bright light on his cute bald head...

Froz: WHY, Patriot? WHY do you want to go to Blockbuster? WHY do you want to go to the restroom right now? And WHY do you not have hair? WHY, WHY, WHY ???

I wonder if the FBI has any openings. All this hairdressing is starting to make my feet hurt.

Obsessive "WHY" is a need to control.

You guys are using POJA to power struggle.

Okay. How do we STOP?

Well, I certainly didn't mean asking "why" obsessively and/or as a means of control or badgering.

"How would you feel about ______?" is the place to start.

If you are stuck, asking "Why do you want to/not want to do that?" can help reveal what the obstacle really is.

"How would you feel about going to Blockbuster with me?"

"Well, I'd really rather stay here and program. You go ahead."

Now, instead of automatically feeling rejected and "not wanted," Froz could ask, "Why do you want to stay here and program?"

"Well . . . because I have to start testing it tomorrow morning and I'm having some trouble getting it to work and I'm afraid it will be late." (a somewhat embarrassing/worrisome situation that he may have hesitated to mention up front. I know about RH, but nobody's perfect.)

"Oh! I see. I'll start dinner as soon as I'm back from Blockbuster. See you in a few."

Or something like that.

Just a thought.
Mulan

I know you didn't. I was only joking.



Good point.


It's really more of a hobby for him right now as he is still on a mobilization thingy (new Army wife - I don't know the correct terminology).

His answer probably would have been "because I want to", which is reason enough for me.

Yikes, I don't know what you meant by RH (assuming it's a programming thing), but it's OW's initials...kind of threw me for a loop, there.

The problem with that specific POJA was that he immediately wanted to sacrifice as soon as he sensed his original answer wasn't what I wanted him to say.

When we tried to negotiate, we got stumped on the creativity part. It's hard, really.

Usually one of us ends up sacrificing. I am just as guilty of it as he is.

I am usually okay with being disappointed with his decision if he states what he wants. I can be disappointed that he wanted to do something else, can't I? I'll get over it. It really wouldn't have been that big of a deal if I went by myself.

What I am NOT okay with is him sacrificing.

And this is a pretty simple example. Imagine how horrible we would do with a complex example!

My problems with the Blockbuster scenario had more to do with sacrificing, and the whole desire to feel wanted (best I can explain it).

Please don't get me wrong - I'm not over here crying in my Diet Coke because he didn't want to go to Blockbuster with me. This is an issue that is commonplace with us and one that has a much longer history than just this incident.