SM -

I'm sure your attorney will tell you this, but the starting point for the division of ALL assets is 50/50. My attorney tells me that it is very rare for the judge to vary from that anymore than 60/40. (Of course, this includes life insurance, 401k's, housing).

Georgia

Yep, I'm aware of that, GG. But we owe $10K on the car and $4K on the card. He has another card that has $2500. If he has his way, that would be saddling me with $12K debt, him with less than $6K. And he'd keep his whole retirement account, which was planned for both of us. Everything he wants out of the house is stuff he could and probably will sell. Most of what I'm left with are things DD and I use every day.

Factor in that he makes more money than this gov't employee (plus he gets OT and bonuses), will have lower expenses and a higher earning potential with his degree (that I helped support him through, BTW). That is WAY wrong.

He actually had the nerve to say that things will be easier financially for both of us once this goes through... NOT for DD and me. Not by a long shot. What a jerk. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Sadmommy,

It is scary isn't it. People keep telling me "Don't worry, you are a woman in the south with a cheating hubby, you will do fine in court". But I have no reason to feel comfortable with that based in the way things have gone so far.

Have you both completed a financial affadavit yet?

Why do you think he will be able to keep his whole retirement account?

Don't be shy about telling your attorney what YOU want. i.e. - you want him to pay off the car and credit card debts.

B/c he has bristled about it when I've mentioned it in the past, and it wasn't in his settlement offer, other than "each will receive his/her separate bank accounts and other assets." That makes it sound like it's not even on the table b/c it's in his name.

I did my financial affidavit the day I filed, but I haven't seen his.

The more I think about this, the madder I get... Grr! Who does he think he is, to be able to walk away from his wife and baby at one of the most vulnerable times in our family life, shack up with OW and expect to come out smelling like roses?! Let alone leaving the mother of his child on the path to financial ruin?! Poor DD has already spent almost half her life without a daddy at home.

Please excuse the outburst... better here among friends than in front of him when he comes for DD tonight!

Hi SM

Sorry to hear you are at this stage. All I can say is go for as much as you can get and are entitled to.

Re the retirement account, put this on the table, if you don't mention it it won't be considered. Just because WH doesn't want you to touch it, doesn't mean it is out of bounds!

The card debts, anything that has been put on there after he left should not be your responsibility, so get the statements and work out what you are liable for.

Don't have much to offer, but be strong. My XWBF is now trying to get out of paying half of DD daycare costs which he agreed to pay. His reasoning is that things have been tough for him financially this last year, his business hasn't been going too well and that I must be earning more than him so should be able to afford it. I politely told him what I earn is irrelevant and I shouldn't be his first port of call when things aren't going too well finanically. He has choosen a new partner and I suggested that he look to her to support him through this tough time.

Anyway enough about me, just wanted to say, it is important that you review all details of your financial situation with your lawyer to identify what you can legally secure for yourself and DD.

Best of luck

Sadmommy - Hi - My lawyer said to me that the retirement account - whatever amount was earned during the marriage is marrital property and that it would have to be split if we divorced... Not sure if this is different in certain states, but that is just my FYI for you... Good luck, best wishes and hang in there... My DD is about to turn 11 months and boy she certainly has been a lifesaver through all of this... I am sure your DD does the same for you!!

Yep Allison, it's the same here with retirement accounts. Just about EVERYTHING in there was earned during the marriage. He started the job right before we got married. I am going to stick to my guns on making sure DD and I have financial stability after the big D, even if that means dragging him to court. And believe me, he wouldn't want this to go to court.

I saw WH coming from OW's house on my way from the babysitter's this morning...AGAIN. I was tempted to call him on the cell but didn't. I see this at least twice a week. What a lousy way to start the day... but I'm seeing this as fuel for the case. Grr! I swear, this town isn't big enough for the both of us!!

Hey, Allison... how is that little DD of yours? Mine has been walking since she was 11 months and is doing something new every day. Amazing, aren't they?

Hi SM - My DD is great. still cruising, but occasionally standing on her own, so I know walking is just around the corner... She is quite the wild woman these days...

I hope things work out in your favor - I am sure they will... Just keep smooching on that little girl whenever you feel down - tat always does the trick for me!!

Have a great weekend!!

Well it's been a fantastic weekend so far. Really. I did my very first bellydance solo last night, and it was awesome! I was so nervous right before it, because there was such a large crowd. Not only people off the street but some very seasoned, very skilled dancers, too. Once I started dancing, though, and people were clapping and cheering me on, it felt great! Everyone said I did a really good job. People were coming up to me afterwards. I felt really beautiful and accomplished. Saw some other amazing dancers, too. A great night.

Today, DD and I made some new friends. A couple gal pals from work crochet and started a group. So I learned a new skill AND made some new friends. And DD was so well-behaved.

Coming home, I'm feeling really good, like I can be happy and fulfilled without WH. Would prefer if H was still here, but as long as he's WH, and it seems like that's who he's going to be, I can be just fine without him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

SM -

Sounds like you're beginning to turn the corner. My experience was that there have been (and continue to be) many roller coaster moments, but once you start to realize that there is a life without WS, then personal recovery can start.

Congratulations!!

Georgia

Thanks, GG. Going to the lawyer this morning to review WH's settlement offer. I'll let you know what happens...

I swear, I can't believe his nerve. And then he's been all chummy with me for the past week or so, like he's my friend, hanging out for 15 minutes at the house chatting about DD, waving at me as he pulls out of the driveway... Grrr!!!

Sadmommy,

Good luck at the lawyers office. These WH are a strange but somehow predictable bunch are they. It seems we are on the same timeline as my WH has had a shift in his demeanor also. When he dropped off the kids yesterday, I came into the house and stayed a few minutes. This is the guy that left me a VM saying "Never contact me again except through a lawyer"

It would be nice to think they have figured out that we are not the devil and that we deserve a tad of kindness and decency. But the reality is probably that their lawyers have advised them to start sucking up so we won't be so "woman scorndish" and we will give their wallets a break.

The belly dancing sounds so great!

I have mixed feelings after going to see the attorney this morning. We basically went through WH's offer line by line and he told me the pros and cons of each thing and offered suggestions for the counter offer. While I felt good about that part of it, I still walked out of there on the verge of tears. This whole mess really stinks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

*Sigh* I am really feeling down today. Last Valentine's Day, I thought my whole world was complete. The ILs came to town to watch our little 2-week-old DD so H and I could go out to dinner. Got nice gifts from H and DD. Felt so loved and happy.

This year, not so much. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I bet he won't even help DD give me anything.

It really stinks, because I didn't think I'd be this upset today. B/c V-day was never a big deal for us. We always felt like it was a made-up holiday and that you should show you love someone every day. But I guess it's just a big reminder of how awful things are this year. What's worse is that he'll have DD this evening before he goes and does who knows what with skanky OW (SOW). SHE'LL be getting what I deserve as his loving, faithful wife. I'm sure she'll also be giving DD a present, even though I've asked him repeatedly to spare DD from SOW's influence.

I have no idea what to do with myself this evening when I'll be alone. Suggestions?

(((SadMommy05)))

Think about the wonderful gifts that your children give you just by being with you.

Think of all the wonderfull firsts that you will be able to share with them.

Don't worry about skanky OW (SOW) & WH. They are beneath contempt at this point and not worth the energy to worry about.

Stay Strong!

Does WH have both DD tonight or just DD1?

Oh, gosh, walking! DD is our one and only. She's the light of my life.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> (insert BIG embarressed face here!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

For you reason I thought you had two while I was writing the message! Sorry!

Hope your V-day ended up better than expected. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and that little one.

What did you end up doing?

I suggest buying yourself flowers as Shattered 05 did. I'm all about this idea now. I love flowers, and never hardly received them for WH.

I don't have much extra $ right now, but goodness, a girl can get herself some flowers every now and then, right?

Hang in there. Nezt year has to be better!