Sometimes it takes a village sadmommy.

And no I never wanted the divorce..but there comes a time to cut the life support.

I likened my marriage to a patient brain dead and on ls.

Would there be a recovery? No. Not from the present marriage. Only a heavenly intervention could help. And it would most likely have at some later point a resurrection of something...the WS soul...his faith...something miraculous.

So I gave him over to my Creator and pulled the plug. I cried all the way to sign the papers with the attorney. I cried all day long.

But when I went ahead...I knew it was to be. He had never tried really. And the OW gave me the suspicion she had gotten some sort of gastrointestinal problem or maybe had swallowed a watermelon seed or something?

The OW was out for blood! And she meant business.

The day we met with our legal counsel just one day shy of court...WE BOTH CRIED...as the transcriptionist read the papers that were going to the judge to be signed. The man cried. I cried silent tears. They just fell down my face. Other than that I kept my composure 100 percent. He at first tried to hide his tears. Then they fell down his face. He got so upset that he had to walk outside...I think he really broke down outside.

But he was trapped. Trapped by sin, lies, and a pregnant mistress who was handing out legalities, custody wars of another kind involving an unborn baby, and was more than confused by all his stupid actions.

Was a horrible day for all of us. Tragedy really.

Yet I felt freed when judge signed it. I remember crying that day...but I felt free. I remember praying that day for God to renew me. To give me a new start.

And HE has done that.

Peach-- I really admire your recovery.

I feel the same way...and I will cry the whole day long, too. As soon as this house sells, that will be me. But I already have somewhat of a peace. Because I'm letting go to to the Father.
Hang in there Sadmommy. And good luck to your mom. You are handling this so well--i know it seems like it all hits you at once. You're a strong woman--and I just wanted to send some encouragement your way.

Thanks, everyone. I'm feeling a little bit better this morning, although I'm still a ball of nerves about Mom. I contacted my pastor last night and got her on the church's prayer list and prayer chain, and I just finished ordering her flowers online from me, the bros, and DD. I've never done that before...man, it was expensive!

Peach, thanks for your post. Sometimes I feel guilty reading on here, b/c I'm no longer in "save the marriage" mode, which sort of goes against MB. I still think that I can be a MB success, with or without my H.

I liked the analogy you used, the brain-dead patient on life support. It stinks, but it fits the situation well. I doubt WH will cry at all, though. He's so cold and so deadset on this. Heck, he'll probably celebrate.

Once again, please keep Mom in your prayers today!

Sadmommy,

I'll keep your mom in my thoughts and prayers today.

I know what you mean about feeling misplaced here on the MB forum. But we are MB success stories because we are better people in how we dealt with the A and how we did fight. What we have learned will serve us well.

Don't feel guilty... you have fought hard for your M and have much to contribute here. You are right, you can be a MB success, and go on to be very helpful to others, whether or not your M is saved... just look around at all the experts here who are divorced. We have all learned way more than we ever wanted to know about adultery, whether or not our M's were salvaged.

And P.S. You know I still haven't given up hope on your alien H! But I understand that you have. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

MSA

How is your Mom?? Hope everything went OK.

Just wanted to check in on your mom, too. It was very thoughtful of you to send flowers.


I hear you, girl. I feel the same way. But I don' think it goes against MB--plan A/B etc. isn't meant to be a lifestyle, but a means to improve yourself and protect yourself and just maybe bring the wayward home. We just don't always get the "just maybe."

Mrs. S is so right. We have learned way more than we ever wanted about adultery, etc. And I agree that you can still be helpful here just b/c your marriage wasn't recovered. Justpeachy's post helped you, right? Her marriage wasn't recovred--but she was. And so will you.

Well, I THINK Mom is OK. I called the cell phone yesterday afternoon, thinking the BF would answer it. She did, and boy did she sound groggy. Said she felt really bad. Called my aunt who said Mom was only in surgery for 3 hours, not 4, and that they did the fusion on one side and put a screw in the other joint. She was having surgery on her S-I joints, at the base of the spine.

Thanks, you guys, for the nice posts about being a success even if you don't recover your marriage. Last night, I saw something that gave me hope. DD and I went to La Leche League, which was a couples meeting last night. It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Saw a friend there who went through a divorce when her oldest (now 5) was a baby and is now remarried with a 9-week-old. I hadn't seen her in a few months, b/c she's been going to the daytime meeting since she's been out on maternity leave. When I met her husband and saw how happy they were last night, how the husband treated her oldest like he was his own, it gave me hope.

Question... how would one go about proving that a WS is living with the OP? I have a feeling that WH is only at his apartment when he's with DD. Any ideas would be appreciated.


Later... I couldn't go through with it. Had to have my name back! Sorry for the confusion!

Seriously, any advice would help. I can't afford a PI. I've already looked into that and don't have an extra $1000 laying around. Everyone I called charges that up front. Yikes. I need to be creative.

It's hard to prove. My WH has been living with the OW for 3 years, and he still says they aren't living together. I have pictures of their cars together overnight, dates on calendar, etc.

Why do you want to prove it?

You can bet they are together all of the time, because that is what they do.

You OK Sadmommy??

SadMommy, the similarity between our situations is amazing.

I think you, me and intexas and a few others I've seen on this board should start our own We-Had-A-Baby-and-Our-WHs-Lost-Their-Minds club.

My sitch is so much like yours... married in 2001, 1st baby, OW is a 2x divorcee with some issues, WH was a model citizen until OW showed up...

Believer, I'd like to be able to have rock solid proof of adultery for the court. The way things are going, that's where this is going to end up. Just a hunch based on his settlement offer. I don't want it to happen that way, but I don't think he's going to agree to anything that's fair and offers DD and me any financial security. And I am not going to back down as far as that is concerned.

Plus it would be nice to have some official documentation of what he has done/is doing, for closure.

To make things worse, I happened to drive through downtown this morning on my way to work, which goes right by her street. Guess who I saw pulling out of her neighborhood? He probably saw me as I was going past, although there was a school bus between him and the road...

RNS... I haven't read through your thread yet, but it does sound like we're in the same boat. Does your OW have any children? Wh left me and DD when DD was only 7 months old. She hadn't even started crawling yet.

It's flabbergasting to me, and disheartening, that this is such a common story. Sad state our society is in.

And Jean, no, I'm not OK. I'm feeling just about every negative feeling I can think of... upset and anxious as all get out over the current situation with WH, worried about Mom, you name it. It's very hard to concentrate on anything. About all I can do is pray, pray, pray!

The chances of him coming back are in your favor. But the problem is that you might not want him back.

How long does it take for a divorce there?

Believer, I go back and forth over whether I'd take him back. Sometimes, I think, he11 no, not after what he has put me and DD through. But then, I think, but I love H. Just not WH. I have my list of what we would both have to do, based on what I've read on this site. I seriously doubt he would ever go for it. He's too proud to admit he was wrong. And if he's that dumb to be living with the OW when he's in the middle of a divorce... Sometimes I think he is too far gone, too lost in the fog, to ever come back from the mother ship. And if he were to come back, I wouldn't want it to be just b/c OW had finished with him.

As far as how long a divorce takes here, I think once you can come to an agreement, it's 30 days. However, it is dragging by very slowly. I filed against him Nov. 1, and we are just now getting into the negotiations. I don't know why it is taking so long. I guess the holidays, case loads of the lawyers, etc. I keep telling my attorney I want it to be over, but both attorneys are probably dragging it out as long as they can to rack up the cash.

Who knows, maybe the long time is a blessing in disguise. Maybe he'll come to his senses.

((Sadmommy))

It must be something in the water, because I have been doing a little freaking out over here too. I think it is the realization of how close we are to being able to be divorced.

OW/OWH's divorce will be final this week. WH and I could be divorced in March (that is when our 90 days is up).

I would imagine, as often as your WH sees you when he is leaving OW's, he would assume that you have all the proof you need. Did you charge him with adultery in your D? Does you attorney think that the A will make a big difference in the settlement?

Jean, yes on both your questions.

And sheesh. Even though we're in the process of (hopefully) settling the case, I still have to answer the discovery/interrogatories. Fun for me this weekend, right? I've got 26 pages of questions and demands to go through! What's really frustrating about it is, it's just a standard form, so there are many questions that don't even apply to our situation. I feel like this is simply harassment. It will be interesting to see what questions MY attorney comes up with for WH.

On an unrelated, and adorable, note, DD was running tonight! Well, sorta. At bathtime, I had her stripped down to her diaper, and she kept coming up, snatching her towel off the commode and running off with it. Squealing with laughter, of course. It was so cute, and so funny watching her wobbling around so fast!

Question for the legal experts on here... does a temporary order that spells out visitation and child support mean you're legally separated?

If it does, and we're legally separated, does it matter that WH is staying overnight with OW? I had asked my lawyer in the last email I sent him Friday but haven't heard back from him yet.

He never called me back yesterday. I had called him around 10 b/c DD was getting her photos taken, and he has an outfit I wanted her to wear. NEVER called me back. Gee, he's such a good co-parent.

I am not sure Sadmommy, but my lawyer told me NOT to date anyone until the D was final. I asked her jokingly, if I could ask WH to sign a waiver saying if I went on a date, he would not countersue for A. She laughed and said that even that would not hold up in court. Married is married.