Believe me, GG, the mature, intelligent part of me wants that... a civil, healthy parent relationship for DD. However, WH seems to be doing everything in his power to prevent that from ever happening. Everytime I try to talk to him about something for DD, he's got a very hateful tone, he is not supportive of the breastfeeding, and it seems like he wants DD only when it's convenient for him.

I really hope this will get better over time. It just HAS to!

I did email my lawyer about mediation like my counselor suggested, and he said he expects to hear something from WH's attorney pretty soon on the counter offer... as in, let's wait and see what they do before we try something else.

Well see then?

Just checking in. Apparently WH and OW had an appointment with WH's lawyer yesterday afternoon for the request for admissions questions. Why he had to bring her, I don't know. My mysterious friend says Wh had been lying to the attorney about his level of involvement with OW.

I got pretty upset talking to the mystery man yesterday. He said OW planned to admit to giving WH money for the lawyer and that WH spends the night, "but we don't have SF." He said he told her that a lawyer would probably ask if there was anything romantic going on. She said, what do you mean, and he rattled off examples. Then, according to him, she says, "Well, we've done everything except i-course." Ick. Like I really needed THAT image in my head. My imagination is bad enough, thank you.

He says he doesn't believe her, and I don't either. I mean, as important as SF is to WH (he got very antsy during my 6-weeks postpartum and when I lost interest after my dad died), there's no way he's gone 6-months-plus without it. I am just absolutely disgusted.

On another note, I started going through stuff last night, packing the rest of WH's stuff. I decided to do it room by room, and I started with the kitchen. Nothing too sentimental there!

Hey Sadmommy,

I hope you are having a good weekend. I "de=WHed" my closet and the bathroom drawers this week. I am taking the few clothes he left to the nursing home (we have lots of women's clothes, but few men's clothes for patients that come with nothing). The bathroom drawer was nothing, just tilted and dumped. Now the girls have their own drawer for hair bows and lip gloss <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I just don't get the "not sleeping together" thing either. Who does he think believes that line <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Bringing the mistress to the attorney is a classy move, almost as classy as the guys who brought their OW to the parenting class I had to attend for the divorce. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Jean. Glad to hear you're doing some spring cleaning, too. I did the bathroom and closet a long time ago... back in October. I just couldn't bear to see all his things everytime I got ready for work. He's taken most of his stuff, but there are still some odds and ends he needs to come get... childhood keepsakes, a few little things from the kitchen, stuff from his relatives, etc. Royally stinks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

DD and I went driving around this morning checking out condos. So far, I've seen a few that I like. I guess it's something positive to daydream about setting up our own place w/out Wh dictating what he does and doesn't like in decor.

And yes, I thought it was extremely "classy" of him to take OW to the lawyer's office. Why on earth did SHE need to be there to tell him how to answer the questions... They're meant for HIM to answer, not her! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hi SM -

Just seeing how you are. Spring-Cleaning is a good thing!! Even though my WH is making noises of coming home, I plan on slowly boxing his things up. I have done a bit of that. It just feels good - cleans his WH self out of the house.

Not having SF??? hmmmmm......SF is high on my WH's list to. Very high. A probable cause for his A among other things....Although he has not said there has been SF and I hate to ask or think about it, it is hard for me to believe he's not "getting it" elsewhere.

Just something I can't conjure up in my mind at the moment.

Well, take care. If you ever get over my way please call!!! You aren't too far from me at all.

Kim

It's been a rough couple days, well, nights actually. DD, who has been (thankfully) sleeping through the night for a couple months, suddenly decided to start waking up again. Saturday night, she woke up at 1 and 5. Last night, it was 10:30, 1, and 3:30! What would cause a 14-month-old to do that all of a sudden?

WH seemed surprised yesterday when he came to pick up DD and I showed him the boxes. Told him to bring the boxes back so I could refill them. Believe it or not, it felt good to watch those boxes go. WH is a bit of a packrat in some ways, and I'm trying to see the decluttering as a positive thing.

My mysterious friend called me yesterday afternoon and said "OW thinks she may have gotten involved with something she shouldn't have." Gee, ya think?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> What did she expect when she hooked up with a married man? The guy said she's "running scared" and that neither WH nor OW is happy after going to see WH's lawyer Friday. I told him it's not my goal to make her miserable... I just want WH to do the right thing. He said maybe this will help change the way WH is going about things. I don't know what to make of that. Please pray for us!!

Sounds good Sadmommy, well the OW and all that does, the baby waking - not so good <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> . Growth spurt, teething, who knows and hopefully it won't last too long. Have you tried the Hylands teething tablets? I love those things and wish they made them for adults.

I can't wait to find out who your mystery man is. Do you know if he is pro your marriage, or if he just likes to gossip. Stay cheerful and upbeat while WH and OW study their mess.

SM -

"Believe it or not, it felt good to watch those boxes go."

I believe it..and I think you're going to start soon (if not already) experiencing some peace in your life if you can work on maintaining NC with WH through Plan B.

BTW - You've got mail!!

Hi SM

Just thought I would offer this - DD might be teething which will explain the waking up. My DD did this too, after finally settling into sleeping all night she started to wake up, it was teeth!

Also, pleased you are clearing WH stuff out - must be very cleansing for you.

Have a good day.

Hi, Jean. I thought I'd posted on here who the mystery man is.... are you sitting down? HER EX-HUSBAND!!! They're still in contact, she calls him all the time to borrow money. He has my number b/c she called him from my phone once, a long time ago. I'm still wondering why he's calling me, but he says it's b/c what they're doing is wrong when there's a baby involved, and b/c he told her from the beginning not to get involved. I take what he says with a grain of salt, of course, and never say anything about what my plans are. It is kind of interesting to have that kind of window into the other side...

Oh, and the teething tablets... we have some. I had tried using them when she was younger, and she wasn't a fan. I couldn't believe it! Thankfully, she slept last night!

Yes, GG and NZ Girl... it was very cleansing. So cleansing, in fact, that I can't wait to tackle the next room. I hate clutter, and WH is a bit of a pack rat in some ways!

And while I'm not doing a full-on plan B because of the lack of an intermediary, I have to say I do have a lot more peace in my life since I've stopped trying to talk to him. Our conversations consist of, "How did DD do? What did she eat? Did she nap/poop/do anything new?" BTW, it's always ME asking those questions... he never asks me what our daughter is up to! It's like my counselor said... let WH and OW spin in their chaos, but don't let them drag me into it!

On an unrelated note, I did something really smart last night. Emailed a couple long-lost girlfriends I had fallen out of touch with. I've been in contact with them both today... one's here in town, the other is out of state. DD and I will go see the one in town this weekend, and the out-of-state friend is coming back to town in June for vacation. I'm excited about reconnecting with them... The in-town friend and her H hang out with an artsy crowd, so maybe I'll be able to meet some more people if I keep in touch.

Wow, that is weird about the ExH. He just saved your number one day and started calling you with info?? That's kinda cool, that he doesn't want to just be a bystander when this kind of stuff is going on.

Good going about calling the old GF's, that sounds fun. Glad that DD slept better.

OMG... why would WH want a jury trial? My attorney called me this a.m. to say he'd gotten the response... that they want a jury trial. I go meet with him Friday. I am very upset... Neither one of us can afford this. HELP!!!!

What does your attorney say about a jury trial? I can't imagine a divorce needing a jury, I didn't know they actually did that.

After some quick reading, I learned that Georgia and Texas allow jury trials for divorce. Didn't Justpeachy have a jury trial? What I read also said that the jury only decides money type stuff, no child custody issues.

How far apart are you and WH on the settlement?

Jean... I saw that, too. The attorney said it's probably b/c in our counteroffer, we asked WH to agree to a divorce on the grounds of adultery. The attorney said WH will probably never agree to that.

The counselor said I need to evaluate what's really important and to let go of fighting for what's not important in the greater scheme of things. She said WH has this image he has to uphold and can't look like the bad guy. That he can't take responsibility for his actions, and that's why he's doing this to me... b/c he can't do it to himself.

I'm really lost. On the one hand, I want that official document that says why this is happening. That he is committing adultery. But in the long run, does it really matter from a support/custody point of view? I can understand if we had a lot of assets to fight about, but we don't. We're both just starting out in life.

So you think this request for a jury trial is so you can both present you case and let the jury decide if WH cheated?? That does sound expensive, and who looks at divorce papers anyway. Hmmm, that is weird. When do you have to respond?

Not sure. You know, I could understand if I was asking for stuff that was completely unreasonable, but I'm not. I'm not even asking him for alimony... just the standard child support, plus insurance and half of daycare for DD, and part of his retirement. All standard stuff in a divorce.

A trial sounds insane. I was told that in my state, 98 percent of cases settle without going to trial. And the ones that do go to trial are big, messy things with lots of money at stake (remember that GE executive's wife who sued saying supporting his career all those years had value?). I have a hard time thinking that judge will let two 20-somethings take up his courtroom time over pennies. What does your lawyer say?