((Sadmommy))

How does your attorney feel about the insurance situation? Is your attorney worried?

I am glad that DD is feeling a little better.

He seems pretty optimistic. But I can't help but worry.

I called WH this afternoon to ask him when he was going to come over and cut the grass like he offered to. Said he'd have to "check his schedule." I told him that if he couldn't do it, I could always hire someone and send him the bill. He seemed upset about that..."Send ME the bill?!" I said, "Well, you did say you'd take care of it, and the grass needs to be cut."

His reply was, "well, the house needs to be sold." I said, "WH, I know you want to sell the house, but I cannot agree to putting it on the market until we have a settlement agreement. I need to know what my resources will be for finding a new place to live." I then said, besides, there are many things we need to do to the house before we can put it on the market. He then said, "All I want to do is sign a listing agreement." As if that's different than putting the house up for sale? I repeated, "We need a settlement agreement first."

Don't ask him, just do what you need t/d done. When he gets the bill he will flip and be ready to say....I thought that is what you wanted. When you didn't show up, that spoke volumes. But don't read the volume to him let him go figure it out.

See it's best to keep him wondering about what u r up to. Don't give him a daily blow by blow and do not give him choices. Ws' can't handle choices.

Here's where you can use a stretch of your imagination. Start making improvements on the house.... small ones at first. Send him the bill. Or do a big one (if you know he can handle it financially).....he will flip..... tell him like the above one.... I thought that's what you wanted, the house on the market, well I was informed t/d these things....to get a better sale. Of course you don't have to say HOW long it will take to make these improvements but the bills can still be submitted. In the meantime, you will get to reap the benefits of some of the home improvements. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

L.

YOU handle getting the lawn mowed.

Do NOT send him a bill.

Do NOT mention it to him ever again..

He WILL ask about it at a future date if you drop the subject. Then tell him you handled it.

You are not going to draw a man closer to you by this type of pressure. Most men move against pressure in a romantic relationship. Men WANT to pursue. Most women don't give him the chance to pursue.

Read and study my signature line. Displaying those qualities is what will work. Until a person is happy alone, they are not healthy enough for a good relationship. Work on you.

Thanks, keepmovn, but I don't want him back. He's not the guy I thought he was, and I know he's NOT coming back. Even if he ever did, I couldn't take him back. Not after what he's put DD and me through. Maybe if he hadn't been so mean to me, if I didn't see him coming from OW's apartment every morning on my way to/from the babysitter's house...

The only reason I called him about it is b/c he said he was going to take care of it. Don't worry... the lawn will get done one way or the other. Either I'll figure out how to run his fancy lawn mower tomorrow while he has DD, or my neighbor friend will do it for me. I've never used a riding lawnmower before... when I cut grass as a teen, I always used a push mower.

I'm more concerned about all the weeding and stuff that needs to be done before the house goes on the market. In the back yard, you can't even tell where the yard ends and the planting beds begin. Ugh... it's wild out there. He got the front looking great last summer, but didn't get to the back.

Hey, for those of you with experience buying/selling a home... how is "signing a listing agreement" different than putting a house on the market?

I am really feeling touched and emotional today. At church this morning, a woman came up to me and said she and husband think I'm doing a great job, that they know how hard it is having a young child and doing it on your own. Then she handed me a giftcard.

I was teary-eyed through the rest of the service. It meant so much to me for someone to encourage me that way, to say that I'm doing a good job.

Then on the way out, another couple stopped to talk to DD and me and gave us a big hug.

I know in my heart that those two acts were the Lord's way of comforting me. I am so thankful for being led back to church in my family's time of need. Praise Him!

Wow, such a rollercoaster. I just read what I posted to keepmovn on Sunday.... I don't want him back. If my H was here, and not WH, I would want him back. I really do miss H, and it makes me so sad to see the WH he has become. When will these awful feelings go away?

Apparently my lawyer got WH's answers to the questions this morning, and we'll probably talk about it tomorrow. I also got the proof I needed about the insurance stuff from the state office. That was a relief. I hope it will be enough.

Hang in there. These affairs always end. It just may take some time. I'm glad your church family is supporting you. It really makes a difference.

Thanks, Believer. Sometimes, I feel so strong and independent I think, "who needs him?" But then again, I look at DD and feel so helpless. I feel so awful, thinking about her growing up this way.

And then I get really angry thinking about how WH has cheated everyone out of what should be the most exciting time in our life as a family. And then I get angrier that WH's family, who said I will always be their daughter, hasn't even talked to me in months. I wonder what kind of lies he has told them. I feel so alone sometimes. And if I'm really feeling pitiful, I think about losing my dad a couple years ago, and my mom moving away a couple years before that. It's been a hard road.

All of this is perfectly normal. I don't know what is wrong with families of the WS. I was extremely close to them, and they completely abandoned me. It is just what happens. I think it is more a case of them being embarrassed. My SIL, who was one of my best friends, was supportive at first. But then I started hearing from her less and less. And I never badmouthed her brother. I told her I didn't want to discuss him.

He was living with the OW, not giving me any money, and just being an all around jerk. I noticed that SIL would look for the tiniest thing that I did wrong, and criticize me, almost like she was looking for an excuse for his actions.

The hard part will be mending all of these fences when you get into recovery. Luckily I didn't have to face that. I decided early on that I would NEVER be as close to his family again.

I think you will have to just move on and make a nice life for yourself and your daughter until he wakes up. And he will wake up - they all do.

((Sadmommy))

I am sorry you got bogged down in a funky train of thought. It makes you wonder if the WS's ever just sit and think and feel crummy.

As a FWW, I know I did, but that was me. I really don't think my WH is clear headed enough to feel badly at all.

Just keep on keeping on. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Heard from the lawyer today. WH has agreed to mediation, which will happen before the pretrial conference, so we're talking within the next two weeks. I'll have to agree to list the house, but my attorney said it won't be able to be sold until the divorce is final. I'm seeing this as a positive step. It's good news. Not getting my hopes up too high, of course, but it is a step in the right direction at least.

Just a quick update... talked to the lawyer today, who said that it IS the adultery grounds which is the sticking point for WH wanting a jury trial. We have court-ordered mediation sched for May 2. My guy is talking to WH's attorney sometime this afternoon. I'll keep you all posted. Please send our family your thoughts and prayers!!

A lot has happened in the past couple days.

We have mediation scheduled for May 2. We still have the pretrial conference on April 26... the attorney explained it as, the judge wanting to know what there actually is to be tried. He said it's not a big deal b/c we have mediation scheduled. The contempt hearing is on May 9, which may end up not happening b/c of mediation also.

I was really annoyed yesterday when I saw WH's responses to the discovery/interrogatories. Basically he refused to answer all the questions citing a state law that's like pleading the 5th ammendment. And he must have "lost" most of his records/statements. I KNOW he's a meticulous records keeper, but so much of the stuff was missing. I had sent his lawyer a whole BOX of documents, and he sent over a file folder. My attorney said that if what's there doesn't give us the full picture of his financial state, we'll just subpoena stuff from the sources. It may very well come down to that.

I have to say, I have mixed feelings about the upcoming mediation. Even though I have known for a while that this is happening, now that the end seems like it's getting closer, I'm really scared. I really WILL be out there on my own. It's a lot to think about...

And on a side note, a triumphant side note, I mowed the lawn yesterday. First time since I was in high school! It was tough, and I only did the front, and the fancy reel mower didn't cut down all the weeds growing in the yard, but I DID IT!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I wanted to do the edges, too, but I couldn't get the gas weedeater going. It has plenty of gas in there, but I couldn't get the pull thingy to catch right. Any hints?

It is so odd to me that your WH wants to go through all this court stuff when you are not really fighting about anything. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> So this is really all about him needing to prove that he is not an adulterer??

Good job on the yard! I hate weedeaters that are hard to start also. I have a pull cord starter gene missing and usually have a hard time. I am also conquering the yard beast. I have always done the mowing, but we had a riding mower. It is dead so I am having to push mow the yard. I consider it my 3 hours of exercise for the week!

OMG... we may very well have mediation on MONDAY!! It depends on whether my attorney has to be in court Monday. Yikes! I'm very nervous about it.

I'm feeling sick to my stomach this a.m., and I'm not sure if it's nerves, a sympathetic tummy, or whatever virus it is that had DD throwing up yesterday.... Probably nerves!

Looks like we'll be in front of the judge Monday. Even though we've got mediation scheduled for Monday, WH's attorney is INSISTING on the pretrial conference and still wanting to be on the civil trial calendar that's coming up in a couple weeks, even though neither side is ready. Part of the pretrial stuff requires both attys to sit down and draft a pretrial order, which lays out what we agree/disagree on. We were thinking that since we've got mediation scheduled, we wouldn't have to fool w/it. So we'll be asking the judge for a continuance.

I'm so annoyed. My guy said WH's attorney told him, "your client is dragging this out and making it worse." Sheesh!! And I'm the one who wants to go to mediation and get this over with!! We've been trying to keep our interactions with them as amicable as possible so we can have a successful mediation.

And to top it all off, her XH called me this afternoon and told me MORE stuff that's upsetting... that they plan to move in together this summer.

But, oh well. So I had a bad day. Had a GREAT evening. We had two performances back to back tonight. One at an outdoor festival, where a couple friends from work came to support me! One at a Middle Eastern restaurant where I did my big solo number. I have to say, when complete strangers come up to you to say how beautiful your dancing was... that feels pretty good!

What's really odd is that four separate people told me at various times today how good things are going to happen for me. That's kind of lot for one day!

((Sadmommy))

Have a good weekend, and I'll be thinking about you on Monday and crossing fingers for a peaceful court thingy (if that is possible).

Does your DD ever dance with you? I can just imagine her trying to belly dance!

Thank you for the positive thoughts, Jean.

In answer to your question about DD, she sure does. I guess she picks it up from watching us in class. She LOVES to dance. She's actually got a few genuine bellydance moves down, which is adorable. I was practicing with my veil the other day, and she was mesmerized. So I found a scarf that was just the right size for her to dance with. She just kept swishing it around, squealing with glee. Most of the time, though, if I'm dancing, she wants me to hold her on my hip. Gives me a better workout, that's for sure! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Do you have to switch which hip you hold her on so you don't only work out one side?

My 6yo taught herself a cool belly move. You know how you can make your belly do the "wave" from top to bottom? She figured out how to do that-I have no idea where she saw it. She gets so tickled at herself, she says it is like a water balloon going up and down her stomach. I tried to do it, she tried to tactfully tell me that I had too much belly to make it look right!