Bump for help^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

He text me last night saying pick a date to go away next month. We will end up together.
I didn't respond...why should I? He was at her place again last night and didn't come home.

This is absolutely crazy. I don't know this man.

INsanity

Pick a time frame of the 4-6 weeks...Plan A the heck out of him....

have him over with the kids...then send him on his way...

invite him ALONE to family functions then send him on his way...

have dinner parties and friends and family that fill your home with fun and warmth...let him "know" it is going to occur and DO NOT INVITE HIM


DO NOT BRING UP A PEEP ABOUT RELATIONSHIP TALK..

print out information on seperation and divorces and leave it out where he can see it...AND SAY NOTHING ABOUT IT>>>>

NO COMMENT>....

then go to plan B.....
you take control......

ARK

Ineed..

while I am advocating plan A for you to keep the lines of communication open and remove yourself from the line of misdirected rationalization..

it is YOU that has the say in whether or not he "comes back"..

you need strong boundaries for yourself and when he says his stuff...like

he's coming home..

you need to answer back..
really did you get yourself your own home...

and

really? how long have you been seeing the therapist helping you create a plan of accountability...

and

really have you started all the STD testing you need to get done to make it safe for you to come home.....

and leave those statements out there..
change the subject
continue on your merry way....

So it is time for you to start thinking about and establishing your boundaries...

I have a feeling that this OP is going to bring lots of drunk and drugged up chaos...
suicide attempts
calls in the middle of the night
rescue me..

and you need a plan to protect yourself...
and if he is serious aobut coming he needs a plan as well
restraining orders as necessary etc..
school notified by HIM of the potential of HER showing up...

you are in more control than you know

and you need to draw strength and energy..from the fact that his weekend was spent with drunky chaotic women...should empower you even more...to find strength and pride in all you do..

are you in pro marriage counseling...cause you should be...also you should establish one night a week where he comes over and stays with the kids and YOU go out...and where YOU go is not really any of his business...

also you may want to hit him with a some legal speak on seperation to protect you and the kids...which can and does go hand in hand with saving a marriage...

it's a strong strong statement of I will not waffle in YOUR choas forever....

ARK

Here are some of my suggestions...

1. Call husband up and tell him you need him to babysit the kids next friday night...cause you have plans....and give no details of plans...have your cell phone so he can get in touch with you for emergency....look smashing...smell fantastic...and go out.....with friends...alone to a movie...I don't care where you go..but you need to show him in his face the reality of that which he avoids....

if he says no...don't get whiney...offer another time that weekend...
say where I can bring the kids to so that you can see them ....and i can go do a 'few things...' again no details....
If he still fights you say...Ok....we can let the lawyers hash this one out..say it nicely though and don't discuss it...don't get mad at him....tell him don't worry you have a back up plan if he won't watch the kids for you...and you know so and so will do it.....

2. If he agrees to come over....hide the stuff you don't want him rooting in..clear history from the computer...but also have some printout about divorces in your state..out where he might see it...but not where the kids will.....

3. if he agrees to come...have travel brochures out of different places for families that you and the kids might be interested in ..SAY nothing about them...

4. Call him to rescue you from something since he likes to do so...does he have keys to something that you could lose your set....

set up a scenario where he rescues you...see it's a lot different recueing you...sober and all...

5. Think about some project you need done in the home...curtains hung....something drilled or fixed or painted and when talking next to him mention that you are having so and so come over and take of it...
oh did I mention so and so is coming over this weekend to fix that ________________________

when he offers to do it...say in a kind voice..
oh I just assumed you would be busy....
it didn't occur to me that you would be willing to help fix that...

consider rearranging the house to YOUR liking..
getting rid of something that he "liked"\
painting a room a color you adore...

etc...
time for some 180's on your part..

ark