MrLocked,

I'm glad you getting into the driver's seat here. You may find that a lot of what your W has told you is not true.

And about your parents... every parent wants to protect their child. Only you can make that decision. You need their support and understanding, but you have to be in the driver's seat.

-AD

Sorry to hear your story. MB can help. You are not alone.

Since you've been reading MB awile, you are familiar with Plans A and B. It sounds like you're in what MB would call Plan B. But was there ever a Plan A? Did you get a chance to demonstrate to your WW your love for her?

Your upset at finding out about the flowers says something. But I'm not sure what it says? Is that just your competitive nature, hating to lose? Or do you love her. Or is it mostly about the possible loss of time with your kids?

Hi weneedhelp..

She is not withholding access to my children and I can see them anytime I desire and I do. My boys know that I love and care for them and we have good quality time together. But loss of time with my kids is not what drove me here.

Yes I do love my wife, more then she wants to believe. The flowers alone did not upset me. When our 5th wedding anniversary and my birthday (both in early October) came and went and she forgot both I totally withdrew from her. I know this made things worse but that’s what I did. I have both neglected and felt neglected and used by her. By November I felt I had no choice but ask for just a little time to sort through my problems alone. I did not want our relationship to end and she knew this. Up until a week before d-day she would tell me she loved me and did not want to loose me. After d-day I was this horrible person who she was not in love with, she did not care about us anymore, and wanted out. But yes I really do love my wife. I do not feel like im competing with this other man, to me he is a lowlife who took advantage of her and her being vulnerable. The part that hurts is she let it happen and threw away any possibility of us ever being happy together. I know we could have fixed things.

As far as plan A. I probably did not do such a great job. I exposed but not to the extent that I could have. Her family and some friends know. I work at home and never got away, I live the life of a hermit and being exposed to all of this non-stop put me in a place that I could not function. She absolutely refused to give up this ‘friend’ for ‘me or anyone else’. She did not want to work on the marriage. In a matter of a week she wanted nothing to do with me at all and was looking forward to divorce. I did not beg and I did not plead with her. I did what I could to control being angry. Over the next few weeks I started feeling a lot better being removed from everything and we started talking and swapping emails and phone calls. She has seen and acknowledged the changes and accomplishments I made and she knows that I love her and still want to work things out. I have not been putting her down for her affair, but it has been made very clear and she knows the hurt it has caused. She got to the point that she apologized for everything, for ever hurting me, for the way she treated me over the years. She said she was not looking for someone else it just happened. She has apologized to me several times for all that is going on.

Up till a few days ago it got to the point that she wanted to call me every day and every evening. She would call to talk to me after she was done talking with her ‘friend’. If I did not respond to an email almost immediately she would call to see why. She tells me she sits there and hits send/receive all day long waiting for something, anything from me good or bad. I have been nothing but nice, kind and understanding with her and trying to express how I feel without sounding like I am pressuring her or attacking her. But no matter what I do or say, she finds some way to turn things around on me or throw something in my face to have an excuse to argue with me. And she definitely is not interested in ending her affair.

I really enjoyed actually talking with her. For years we have not had that because of my depression and her just not seeming to care. Now all the sudden she was giving me attention that I needed and have been asking for all along. It just made no sense to me. She still had no intentions of giving up the affair or working on the marriage and I felt that I was just being strung along. You know, she wanted to have her cake and eat it to. Do this for the boys she would say.

So yes, I guess I am in plan B now. I sent her a letter telling her that I still love and care for her and that I really do wish to work things out with her, but as long as she is involved with another man that will never happen. To protect myself and feelings that I have I need to have no further unnecessary contact with her. I really do not want to hate her but she keeps pushing me. This is hard because we have two kids together and she keeps calling me with the most petty stuff. I am not being mean but firm. Since I told her this it seems to of made her even more angry at me and well, I think she’s totally lost her mind to be honest.

I am just not so sure on exposure. What do I say, who do I say it to. I have the name and address of her ‘friend’ ex-wife and I could send her a note saying her children are involved in an affair, which they are. I have the email addresses of several of her close friends, coaches, etc. Im just not so sure what I should say or who to say it to. I know when I further expose im going to be In deeper s**t.

Anyway, that’s here I am now. Tonight I get my kids till 9, they are really looking forward to coming over.

--

I forgot to mention. She is really pushing me into finding someone else. I met someone not to long ago who i previously had a business relationship with and we have talked a few times. I am in no way interested in any relationship with nobody but my wife. My wife keeps pushing me trying to convinve me that it is ok for me to have a girlfriend NOW if i wanted to. I do not agree, i feel i would be just as guilty of an affair as she is if i did that. Just confusing.

You're right. Do not take her up on the offer. That's just a plan she came up with to make her feel less guilty. I think you are doing well as you are. Don't try to actively and obviously make her feel guilty, but don't do anything to let her off the hook either. She needs to feel the pain she is currently responsible for.

Continue making yourself attractive, do everything you can to be more appealing than he is. It sounds like she sees some of that, and - despite what she is saying - may have some internal conflict. Who knows what can happen? There's a quote that goes something like..."There are more things on heaven and earth than man has dreamed of.." Dunno where it's from, Shakespeare maybe?

I urge you to have hope, all is not lost. Every story has unexpected turns of events, and you're due for a break. And you've earned it by the love you've showed recently. Keep it up!

Can you imagine a few things that could occur which might make her heart turn back to you? Can you make them occur? What are they?

MrLocked-

Oh my WH did the same exact thing...OVER AND OVER....he would fire things about how I need to start looking for a man, etc, at me.......don't listen to it, they'd flip out if you actually went and did it....TRUST ME...lol

-Caren

Caren,

Yes i have already experienced this. She found out that i met an old business contact and she flipped out just because another women talked to me. I can not imagine what she would be like if i ever actually pursued anyone, which i do not plan to do.

weneedhelp,

More attractive and appealing. Obviously this affair has nothhing to do with looks this guy is fat, crater faced and is not so attractive (kind of a slap in the face for me). One of her biggest needs is family ,domestic and financial support. I probably have not done the best at meeting any one of those except for financial support. There were alot of my own needs that were not met as well so obviously we both have some things to work on.

I really do not know what else i can do but be more supportive of my children and be a beter father and try not to get as involved in my work as i have always been. I have been working on those and many other things. I do not know what else i can do, we can not even talk anymore without her having some crazy outburst about something.

Attraction can be physical, or anything else. It's chemical really, isn't it? What attracts any of us? For most of us, looks alone don't cut it. It's at least as much about personal characteristics, attitudes, backgrounds ..

You're already more physically attractive than OM. But have you really thought hard about what are your WW's needs, and what you can do to meet your WW's needs in order to be attractive in other ways? You list some above, but I think there are more. Can I suggest you take this to heart, and really think this through? "His Needs, Her Needs" is a good place to start. You don't have to work through it it with your WW; you can just read it yourself and use it to focus on a few key things. Following the HNHN template:
- Affection
- Sexual fulfillment
- Conversation
- Recreational Companionship
- Honesty and Openness
- An Attractive Spouse
- Financial Support
- Domestic Support
- Family Support
- Admiration

I know you've talked a bit about some of these above, but perhaps you want to think about some of the others, and really think hard about the ones you've already mentioned.

Another template is 'The 5 Love Languages' by Gary Chapman:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch

Another place to look is "20 surprisingly simple rules and tools for a great marriage". It can help you get a feeling for what is meaningful to your WW.

Just a suggestion: Can you take a few minutes to write here a few things about her? Nothing about you, just about her. What's her background, what are her values, what does she personally like and dislike, what was it that she loved about you enough to marry you, etc. Not about you. Just about her? The reason for the suggestion is that it might help you to really focus on her and on her needs. Perhaps you've done that? If so, perhaps you can write more. If you can really understand and meet her needs, it will improve your chances to win her back.

Conversely if you can't understand or meet her needs it will be more difficult to win her back.

Don't worry about the crazy outbursts. You'll have to just bear the pain of some of those for probably quite awhile. You can do that; it sounds like you are a stronger man now than you were before, and you can handle it. Listen to her, really listen. And repeat what she's said. Don't fight back, don't argue, just listen and repeat. To make sure you've really heard her, and to show her that you've listened.

You have reason to be hopeful. It won't be easy, and nothing is guaranteed, but it is possible. There's a way to succeed. IMHO it involves being the more appealing alternative, which in turn means meeting her needs better than OM does. It will take some time for your WW to see and believe that you are really focused on her needs. But eventaully she will come to understand and believe.

thanks weeneedhelp.

I have her responses from when we half heartedly tried some of the suff here awhile ago. I will go over that again and post what you suggested.

thanks

--

Well I really think it's key to focus on her needs rather than your own. A lot of MarriageBuilding is counterintuitive; IMHO this is one of those counterintuitive things.

In my case, before I started reading MB I was me-focused. How could she do that to ME!? I want her to stop treating ME badly. etc. It was all about me. That attitude did some additional damage before I belatedly found MB a month later. Then I saw the light. It's about meeting HER needs, and helping her to WANT to be committed and faithful to me.

Again, I think that if you can focus on her needs and demonstrate through action that her needs are the most important thing to you, it will help your chances.

While I'm going on about it, here's another thought. Early on, our MC asked each of us 'is your spouse the most important thing in the world to you'? Boy did I mess up that answer! It's now a few months later, and I've come to realize that yes, she really is the most important thing in the world to me (together with the kids). And I now tell her that regularly - really about as often as she can stand to hear it.

Get some books, read, study, talk to God. With His help you can succeed.

Yes, you are absolutely right. I was/am major me-focused. Wow. Something to work on i suppose. I do not think i have been as much me lately (at least not to her) as i was in the past.

But how do you meet her needs when you no longer live together. I have been working on alot of things and doing alot of things that i have neglected for so long, not just to try and win her back but because they are things i should of been doing all along.

But alot of things she refuses to let me. I do most of them anyway. Even the smallest things, like tomorrow im riding with her to one of my sons games. She mentioned before we left she wanted to stop get something to eat. I drive right by the place and offered to save her a trip and pick up whatever she wanted. I know, very minor thing but she does not want me to "Please, dont OK". Makes no sense.

I ordered a few books and will read them. I still plan on posting here some things asked above. Been super busy with work and all last few days.

Thanks

--

"I was/am major me-focused." That goes with the not-so-hot Plan A. Seems like you're kind off the beaten path for MB. Most posters here advocate a strong Plan A for possibly quite awhile, then only if necessary go to Plan B. There should be a really stark contrast between Plan A where you drown her in love and Plan B where you go dark.

I don't see you have the opportunity to make that contrast. Your Plan B may be perceived as kind of a continuation rather than a discrete change.

I'm reluctant to suggest you forget the B and go back to A, since that's very contrary to MB tenets.

There are lots of smarter and more experienced posters than me here, including CarenMc. Does someone have thoughts?

I guess i just dont know what the he!! im doing. This whole thing has me so screwed up. Even though i have been here awhile lurking i just cant seem to follow anything.

My so called 'plan b'. I failed misrebly at that too. I could not deal with talking with her, but i couldnt deal with not talking to her either. WTF is wrong with me.

Where we are now is we have lived apart for 7 1/2 weeks now. The only time we see each other is when getting or dropping off kids. She still calls and emails, just not as often and it gets fewer as time goes on.

Even though i cant seem to figure out what im doing i still continue to work on things like being a better father, working with the boys through this, just trying to do whatever i can for her and the boys and she is taking notice.

BUT... she has absolutely zero interest in working on things. I guess us getting apart so soon enabled her to really get involved with this guy.

She has recently started working on the disolution papers. Both of us are strapped for money and if we have to do this, we were going to try and do it ourselves. Another stupid mistake of mine. I suggested this awhile ago early on when i was angry and now, well.. she's doing it. I guess i dont have to sign anything. But, i dont want to fight either.

She is not going to leave this guy, she is not going to work on the marriage. Her exact words were "The only way i would ever consider us getting back together would be if we had a real new fresh-start", which she means get divorced and just maybe some day.

So no idea what my next step is. Forgive me if i sound confushing or anything at moment. Im so stinken tired i can barely finish this.

--

"The part that hurts is she let it happen and threw away any possibility of us ever being happy together. I know we could have fixed things."

Hi, MrLU...I'm here to help, if I can. Above is what you said a few posts back. This sounds like you've got a really painful part of you that wants to be defensive, for the pain to stop and for life to get better right now. This belief, that she threw away any possibility of you both being happy is a self-tormentor. You might want to know it for that old part of you, the part that sucks you down into depression and gives you permission to withdraw to punish. It is part of you. I just hate to see it as the belief you act on.

Just my thought.

I see you getting more real in your posts. You are honest to admit you hate talking to her (and feeling used) and not talking to her (feeling rejected). You are the missing piece here. You're coming out of something that wasn't real for years, with your own coping habits, and you are now smack dab in the center of what you feared most.

This has purpose in your life, greater than you can grasp right now. Trust me. You oscillate between wanting and pushing away, denying and divulging your truth. This isn't a character flaw. It is your choice. You have your children as your most solid priority. You lean to protecting the innocent and you recognize that in them. What you can't see are the humans around you that have innocence in them as well. You tend to kick back if kicked.

"She is not going to leave this guy, she is not going to work on the marriage."

Know this is your perspective and not her truth. She gives you a way back to the marriage here: "Her exact words were "The only way i would ever consider us getting back together would be if we had a real new fresh-start", which she means get divorced and just maybe some day." You are interpreting. You give exact words and then you DJ and say what they mean.

The most attractive thing about the OM is that he is a clean slate. Pure as driven snow as far as mistakes your WW makes/made, her flaws and downside, her weaknesses, crimes and failures. You're not. You're the witness to ten years of history. She knows enough to know that a clean slate with you means more than with anyone else, but she, like you, doesn't believe it is possible.

You both assumed and mind-read your way to this point. There's no clean slate there, not even a spec of clean on the grime.

I believe you already Plan A'd her...need for attention, conversation, care and consideration. Yes, she was cake eating, but she was sitting there waiting to get email, you were meeting her primary need at the time and she was still starving for it. Plan B puts all that craving onto the OM, which can quickly consume another person. Plan B isn't just removing yourself...it is establishing what your priority in life is (as weneedhelp said so well), standing by this as your truth, telling her that no contact with OM is the way back, along with counseling and forgiveness (which you're willing to pursue mightily) and that you have new knowledge, a new code, and a belief in the possibility of a great marriage. I believe your transformation is the critical part of transforming the marriage.

Then you go dark. You have no contact with her. You have a trusted third-party to coordinate the children's visiting schedule (and yes, they have nothing to rely on, give the poor kids the routine they crave...don't be like idiot OM (my DJ) and let them choose. They are children. Set a schedule with them in mind and stick to it. That demonstrates they are the priority not the responsible parties).

Know that my H said the same stuff your WW said. All of it. Know that I said the same cruddy stuff, too. My H went to a lawyer and said it would cost too much. I got angry and printed out all the dissolution papers and eventually he filled them in, and he HATES paperwork. And here we are a year and a few months past his DDay having an amazing marriage.

If you feel you can't do a real Plan B, and you know that you will cave to the abuse of needing that rejection like a daily vitamin, then don't. Your choice. Your life is your choice. You are a whole, complete and loved human being, equal to anyone else, because you are wonderfully made. You can face your fears and learn your limits are bigger than you imagine. After Plan B you can do a 180, if necessary.

Tell us your Lovebusters, tell us your ENs. Read Surviving an Affair and Torn Asunder. Read what Caren suggested, too. Educating yourself during the dark helps you stay dark. Keep a journal. Keep two journals--one for feelings and one for anger. Write it out. Know your anger's source, what is under your pain, what you fear.

There's hope. There's more. You have done some self-searching, but you've been lurking in life and doing it alone. Try Al-Anon. Try learning to accept others for who they are, whole, like you, and that their choices are their own, but yours are yours. You get to choose what is worth fighting for. You have self-control and determination.

Stop focusing on what she is doing and give yourself the acceptance you crave, the attention, the admiration and love. Respect yourself. Nothing she has done or can do can define you. You do that.

You don't have to sign anything. You don't have the money, well, she doesn't either. That's part of breaking apart a family unit. Listening to your parents, who just want your pain to end so theirs for you will end also, won't get you where you need to be. If life was only about stopping our pain, then why do we have it at all?

LA

Thanks LA. I have breazed through your posts but i have kids to take to their bball games. Will get back later.

Real quickly though. I went back to email and found one she sent me after the 'fresh start email' and why I DJ'd what it meant (says pretty much same thing). You make sense though. I just wanted to paste this in before i run. This was from Tuesday morning.

"I feel that the dissolution is a good idea.  That way, should we choose to get together again in the future, whether it is in one month or in ten years, we can start over FRESH.  It would be a brand-new start.  I wouldn't even consider us being together again unless we did have a brand-new, fresh start.  I hope you agree."

Locked-

Okay, I don't agree that you should be in Plan B yet. You need to meet her EN's whether she is open to the idea or not. (Of course don't tell her that's what you're doing)

You need to make a BIG effort in the Plan A department....bowl her over.

When you talk to her, you need to listen to what she's saying, and not get your feelings hurt (At least don't show it).

I did a separated Plan A, and while I wouldn't have called it ideal, it worked quite well.

My husband was against it as well, but I didn't let that discourage me.

Let me tell you some of the stuff I did, of course, these are my husband's EN's I was meeting, but it will give you an idea, anyway.

My husband's top 3 EN's are:

Sexual Fulfillment
Domestic Support
Admiration

(Not necessarily in that order)

So first I started out by going over to his house (Used to be *our* house, so I still had a key) and cleaning it. I also made him dinner and put it in the stove on warm.

He was VERY resistant to SF, he said "We can't do that anymore"....and most people would have been disheartened by that, they would have given up trying to have sex with their WS because their feelings would be hurt by what the WS says....but not me..lol. I just kept trying, and broke him down. We had SF quite regularly, actually.

I made sure that when I talked to him I told him how proud I have always been of him. That he had always been a great father and provider.

Now he gave me absolutely NO encouragement whatsoever. In fact during this he matter-of-factly sat our daughter down and told her "Mommy and I are NOT getting back together."

Things like that REALLY hurt, but I just kept plugging away.

When he would visit our daughter at my apartment, or if I went by his work I always made sure I looked drop dead gorgeous, he never acknowledged that he even noticed.....but he did.

I won't go into everything that I did, just trying to give you the general idea.

I went to Plan B (I didn't do it for very long...I wasn't ready, and people tried to tell me that, but I wouldn't listen), and I got a favorable reaction, he scrambled to try to talk to me, he couldn't stand the fact that I had taken his power away, I told him that if he had to make a decision between me and the OW, and that I hoped he would choose our family.

Well, he did, he broke up with the OW, and we moved back in together, but he was EXTREMELY bitter about it, and said "We are doing things MY way" (Which meant not doing anything to fix the marriage AT ALL).

About 2 months into living there he went to a lawyer and started divorce proceedings on me, and then he came home and told me about it. I was very hurt/angry about it and we argued. I ended up agreeing to a dissolution.

We found out that we had to be living separately for 45 days before we could go through with the dissolution, and I had just lost my job. So we ended up hanging out in limbo for 6 more months.

He tried to do things like not tell me when he'd be home, etc....etc. So I would do the same thing to him, I left one night with our daughter to go to the movies, didn't tell him where I was going, didn't leave a note. I waltzed back into the house about 11pm....so he got to sit and wonder where I was for 2 hours. He was beside himself when I came home......and said "Caren! This isn't going to work!" I said "What do you mean?" He said "You just coming and going as you please.....you are STILL my wife until those papers are signed!" <-----LOL

I continued to meet his EN's for the entire 6 months....he was meeting very few if any of mine, and all the while would keep reminding me that I needed to start looking for an apartment, that I needed to start saving my money...etc, etc. etc. He gave me no encouragement and he witheld all affection (unless having SF), wouldn't kiss me, wouldn't tell me he loved me.

Guess what else.....in the few times that we discussed being divorced, he NEVER acted like he wanted to permanently be without me, that he needed to be divorced so that he could see if he could get his feelings for me back, that he still wanted to grow old together...after all we weren't old YET......that he wanted to always be in my life, that he would always love me, that he wanted us to part friends, that his Mom had divorced and remarried the same guy. That he wanted to divorce me and then date me. (Any of this ringing a bell.....HE WANTED A FRESH START WITH ME.......A CLEAN SLATE....sorry, it doesn't work that way)

So I kept biding my time, and got things together and moved out while he was at work. I purposely did all these things on the sly because I wanted the maximum impact.....the maximum sense of loss on his part.

Now we're still not in recovery....we're still separated, but guess what.....there's no OW now......he doesn't want to divorce me anymore......

What you are trying to accomplish is filling her love bank...the cool thing about this concept is YOU DON'T NEED HER PERMISSION. She can say she doesn't want you doing things for her....because it makes her feel guilty that you are being so loving towards her and she's doing this horrible thing to you.

They can't justify it in their minds, and it upsets them, so the things you do are depositing love units into her bank....which is making her doubt her fool proof plan...and that makes them upset.

Think Locked....think.....what can you do for her?? Start filling those EN's like it's your job. Then after you've really pulled out all the stops for an extended period of time (This also includes changing things that she says she doesn't like about you.....for instance I was a terrible housekeeper...and it was one of my H's BIGGEST EN's...so I changed it, I keep a super clean house now), then you can go to Plan B and rip all that loving attention right out from under her......you go to Plan B, you don't have any contact with her, and she begins to have withdrawls from YOU!!! She starts missing YOU, she wants those needs you've been filling met, so now she goes to the OM to meet them. The sole responsibility for meeting her needs will rest firmly on the OM....guess what, the *A* is going to become a lot less fun REAL FAST. He doesn't want this whiny, needy, depressed woman......he wants the fun chick he started hanging out with....this will put enormous pressure on the *A* and it WILL crack <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good Luck and God Bless,

-Caren

Thanks Caren!

From where we did the emotional needs questioner awhile ago her top 5 needs are:

1) Family Commitment
2) Domestic Support
3) Admiration
4) Honesty and Openness
5) Financial Support

I’m going to go over these a little maybe you could offer suggestions.

Financial Support; This one has never been a problem, I now that, she acknowledges it. And I still fill this need (obviously I have kids that need support).

Honesty and Openness; Im a very honest person, but I was not very honest or open with a lot of my feelings, thoughts, etc (I did not say all of them). I have some problems with this one. I am a lot more open about things now but a lot of my thoughts and feelings are on her and the situation. I do not think I should be telling her those. Maybe I just don’t get the Honesty and Openness thing (waiting on my books so I can read up on it, already read the site).

Admiration; Easy. Lacked it in the past, much easier now.

Domestic Support; I found it hard to believe this was number 2 on her list. This was a biggie for me too since we first moved in together. This one brought me down so low I just gave up on it, ha, then she turned a 180 on me this became a very important need of hers, around the time we bought our home. I guess this one I have no clue how meet considering we live in separate homes and neither one of us have open access to the others homes. I’m open to suggestions.

Family Commitment; I was so wrapped up in my job and my own issues I have not done to well with this the last several years. This one, very easy for me now… I am doing well with it and it is acknowledged.


There were several things she did not like about me, they I do not think fall into any of the above emotional needs. All but one I have addressed. Smoking! Long story short, she was able to quit, I couldn’t (or wouldn’t). Im on meds now and hopefully they will kick in and help me kill that habit. This was a biggie in her book. Im growing tired of it as well, but darn its so hard.

I guess the only need im not sure how to handle is Domestic Support considering our living arrangements.

I still want to reply to LA’s post but have to run my older boy to his game. Short on time. I will post back later on.

Thanks

--

Loving Anyway,
your post to Mr. Lu was so insightful, it is hard to believe that you are not a proffessional counselor.

My hat is off to you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, Kds. I felt badly writing it. I did. Nice of you to say so.

MrLU,

I am in no hurry for a reply. Caren is showing you a great way to go. I have to cop to something here. I was saying the exact same thing to my H while in my fog. I was. I was longing for a clean slate...FOR ME. See, I couldn't imagine coming back together with all the junk I'd thrown at our marriage.

I even said to my two older sons, "Well, maybe we can remarry in five years. If your father will ask me this time!"

I cringe. Oh, the harm, the hurt. I'm so sorry. This is why affairs are about the WS, not the BS. MrLU, you are doing great in recovering yourself and showing it. You can do this. And yes, I remember the ballgames...ours wasn't this time of year--all little league, three sons, different teams. Ack! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA

At our younger sons Basketball game this morning my WW showed up. She was a little late but sat with me for the game. I got her something to drink and we had nice conversations. It was a pleasent morning.

At our older sons Basketball game later this afternoon again she showed up a little late. She would not sit with us this time which was fine, she sat one row up and in front of us. Did not seem interested in talking so I just watched the game.

A little bit into the game she jumped up, moved across the center isle of the bleechers to the other side, maybe 10 feet away. Didnt say a word, just jumped up and moved. Her boss and his family showed up to watch some of my sons game. Ok no biggie they didnt want to sit near me, but that did not make much sense either because me and her boss talked a bit and we get along just fine.

After the game ended I invited her over for breakfast Sunday morning with me and the boys. She loves my cooking, loves my french toast. She hinted around about my cooking a few times this last month or so and i thought it would be nice to invite her. She did not turn it down, but never said yes either.

Well, I think i blew the breakfast invite. Maybe worse dunno.

As we started to leave i happened to look up at the very end of the bleechers very top most corner... the OM was sitting there. His sons had a game after mine. I wondered why my WW was going to stay.

I knew who he was, i had a glance or two at him before but have really been avoiding the OM because of my anger at him. As I was leaving I took a nice long look then turned my head down and shook it in disgust for a second. He knew who i was and was watching me. As i got to the doorway i stopped and waited for my older son.

I couldnt help it. I looked back up towards the guy and just stared for a second. He looked down at me and gave me a smile and a little laugh as if to say 'haha!'. Oh man that p!ssed me off. I ended up flipping the guy off for a few seconds then left with boys (they did not see any of this), but the wife sure did. She had me on the cell seconds later, 'was that really necessary'. I told her the guy was playing games,etc..

So... I guess i shouldnt count on her showing up for breakfast. I will have to explain this tomorrow i suppose.

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