carenmc,

i guess the question that i had to answer in my perosonal life and the one that mrlockedup needs to answer is "at what point do you stop crawling and start walking"....i do not wish a divorce on anyone, as a matter of fact i still sometimes wonder "what if" i would have been stronger or tried harder, but i may never know the answers because my X ran off, filed, divorced and remarried 1 month after divorce was final...there had to be a point when i WOULD not go back, i reached it a little over a year mark in our seperation...i know i wasnt perfect, i know my shortcomings and such, but my failure wasnt at trying to save my marriage, i felt i failed my children, thats where my guilt lays...not at my X, the rest will be her cross to bear...thats what i still talk to a therapist about...recovery from divorce (dealing with the anger) and raising my kids...

i know, we are all bonded here by experiences in suffering and the pain of betrayal, but reality will always win out over fantasy and sometimes when we hurt, we fantasize over what we had or lost, only remembering the good in our partners, forgetting the bad, thats human nature...i understand what you are saying, but in reading the original postings, (as a man), what i shared was strictly my opinion...

it sounds like he was in a very one way relationship, and took care of his family the best he could...she DID NOT appreciate him and grew to resent it...he was clingling to a part of his life because this is all he knew...i know...i was there at one time....

the more you pursue someone...the more you will drive them away...this is true in all aspects of life, not just relationships...if you DESPERATLY need something..you seem to never get it!

im trying to convey a message that yes...there will always be regrets of guilt at some level, but the price he may pay physically or emotionally my take a toll on life (high blood pressure/diabettes) etc...

we have both walked in his shoes...we know what he is going through...i gave him a perspective that worked for me...i have great realtionship with a girlfriend, (who understands and supports me and my kids in ways i never had before) my kids are adjusting, their grades are being kept up, i have a decent relationship with X, (for my kids sake) so my message was life goes on....

he needs to keep his self esteem in tact, stay healthy pphysically, care for his kids....you cannot do these things and STILL worry or pursue someone who has no respect for you as a husband/spouse...let alone as a man...

Wondering about you, MrLU...

LA

Hey.....I haven't abandoned you're thread MrLocked.....but where the heck are ya?

-Caren

Yeah, Mr. Locked, let us hear from you.

Time to ditto Coachswife and Caren...'course, I do that a lot.

Bumping for MrLU

LA

Guys, sorry i been away so long. Im doing ok. I am working on an update post may get it up this evening or in morning.

yayayayayay!

Waiting with breath baited...don't let that put you off, uh, too much.

(((((MrLU)))))

LA

Yes, please give us an update.

There's this thing I have with false promises...good intentions gone awry...

Oh, you know all about that.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey! Come back, dangit!

LA

God what a huge update this is. Taking a two or three month leave of absence and trying to fit it into one post..

The last time I posted I was served with divorce papers and up until that day she was sleeping with me and playing both myself and her boyfriend Dan. I have not had any physical contact with her (besides hugs, etc) since then.

So much has happened. Both with our divorce, with me, my job, what I want to do, etc. Everything still seems so bizarre, but for some reason I am now ok with not having Hollie back in my life, as my wife.

I celebrated (for lack of better words) the 6 month anniversary of our split up on June 15th. Their 6 month anniversary since their affair started was June the 9th. I hate June. We would have been celebrating our 11th year together on June the 6th. I did not want June to even happen, but it was not as hard as I thought it would be. Kind of ironic that our divorce will be final (I am getting to that) tomorrow, June 22nd.

The brief on what has been happening. I was served with divorce papers back on 3/22/06. I retained an attorney and filed a counter claim. She claimed gross neglect and incompatibility, I counter claimed the same with the addition of extreme cruelty (her affair). A month or so came and past and temporary orders were put into place and child support got involved. I was ordered responsible for 100% of all bills, and some crazy child support that there was no way I could afford to pay. I am in arrears now but can do nothing about it. Basically child support is gunning for my rear end.

We had a hearing a month ago concerning the divorce. The hearing ended with the trial for the divorce starting tomorrow June 22nd. Her attorney wanted more time to go over documentation I provided.

I received yesterday June 20th copies of the proposed divorce decree. There were many issues that needed to be resolved before I would agree to the divorce. This morning I received notice from my attorney that she had agreed to all of the modifications that I requested to the decree, including the reduction of child support and other issues that were not covered.

Tomorrow morning is the final hearing for my divorce, it is at 9.30am in the Delaware Country Courthouse. My divorce will be final and I will once again be a single man.

I am not sure what had happened to me over the last few months. I did not want a divorce, to loose my home or anything else that had happened. I did what I thought was a good Plan-A, but my Plan-B sucked. I did go Plan-B, letter and all.. but it did not last to long.

One morning I woke up and decided I just did not want to keep putting myself through all of this. I abandoned Plan-B and totally forgot about trying to save my marriage. No I did not become Hollies best friend, I still rarely talk with her even though she still wishes to talk to me. I started enjoying life again, making new friends, and building stronger relationships with those friends that have been here for me through all of this.

I found out a lot more information concerning Hollie and Dan since the last time I spoke on this board. They were both talking about marriage for months, but now, they are both itching to get hitched (but this divorce is taking forever as they say). Dan and Hollie have been looking at homes, at land and floor plans. Dan has even got approved for financing for a home and has even considered expanding his home in Ostrander to accommodate my children. There is so much more I could share, but I will leave it at that. This info alone just seems so out there….. I think this in part is what lead me to just give up….

I mentioned before how I have become friends with Hollies sister and her sisters room mate. I did not plan to become so close to those two, but I have. We have a good friendship and spend a lot of time together (no I am not involved with them in a romantic way). This drove Hollie crazy. Both Hollie and Dan for months now have bets as to how long it would take for our relationship to ‘self destruct’ ‘knowing how we both are’ referring to me and Hollies sister.

The last few weeks have been very interesting. I do not call Hollie, ever. I do not go to her home. When I pick up or drop off the kids I stay in my car, I keep all conversations short. Basically, I want nothing to do with her. If I do not have the children, rarely do I answer the phone. And I never answer the home phone if I have no children, call the cell, she has no business knowing where I am.

For awhile Hollie was convinced I was sleeping with her sister, and then it was her sisters room mate I was sleeping with. They are both now referred to as my ‘girlfriends’, not by their names. Her sisters room mate works with her, so sometimes word of our activities makes it to Hollies ear. To this day I continue to get this jealous accusation filled rant from her over those girls.

The last few weeks Hollie tells me she is getting phone calls from friends about women I have been with, and the latest, that I have one pregnant. Yesterday she cornered me in my office and told me she received four phone calls about me and my women, and she demanded the truth. Who I have been sleeping with, how many, etc etc. And then began to cry because I would not share any of my personal business with her. She has to know. It’s a game. There have been many from her over the last few months.

I still on occasion get the ‘but I still love you’ talk from her. I try to read and listen to what those say on this board, but for me, to have someone says things to me like that and then to just take a look at everything going on and what her affair has cost us, I find it hard to believe.

My boys, they seem to both be doing just fine now. My older son still seems to have issues he needs to work on but he is doing much better now. He rarely gives me much trouble, but he gives his mom a run for her money. Normally 10 minutes after her picking him up after work (I have them every day now) they are fighting.

CarenMC, LA, everybody else. Thanks so much for all your time and support on this board. I feel in a way like im letting someone down because I basically just gave up. I am tired. I left a lot of info out, maybe I will come back tomorrow and add more to this.

--MrLockedUp

Thanks for the update. I have been wondering how you’ve been doing.

You did what you had to do. You will be ok in the end, and your WW and OM will eventually reap what they sowed.

Looks like your boys are very lucky to have you. Just keep being the best dad you can be.

If I were your, I’d limit my interaction with WW, even more than you are doing now.

And today is the beginning of a new and exciting chapter in your life.

God Bless.

MrLU,

I was thinking of you driving home the other day...know what my biggest concern was? Are you locking yourself up again, not being social...not staying out once you released yourself.

You were betrayed and you chose to end the marriage. That works. Your right. I believe that. Nothing bad, wrong or right about it...just is.

I'm sorry you were betrayed financially as well...and I'll include abundance in that area as well as sociability, 'k?

As for Hollie's sister and roommate...That's a pipeline to destruction in my book. Because there is a conflict of loyalties...I remember how Hollie reacted to her sister being at her home with the boys...violently...yet underneath their oddities, animosities...or maybe because of them, you are not safe in friendship with these two...safe meaning with confidentiality that true friends provide...friends who support the best in you and show you where you screw up...those kind of friends.

I would like to see you stay present here, in the MB community...or a divorce support group...something free and weekly.

Take UVA's advice and detach from the chaos...You said she trapped you in your office...had you stood near the door, hands folded, humming with your eyes closed while she spoke, I know you would run the risk of having them clawed out...or repeating politely, "You are trespassing. Leave."

That would have been my answer to each of her accusations, statements and questions.

You are no longer her intimacy box...the repository of her thoughts, feelings or beliefs...stand for yourself in all your gentlemanly grace...

Or I'll come over there and kick your tushie!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You didn't let me down...did you let yourself down? Could that be where that feeling is coming from? A little self-forgiveness called for? We can over step that when no one else is asking for it.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

(((((MrLU)))))

LA

Thursday the 22nd my attorney called me to inform me he would not be able to make it to my hearing. This was wonderful news for me (not), I had to face these two on my own (her and her attorney) but he assured me that everything was in order. They were, everything was as I expected concerning the paperwork. I was a nervous wreck and scared. I could of used someone there with me. But I made it out of court just fine. I arrived at 9am and walked away at 10am a single divorced man. I did not say a word to her, I could not even look at her….

I was afraid of how I would deal with the divorce being final, but honestly I feel no different now then I did before. I really did not want this. I was being threatened financially, with the children, child support, taxes, everything and anything. I almost neared a point of packing up all my belongings and heading up to Canada to a live with a good friend. Its done now, she can no longer hold all of those things over my head. I just got so tired of the daily threats, constant manipulation, using the children to control what I do and who I do it with, not to mention the mind games.

LA, I do not know. Did I let myself down, part of me feels I did. I think I did what I had to do to make it. Six months from start to finish, while back in the beginning that would of seemed like forever to me now it just seems so quick. Sometimes I feel like I just gave up. Crappy plan-b? I did let a lot of anger and hate build up.

For the last few weeks I have been getting a lot of calls and talk from her, just to hear my voice or to talk to me. Since our day in court, it has amplified. I just do not get this woman. She calls crying because she misses this and that about me, tells me that’s all she does now is cry about me. Maybe someone can shed some light on this behavior for me. Most of the time I just do not answer the phone, sometimes I do. Maybe the grass really is not greener on the other side. I wonder what her boyfriend would think of this activity.

I am doing ok. Actually im doing pretty good. I am off AD’s (not by choice, I ran out of money) but I do not think I need them anymore. And even if I do talk to her and think about things it really does not hurt me like it used to.

LA, again. I don’t think im so locked up. I never really been the social bug but I am not by a long shot sitting around my apartment by myself all the time. I get out and do things, try to meet people. Im actually enjoying life again, as much and as often as I can. I would of preferred to work things out with Hollie to be able to share with her my newly discovered self, maybe some day, now im just making the best of what I got.

My home is still in foreclosure. That has been another nightmare. It is sold, we are in contract with the buyer but my bank is being very stubborn. Property taxes are also on my rear as well. Once I get these issues taken care of things will be even better for me.

I would like to stick around MB. Im not so sure what I can contribute but I would like to try.

CarenMC, where are you?

Everybody, thanks again for all your help and support over the last six months. A lot of what I read here has helped me tremendously. It made me realize a great many things about myself and how I was acting and has helped me I think become a better person, maybe even a better parent. I have learned a lot with the short bit of time I have spent here.

Thanks
Don

MrLocked-

Holy crap! I can't believe your divorced already. That was super-sonic.

You were well within your rights to divorce her.....if you couldn't take the way things were, etc. The decision to tough it out or cut her loose was always up to you.

I think people on here were mainly concerned that if you don't give yourself sufficient time, to say you tried, that you gave it everything you had, that you may have some regrets......that's all. If you're okay, then it's all good <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am still on MB hiatus, still trying to work things through with my husband. It's slow going sometimes, and when I look back at how long this has been going on it borders on ridiculous.

I've been plugging away for a long time........I think I may just be pig-headed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

Sorry, decided to abandon my last post..

Why? Why? Why?

Did I ask WHY?

LA

Hey LA.... Why? Because I went back and re-read what I posted and did not like what I wrote. I will try again.

I was arrested and thrown in jail for harassment and some felony charge which she filed against me. I will get to the what, why’s and how’s in just a moment.

For nearly two months I have worked hard at detaching myself from her chaos as both you and UVA have suggested. It seems that the harder I push no contact or minimal contact (limited to talk about our children only) the harder she seems to push for more contact both verbal and physical.

I have mentioned many times on MB the types of things she was doing and continues to do. Such as call just to hear my voice because she misses me or just to talk (not about the children). Or how when we are face to face she wants to hug, hold, try to hold my hand and lean on my shoulder to cry, be closer, etc. Or how she would ask me out to shop, eat, or other activities to spend time with me. All things of which I am not ready nor do I wish to do with her.

Leading up to my arrest things were getting totally insane. I expressed to her as nicely as I possibly could that for my emotional health I could not do the things with her that she wants me to participate in. I stopped answering the phone when it would ring; I stopped allowing myself to be put into a situation where physical contact would be possible. I even went as far as asking to meet in neutral locations to exchange kids and getting my children a pre-paid phone so I did not have to go through her to communicate with my children.

She became creative; if she wanted to speak to me she would come up with some issue or question concerning the children and leave me a voicemail trying to use the kids as a way to get me on the phone. Sometimes it worked but moment the conversation turned where I did not wish to go I would say good bye, why and then hang up. This often led to several call backs which would go unanswered. It was also normal for her to repeatedly call every phone I had (one land line and two cell phones) until I would answer one, which I often would not answer. Often I would have to go through each line and delete nasty voicemails from her running me into the ground because I would not answer.

Early August was very rough for my X and my oldest son, they were arguing to a point that she wanted to ship him off to me. She was acting like a spoiled teenager instead of a parent, her answer to my sons attitude is to yell and scream back until neither one can take it any longer. It is no wonder their relationship is suffering.

When I picked up my children for that weekend in August my oldest son told me a story about their latest fight and he also informed me that my X’s affair partner and two children have moved in with them and now all six of them are living in this tiny 3 bedroom home. My youngest son then told me about this brand new home that her affair partner is building for them and gave me a lot of details which I did not ask for.

None of this information devastated me, it was all things I expected but to actually have it happening, well you may understand. My home is being sold at a sheriff’s auction later this month and if I were to move some woman in with me and not inform her she would blow her top (she has made it very clear that I am to inform her of any change in their living arrangements including sleepovers (which don’t happen) and anyone moving in with me). So yes I was a bit upset.

I spoke to her shortly after getting my children and let her know how I felt about the information that was presented to me and informed her again that for my own mental health that I can not speak to her or see her unless I absolutely have to. Maybe I handled this situation wrong, I do not know. I did and said what I had to for myself.

After that phone call and until I met her Sunday at a neutral location to drop off my children she had called my three phones some 40 times over the weekend and my children’s pre-pay phone many times.

Monday I was invited out for dinner and a few drinks that evening and unfortunately I did drink in excess. She did call me several times that evening while I was out and I did speak to her for a moment. I got a ride home and from what I recall I went to bed.

Tuesday I went to work, ran to the store in the afternoon and when I returned I took a call from the Sheriff’s department concerning charges filed against me. I went down to their office and after a short bit of questioning and finding out why I was there I stopped the interview and I was placed under arrest and put in jail.

I was arraigned on the charges the next morning and my soon to be x-partner posted bond. A protection order was issued restraining me from any contact with her (of any sort, for any reason) and that I must not be within 1000 feet of her, her home, place of work (she quit her job when she found out the foreclosure of our home went through), etc and many other restrictions. Part of the condition of my release was that I turn in any and all computers in my possession.

The charges… She said I was calling her making threats, emailing her harassing emails and that I broke into her computer and deleted some files and changed her email account info (this was the felony charge). I do not know who reads these forums so I will limit my response to the charges to this; I do not know how to hack/break into anything, I have sent her nasty emails before which are normally responses to her nasty emails and I do not recall ever making any phone calls let alone any threats.

This happened a little bit over a month ago. When the judge ordered me to turn in all computers he basically signed a death warrant for my livelihood. I work at home, on computers, building web sites and graphics. I just can not go over to a friends house and set up shop as my equipment requirements are well above what most people own or even dream of. I can not buy equipment as I am not allowed to possess a computer now until this case is settled. My attorney is working on getting me back to work but so far nothing positive is happening, I remain unemployed.

I have had one check in the last 5 weeks, my legal expenses so far have been in excess of $3,000. I had to give up my apartment and break my lease and am now living with my parents. I was already financially strained and after paying/borrowing money for my attorney fee’s I had no money left to pay rent, bills, child support, etc. My truck was repossessed a week and a half ago.

Not a very pretty situation is it? I kick myself in the butt daily now for not keeping records of the last several months, not printing out emails, not recording phone conversations, her threats against me and certain female friends, etc. I really thought the worst was over and would not need to keep that kind of information handy any longer, guess I was wrong eh? I can imagine your response to this LA, probably similar to what you said when she was beating on me and I did nothing about it.

The prosecuting attorney at my arraignment painted this horrible picture of me. He said that I was mentally ill, I was suicidal, I had anger issues, I had alcohol and/or substance abuse problems, that my possession of computers poses a further threat and that they request that I receive counseling for my mental and substance abuse issues. If it were not for the dozen or so other inmates with me I probably would of broke down and cried after what felt like a personal assault. Excluding my then current financial issues and her insanity I really felt that I was making some real progress in healing and getting my life back into shape.

One of the hardest things to deal with in all of this mess is how to handle it with my children. I have no choice now but to go through a third party to pick them up or drop them off (x’s mother, which her mother and father had to argue with her to allow them to get my kids, the x demanded I pick them up from her which obviously I was not allowed to do).

The first day I had my boys after this all started the first thing my oldest son said to me was ‘what have you been up to?’. I answered ‘absolutely nothing’. To which he laughed for a few seconds and then told me he knows. He laughed…. I asked him what exactly he knew and he repeated to me word for word what was in the charges. He then continued and started telling me additional things his mother told him that was not even In the charges. I stopped him, I could not hear anymore. He’s 12, truth or no truth some of the things she has shared with him he has no business knowing. I cried the entire drive home, I just could not believe any of this…..

I have not spoke to my x in over a month. Two days after I was released I received 4 phone calls from phone numbers I did not recognize, later I found out they were pay phones (as I reported the calls to the police so there is a record). One I answered and they would not say anything and hung up. The last one was my x, all I heard was someone crying and trying to talk then she said ‘I just wanted to hear your voice and to see if you were ok’. She begged me to not hang up and I told her if I speak to her I go to jail and I hung up. She called a few more times over the next several days from her cell, left a voicemail or two (which my attorney has copies of). Then started passing notes through the kids, sending me music cd’s with notes (one which was full of love songs and our wedding songs, one note was about a song that reminded her of us and the cd included the song and lyrics, etc) (attorney has copies of all correspondence and cd’s).

And now, she is using my oldest son to try and communicate her chaos to me. He calls me to pass along messages from her (questions on pick up/drop off, money, etc) and lately I end up in debates with my 12 year old over issues he has no business being involved with and her in the background giving him instructions on what to say and do.

As we stand now I have a court date at the end of this month. I have a phone appointment with my attorney late tomorrow to get a status update on the cases and I have to get him to do something about events that happened over the last several days with my X and my children. I also challenged him and prosecuting attorneys to put me through some sort of mental health and drug/alcohol screening to put and end to this portion of the case right here and now, I even offered to do so at my own expense.

Part of why I think I deleted my original post was because I feel so dam stupid for allowing myself to be put into a position like this. I should of known better, I had the opportunity to file harassment and criminal charges of my own the last few months but I did nothing.

That’s it for now. I could go on for probably another page or two because so much BS has happened over the last month it is just totally insane. Maybe there will be a part-2 tomorrow.

--

MrLU,

I've been thinking of your post all day, since reading it first thing this morning.

I wonder about the post you deleted...what you didn't like about it...did it sound like a pity party to you, containing how you felt, what you thought, what you now believe in it?

There are no told-you-so's here...what she has chosen to do to you is awful, outrageously, as grievous a betrayal, I believe, as her affair. I am heartfully sorry...no pity here. Compassion only. Your post brings me into the company of compassion.

When we first began posting, I recall the idea behind your name was you locking yourself away from others...and I believed, there was a purpose in your journey, a monumental one...to know you are not alone, not defective, and that others were human, like you...

I remain stunned by what you have lived recently. I have no magic pill nor judgment. My heart ached as my mind roiled...and I found nothing to post to you, except this...

When I believed all had been taken from me, left no quarter to spare any part of myself...is when I was free to be reborn. I believe as long as I had nothing else left to hold onto, to eek a smidgen of self-image, only then, was I finally free.

I believe God reaches for everyone...his hand out, our choice to take it or not...to complete who we really are by choosing him, our ultimate choice.

I seem to recall that wasn't your belief. And I don't believe God takes away from us...he adds to us...unless our prayer was to be free of our lives...then that can be answered in many incredible ways...many we could not conceive of and therefore recognize.

I wonder...if this is where you begin...no pancea from me...no salving symptoms...I don't believe what you've experienced can entertain a salve, an ointment perspective...it's too large, deep and wide. Like you are the living wound of yourself...except...

it isn't all caused by WW's choices.

I see you adding to the pain...widening the injury...you, stupid? Do you KNOW what inconceivable means? Did you even watch Princess Bride? What is inconceivable is just that. Expecting yourself to be prepared for what you could not even conceive of in your mind...well, how reasonable are you?

WW can be unreasonable, unrealistic and a child...you choosing to be so with yourself, to experience shame, guilt and then kick yourself for not having foreseen this...is a terrible betrayal of self.

Do you do this because you're afraid to be seen as a victim? Are we back to the night of the slapping, biting and scratching? Would you consider you're in the 90 degrees? You are not a total victim, nor a total perpetrator (bringing this on yourself)...you are MrLU...you have been ambushed...and you are adding to the insanity of it by harming yourself further.

Please reconsider. This will not kill you. This will not take away your fatherhood status, though it may feel like it. This is not dehumanizing because you cannot be dehumanized unless you allow it. Please, do not allow that.

Do you believe in the truth willing out? Do you believe that because you KNOW you did not do that which you've charged with, that you will be found not guilty of it? Is this about how far your own trust in truth has become entangled with others' truth...you have no faith in yourself or other humans?

I understand those choices. I would ask you to reconsider them, anyway.

Faith...a belief which you choose to persist when there is no evidence for it...so you can be open to see it when it walks into your life. Faith before evidence; evidence follows faith.

What do you think?

Can you take your DS12 off the hook? Can you use an intermediary, even a court appointed one? A neutral third-party who believes in distilling the information from emotional content before delivering it in either direction?

If this is what it takes to get you to understand, respect and implement boundaries, then your life will change for the better...and I believe it takes what it takes...not YOU being blamed...nor me...no one...just your time to know.

My heart is in the way of any message, I think, I have for you. You have been wronged...not rightfully wronged. Your children have been impacted...and now you know, a father can't really protect his children from pain, frustration, sorrow...anything within them is within them...a father can teach them boundaries, predetermined progressive boundary enforcements...which will last their lifetimes.

When you are cleared, consider a false report charge on her...because that's what she did. Not to retaliate, but remediate...live in the truth. Even if it's inconvenient, difficult, a pain to do...even if you fear how others may see it as retaliation...can you hold your fear and do it anyway?

Another difficult part of reading your post was remembering me, after my A, and doing very much what she was doing...seemed similar...wanting to woo back my husband...only she hasn't let go OM. That's the difference.

If she pursues after the RO is lifted, would you be willing to make a boundary in the form of a true statement? "I cannot speak, touch, see or hear you until you have no contact with OM for two months."

I ask because I seem to remember another party in your life, since your divorce...and wondered if this affected what you said, how you responded to her expression of desire for you...her acknowledgment that you are real to her...or if you heard "I take what I want. I make you give me your voice, your time, your attention, against your will"? The old control you felt.

I'm off on a distraction, I think. That was me desiring to repair my marriage when my H's absence, insistence on divorcing, cleared out the fog of my entitlement, resentment and lack of respect enough to know I chose to love him, from such a deep part of my self...the real part...I was caved in. Not your xWW. I got confused.

Thank you very much for coming back here and updating. I wonder if you'd chose to look at MB, your thread, as an obligation to yourself...to keep you working on what you control and not on what you cannot? For yourself; your valuable, worthy, whole and complete self.

Remaining in your corner,

LA

LA,

Thank you for your post. I plan a more detailed response when i get more free time and computer access. For now I am limited to only a small bit of time that I have at a friends computer.

I have a hearing Monday the 25th concerning the harassment charges. As of now i still do not have legal permission to work in the profession I have trained for the last 20 something years.

I did however find out that my X-wife had in fact re-married. Her and her affair partner were married on the 16th of this month, none of her family was invited to the wedding but they did receive invitiation to a reception they will be having soon.

I guess in a sick kind of way this is good news because our family home was sold at a sheriff auction yesterday, I am only to assume that her debt will become his as well. At least that is wishful thinking.

My attorney has spoken to my X-wifes sister and her roomate as well as a few other witnesses of my own. With the information gathered from her sister alone he is confident will be enough to at least get me free of charges if not get charges filed against her.

Depending on the outcome of the charges against me, I do plan on filing charges of my own when this is all done and over with. Defamation of charector, lost wages for two months (some 5k), attorney costs (3k), loss of truck (2k), loss of equiptment (10k), loss of job (undeterminded amount), loss of apartment (1.5k) and so on.

I am not afraind to press charges against her when this is over. I do not want to 'get back at her' but i do feel someone has to be resobsible for the loss they have caused.

She chose to have an affair, to divorce me and go on her own with someone else...I am ok with this now, i had no choice but to move on after that final day in court....yet she could not let go of the control she had over me. To try and control what I do, whom i do it with, who i have around my children, what I do with my children, where i go, when i go, and one and on.

No more, im done. This protection order against me now feels like a blessing in disguise. While things financially, legally, are at their worst now, i have never felt so free in the last 11 years. It may seem the protection order was issued to her, but i feel it was issued to protect me. I only wish it could be something indefinite.