RK:

And I thought it was just me who had this syndrome... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lem

DRD,

Your wife's reaction to exposure is typical. She may rant & rave for a while but it won't end your marriage.

Thanks again, all.

Update: We had a relatively good weekend, out for a walk with the kids on Sun afternoon, and some talking together and TV on Sun evening.

When we did the EN questionnaire on Friday she identified her top need as conversation. I am trying to meet this need by making sure I am available to her and asking questions, etc, but she does not want to talk to me much. This makes for awkward times, rather than free ones, and this makes her feel worse, I believe.

Tonight she decided to go back to the flat for the night, taking her affair phone with her. I'm certain she is contacting OM, but will only be able to confirm this when/if I can get to the affair phone and check its logs.

I sent her a text message saying I loved her and hoped she was getting some peace (which she says she so desperately needs) and she replied "Am ok but dont have much peace. X x". I texted to ask what this meant, saying did she want to talk about it, but she has not replied. I cannot go and check on her as I am alone with the kids. It's both worrying and frustrating.

Any thoughts on what I should do about the affair phone? Should I confront her, or leave my knowledge a secret in order to check whether (and if so, how much) she is using it?

Tomorrow night may be a crunch point, as it is the first night she will go without choir. She has said that she wants to go to the flat for the evening (as being with me will be too painful, apparently, on the first night she's given up choir) and that she will take a friend with her so that I can be certain the OM does not visit. I have relucantly accepted this as a compromise (though I said first that I would prefer her not to go at all).

How long is normal before one starts to see some kind of recovery - assuming NC is working? If I find NC is not being kept up, how do I (and can I, without love busting) try to enforce it?

One positive thing is that she's agreed to go away with me alone for a couple of days, prob mid Feb. However, in her currently depressed and unhappy state, this may be a very hard time and end up not being enjoyable. I do so hope we can just enjoy our time together! Any suggestions for ways to be together in an unthreatening way?

Thanks,
DRD

withdrawal will take a MINIMUM of 4-6 weeks unfortunately - and day 1 of withdrawal is TRUE NC.