Uhm, you cut him off. My gosh, you don't have sex with him, even if he is your husband. This OW is a bondified nutcase, with a ton of baggage and a damaged life. He obviously felt the attraction to her by trying to be a nice guy and help her out of her problem. He is a moron for thinking he could help her, but, that is how it goes. I'm sorry, but your H is on AT LEAST his 2nd affair. You have no business in plan a. You should be straight to plan b with this one, he should be living on the street or with her. Personally, I'd be at the lawyers today, and preparing the papers. He needs to see you are done with his selfish behavior.... AS DO YOUR CHILDREN. Right now you are not teaching them that a marriage can persevere hardships, which you did after his 1st affair, now you are teaching them to be doormats and that it's ok for their father (or future spouses) to behave that way.

GRRRR!

has anyone done this? did it work or backfire?

RookKev,
no one knows about the first one. it was an LTA that was about over when i found out about it. Jennifer didn't say to go to Plan B with him yet. she just said we knew the MB principles, but we didn't follow our Basic Recovery Plan or make a Plan of Action.
right now, i'm trying to get WH to counsel with SH, hoping that might help him realize the consequences of his actions. meanwhile, i'm trying to meet his needs for SF, admiration & affection.
when it comes time for me to move to Plan B...i will not hesitate to.

This means .... she does not think marriage vows are valid ...

she comes with THAT *warning label*

... and by the way .... this is the type of OW that is both "good news - bad news"

good news ~~~> the affair relationship is total fantasy .... OW believes in fairytails

bad news ~~~> this type of OW tends to stick like glue, and tends turn herself into a pretzel trying to please her "soulmate"

good news ~~~> this type of OW will lovebust your H once she feels victimized, she does not want him to be happy, morally upstanding, or live by his values ... she wants him to turn his life over to her

bad news ~~~> this type of OW , when the A ends, is high risk for coming after either you or your H if you are trying to recover your M

Leave marks on his body.

not kidding

HUGE hickies where the sun don't shine

and nail scratches

use a permanent marker to sign your name on his butt while he's sleeping

PS ~~~~~

condoms provide some limited protection from STDs

insist on condoms


and leave some in his pants pocket while you're at it

Oh my gosh!! you're GREAT!!
gotta put condoms on my grocery list...
love the hickey idea too!!

a bit scared about the "good news" / "bad news" aspect.
vindictive, huh?

nuckinfuts is more like it !!!

Just curious: how did OW learn about the existence of HNHN anyway?

Does she also read here?

no. unfortunately WH told her all about it!
he believes in the principles...only he's so fogged out that he wants them to work for him & OW!!!
i'll be curious to hear what he says she thinks of the book (he'll tell me if i ask.)

>vindictive, huh?

And insist on the condoms. Once she feels him slipping away, she is liable to end up pg....trust me here.

disclaimer:

I know this is your call ... and I will not try to change your mind

but I am a "one strike you're out" sort of woman

not everyone is

but my goodness ... your H is simply getting away with affair number 2 .... because he can ....

Dealan-de knows what she's talking about .... her H made 2 babies with OW ... and now they are in early recovery ... Dealan-de is cut from a different cloth than I <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

he already asked her that question. she got her tubes tied years ago and is 49 now. thank heavens!!! she's happy being a grandma to 3 kids under 6, whose dad (her son) is in jail for passing bad checks and whose mom (DIL) is supposedly "worthless". don't know how that will affect the situation.

>she got her tubes tied years ago and is 49 now

Sez her. She's a woman sleeping with a MM. OW in our case told dh the first time she COULDN'T get pg, then the 2nd time that she was on bc.

Later she fessed to him she got pg (this was kinda recently, Pep) to piss me off so I'd leave. Sometimes the truth does accidentally fall out of their mouths....all other times have your waders handy and a shovel ready to get the heck out of there.

geewhizzzzikers ... what a GREAT reason to bring a baby into the world <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

oy-vey

she's a jenus, fer sure

Plan A has been effective in some ways.
when he left he said he was "done" and thought i was too.
now he says i've "made it hard to decide". that's progress, right?
i know...he's cake-eating, but i'm not at the threshold of Plan B yet. he's in IC regularly for the first time in his life...without me having to insist. he's a conflict avoider, child of an alcoholic, was molested as a child and has never dealt with any of this before now. add to that his chronic, progressive medical condition and he's smack-dab in the middle of a MLC.
i figure i'll do a good Plan A and then B (if necessary) and then file for D if none of it works.
ok--please make them Nerf 2 x 4's...

Yeah. It's a good thing her jenus HAS NOT been passed on in her genes. Must've been a recessive.

Actually your plan is sound. Just needs the detail tweeking.

Never underestimate the power of a good plan.

wide open to suggestions!!!

I think you are doing an excellent Plan A ... keep your Plan as non-emotional as you can ...

What sort of suggestion are you looking for? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> condom brands??? Hee-Hee (it's Friday and I am feeling wild)