That's what I thought, or at least that there'd be some hesitation, but he did it.

So I feel good about that. It was short, but it said what it should have. I told him that he needed to write a NC letter, to tell her her never wanted to see her or talk to her again and why, but I didn't even have the template to give to him, I could never find it.

In the book it says to sit down and write the NC letter together, but you guys said to let him do it, so that's what I did.

He apologized for not have the money right now to have the car towed, and that he would take care of it as soon as he could.

So I'm actually pretty happy with the results thus far...of course I have no idea what I'm supposed to do after he meets this condition....after this we're supposed to make another list together, I guess for recovery? I think that's right.

When is the EN list and having him read (listen to) HN/HN??

God Bless,

-Caren

Oops, hi Lemon, skipped over your post.

You're so optimistic...LMAO.

I know you only want what's best for me.

BTW, you may want to be careful with your analogies...if I weren't practically anorexic, I could've been offended by the country buffet comment <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Bless You Lemon,

-Caren

Caren,

I definatley am not one of the wise ones here. But I have to say just the fact that he wrote this N/C letter says volumes to me.

Grammatically correct or not he did it. I think he making a step in the right direction for sure.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope he continues to do the right things for you and your marriage. Keep up the good work and continue to watch his actions.....


Hurting

Caren -

I agree! A NC letter is a huge step. You got one! And just for the record, I for one am not saying a Plan B has to be x number of days, weeks or months........It sounds like you are trying not to rush into it too. So that's good.

Congrats Caren!! You know, we just worry about you - no one likes to see a BS get hurt AGAIN.

Kim

Yup I'm with Kim on this ...... If planb works in short amount of time or a long amount of time as long as the provisions are met and the WS'S does what needs to be done to heal the marriage thats what counts.

I would give my eye teeth to have a letter like that in my possesion. Don' think it will ever happen but miracles do happen....

Take your time Caren, but I really believe you both are on the right track.....


Hurting

Go Caren. If he meets the Plan B conditions, you should keep your part of the deal too.

Ya know Caren............I guess the reason I am so "optimitisic" with the NC letter <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> is that I have never believed your serious issues with your husband and the extreme dysfunction you have lived/LIVE with were really PRIMARILY related to his brief affair.

I won't rain on your parade....I'll not get an ounce of satisfaction from being "right" about this.

Lem

I am still guardedly optimistic......I am encouraged by the letter...but contained myself (Even though I felt like jumping on him and kissing his face off).

I didn't even cry...like happy cry, I thought I'd cry.

I guess this whole experience has me a little off balance.

I don't feel as excited as I thought I would, I actually am getting little bouts of insecurity off and on.

I guess it's from keeping everything in check, I don't know what I'm *supposed* to be feeling anymore.

I am relieved, but scared to invest anything into this.....

I have to invest, how else is this going to move forward....but I'm afraid to.

I mentioned to him sometime...last night....today...I can't remember, but I mentioned to him about full access to his cell phone records...he seemed flipped out about it, and didn't understand, I explained that I needed to be able to check it, to feel secure....he said "Don't you trust me?" I said "Well, it's hard to, I won't need to do it forever, but I need to do it for now" He said "Okay, if it'll make you feel better."

God Bless,

-Caren

You don't have to do it all at once. I would say that the NC letter and moving the car are the most important. He seems willing, and that is a big plus for me. My WH still thought he could dictate the terms of him coming home - Haha. That's why he is not living here.

It would be great to get the car moved, send the letter, and have no contact with her. Then you can work at a comfortable pace with the rest. The trick is in using the power you have now to get what you need to stay safe, and letting him know that the two of you can get through this, and it won't be constantly thrown in his face.

I think it sounds promising. I re-read MM post about surrender and plan B...its brilliant. If he complies and meets all your conditions for plan B, that just starts conversation and contact right? It doesn't mean you move right back home does it?

Well, I'm not moving right back home...so I hope it doesn't mean that...lol.

I don't think that this affair....that any of this was an accident. I think that God uses everything in our lives for good. I don't think that we understand it at the time...but I think eventually you get there.

For instance, I didn't have any relationship with God to speak of before all this. I used him like people use their spare tire...only when I needed him. Well God won't be your spare tire.

God always acts in our best interest, and I guess it's true that he works in mysterious ways, because I surely wouldn't have asked for this. But I have a relationship with God now, and he showed me that I had to let go. So I did. Now maybe God knows patience isn't my strong point, I don't know....maybe that's why this all happened so fast. The fact is it did happen, and I pray for his guidance many times a day...and I know he won't steer me wrong.

God Bless,

-Caren

Hey Caren,

This is all well and good and everything else, but...
it's starting to feel like you're messing with our trip to Idaho.

What's the deal??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

A one word answer to that is NO!!!

But is that a trick question? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Caren,

As for the car, if you get AAA for one year it is like 50.00, much less than a tow outside of that insurance. One tow pays for the fee.

So, what is the problem?

Hon, you need to get harder. Stop playing the game. I did not, and it hurt more than you know. It will make recovery harder.

STOP THIS. it ain't so hard. WS knows what he has to do. And last contact, Jan 8th????? Hello, Caren, this is just the excuse he?ow needs to continue contact.

That needs to stop, endofconversation.

Get the car out, and NC after that. You know what to do, stop doing all the work. And stop playing miss nice, cause you have done that and proved to him you have changed. It is your WS turn. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Love you, and prayers, sorry for the 2x4. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Miss M-

No, last contact was 12/08/05 @ 8:57pm (right before he leaves work)for 2 minutes.

I think I did type it as 1/08 and I said something to Mark about it and I said to him "You talked to her on January 8th.

He looked confused and said "Are you sure you didn't call that number?" I said "No...why would I have called it" He said..."Well, I haven't used that phone since Christmas (when he got his new one), YOU had it" (Which is true) and I said "Oh, wait, maybe it was December 8th." So I looked again, and it was December 8th. But he says he doesn't remember *why*.

I know Triple A is 50 for the basic and like 94 dollars for the premium for a year, but it says right on their site that they won't tow a pre-existing breakdown. It says that in red next to how much each costs.

I'm not doing the work.....I want to do the work, but I'm not doing the work. I have to STOP myself from doing it....but I'm not doing it.

tqt....LOL, am I messing up the trip to Idaho? Dang it!!! I hear it's lovely this time of year <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Actually...have you even been to Idaho tqt? I don't think I've ever been there, I don't even know the climate this time of year, I imagine it's similiar to Ohio....and the weather here is ICK ICK ICK.


Big Kahuna, yeah, the answer is NO to the trust question. How could I possibly? Who knows why he would even expect me to be able to.

I don't even know what to think of all this. I mean, he maintains that she hates him and told him that "He couldn't have his dam& car from her garage" (This is after I talked to her like 5 months ago and told her the *truth* and she got all p.o.ed and called him and ripped him a new one). He was upset that I called her, and I said "I don't feel a bit bad for calling her" He said "Yeah, well, now she won't let me have my car" I said "Ummmm the title is in your name, it's not like she can keep it".

They've only talked twice that I can verify....the 12-08 date and once before that, each time was for 1 or 2 minutes. I don't like it, but I can't change it. He appears to be trying to meet my conditions, I have the NC letter, but as I said, I can't exactly send it yet.

I shouldn't say anything else to him about the car, should I?? Shouldn't I use the wait and see method???

I feel weird pushing him to contact her, because well...I don't want him to contact her. I don't know how else he's supposed to get the car...I mean it's at her house, and while I'd be happy to go over there and beat her unconscious and take the car...it's not my call. (LOL, nice of me, eh?)

Okay, I have to get the kids up for school.

God Bless,

-Caren

Well the kids are up, but they aren't happy about it...LOL

So I don't know how on earth I'm supposed to feel, it seems that my feelings change every couple minutes. I want to be with him ALOT, but then I think no, he hasn't followed through all the way, and then that makes me nervous, I would think if it were me I'd have had that car out of there 5 minutes ago, but it's not me, and everyone doesn't move at the pace of a jackrabbit on speed, I guess. And yet that fact makes me nervous. And then I wonder, did he throw away those dang tie-dyed shirts??? I don't want to ask him, but I wish I knew.....

Last night he called to say Goodnight, Brooklyn talked to him first, then he wanted to talk to me. He talked for a few minutes, and I said "Hey, I just wanted to say Thank You." He said "For what?" I said "Thank you for trying, I don't suppose it was an easy decision to come to" He said "You don't have to thank me Caren" I said "Well, I appreciate it." He said "I love you." I said "I love you too".

I've always had a problem with gratitude and also taking compliments. My first thought when someone compliments me is "Oh, it wasn't that great" (or whatever) but I think I'm getting a lot better at that. I noticed when I went to that birthday party for the guy I take care of last weekend, everyone was saying how wonderful I was. And they sang me happy birthday also, and I got more presents there then I did at my own family's. And normally I would have said "Oh, I'm not that great" and "Oh you didn't have to get me a present" and things like that. But I was able to just accept that these people liked me, and they thought I was good at what I did, and they wanted to celebrate my birthday. You have NO idea what a major accomplishment this is. I have NEVER been able to do this. So it was an instance of me seeing the results of something I've worked on.

I am a great person, and Mark is lucky I've stuck around this long.

I want to sit down with Mark and see how he sees this all coming down. I mean I don't want to go moving back in with him....but I sorta wish he wanted me to, I mean he hasn't said anything about it and neither have I. He's mentioned something about me moving back, and I stated that the house never felt like mine...but that's as far as it went. And I don't know that I even want to move back THERE, I almost want us to move somewhere totally different, start all over, but I don't know if that's really reasonable.

He seems guarded, and I don't exactly know what he has to guarded about.......I mean I didn't have an affair....I should be guarded, but I don't know what he has to be guarded about.

I guess we're both sort of feeling each other out. And I guess that's normal....Heck I have no idea what's normal, honestly, I've never had to do this.

I keep thinking this is my HUSBAND, why all this superfluous Bullcrap?!?! It used to be so easy, being with him, knowing he loved me. And I've never doubted that deep down in there somewhere he still loved me, but I can't help wanting more....I don't actually know what he could do to put my mind at ease.

I think I might just be looney.

-Caren

((Posting with hubby's consent- I wanted to check in on some people))

Caren- got a friend with a truck? Do the good ol' fashioned ROPE PULL of his damned car. Park it down the street and move it once a week til its where you need it to be if you have to. Mark, Im sure, knows someone who can help him. Its teh good ol' fashioned way and if you're gonna use the excuse that its unlawful to do it that way, well ******'s bells, I'd rather pay the ticket than keep playing hostage to the OW.

Mojo-

Hey there, how you doing chicky? LOL I never thought of the truck/rope method, but that's an idea!

Well, I have a wicked headache, so I think I'm going to go soak in the bathtub!

God Bless,

-Caren

Nope. It's my latent fear of mashed potatoes.

How'd it go today???

Caren- I'm doing ok, our baby is sick (along with me and daddy!) so its been a 'fun' few days. Baby is on an inhaler for a little bit, hopefully the wheezing will go away soon. He sounds much better tonight than the past few days.

But my oldest turned 18 last Sunday and now has his first cell phone. And first girlfriend. Thank goodness I like her. hehehe

I wanted to check on you and a few others and told hubby. He's all "Of course you can go look! I didn't tell you to stop, just to cut back a bit." Which is cool. This month I haven't started looking at him like he's one of the WS's around here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You are doing ok Caren, but please, please take it slow. Sit back and watch. I know its hard, but once I did, my husband surprised me. I want that for you, too.