Thanks Mojo, I appreciate it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LOL, at your latent fear of mashed potatoes tqt!!!

Well today we went to Odd Lots and got a bunch of cheapie painting supplies (Got disposable plastic table cloths to use as drop cloths...50 cents each), then went to Wal-Mart and let the kids each pick whatever color paint they wanted from the samples.....then got 'em mixed up...and we're painting...LOL. Brooklyn picked the brightest pink I've ever seen, it's hilarious...it looks like pepto-bismol, and then she wants to paint white clouds on the walls....and Lauren got a kind of dark blue, and she's going to paint her name in cursive in silver paint. So much for getting my deposit back when they see these colors LOL!!! But I don't care, that's what they wanted, and that's what I got 'em. I figure this is a good way for them to have fun, and also make their own space that's exactly the way they want it. I was supposed to work tonight(At the restaurant), but I called off....this is more important <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I just took a break to get a glass of chocolate milk. So I guess I better get back up there before they get paint all over the carpet!!!

God Bless,

-Caren

P.S.- Oh forgot to mention that yesterday SS-16 got into a huge argument with his Great Aunt/Uncle that he lives with, and they called Mark and want him to take custody (Up to now we'd tried to get custody, but never could). They said they can't handle him anymore. (He's had some drug problems...being wild, etc) So, Mark is going to call his lawyer Monday and see what it's going to entail to have papers drawn up to take legal custody of him.

That means that we wouldn't be able to live where we lived before, we'd have to move, not enough room for everyone. (Providing this all works out). But things seem to be going okay, so I'm sure we'll get there eventually.

I actually think this is a good thing. I love my step-son to death, and I think that it'd be good for him to be with us. He gave his Aunt and Uncle a lot of grief, but he was also able to pull quite a few things over on them because they're older, and their kids never tried any of the stuff Mark III is trying, but Lord knows between Mark and I we've done 'em all.....so he won't be pulling anything on us <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I also think it's good because it will aid in Mark being in the family frame of mind, he's getting there.

But mostly I just love SS16, we've always gotten along great. Even if this didn't work out between Mark and I, I would take custody of SS16. My feelings for my step-kids DEFINITELY do not hinge on what's going on with me and their Dad.

It's looking good, Caren. Keep up those baby steps!

Well the rooms got painted. They're definitely wild.

I had a HORRIBLE headache afterwards though, so I layed down.

Brooklyn ended up calling Mark while we were painting because she wanted him to see her room, so he stopped by and was giving her painting tips. He stayed for about an hour, then he went back home and we ordered a pizza.

My niece came over to help Lauren (dd14) paint her room...they didn't want my help. (DD14 doesn't want to share a room with her little sister anymore, so she's electing to have her room in the basement. So that's what she painted dark blue....it looks umm......interesting. Sheesh, they got paint ALL OVER the floor. But I am going to get a carpet remnant for down there anyway, so I guess it's okay. I haven't gotten her new bed yet. They have bunk beds currently, and she COULD sleep there, but she wants to sleep on the couch...so...LOL teenagers.

Okay, gotta get ready for church.

God Bless,

-Caren

Good morning Caren -

just saying hi & checking in - Sounds like things are moving along o.k.!!

Take Care & Blessings,

Kim

Arrrgh, I never made it to church. I went and dropped the kids off at Sunday school, and came home to try and get ready.....but I'm still not feeling too great from the headache episode last night (Actually for the last 3 days...I get migraine marathons). I still feel like it's threatening to come back, I have also been throwing up since Friday night (Comes with the territory). I ate some leftover's from yesterday, and took another pain pill, trying to head it off, but I still feel icky, and I'm afraid it's going to come back, so I decided I should probably sit this one out.

I have to go and pick the girls up in about a 1/2 hour, they're probably going to be mad at me, but I think it was the best thing to do.

Hope everyone is having a good day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mom invited me over for lunch after church....hope she's making something good <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

When you take something orally for migraines and you have already reached the severe nausea/throwing up stage .... ORAL meds are not very effective ... rectal anti-emetics are a good thing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

highly recommended site

www.achenet.org

Pep..........I don't know if rectal, and a good thing should EVER be in the same sentence LOL!!!!!!!!!

In any event the migraine is FINALLY gone. Ugh I hate the multiple day migraines....I don't get them often, but when I do, it's not good.

Well the girls rooms are both done. Brooklyn's room looks so cute it makes me smile everytime I look in there....dark pink walls (It looks less like pepto when it's dry) with big fluffy white clouds and Lauren's room...well the paint job is questionable, but she likes it, and I think once we get the carpet and other stuff in there it'll look fine. I went down there today and painted her name on the wall in silver paint (That's what she wanted...dark blue walls and her name in silver paint). It looks pretty darn good, if I do say so myself. Her name is in cursive, it says "Lauren Marie" I said "Do you want it to say your last name?" She said "Ummm no Mom, I don't want someone stalking me after we move out" LOL!!!!!! I hadn't thought of that.

Okay, it's 2:16 in the morning, and I don't know why I'm not sleeping....I think I should give this slumber thing another try <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

Okay so I've been talking to Mark for what, almost a week now, and I did get the NC letter, but he hasn't even attempted, or talked about getting that car moved. I mentioned it again, and he seems to think that I'm pressuring him....he didn't say so, but I said "I feel like I'm pressuring you.....where do you see this going?" He said "I dunno Caren, let's just take it one day at a time", and although that isn't a horrible thing to say, and I am all for taking it one day at a time, I don't think that he's the one that should be saying that.

Then last night he picked Brooklyn up and took her to Wal-Mart and got her some shoes (His idea), when he came and got her I said "Hey, while you're at Wal-Mart, why don't you look and see how much wedding bands are....." He just sorta looked at me, I said "Okay?" He didn't answer he just sorta smirked and kept walking out the door with Brooklyn.

He called me like 4 times from Wal-Mart to ask what size shoes she wore, and then he got her new socks, underwear, a pair of jeans and a new shirt and a new little jacket. They came back home and I had just finished dinner, and asked if he wanted some. He ate, and afterwards I said "So....did you look at the rings?" He said "No" I said "Why not?" He said "I didn't think about it Caren, I was more concerned about getting her stuff" (Well that shows where I rank, if you asked me). (Not to mention he spent about $50.00 on her, and that's how much it was to get the car towed, and he didn't have the money for that....)

So about a 1/2 hour later he said he needed to leave, because the dogs had been in their kennels since he went to work, and he needed to go let them out...okay, that's fine. So he's walking out the door and he kissed me goodbye, and I said "Why don't you give me a call when you decide what you REALLY want...". So he left.

Then I decided I'd call his cell and expound on the previous statement. I said "Did you understand what I meant?" He said "No" I said "Well....you haven't done much of what we talked about, and you said you wanted to take it one day at a time, but we're not *working towards* anything, we're just sort of going with the flow." I said "I told you I didn't want to date you......we're married." Then I said "That's not really gonna work for me" he said "What do you mean?" I said "Until you start seriously putting forth an effort to get back together, I don't really have anything to say to you"

So I'm not taking his calls again. I don't know if this was the right thing to do. I mean YES I have the NC letter, and I don't think that's any small thing, but everytime I've seen him, he is sort of stand offish. He has been kissing me and telling me he loves me...but mostly after I've said it. He just seemed comfortable to have things just the way they were....i.e. be able to stop by and see me and the girls and then be able to go home and be alone.
To be able to have his family and his freedom.

So anyway, I hope I did the right thing. I didn't feel like it was going to go anywhere...I know him, and although he's *starting* to come around.....he's not there yet, and I'm not going to set myself up for another fall.

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren,

I think you need to send him a Plan B letter again and stay dark. Sounds like the man did the bare minimum he needed to do to break your Plan B and that's it. How about a new letter that says when the car's out and whatever else was supposd to be is done, contact me, until then I can be reached through text, or whatever for you are using.

Yeah, you're probably right. I should send another letter. I think in there somewhere he said "I'll call you when I'm ready..." Well that's a load of crap, how about I'll answer you when *I'M* ready.

I'm not upset about this, it's just a set back, I know that *I* am still in control of me, and it simply wasn't good enough. I think that I am in a position now to say what I will and will not accept in my life, and a wishy washy, luke warm effort at being my husband isn't going to cut it.

I prayed about this all last night, and I feel good about it.

No more *crumbs* for me. And I know that's what he's used to giving me....but it's not enough anymore....and it's never going to be enough again.

So another PBL it is <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren,
You didn't do what you were advised to do -- and that was to spell out the terms for him, then go dark again until he did them.

You went right back into "pursue mode". Its not your job to push for rings, or push for car-moving.

The only thing that you should do is let him prove himself to you. Go dark.

You let him get his Caren-fix. You enabled him. Get back to B.

I think he was dead serious when we first talked, but I think you're right, he got his *Caren Fix* and got complacent again....and that's not going to fly with me.

Yeah, concrete evidence is what I'll be needing this time. I'll keep this NC letter.....but I want that car moved and the rings purchased (I only want us to have gold bands, I think they're like 40 or 50 dollars at Wal-Mart).

I know others have said worry about the rings later, but it's really important for me that he wears one, it's been a long, long time since he has, and I'm sorry but I would feel much more secure that he's serious if he is wearing his ring.

The rings have always been extremely important to me, some may think it's silly, but I always wore mine (Until the diamond fell out 2 months ago) but he stopped wearing his over a year ago.

God Bless,

-Caren

P.S. Composing PBL

Uhhhhhhh, Caren! Knock it off, will ya?

It's all there, on paper. He has to fulfill some teeny weeny prerequisites, and he has to do it without you NAGGING him. If he can't, then he can't. And then you know something.

And this wedding ring stuff? Good grief!

You've been played, Caren, by a virtuoso.

GC

I agree...personally I think it's time for you to go dark again...have one last exchange with him reinforcing your requirements and spelling out where he's not met them...and that when he COMPLETES them and is willing to discuss a serious and permanent reconciliation, he can contact you...AND NOT BEFORE.

And then back to plan B.

What is he, 8?

Another letter is just more pursuit.

I say go dark and don't explain. Who knows, maybe he'll figure it out on his own.

GC

Um, that last bit was meant to be sarcastic. If he's smarter than a fern, which he clearly is, then he'll figure it out if you go dark again.

Caren, what are you afraid of? He can't stand living without you. You could move to Mongolia and he'd still come after you.

GC

LOL Gray, okay...don't send another PBL...gotcha.

You're right, he knows what he needs to do, I don't need to spoon feed him. LOL!!!!

I'm in a great frame of mind about it, I was doing fine before he called and made contact, and I'm doing fine now.

I'm not changing my stance on the wedding ring stuff though, it's just important to me.

Well gotta go, I'll be back later.

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren - Just slow down and relax. I know the wedding ring thing is important for you, but you don't want him to buy them just because you nagged him. It should be when there is real meaning.

I think you should give it a couple of days and then go back to Plan B. He did do the no contact letter.

aaarrgghhh! Dang aliens! Why is it that some WS just will not face it?! We all know he wants you! Sounds like you need to go dark...he is counting on you caving in.

Caren - When you got back in contact with him after just 3 (?) days, I thought "NOOOOOOO, don't do it. It's too soon". But I shut up and have just sat back and watched. You've got bags of energy - you strike me as almost hyperactive. You need to slow things down and really look at what's going on.

Mark can see and talk to you ANYTIME he likes. He can pop by, get his Caren fix and then go. He gets a kiss and a cuddle (and maybe more but you can keep that to yourself if you want!) and then back home to his own place. Em, maybe this isn't so bad after all.

He is procrastinating over the truck, making pathetic excuses about money and then going and splashing out on Brooklyn. It's wonderful that he would take her out and spoil her occasionally and I'm guessing he's trying to show her that even if you are separated, he can still be a wonderful dad. But the truck is such a HUGE obstacle to your reconciling - if he was taking you seriously, that thing would be long gone.

Buying wedding rings is easy. It doesn't mean he will wear it. My WH used to take his on and off depending on who he was with. Unless you superglue it to his finger, you have no guarantees he will keep it on. I'm guessing that until he truly 'gets it', that ring has no significance at all. It's just something that he might do to appease you.

Caren, he doesn't have any idea of what life without Caren would truly look like because you are ALWAYS there for him. You need proper time out, no drama, no phonecalls, no visits, no emails, no letters - NOTHING. He knows your terms and they are not exactly overdemanding. Let him take the lead now instead of you badgering him every step of the way. And then if he does comply (which he will cos he can't live without you), make another plan which involves how you will go forward from then on.

Wishing you only the best, TT