Caren, let Jesus take the wheel. Just be the passenger, for a while. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Take Care..Jennifer

Caren-

Focus on yourself and your kids. It is not healthy to have the sun rise and set on one person. I would say you are still in a place where you feel like you NEED Mark. Once you start focusing on yourself, you will realize you still love him, would like him in your life, but that you will be just fine without him and that you deserve a real H, whether it be him, or someone else. It takes some time, but I promise you, it does happen. Work on you, so that you can have a healthy relationship, no matter who it ends up being with.

Mark is not the only man out there. You are in love with who he was, not who he is right now. If he never becomes that man again, you would not want the WH anyway.

And, working on your own issues, for yourself,will only benefit you and everyone aroound you. Because, really, the only person you have control over is yourself. So, change what you do have control over. I promise you will not regret it!

Well for a little while I have bigger fish to fry.

My job doesn't start for another week......so that means no pay this week...gotta look for odd jobs.

When my new job starts I won't be paid for 3 weeks (Get paid every 2) but I'll only be paid for 40 hours. Then two weeks after that I'll be paid a full 80 hour pay check....so financial matters are taking precendent right now.....I don't have time to worry about all of this.

On top of which my DD14 Lauren moved in with her Dad yesterday....and I cried from 10:30 PM until midnight about it....I miss her already <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

I wouldn't spend too much time crying about her moving. She will probably be back.

Did you and your husband discuss her move?

Never mind. I see that she moved in with her biological dad.

Hi Caren,

(((((((((((((((CAREN)))))))))))))

Caren,

I'm so sorry to hear that. I know that makes you sad. I would be sad, too.

It is either something you can control or something you can't. If it is something you can and wish to control, try considering your options and then make the best decision possible given the parameters. If it is not something you can control, try keeping in mind that there are advantages and disadvantages, though, to every situation.

Only you really know what the advantages to you are, but some of them could be:

This is an opportunity for growth for Lauren - an opportunity to try new things, yet still have the protection of her parents

This is an opportunity for Brooklyn to have your undivided attention

This is an opportunity for you to really focus on yourself

I have been reading a book that has some really great self-awareness exercises in it. The exercises can be somewhat lengthy, but they have really helped me to understand things like why I think and behave the way I do, where the messages I tell myself came from, the ways I have been wounded throughout my life and the ways those wounds affect the decisions I make now about myself, my life, and my relationships.

I find that stuff kind of interesting. Also, it helps me take the focus off of Patriot and keep it on the things I do have control over. Perhaps it will even assist me in making some changes that help me become a happier person, a better wife, mother, friend, etc...

If you're interested, I'd be glad to type up some of the exercises for you so you didn't have to run out and buy the book.

Caren,

Here is that website I promised. There is a walk thru the Bible series. Pastor Skip Heitzig took almost 10 years to go through the Bible, only preaching on a couple of verses each week. So, you get a VERY in depth study of the Bible. He also has many themed studies on there also. Anyway, check it out.

https://calvaryabq.org/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=SFNT&Store_Code=CALVARY

In His arms.

Caren -

Just caught up with you.....How are you doing? I cannot imagine how you feel with DD14 gone.....I hope it gets easier for you day by day.

Is your free membership up at the gym? Do you & Brooklyn have bikes that you guys could take to the park once the weather is nicer?? I know you are stressing over the finances right now- did Mark ever agree to child support for Brooklyn??

Take care of yourself.

Kim

Thanks Froz, yeah, that'd be nice if you wanted to take the time to do that.

Mortar-
Thank you for the link, I'll definitely check it out when I get a few minutes. (I am cleaning the minister's house today).

Kim-
Thanks for thinking of me.

I'm still sad, I took the rest of her clothes to her yesterday, and then cried some more last night. I just miss her. She's my little girl and I want her here. She seemed...I dunno....distant, I guess when I saw her. I looked at Brooklyn laying there sleeping and just said to myself "Where did all my babies go? I want them back!" I've got one in Florida, and one with her Dad....and Brookie want's to spend the majority of her time down at her friend's house.

I'm going to have to plan some special things for us to do together. Even just having her help me cook dinner....for some together time.

I have the headache from h-e double hockey sticks today....there's a front moving in.....OWIE.

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren - so sorry your daughter has gone to stay at her dad's. Will he take care of her properly? The grass is not always greener but she needs to find this out for herself. Regardless of where she is, just continue to let her know you miss her and love her.

They grow up so fast. TT

Caren,

Here is one of the exercises I mentioned to you. This specific exercise is designed to provide you with clues to your attitudes toward giving and receiving in your relationships today.

First, on a sheet of paper, make a list of positive and negative words that describe each of your parents as you recall them.

Next, make 6 copies of the following list of words:

love, sex, play, fun, intelligence, movement, feelings, nurturing, rest, sleep, education, work, success, happiness, health, food, vacations, spirituality, religious beliefs, touch, laughter, support, warmth, praise, knowledge, your own thoughts, sympathy for others, money, property, recreation, freedom, nedependence, compliments, negative feelings, hope, orgasms, massages, fear, sadness, anger, grief, happiness, joy, peace, equality, pleasure, musical talent, creativity, artistic talent, faith, doubt, desires, athletic talent, competition, trust, fatigue, education, respect, tolerance, appreciation, gratitude, empathy.

Title each of the 6 lists of words with the following phrases:

1. It's okay to want:
2. It's okay to receive:
3: It's not okay to want:
4: It's not okay to receive:
5: It's okay to give:
6: It's not okay to give:

Now, go through each list and underline the items in each that would apply to your mother and circle those that would apply to your father. If a term applies to both of them, underline and circle it. This may take you a considerable amount of time. It took me several days to complete it.

Now, using the words you underlined and circled, complete the sentences below as they apply to each caretaker:

Mom

It's okay to want:
It's okay to receive:
It's not okay to want:
It's not okay to receive:
It's okay to give:
It's not okay to give:

Dad

It's okay to want:
It's okay to receive
It's not okay to want:
It's not okay to receive
It's okay to give:
It's not okay to give:

Now think of these as "messages" you received from your parents about what you could want, receive, and give. Using these messages to you about how to live, study each one and write down what consequences were attached to obedience/disobedience of the negative and positive messages.

If I obeyed the negative messages, then:
If I disobeyed the negative messages, then:
If I obeyed the positive messages, then:
If I disobeyed the positive messages, then:

Next, indicate which messages you obeyed and disobeyed, and indicate the consequences.

The negative messages I obeyed were..., and the consequences were...

The negative messages I disobeyed were..., and the consequences were...

The positive messages I obeyed were..., and the consequences were...

The positive messages I disobeyed were..., and the consequences were...

Now, given the messages you obeyed , what decisions did you make about:

Who I am:
What I deserve:
What I don't deserve:
Given who I am, what I deserve, and what I don't deserve, I can expect from life that I:
And given all that, the kind of intimate relationship I will have is:

Now, given the messages you disobeyed , what decisions did you make about:

Who I am:
What I deserve:
What I don't deserve:
Given who I am, what I deserve, and what I don't deserve, I can expect from life that I:
And given all that, the kind of intimate relationship I will have is:

Next,

Which messages are you still obeying?

Which decisions are still active?

What consequences are you still experiencing?

Finally,

Which of the active decisions do you want to change?
What thoughts, behaviors, and feelings would you have to change in order to negate the decisions?

Now, decide what new decisions you will make.

I am still really struggling with the part regarding which decisions I made. I'm finding it very difficult to gain the perspective and objectivity, because a lot of the decisions are not real conscious for me and come as naturally to me as breathing.

If you find a helpful method for answering these for yourself, and would care to share it with me, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks!

I hope you have a good day today.

Thanks Froz,

I copy/pasted that, and I will attempt to tackle that tommorrow <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And I will definitely get back to you on how I went about it. To be honest I'm terrible at these things, it takes me forever to figure out what the "true" answer is.

I'm taking sort of a hiatus from well......my relationship, this post.........I can't take it anymore.

It's lost it's sense of urgency........I'm real, real, close to just calling it quits.

I just need some time to re-evaluate some of my priorities and see if Mark is even going to fit into those for me anymore.

God Bless,

-Caren