Hi Caren and Confused...

Yes, I feel pretty detached. But what else would anyone feel after so much s$%t?

Next step? Considering taking off my wedding band.

No, really, that would be a big step for me. It means it's finally over. WH said this morning that he hoped we could be friends. What does that mean?

I plan to get in touch with a lawyer to find out what my options are.....considering this is a no fault state.

WH told me this morning that he would give me the house, and that he would continue to pay for the car he bought me. I wanted to ask if I could have that in writing.

I know there are different options for me as far as this house goes. If he does sign it over to me, I will re-finance it and pay off all my other bills. Then I would be able to live comfortably.

To make extra money, I can work at the hospital here in town (where I worked many years before hurting my back at work, and having to have back surgery - I now work in a clinic).

Just working a couple of weekend shifts a months would add quite a bit to my income.

Otherwise, I have a lot of things I could sell this place, and buy a smaller place.

We'll see how WH acts over the next few months.....see if he gets vindictive and tries to put the screws to me financially. Everything in the house I have bought and paid for myself (some I am still paying for - furniture, etc).

Plus, we own the house next door, that DS and wife rent from us. That could be sold as well.

WH also sold our boat this past fall, and took the money and put it in a savings account in his name. He told me half was mine. I think I will ask for half now, and put it away as a cushion.

Does that sound like enough planning? I've never been involved in anything like this before, and never thought it would happen to me.

Life does go on, no matter what.

K <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well K, tell him you have pretty high standards for friends he may not measure up!!

I think going to a lawyer is a good idea, don't forget to ask about retirement funds, pensions, investments, taxes that sort of thing.

Bump...


I admit I failed at having enough discipline in not chiming in here.

K, you no doubt KNOW exactly what I think (and indicated this in calling me out in your original thread <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />).

We have been there to the land of "finally" many times already, so reiterating what I have told you in the past is not gonna be of any help to you.

I wonder why you would ask this question: WH said this morning that he hoped we could be friends. What does that mean?

You have been to hel% and back with this over the past three years. You have died a thousand deaths here with this. You have had your self esteem hammered to to the depths of hel*, you got an STD from him, accepted living on crumbs going hungry without a full "marital" meal in years........and yet I somehow fear through all of thist that you asked this question above in the "subconcious" hope that someone, anyone will tell you that his wanting to be friends may be a sign of "hope" for him and his desire to chnage or reconcilate.

I can think of no other reason why someone with your education through the "school of hard knocks" would possibly ask this question.

What do you think him saying he wants to be friends means? Answer yourself honestly, and you'll find that you already know the answer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

YEAH, I may be a heartless bastar* not posting with kid glove support of you here, but you know what you'll get with me...We have "been there done that" a hundred times over already. I trust you would NOT have mentioned me in your post above if you didn't want me to weigh in after not having posted with you in over 6 months.

Goodluck

Lem

***I wonder why you would ask this question: WH said this morning that he hoped we could be friends. What does that mean?***

***You have been to hel% and back with this over the past three years. You have died a thousand deaths here with this. You have had your self esteem hammered to to the depths of hel*, you got an STD from him, accepted living on crumbs going hungry without a full "marital" meal in years........and yet I somehow fear through all of thist that you asked this question above in the "subconcious" hope that someone, anyone will tell you that his wanting to be friends may be a sign of "hope" for him and his desire to chnage or reconcilate.***

I agree completely with LM on this, though I'll be a little more straightforward.

Your WH hopes to be "friends" with you so he can tell himself that his neglect and abuse and gift of an STD to you didn't hurt you at all.

He wants to feel good about his dreadful treatment of his wife. If you are "friends," then he can say that he didn't really hurt you because look, she's just fine and we are still "friends."

That's what it means.
Mulan

>I wanted to ask if I could have that in writing.

Do it. Don't be surprised if he acts offended, but do it anyway. I've got it in writing what he intended to give me if we split. I was told (by him) that it wouldn't hold up in court but my lawyer said it shows intent and that he makes promises he doesn't intend to keep. All good stuff. All cover your a type stuff.

This is you time. It won't be handed to you. You have to make it happen like YOU want it to.

- Kimmy

Thanks from the replies LM, Mulan, and Dealan.....

Lemonman, yeah, I called you out on this.........and perhaps I didn't word it well enough for my sarcastic, venom spewing tone to come thru.

Can we be friends? Not just NO, but oh HEL* NO!!!!!

Yes, my education thru the School of Hard Knocks has been extensive, but I got an A+ on the final.

My plan is to be just friendly enough to get the things he owes me, and granted, some things can NOT be repaid.

After going thru this for a year and a half, I believe in my heart that this man is NOT going the change. In fact, I believe that his mind has altered itself as to be unrecognizable as anything remotely related to what it used to be.

After these past few weeks of seeing his resentment toward me, and his twisting of even the smallest of situations that arose into "everyone against him", I know he will soon reap what he deserves.

I nurture no hopes for any change, nor any sort of reconciliation. He is incapable of it. His ability to relieve himself of any blame has reached new levels - in every part of his life.

He feels full justified in all of his actions.

I will ask for his promises in writing. If he tries to mess with me on this, he will then feel the full force of this Scottish woman.

I have discovered a few things about myself over the past year and a half.....

WH always told me I was negative....a real downer.

In truth, I am a very positive, happy person. The times that I "disagreed" with WH were when he called me a downer.

WH is a very depressed, negative person. The only time he finds true happiness, is when he is the center of everyone's attention, and everyone is trying to please him.

I told him all of this last week.

All of these years, I have been beaten down, afraid to give my opinion, afraid to speak up for myself.

All of which amounts to an ongoing emotional abuse.

This all being said, in truth, I do not even want WH around me. I don't want him to touch me. His words of endearment leave me cold.

He has truly, and undeniably, killed all the love I had for him. I do not wish to see him sick or hurt. I just do not wish to see him. I wish him a happy life.

I'm finding mine. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

K