Huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> I re-read all the posts. I don't see where anyone referred to anyone as a stalker...not even OW or XH.

ba109....sorry I confused you. I was using an EXAGGERATION, as his complaining about her upsetting his girlfriend is a bit ridiculous considering they share 4 children, and assuming that she has only called him once at home since last August.

There are all kinds of Wayward spouses, and some of them try to change things around, or if they feel they must leave, then they do it with as little upheaval to the kids as is possible under the circumstances. Seems Ed is not one of those persons.

I have only just skimmed the posts, but I did want to clarify one thing and maybe it was my fault the way I worded it...I sometimes word things wrong and the wrong impression is given...



OK...my son was invited a party LAST weekend...one of which has been talking about since December...it was suposed to rain on Saturday so the little boy came by the house just 30 minutes prior to Ed showing up...he handed me a new invitation for his party which had been rescheduled for this saturday, the 4th...I handed that invitation to Ed in which case he responded with "he wont be going to no party...it was becuase of the LAST party I took the boy to that we got into that accident and I am not taking him to anymore parties"

OK...he has also told me that he will not honor any of their games on his weekends....My son 10 had a dental appt scheduled over the xmas break..I made this appt DURING the break so I didnt' have to remove him from school...I sent Ed an email even offering to take Justin myself to the dr...he said he would take him himself...I get a call from the dentis office...he was a no show..I called him and asked him why he didn't show up and he said that he doesn't have time to be taking the kids to the dentist and that was MY responsibility and I needed to make those appts on MY time...mind you, I offereed to take the kid...

I mean, this is what I am dealing with...he's irrational and does things on his terms and makes his own rules...

did i mention he cashed one of my CS checks? why? because he didn't have any money and needed the money...Did I mention he just bought a brand new excursion to add to his other 5 cars...but he hasnt' paid me in 2 months CS or alimony...

I wanted to clarify with him about the not calling him and he said I am not to call him for anything but an emergency and if that to call the office...ok so if the kids win the speling bee or if something wonderful happens, I am not to call him to let him know...

he doesn't call them...he wants THEM to call HIM...but he wont call them...he has no time for that...it's like dealing with a child...he believes everything he says too!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Perhaps it is. Don't overly concern yourself with what he does or does not do as a parent unless it directly affect the kids health, safety or welfare. Just be the best parent that YOU can be.

I find it best not to schedule ANYTHING (if at all possible) on the other parents time unless it is first discussed and agreed on. That courtesy should be reciprocated. In a perfect world this will always occur. In the real world however...

The kids are going to miss an occasional party or activity. That's unfortunate but fact.

Restricting contact to emergency situations only is not all that bad. You have to choose your battles and decide what truly warrants his attention. Communications will hopefully get better with time.

I do understand and do not plan on calling him...I am a person who does everything for my children...if I lived an hour away, IWould make every effort to take them to their games, etc...he makes none...he gives them the excuse of he doesn't want to take them out cuz he is afraid of gettng into another accident...WHATever...does the man not drive all oer creation...

He makes no effort to call them, but wants them to call him...

when the kids come home with invitations I tell them that itis up to daddy whether he wants to take them or not...they usually throw fits cuz it seems all the parties are on his wkds, however I cannot do anything baout it...it is his choice..

An affair partner who becomes a wife would have the natural tendency to wonder who he'll betray next. The XW is a definite possibility. After all, he left her because life with her was so wonderful. If life with her isn't so wonderful, what will he do? As Dr. Phil says, "If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you."

Cherished

I hear you Moving. I find it easier to NOT communicate with my WH about the kids. I've decided just to let it go. I would and have traveled a long way to watch my kids at different events. It baffles me why a parent wouldn't.

Your XH attitude about the kids can potentially harm their relationships with other kids. My daughter had a friend whose parents divorced when they were in kindergarten. It was a textbook "bad" divorce. Even years later, with both parents remarried, there continues to be a lot of bad feelings. Because it was so hard to deal with these parents, I eventually guided my daughter away from this friendship.

Why? The parents could never communicate. I never knew which house the girl was going to be at. I liked the dad and felt the stepmother was a positive influence. However, I think the mom is psycho. I would not allow DD to spend the night at that house. (I trust my instincts and that family situation didn't feel right.) It was really difficult to schedule anything with this child.

The girls are just school friends now and I'm glad. This girl is being pushed out of her childhood really fast. The mom allows this 11 year old to wear clothes and makeup that are more suitable to high school. She has a series of affectionate boyfriends. She's mouthy and too mature. This is not a direction I would choose for my daughter.

Could this type of thing happen to your sons?

Moving,

It seems to me that your X hasn't really been concerned with your opinions or feelings for a long time; I guess I'm just wondering why you would expect him to change that pattern now that you are divorced?

He doesn't like dealing with you, for whatever reason. It would be great if you two could work together and successfully coparent these kids, but it doesn't look good to me.

If you wish to communicate somenting to H, and it isn't an emergency, then why not send a note with the exchange of the kids . . . or use email . . . or text messaging. He gets the informaion and there is no drama.

You two are divorced and he really doesn't have any real obligation to converse with you. I think it would be very difficult to arrange visitation etc. without direct communication, but I'm sure it could be done.

Your H is what he is and all the magical thinking/wishing in the world isn't going to change that. I just hope he spends time with his kids It is difficult growing up without a father . . . I've been there.

Mto3Boys:

I too would be frustrated that the "normalcy" of your kids lives is being taken away from them.

It seems to me that sports events, and birthday parties, Sunday School...anything that they would normally do while in your home should be done while they are with Dad. CONSISTENCY is the mantra of anybody who knows anything about raising a child.

It would drive me to distraction to have to disappoint the kids again and again (even though it is not you who is doing the disappointing).

Seems to me (and I'd like to hear if others agree) that this might be a matter to take to mediation. Find a common ground that is in the BEST interest of the children, and secondly that will work for both of you.

If XWH won't agree, maybe this is a matter for the lawyer to deal with...forced mediation. (You may have to employ a lawyer soon to get him to pay up on his financial obligations to you and the boys). FIVE CARS!!!! Holy Crap. And then the "I don't want to drive in case I get in an accident" line is a bit hillarious. Maybe he should sell all five cars, buy a bus pass, and pay you the money he owes.

Just a thought!!!!!

I know that during the emotional ****** that you were in prior to the separation (when OW was pregnant) you had a difficult time NOT letting the boys hear what was going on. I worried for them. I do hope and pray that now that there is a divorce, that you are able to save the anger (justified, I see that) for times when you are alone, or with other supporting adults.

Your boys are adorable. In spite of their Dad, you are giving them all you can.

I'm glad I was able to find out what was happening with you.