I don't want to be contrary, but exactly what the heck does your IC consider to be the purpose of exposure? If he files for divorce, which he has no motivation to do right now, then a lot of excellent opportunities to break up the affair will have been lost. Understanding there are varying grades of counselors, does this one have any experience in getting marriages back together or is she just winging it?

Your daughters sound more mature than the average for their ages. I'm not sure I would "cover" for him, though there will be others who disagree. Past a certain point, taking into account his manipulation of them, I think it's counter-productive and too close to lying to them for comfort. I think you've reached that point. That having been said, you can't use them as pawns either. Perhaps a no-nonsense, unemotional talk? The line you have to walk on that is very narrow. My thoughts are with you.

Yes, apparently so... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Lem

Post deleted by hurtingterribly

I bow to SH's expertise. The mental disease takes it into uncharted territory.

Ya know, I have read your story and I can understand your fear, desperation, and confusion regarding exposure, especially when you have experts whom you are paying good money telling you to NOT tell and keep the exposure as a "trump"' card.

I am not even gonna comment on that, as you don't need more opinions on that and I don't want to make you feel worse....

HOWEVER, the very fact that you are looking at personals and looking at "other options" and already thinking of people who would "appeal" to you signals MAJOR trouble for your marriage (actually worse trouble than your WH continuing cheating). I say this because right now YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE HOLDING YOUR MARRIAGE TOGETHER, even by a purse string.....IF YOU give up, then exposure or whatever will not even be able to save it.

I'd think very very carefully about looking at "other options" and at the same time holding back your trump card of exposure because of fear of sealing the fate of your marriage to divorce....The outcome will not be what you hope and think.

This is tough situation and I don't relish your plight in this, but your looking at other options is really gonna tempt your fate.

ANYONE who has been served up the $hit platter you have by your Wayward Husband is gonna be much more easily swayed to divorce if even a mildly interesting "option" comes along.

No major revealtion there....."Stay and try and fight for a marriage with a man who has crushed my daugthers and killed my soul"...OR "look and explore this interesting other option that sounds great on the internet".....tough choice heh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Even the worst of BS doormat affair enablers could be tempted.

Be careful here. I don't have to tell you that this is NOT a good development that you are doing this to make yourself feel better (even as you say that you would never do anyting about it). It is normal and understandable, but it will 100% lead you to more pain in life.

I am no "expert" (well.. at least NOT with Marriage Building <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) but I can tell you the result if you choose the path you are currently on.

Just food for thought.

I am not kicking you or leveling you with a 2 X 4 here. No need to, you are no doubt doing that enough to yourself.

God Bless

Lemonman, MD

cover for him = lie for him

Gosh, I guess I missed a post. What is wrong with his OW? Is she really close to dying?

Yes, I want to know that one also.

IF this "dying OW" thing is NOT actually the case (my sneaking suspicion), then Hurtingterribly's Wayward Spouse may just have to be nominated for next years "WS Fogese awards" with this tale.

If it was ME (and it is admittedly not), I'd want to see the Cancer biopsy reports, the Oncologists recommenadations and prognosis, and the Hospice consult that was no doubt extended to the "dying OW". I know about the rescue syndrome that many Waywards have, but $hit, this one be taking the cake.

So, hurting, I ask how you KNOW that the OW is dying of a terminal disease. Is your information based on WHAT your WH told you or independent confirmation from yourself. What says you.

Lem