Ok, I just emailed and invited Tracy here too...that makes, what 3 of us so far? I pray that she will come here...she has only posted twice to the Dr. Phil boards(Jan. 30 & Jan. 31) as Tracyl60 or Tracy160(hard to tell the difference between a "1"/one and an "l"/L over there)...her second post gives her yahoo email address...she asked that no one send her nasty messages...I sincerely hope that no one would do that...I'm sure that she is beating herself up already...I want to give her a huge hug and an engraved invitation here...

Mrs. W

She emailed me back. She said that she would check out the site. She said they are trying to each get healthy so their marriage can get healthy.

I feel so bad for her that this had to be such a public display for her.

***That man thinks the sun rises and sets in his pants***

LMAO at this - so true!

I just watched the show. This WH clearly does not realize that an alpha male PROTECTS his family. He does not threaten, bully and torment them and make their lives miserable.

This man thinks he is so different and special, but that only makes him so very, very much like any other active WS.

I very much liked how, near the end of the program, Dr. Phil pointed out how the relationship was great ONLY from HIS - the WS's - point of view, and how the WS utterly failed to consider how the relationship was for his wife.

That's just another definition of "fog," isn't it? The way a WS becomes totally deaf and blind to the torment they are causing their partner and see *only* how great things could be for *them*?

This guy was the poster boy for that.

Of course, my favorite definition of "fog" is still "When the WS has their head up the OP's [censored]," but that's just me.
Mulan

Me too...nice lady...she said that the amount of support she has received has been great...Tracy, if you are here, welcome...


Mrs. Wondering

I heard back from her too. She must have gotten tons of email yet she responded. I hope she comes here for support. I did NOT watch the show. Reading the website was plenty painful for me.

I just watched the show this morning. There were parts that had me laughing so hard that my husband came rushing in the bedroom to see if I was ok.

Honestly, there was NOTHING unique about this story excep that Tracy's husband thought he had found a little loophole.

Every WS wants to have their cake and eat it too. This guy was just arrogant enough to think he could sell the world on it.

I also kept thinking just how amazing human behavior is - the script that all WS read from is just SO predictable.

But it made me think back to the "People of the lie" book we were discussing on here, and how Peck pointed out that evil IS boring and predictable.

Ain't that the truth! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Same ole stuff.

I saw the show...

the guy made my skin crawl..

There had to be signs of his mega-egomania long long before...

would never have married such a man..in the first place...and if I did...would never ever ever ever had children with him...

ever...

Didn't read the polygamy crap yet...

but it is my experience that the 'cultures' and or religions that suscribe to such beliefs...have a common cord of great unequal balance in the sexes......

and it is attempting to 'modernize' such a practice that does not work in societies that do not tolerate such unequalness....

there is no equality in undermining the sanctity of an indivual....
to compartmentalize their value based on feelings/needs...

it is as destructive as it comes....

It's actions itself deny the specialness and uniqueness of each individual....

and lays waste to the soul...

who would raise their children with great hopes that they some day can be part of such triangles...pentagons...and obtuse parallellagrams and wish this upon them...

ARK

I hope Tracy comes here. I sat w/ H on the couch
screaming at the TV ( GO plan B throw his cake eating but off the fence head first!!!) I wish the OW could have been there to face Dr. phill and the world.
Was she afraid to so her face?
I wanted to jump through the TV and shake the fog out of him.

monny
xoxoxoxoxo

me too. I told my husband that he looked/sounded like a used car salesman.

the part that made me just laugh was his attempts to intimidate Dr Phil. One day, I hope, that he can look back at that show and be embarrassed about his "alpha male" brag and bluster.

Oh, now THAT was REALLY funny!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

And I loved the way Dr Phil took him right on!!!!!

[color:"purple"] BWhaaaaaaaaa <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> [/color]

I hope Tracy does NOT come here!!!

She would have to wade through this thread of namecalling and "dump the creep" advice to get any real advice on saving her marriage!!!

COME ON GUYS!!!

Stop it!!

THE WS IS MESSED UP for sure!!! But aren't all WS"s, to different degrees? Some are truly horrible-mine was! yet against all odds we're in recovery and he has taken the steps to regain his integrity.

Certainly if we want WS's to benefit from "Marriage BUILDERS", we have to stop slamming....it pushes an already skeptical and often frightened WS further away from what could be a positive influence....

Lure them in....it's often a leap of faith...show them understanding and compassion for finding themselves in a HORRIBLE, shameful, Hurtful, black hole...and then encourage them to take the couragious, difficult, and long walk home....

If we greet them only with judgemental, namecalling, we defeat the purpose of being here!

I'm sure the Harley's would agree!!!

Dr Phil said to the husband in answer to "Why was I able to do this and not feel bad?"

~~~> because you are incredibly selfish and arrogant

which is factual

and eventually, information the husband can use to get himself out of the fog !!!!!!

I agree ... and actually, I think there is a chance that the TV couple could recover ... unless it comes out this has been a repeating pattern and not his first infidelity ... somehow, I think that question was not raised on the show !! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Was it, and I just missed hearing it???

anyone~~~~

IN my opinion, Dr. Phil can sometimes be arrogant too!! lol

I agree Pep, that taking an honest look at oneself is key to getting back on track....however, I still think that couples in trouble can better be helped with compassion and respect.

Someone here said something like, "I wouldn't of married this guy in the first place or had children with him".....

How awful to judge Tracy like that...we don't know if this guy was always like this or has somehow transformed into a typical foggy WS....this is like tellling her that she's an idiot basically!

None of us here would have married our spouses if we had met them in their fogged in state!!

THE ONE factor that hindered my recovery was when people called my WS horrible names....thankyou very much, but I was keenly aware of the person he had become, I didn't need to be slammed with it every time I turned around, IT DID NOT HELP THE SITUATION!!
What did help was when people simply stated that, "yes, WH was certainly acting out of character, we don't understand necessarily why, but how can we help and support you and him?
I saw very little in this thread that would be welcoming to this couple, nothing that showed that this is a "safe" place to come and seek guidance and support.

Face it, we're not PROFESSIONALS. Experienced certainly...but we can often cause more harm than good if we don't weigh our judgements and statements with a healthy dose of caution and compassion.

Marriage BUILDERS....means support for both sides of the equation!!!!

ain't that the truth!

we get "stuck" with the WS-alien after years and years of investing ...

shugah..

I stand behind the comment that I made 1000000%
often people here marry parties with evident serious character flaws...

that they IGNORE, OVERLOOK, or think they can change...

sometimes they even acknowledge them....and choose to do so inspite of that.....

AND
even more tragic have CHILDREN With them.....

SOMETIMES WS don't act out of character...
sometimes it is their exact character.....

we don't address that much here...cause it may sound too much like beating up...but some things are what they are....or it's water under the bridge or whatever the reason..but I think sometimes we do a disservice to BS overlooking character flaws...

ingrained character flaws...inable to process the world except through a filter that is narrow minded and selfish...

yep.,,there are lots of foggy lost WS out there..and I stand behind my posts in offering hope and support in change...

and then every so often you come in contact with ones that are lost....
always have been
always will be...

and this person isnt' here....
and it's an opinion board...
and my opinion is that this BS needs to take a hard hard hard serious look at her WS beliefs.....
and see how much she agrees with..or how much is truly in direct core discontent with her belief system....
and make sure she has strong indendant boundaries from anything he says or does...

this couple is soo far from rebuilding right now...based on the show that is....

this man in my opinion is DANGEROUS to impressionable young men trying to grow up in that home....

I am glad your WS actions were out of character...
my fear is that this WS actions were right in line with his character.....
if I'm wrong then no harm done...cause I'm wrong and it is just temporary insanity on his part....

if you want to report it to the moderators and they want to delete.....

that's OKEY DOKIE with me....

ARK^^

here here! You said it, Ark! To look at things with clarity is not to be judgemental. The truth hurts, but for the sake of radical honesty, we must tell it anyway! That guy is a worm. We're not judging her for being with a worm, we're merely pointing out FACTUALLY that he IS IN FACT a WORM! (many of us is married to one of those, am I right?)