You know penalty kill I was trying to point out to Crystal how disresectful she is being period. It is not about who has a harder life. My point was that there is always someone with a harder life. BTW, PK did you know that I am in crisis?? Would you care to know who you are posting to?

PK, a person will leave MB because they choose. How else can we view life but colored by our own experiences? We can take the MB prinicipals but really what makes this board useful is the actual experience of the posters. That is one prime reason why Orchid's RB is so great because she can tell postes exactly how it worked for her. Doesn't mean it works on all WS but it worked for hers.

Faithful, I am *very* sorry you are in crisis. So, it would seem, are many people on this board. It's that kind of place. Six months ago, I was in crisis as well.

But just because you are in crisis does not IMO, give you the right to dump on others whom you view as "disrespectful". There was nothing constructive in your post - just a rant that might drive away one person in need of help.

Agreed.


We can take our experiences and use them to help others, not to bash them, no matter how much we believe that the poster has his/her head up their @$$.


And some posters are more helpful than others. We all have the potential to help if we so choose.


And you have hit the nail on the head there. Every situation is different, we are all individuals, what works for one may not work for another.

Take care.

Hi Crystal.

I'm a FWS.

The ONLY, and I mean ONLY, reason I even considered reconciling with my W was because I had kids. I had no love for her at all. My LB was dry and I was out the door. It wasn't the thought of the devastation I was wrecking on my W that lured me home, I didn’t do it because of my vows or some other moral argument; it was the thought of wrecking my kid's lives that brought me home. I mention this because you said the only reason you are staying is for the kids. I see that as a very good reason to stay.

You know, I'm kind of an ala carte guy. There are some wonderful ideas here on MB and there are some that I think aren't worth a bucket of warm spit. I never sent a NC letter to my affair partner. My wife never EXPOSED my affair to our family and friends. Since my A was at work she could have called HR and caused a huge stink. She didn't and guess what . . . the affair was over and we have been recovered for years. Humm . . . I wonder how that happened? I guess it is really false recovery?

Anyway, when I came home the thought of SF with my wife was disgusting to me (mostly because I was disgusted with myself). It was the last thing that I wanted to do. I didn't want to be intimate with anyone. I didn’t like her at all at the time and couldn’t stand to be in the same room for very long. I slept in the spare room for months.

My wife was kind with me. She was patient. She let me morn my stupid decisions in the way I needed. She didn't try to control our recovery. She kept behaving as if I still had value. She kept showing me that she loved me. We didn't have a plan for recovery.

It took a long time for me to find my love for my wife again. I did. We have a much stronger marriage now, but it was purchased at a terrible cost though.

I just wanted to let you know that I've walked this and somehow managed to come out the other side. I started from being repulsed from my wife to wanting to have SF with her at a moments notice.

IMO, this wasn't about being tired so much as avoidance. Much as being so happy with your job you want to stay there all the time, don't want to leave to come home.

Crystal,
If TD is holding you and forcing you to listen to him, that's wrong- I'm sorry that no one has pointed it out thus far. I know how that feels, I went through that.

Let me give you another peek at what your future will be like should you continue on this course you're on-

I am a FWW, except I didn't reconcile with my exhusband. He wasn't interested in meeting my EN's- or working the MB principals- not even after he found out about the A- and I tried to get him to to it beforehand. I moved out, and I refused to go to MC- just didn't think I could ever be in love with him again. He told everyone what I did, everyone knew I was an adultress, and everyone that was in my life for 15 plus years turned their backs on me and sided with him. I had to get co workers to help me move.

We divorced and I have met someone else and remarried. My marriage now is everything that I always wanted but yet I still regret the divorce. Even though he neglected me for years before I cheated, it was my choice to step outside the marriage and my choice to leave. My children have suffered terribly because of my decisions and I regret horribly doing what I did. I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life. I will always be labeled the wife that cheated on her husband and then left him. No matter what I ever do.

You think that once you're divorced you'll have it easier. That is a lie, it's harder. It's hard to split custody of your kids because you miss them so terribly when they are away from you. Sporting events and recitals are tough. It's tough to get away from the ex's family that you may have still loved. You still disagree over the kids issues yet still have to be around. Imagine how you will feel if your husband were to meet someone and remarry later on and you were scared the other woman was a better mother? The other day, my exhusband's gf painted my daughters fingernails. You know what? Wasn't a thing I could do about it but it hurt because I want to always do that. But because of my choices, I can't always be the one to do it.

I still think you're in withdrawal, and trust me, I know, I've been there. Think very carefully about how you're going to go forward because it will change the course of your life, perhaps not for the better. If I would have known how hard it would be, perhaps my choices would have been different.

I'm moving this up for a response.

crystal,

coachswife and I have had some talks already about this...

Her story is very much like mine. I have highlighted quotes of hers that could be mine, as well.

Think very carefully about this. Trust me, these shoes aren't very comfortable.