JPH - my husbands work is crazy hours and he comes to see her in the morning before work, so there is not much I can do in a short 45 minute window of time at 8 in the morning...

So I should not mention to him that I am uncomfortable with him talking about our sex life with ANYONE.... I don't care if it was a guy, but it is the wh*re he is telling. I know that is a huge double standard and frankly I don't care...

Do I not say I am hurt by it?? I have been doing an awesome plan A - and I didn't have sex with him because of plan A - I had sex with him because I am horny and I wanted sex... And we were careful...

Just want to know if I should say anything else about it... Or should I let it go...

You could still make a run to the store for the 45 minutes he spends with her. The point being that while you are kind to him, subtly let him know that you don't necessarily hang on every minute he's there.

Of course you could mention the fact that you're uncomfortable with him discussing your personal life, but don't make a big deal out of it. Just state the facts, don't debate the issue and let it go. It's really in bad taste to discuss such issues with anyone other than the person involved.

If he persists in berating you about the subject, simply say "Would you feel comfortable with me discussing (details of his sexual antics) with my friends, family, or HR department?" That should end the subject...

JPH - he has his standard retaliation of, "if you hadn't told her H about about our problems, i wouldn't be able to talk about this stuff with her"... I feel like he is setting me up for the fact that I pushed them to be such close friends by bringing our problems out in the open...

I won't make a big deal out of it, but they are colleagues/coworkers so when in Gods name do they have time to talk about sex??? The more I think about it, the more I get angry with him... It is just innapropriate...

You haven't pushed far enough Alison.

By not exposing at work, you are allowing their Affair to continue.

When do they talk about sex? probably when they are having it.

Alison, like Biggles said - he is cake eating.

If you're horny, get a vibrator.

Allison..you need to nip that "standard retialation." Remind him that you didn't share with her husband information about your personal life. Tell him you're tired of hearing that and if he didn't have an inappropriate relationship with this person, there would not have been any cause to talk with her husband.

Plan A doesn't include abuse...

I agree with moveforward, this should have been exposed to his place of employment long ago. It's allowing this insanity to continue.

Big K - have one of those, like it, use it, not enough. You are not talking to your average woman here. I am a horny little devil...

Sorry for that, but my IC said something similar and I just giggled...

I am doing the best I can for now - being careful and watching my back. I am well aware of what crazy H is doing, I will be fine... That one just threw me for a loop...

H is on is way - if anything good happens I will let you know...

-- Thank you all for the guidance... As someone said - sometimes people just don't get it, they just don't get it... I think that is on someones thread... I will get it, but for now I am just living - and truthfully I am happier than I have been in a long time...

Well,

So you H is having an affair, you are trying to plan A, and you don't seem upset he is having an affair - you seem happier than you have been in a long time, but you are upset as he is telling OW about your sex life.

The point i think people are trying to make is that - you worries shouldn't be about him talking to the OW - it should be about him SLEEPING with the OW...

You don't seem to have a plan except for having sex with your husband and getting mad over meanial things and skipping the big picture.

Is it just me?

Hey, that is some pretty profound stuff...who said that? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

As to the comment about "just living" and "happier than I have been in a long time..."...well, you have heard of the comment of "getting what you pay for" right? If you know this all with your husband and are "happy" as you say, then I say, by all means, do what you gotta do.

Far from it for us to tell you how to live. It wouldn't be anywhere good enough for me, but then again I have been called "high maintenance".. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

LM

what is the going price to buy off your wifes self respect? anyone?

I don't follow...please expand further.

LM

Wine & Sex apparently

there must be something keeping her from getting upset that her husband is having his tart and then coming back to the flat for a roll with his wife.

*edited for kindness. sortof.

gotta be cruel to be kind sometimes Biggles. I preferred the unedited version.

im too new here to be that forward imho. cheers for the compliment though kahuna.

I think Allison gets the picture now.

But, I still say, IF she does this knowingly, then what can you say.

I used to get really angry when I would read this kind of stuff, but you can only do or say so much to people. We are all adults. If one wants to bask "in the feeling"...of dysfunction...then I say.....let them. Harsh? I don't think so.

We always talk about letting Waywards reap the consequences of their actions....I think we need to champion that also for Betrayed Spouses.

Consequences for our actions.
100% responsibility.
No more victim mentality.
No more "woe" is me.

Lem

Lem, you are so right. She gets the picture all right - she lets him continue in his A, gets pissed at him when he tells OW about them having sex but the benefits of the arrangement (wine & sex for her) let her accept it.

wise words lemonman. wise words.

I actually do know exactly what I am doing.. It is torture and I hate it, but it feels a need that I have right now. I don't have any expectations about it...

On that note... I asked H to leave last nihgt b/c he was getting to angry... He started asking me about "worst case scenarios: 1)if we don't get back together, can we still be friends? - I said it would take me some time. 2)If we don't get back together and I (H) end up dating Traci - can we still be friends - I said NO....

He got all mad at me for saying no, but it is a damn truth and if the truth makes him angry well then that is his flaw...

He was supposed to come see DD this morning, but I haven't heard from him.. Guess my asking him to leave pissed him off a bit... Oh well, I am not going to be berated in my own home...

He is acting like a spoiled baby - (I do too at times) - and for today I am finished with his B/S...

Not so sure about you being new here. You must have been lurking for a long while or have previously used another screen name. You certainly seem to "get" this stuff awful well for a real newbie.