if you don't mind me butting in here...

what does that look like?

That is great! I sometimes wonder if it's easier for men not to be fence sitters? Women are more emotional..most are anyways...

Pep - What keeps you on here for so many years?

Hey you!

Well, I think this is about as individual as it comes .. what it looks like.

On a face value, we pray together daily, holding hands. This was Mr Pep's idea ... and one I did not like in the beginning !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> "How dare he want to get an ear in on my conversations with God!"

One of the things I had to learn is how to let go of the spiritual leadership role in our family. When one is married to a drinker, one learns really quick to take the leadership role, or the family crashes. . Part of my spiritual awakening, was learning how to release without anxiety!

Now FL ... that might sound like familiar territory to you!

When one lets go, it gives one the freedom to show up in the relationship without an agenda. AKA intimacy that is not anxiety driven.

It feels like a miracle. And I feel certain that although both of us worked hard at our respective recoveries, the spirituality was a gift.

KWIM?

I think it is CRUEL to allow the infidel to fence-sit!

Hozabout THAT !

It sucks the soul of decency out of them the longer they are allowed to cake eat.

Or, rather, it simply reveals the depths to which decency has already sunk, or was already present.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT

I agree....I wasn't talking about "allowing" it to happen though. I was only referring the the differences in the emotional makeup of a man vs. a woman.

I am talking about some of the BS here who allow the cake eating fence sitting ad nauseum ... they KILL their marriage that way ... IMO

I agree.

Pep - What keeps you on here for so many years?

Or rather, they allow it to die by failing to take action to save it.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT

thanks for sharing pep. i must not be getting it quite right yet, my anxiety is high more often than low.

maybe i need to recite that sentence in my head over and over!!!

What purpose does your anxiety serve?

It has a purpose or you'd extinguish it.

FL

here's the purpose my anxiety served me ... it gave me mental justification to try and control things/people

yukky

It is fun and rewarding. I learn stuff too all the time. I have been challenged to think beyond the obvious by some of the members.

Did your H ever post here?
Just curious why you joined years after the A was over?

Hello,

I am butting in too...

I like this:



I have definitely caught myself with an unconscious angenda before! Learning to let it go is like going from work to vacation. You can just be! aaahhh...

Never. He does not like message boards. He'll read something if I ask him to. His outlet is his AA meetings. 2-4 times a week. Especially the men only meetings.


Well ... I was a long time member of a now defunct message board called Women's Village ... which was taken over by Redbook ... and there was some hanky-panky that happened on Redbook that made me want to leave ... a group of us self-named Redbook Riff-Raff arrived on MB trying to find a place to continue to discuss things ... I stayed around.

My husband doesn't like message boards either. He has never written on one.

I see what happened now... you were already in discussions on the other site and then just brought it over to this board.

AHuman said:



[color:"pink"]oooooh yeah ! [/color]

2B:



I think decent women who have affairs get to where the affair is "greenlighted" for their conscience by telling themselves that the affair is more than an affair ... that it "means something" ...

men, more often than than women, just want to have an affair ... a little "add-on" to their marriage . Although most married men having an affair will not say so directly, they have no serious intention of leaving their wife and family.