Haven't had a chance to post much lately, but wanted to give
an update and couldn't find my old thread ! I'll put some
recap info at the bottom for those not familiar with my
story so that this makes more sense ! As you will notice,
I have not been able to strictly follow the true MB plans
since WH does have mental/emotional issues, but I still
have found the principles to be very helpful, and the
friendship and support here invaluable !

As you may recall, WH was finally diagnosed with Bipolar
disorder back in January, and is now on medication. There
was a tremendous change for the better in both his mood
and attitude in just the first week, and it was amazing !
He wasn't sleeping well at all though, so his Dr adjusted
his meds, and in the past few weeks, his mood has really
gone down some. He was back at the Dr yesterday, and they
are now trying a different forumulation of medicine, to
see if that will work better for him. It's frustrating to
have to go through this "trial and error" period, but
hopefully they will find just the right thing to be really
effective for him.
He also started in counseling last month, and has been
continuing to go weekly. I go along too, and am finding it
very interesting to see how his therapist is really "hitting
the nail on the head" with many of his issues and behaviors.

WH had been trying to break things off with OW since
the DUI incident which ocurred on Christmas Eve.
Unfortunately, like many of the WS, he feels like it's
"easier" to do it gradually than to make a clean, total cut.
He has been spending all his time with me, but admitted that he was still talking to OW some, mostly because "she just moved here and didn't know anyone" so he felt guilty just "dumping her". I would love it if she decided to just
move back to where she came from myself !!!
My IC has reminded me that he has to do this his own self,
in his own way, and that his OCD (obsessive-compulsive
disorder) might be making it harder than a "normal" person,
but still, it's been very frustrating for me !!!
Her suggestion has been that I give him some space to
handle it himself, but to frequently remind him that I
can't be there for him with my love and support and that
he and I can't even begin to work on things until she is
totally, completely, permanently out of the picture, and
I have been doing this.

In the past week, there has been a lot of "drama" going on,
and I'm hoping this indicates that things really are coming
to an end with OW, but I'm not sure what to think-
Last week, on a night when WH was at a work-related class,
I had 13 phone calls , just a few minutes apart, that all
said "Blocked Call" on Caller ID. I assumed they were OW,
and did not answer- just let it go to the machine every time. Then, she left a message on our machine, saying "Hey
WH, it's "me". Can't reach you on your cell, but thought it'd be okay to call your house since you said your BS isn't
staying there", so give me a call".
Now this really gave me a start, and immediately made me
wonder if WH really did tell her I was not at our house,
but when I started thinking about how manipulative and
nasty she appears to be, thought it might also be her trying
to "bait" me to answer the phone so she could talk to me
and try to get information or just be nasty to me.
I also knew that she would know WH was at class, so the
timing seemed to be such that she was really trying to
get to me, not him. And, despite leaving him a message,
she called again 3-4 more times just a few minutes later,
so didn't even give a person a chance to call her back,
and that really made me think she was desperately trying to
get a reaction.

A little later, I got a call that said "Restricted caller"
which is what calls from a friend of mine show, so I picked
up the phone... and got OW, who immediately started to spew
a bunch of crap at me about how "pathetic and pitiful I
was to take WH back, how I'd never "hold" him, how she
could get him back anytime she wanted, etc....
I kept my cool, said the same thing I've told her before
"I love my husband and am making every effort to restore
our marriage", told her to quit calling our house, and then
hung up on her.
Right then, WH pulled up, so I immediately told him about it
all, even as both our house and his cell phones were going
like crazy with her trying to call. He seemed surprised,
was apologetic, and then answered the phone- where he told
her to quit calling.

I felt better afterwards, and okay with how I handled my
brief conversation with her, but also somewhat "violated"
that she intruded on the space and peace of my home.

The rest of the week, there was a periodic "blocked call"
and I can't say if it was her or not, but WH did agree
that we would change our number if we keep getting calls.
(I hate too, as have had my same number for 15 years- even
had it at my other house before we were married).

Then- this Tuesday. It was our anniversary. I wanted to
acknowledge it gently, but not "over do", so got a card and
just a DVD that WH had wanted, so it would be very low key.
Planned to get home, and have a nice dinner waiting when
WH got home from class. Had a surprise though, when I got
our mail. There was a manilla envelope addressed to me,
no return address, "priority mail", and a local postmark.
I wasn't expecting anything, so opened it with some caution,
and there was a whole pile of all the cards WH had given
OW, a long "love note" he wrote her months ago (and she
had highlighted parts of it), and a package of really
awful pictures of WH and OW, some very graphic !!
In the package, was a note saying "BS, have fun with your
husband, I did", and signed by OW.

I actually didn't feel that upset about what the cards or
letters said since I already knew most all of it from our
previous conversations and knowing they were having a PA, (not that it made me feel very good) and didn't actually read them all in great detail, but thought it was VERY
nervy of her to send it, and wondered what her possible
motives were.
The more I thought about it, I can only assume that OW must
be really getting mad and frustrated, feeling WH slipping
more and more away from her, and took a very desperate
measure by sending the packet. I assume she hoped I'd be
so upset and mad that I'd start a big fight with him or
kick him out and she'd have another chance.
I assume she just wanted to really hurt and upset me and
since I won't talk to her, this was another try ????

I thought about how to handle it, whether or not to tell
WH, what to say, and what reaction might come from that
and really wasn't sure what to do !!? I did want him to
know about it, hoping it'd really put the "nail in the
coffin" as far as his interest/attraction to her, and also
for him to realize that he had hooked up with someone who
seems very unstable and desperate to me, but didn't want
to "play into her hands" as far as giving her a reaction
which I assume is what she wants.

WH got home in a down, quiet, tired mood, so I decided to
approach things carefully. Told him something had happened
that I'd like to talk about, and when he said he was really
tired and not feeling good, said "let me know when you do
want to talk about it then", and then dropped it. Felt
pleased that he did bring me an anniversary card too.

Yesterday morning, I was surprised by a call at work from
WH, who said "what was it you wanted to tell me last night?"
I told him about the package and it's contents. He seemed
truly surprised. Told him she seemed pretty unstable and
very desperate, that I was a bit fearful she might try to
get him in trouble at work, harm his vehicle, our house,
etc. and that I felt he really did need to be very careful.
Also told him I assumed her reason to do so would be to hurt
me and make me mad, and that this was not my reaction.
That obviously, I was very hurt, disappointed and upset
about the whole A, but that the letter, cards and pictures
did not mean anything to me and ought to be burned. Told him it was pretty poor judgement to take "racy" photos that could come back to haunt you, especially in the hands of someone like OW, and asked if this was the type of person he wanted to be "friends" with. He said "no". I said I hoped this would put a final rest of any doubt he had about her motives and behavior and that he would be defensive and caring of "us" as a unit, not worrying about OW.

I actually was pretty pleased with the conversation and way
I handled it in a calm manner, and not over-reacting.
We had no "blocked calls" that night, or last night, so
I wonder if OW thought she'd get a big reaction and is
surprised to have gotten nothing !!!?

Slammed

Me- Bs, 42
WH- 39
Married 8 years, together 11, no kids (Wh has kids from
previous relationship)
WH misdiagnosed with depression, put on AD's for many years
until finally correctly diagnosed and put up proper meds
for biopolar last month.
WH previously had brief internet "fling", EA with older,
recently widowed women, and liked to look at internet porn,
dating sites.
2004- WH became very distant, secretive, making no effort
on M, and moved out of house Aug 2005, although he
denied A.
OW called me 10/05- exposing A and all the lies WH told her
(met on internet). WH moved out of her house into rented
room but continued to see OW.
12/25/05- WH got DUI and called me for help. This seemed
to be the "wake up" call WH needed to seek help for his
mental/emotional problems and yanked him out of some of
the A "fog". Began to distance from OW as his thinking
started to clear.

Sounds like you are handling everything well. She sounds like the typical unbalanced OW who is not taking kindly to being dumped. I think that the less attention you give her, the better.

Oh, what a pathetic excuse for a woman! Whoever said that men invariably "trade down" when they leave a wife for an OW wasn't wrong!

You handled it all beautifully, Slammed.

Believer is preaching the same sermonette to you as she did to me, and it is the best way.

Good job!

What a nutjob. Can't WH ever choose someone who is at least a little stable and has just a few standards? I think the OW in my sitch would have loved to do something like this but was too afraid that FWH would fly across the country and kill her if she did.

Your FWH really does need to make a clean break with this OW, she is still holding on to hope that he will come back to her and I don't think that he has yet made that 100% clear to her. JMHO.

Who

Hi Slammed,

The more OW takes childish and pathetic actions, the easier it becomes for your WH to see true OW and how pathetic he was himself to think he would have had a wonderful future with this individual.

You are such a terrific person. You are handling everything so perfectly! I wish I had your "anger management" skills...

Milk

I'm sure 'our' OW would have done this, too, if she could, but my FWH didn't give her anything, so all she could do was send back the cards SHE had given HIM, and letters SHE had written supposedly to him, but it's funny how she had them and he didn't. (So of course they were written for me, yuck.)

Yours is a nut job, too, even worse than mine, and you probably haven't heard the last of her. Just keep ignoring her, and don't let her see any reaction.

You have a couple of options with your phone. You can have blocked numbers blocked, so they will show on your caller ID or they won't get through. Then you can see if it is her or not, or at least an unfamiliar name/number.

It would be worth asking if the phone company can block all her numbers from even calling you, as well. The worst they can say is no, and I know they can block blocked numbers.

Slammed, what a story...you are doing really well.....the OW is a real whackjob.....and your calm behavior combined with a Plan A is making you look like a star.....good job.

We had a similar experience, but not as extreme as the OW in this case. When FWH broke off with OW, he changed cell number right away. He left for a trip and then she called our home while he was away...it really scared me also...FWH and I talked it over and we decided to change our phone number after having the same number for 21 years....it was worth feeling safe! He broke it off in October...later she sent a thank you note with holiday greetings for the family??!!! I do have to admit...I had my moments of psycho....fantasizing about getting revenge....but never acted on them.....saner self prevailed...unlike the case of this OW......

Keep up the good work, Slammed, you are making some good choices...in remaining calm and telling your H in those collected moments and taking the bait with nutty OW....

Thanks to you all for the support and thoughts-

I hope all this drama really does signal the complete, final
end of the A, and that OW will just leave us alone and move
on with her own life- hopefully she will miss her friends
and family and decide to move back home !

I'm sure that continuing to give her as little attention as
possible is probably the best way to handle things- and is
exactly what I'll do if another situation arises.

Who Me, I think you're probably exactly right in that WH has
not made things completely clear to OW, since he's seemed to
have this mentality that it's easier to "ease out of it",
or break it off gradually, instead of going "cold turkey"
with a clean break. It's frustrating to see this and feel
like WH is really showing himself to be pretty cowardly- !
I just want WH to make it CRYSTAL clear to OW, and form a
very united front with me and our M.

I do hope that WH will see OW's actions as very unstable
and that they will completely drain any last feelings,pity
or guilt he has about her. I don't know what else she might
come up with to try, but my goal is to not give her any
reaction or response at all, and to block her in every way
possible from getting to WH, me or our marriage.
I don't think she would do anything too drastic, but hard
to know.
(I'm with you "Sure Survivor", I've definitely had some
revenge fantasies too !)

Thanks, "Not-so-you-neak" about the phone suggestions.
I am going to check on having all "blocked" number calls
kept from even getting through.

WH called me in the late afternoon yesterday, to tell me
he was running up to her house to return her garage door
opener and get his last couple of things from her house.
I didn't feel good about it, but did appreciate that he was
honest and told me. He wasn't gone long, and did come back
without the opener, and with a couple of his things, so it
appeared that he did tell the truth. He was in a bad mood
last night and not very receptive to talking, so don't know
if it got "ugly" with her, or if partly W/d. He also just
changed to new medication and had a rough night the day
prior, so may just have been that.

Had one "Blocked Call" last night- don't know if it was her
or could have been a solicitor call. Didn't appear he had
any calls on his cell during the evening-

What does everyone suggest as far as the packet she sent ?
Burn it ? Shred it ? Send it to OW's mother (just kidding)?
Any reasons anyone can think of to keep it ?
Slammed

I was thinking of sharing the wealth. Kindly cut out pictures of your H, and then tack the pics to different boards around town. Some of course should be sent to her mother and father.

I'd be inclined to keeep them in case she continues to harrass you. I wonder if there would be any benefit in filing a harrassment report with the police to begin a paper trail just to be safe. They may not be able to do anything though since there was no crime. Still, I'd look into it.

FIM

I'd go with a safe deposit box or your mother. I have a yucky little file, too, and my dear mommy keeps it for me so I don't have to be around it, but if we ever need it for anything, it's there.

It is very disturbing about your WH taking stuff back in person, and you are right to be upset. If he is not willing to let you handle those kinds of things by mail, then he is not ready for recovery, and you should consider Plan B.

You cannot stop him from going over there, but you need to be firm about your boundaries, that you are not ok being with him while he is still in C for any reason, no matter how logical it may seem. If he is not willing to give her up totally, you should separate yourself from him. You will never recover, either you by yourself, or the two of you as a married couple, while these kinds of shenanigans are still going on.

Of course he was grouchy. He is a WS who got a hit of his drug, then had to come back down to reality.

When my H was in his A, I could usually tell each day as soon as he came home if he had seen her or not, just by how he acted. When he had been with her, his attitude reeked of her.

Please don't sit quietly by as if this was ok with you. As soon as he said he was going, you could have said, "That is not ok with me. In order for our marriage to work, you need to never contact her for any reason, and it hurts me when you do. We need to mail this to her, and if she has anything to send, she can return it to me by mail."

If he had said no, you would know he was not committed to recovery and respond appropriately.

Stand your ground on this. It is the only way you will heal.

Slammed,
Your ow and mine are probably related. Ow is still hanging on even though H has not seen or talked to her since July. She has sent him emails and bmails from fishing forums that he posts on. One bmail came this week and it was as nasty as you can get...Your wife is blah blah blah....I was going to take you to the next sexual level, something that your wife cannot do, etc. etc....It has gone on and on.

My H did make it clear to her back in July that they were done and he did not want any more contact. I read the IM that he had with her. He initially was trying to be nice when he first told her they were done, but she didn't get it and kept calling him. He started to see her ugly side in her attempts to trash me. Finally he got ugly with her and said no more in an IM.

However since then she has tried so many times that I have lost count. "Someone" put sugar in H's boat fuel tank and "someone" wedged 8 roofing nails under my tires. We know it was her, but have no proof to bring to police. So we wrote an official NC letter last week. I mailed it certified so I would have proof that she received it(Next step was to bring all of this stuff to her CO). Apparently she will not sign for it. (I worked for a govt agency. If we took someone to court we had to have everything documented, so I wanted the receipt of the NC letter undeniable). I just may have to send it to her again in regular mail, not as good, but may do the trick.

I am so blown away by the total disregard this #$%^@& woman has for other people, especially women. She thinks that she is (in her words) "the best and most beautiful". It is quite a story.

I also have all the emails, bmails, IMs, XXX pics of them and everything else that she has sent. I will use these if need be, which unfortunately looks to be the case. But when this is all over with, they will get thrown out with the trash where they belong.

Slammed, I would hold on to them until you don't hear a thing from ow for a long time. That's my plan anyway.

I really think that the OWs are trying to get us so upset that we will leave our Hs. They want us to see what our FWHs wrote them, etc. They figure it will upset us so much that we will leave the M(they are wrong). And they want us to be as miserable as they are. Try not to take all their crap to heart...that's what they want. I think your FWH needs to be ugly with the OW. This type of woman will keep on and on if he tries to let her down gently. It just won't work. She's psycho!

Your FWH needs to send a BLUNT NC letter and then you all need to IGNORE her.

Thanks RookKev (love the idea about posting OW's photo around town <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />, FaithinMe, Not-so-you-neak, and Michele.

I am going to keep the packet in a safe place, at least for now, just in case I ended up needing it. Hopefully I won't and I'll have the pleasure of burning it up one day !
Haven't had any more dealings with OW, so hopefully she is
getting the message that she is not getting to me, is not
going to "bait" me into a reaction, and that things are
over with WH.

Things are moving along.. and seem to be improving, although
it's really slow.
WH's Dr started him on a new medication last week which gave
him bad effects, so he's not feeling great and has been very
tired and somewhat grouchy, so not too exciting around our house. His next counseling session is tomorrow night.

There are still some calls going on between WH and OW-
although they seem to be getting fewer, shorter, and some-
times seem to annoy WH. His big issue seems to be that he
feels "sorry" for her, having just moved here a few months
ago and not knowing anyone, and living out in the "country"
at the edge of town. I have reminded him that she knew she
was moving to a new place and wouldn't know anyone, and that
his attention to her "enables" her to keep hanging on to
him instead of pursuing some activities, hobbies, making
friends, etc. My IC has encouraged me to continue with sort
of a "Plan A" approach, not bad-mouthing OW (hard to do ),
giving no reaction to her, being supportive, loving and
helpful, while I continue to let him know he must bring it
to a complete, permanent end with OW before we can work on
any recovery.

Did find it to be a good sign (hopefully anyway) that WH
asked last week if I wanted to plan a little trip for this
coming long weekend, so I made arrangements and we are
going to take a little trip to Vegas for three days.

WH has class tonight, so it'll just be a "low key" Valentine
Day here. I plan to make a nice dinner, and give him a
card and small gift.

Slammed

Wow. A real piece of work, that one.

As far as your H goes, in many ways I can relate. I too had a hard time cutting OW loose. Didn't want to be mean. Didn't want to hurt her. Not cause I loved her or anything like that, but just because I don't like hurting people. (Yes, I know how ridiculous that sounds)

When I finally came totally clean with my wife and sent a no-nonsense no contact letter, OW flipped out and there was lots of drama, but it happened, I (we) dealt with it and now it's ancient history. I hope that your H will come to realize that though the no-nonsense way is harder at first, it's easier in the long run. Easier and more compassionate for EVERYONE involved; you, him, and OW.

In the meantime, I'd suggest you look into filing harrassment charges against her. A restraining order might keep her from prank calling your house. If it doesn't, a fine might. If that doesn't work, maybe some time in the lock-up might help bring her to her senses.

John

Thanks, John. It helps to hear from others about their
experiences with ending all contact with the OP, and to
hear what your "mind set" was at the time.

I do think my WH is wanting to end all contact, but is
having a hard time in getting down to it. He has said
several times that he is doing it "gradually" because:
1) It's "easier" (??)
2) He doesn't want to "hurt anyone" ??? (ppppplease !!)
3) He feels guilty and bad about "dumping her" when she
just moved here, doesn't know anyone, and just goes to
work and comes home. (To which I say- she chose to move
here, knew she wouldn't know anyone, and him being available
to call, give advise, etc. is "enabling" behavior keeping
her from meeting people, making friends, finding hobbies
or actitivies- SO, she needs to get a life !!)
4) He feels like he is making progress (supposedly talking
less often, shorter, letting it go to message, not always
being available).

I hope that he really is making an effort and will bring
all contact to an end and that these aren't just excuses
or an effort to "cake eat". I also find myself feeling
frustrated and angry with him for being what I am feeling
is kind of cowardly and weak !

We had a nice trip over the weekend, and I had a great time,
but being with him 24 hours a day did give me ample chance
to see that she sure tries to call often, wants to know
what he is doing, where he is, why he didn't immediately
answer, etc ! Pretty funny for someone who tried to "sell"
herself as very strong, independent, not "needing a man",
not "needing anyone", not "wanting any drama" in her life !
She's proven herself to be very needy, clingy, dependent,
and anything but strong, and all the drama has been HER !

I almost wonder if she, like my WH, has obsessive-compulsive
disorder, because of her phone calling habits. We went out
to breakfast and spent the morning sight-seeing Saturday,
and when we got back WH's phone showed 13 missed calls !
(He didn't comment, but I'm sure they were probably all her)
I also continue to see a few "Blocked Call", "Private" and
"Unavailable" calls on our phone at home, and suspect that
some are her, although no way to know for sure, and some
could be solicitors.
There's been no further surprises in the mail, no messages
from her and no constant calls, so perhaps getting no
response is ruining her fun !!?
I've thought of changing our number, and could still do that
but in a way I view her calling as a gauge to my knowing if
there is still some contact, so don't know if it's a good
idea right now ?

I did call and ask about a harassment or restraining order
and found we do not have enough for grounds for it, but I
will continue to keep track of calls, any incidents, and
the packet she sent in case I ever need them.

I continue with my IC, and my counselor has suggested I
continue being helpful, supportive and loving (kind of a
Plan A) but also that I back off a bit, and be observant.
She feels like the recent actions of OW are probably
serving to help WH's feelings for her to fade away and
will put an end to contact, if I can be patient ! (a
big IF at times !!)
It is frustrating and takes a lot of patience to feel like
things are creeping so slowly, but am trying to remember that the ball is also "in my court" since I still have
control over what I do, am not obligated to stay with WH,
and he needs me more than I need him at this point, which
could help be a factor in the situation. (adjusting to
his recent diagnosis with bipolar disorder, adjusting to
new meds, and starting counseling, upcoming legal issues
due to DUI, etc). I don't mean that to sound unkind, but
I feel like it does play into the situation !

Guess only time will tell-
Slammed

slammed i'm sorry your H is still in contact with OW...at least you have some chance though at recovering your marriage!

I'll pray for you!

He is babble. All those things he says are excuses to prolong the A. If you buy into it, he will drag it on as long as he can. Then you can bet the OW or you will soon ask for more and then he will babble again.

How do I know? Mine tried t/d that. Several times. I was fooled for a while, then after having some MB sense put before me..... I finally could see. My mind and heart went in sync and I didn't care if the Ws left. What I realized was my 1 main boundary was NOT to have the OW in MY LIFE eve if it meant losing the Ws. Big deal....never wanted the Ws anyway. I wanted my H back, NOT the Ws.

Just thought you'd wanna know.

L.

Dear Slammed,

This must be frustrating to you. I can see how your WH needs you and appreciates you, but definitely he is still in the fog to tell you that he does not want to hurt anyone??? Excuse me, what about what he has done to you??? I think he "knows" in his head that he cannot continue to have contact with OW while he is trying to work on his M to you, but at the same time he thinks you will be patient enough to allow him to take his time.

I know this is a tough situation. You have done so much for him in order to bring him back, so you do not just want to ruin everything by being too demanding to him yet. At the same time, you do not want to contribute to his continuing A.

I would be patient a little longer, and wait for more opportunities. In the mean time, you can deposit more into his love bank. If you see him starting to act more like before again, then you really need to be tough..., that is what I think.

Milk

Thanks EAV, Orchid, and Milk-
It really did seem like WH's getting the DUI on Christmas
Eve was the "wake up" call he needed to get him out of the
fog and back to reality, and I was feeling good about him
finally getting under the care of a psychiatrist and into
counseling, however this lingering contact with OW has made
me uncomfortable,frustrated,and angry and I've been feeling
some lingering doubts about WH's true motives and actions.

As I've updated previously, there has been a lot of drama
with OW calling our house, leaving messages, "ranting and
raving", OW calling WH's cell phone constantly, and the
packet of letters/cards and photos from WH to OW that she
mailed to me. All of that gave me the idea that thing were
not as WH was leading me to believe, but I was trying to
give some time and some "benefit of the doubt" that WH was
really trying to bring it to an end.

Wh moved back home, started wearing his wedding ring again,
apologized for his actions and hurting me, has continued
with weekly counseling and told his Dr and counselor that
we were "working on things", and has been telling me the same- that he had "totally made his mind that it was over
with OW", that he was committed to working on us, etc...
I've been trying to take things slow, give him some space,
and hoped that I was really making some great LB deposits
by helping with his getting adjusted to his medical, legal,
and counseling. We just took a trip over the weekend and I
thought we had a great time, so it was really special to me.

Well, I found out last night that this "recovery" is false.

I met WH after his class last night, and we went to go eat
dinner. He seemed very quiet and kind of withdrawn (not too
uncommon for him) so I tried to talk about my day, ask about
his work, etc. just to make conversation. Later, told him
I'd like to talk about some things, and started to tell him
how I felt about our situation, and how his continued contact with OW was keeping us from moving forward.
He immediately seemed angry, "closed down", defensive, and
unwilling to talk about things. I remained quiet and calm
and tried to "switch gears" a bit with the way I approached
the issue but he then kicked into his same old "speal"
about he "isn't happy being married", "just wants to be on
his own"- all the exact same things he said at the start of
his A !!
He also proceeded to deny all the things he's been saying about working on the M, being committed, loving me, etc. and turned it all around to it "not being what he said", not meaning anything, and even complete denial of things he
said.
I immediately realized this was all about OW again, and
asked him why he didn't just be honest and tell me that he
had never really ended things with OW and was obviously
right back with her again, and he denied "that had anything
to do with it". I said I just didn't understand how things
had changed in just a day, why he seemed so angry, and how
he was turning things around like that, but couldn't get
any answer out of him.
I left feeling very sad, very hurt, and like I'd been
punched in the stomach. I headed home and found WH not
there, so figured he'd been on his cell phone with OW.
I went downstairs to call a friend, and in a little while
had two incoming calls- both from OW. (didn't click over)
Then, shortly after I hung up, WH took the phone and went
down in the basement. I was up in our bedroom, but pushed
the "speaker phone" button to see who he had called, and
naturally- it was OW. I listened to some of the conversation
and was very hurt to hear WH telling her "he'd do anything
she wanted to prove himself to her", "he'd make it all up
to her", he "cared and wanted to be with her", "he'd be
an open book with no secrets and all honesty" and more of
him basically "promising her the moon" if she'd get back
with him. Then I heard her ask how he was going to prove
himself. He told her he'd proceed with getting a divorce
since "he should have done it long ago anyway". He told
her he'd already filed the paperwork and the financial
information and that I was the one "dragging my feet" (not
true) but that he'd take care of it today and would "draw
a line in the sand" (whatever that is supposed to mean).
OW sounded hesitant- told him she didn't need the "drama"
or hassle in her life, wasn't so sure she could trust him
again, didn't know if she wanted to deal with him.
She said she'd thought it'd just be nice to get on the
internet, meet another guy, and just "have fun" without
a relationship and all the hassles (shows the mentality of
OW, huh !??)
WH asked her if she wanted to go to lunch today and OW said
she'd be too busy. Then WH asked if she could meet him
tonight - that he'd "blow off" his volleyball game to meet.
(this, after he told me he could not miss his weekly game).
WH also offered to take her somewhere or do anything she
wants to do this weekend-
I didn't let on that I heard when WH came up later.
He got ready for bed and went to guest room downstairs to
sleep. I found that rather insulting since it's not bothered
him a bit to sleep in our bed with me since he moved home
and on our vacation over the weekend, but now he apparently
feels "loyalty" to the OW and doesn't want to sleep in the
bed with me.

I'm just at a loss today. I'm not really surprised, but I
still feel sick and hurt.
I don't understand his actions of the past couple months, why he would lie, why he would tell me just four days ago that he was sick of OW calling him and he was trying to end it, and then call and try to beg his way back with her last night.
I don't understand the attraction at all- OW met him on
the internet, has said she hooked up with him for the
"convenience and for him to spend money on her", she's called me to expose their A and get "dirt" on WH, called
his XGF and daughter so they know about the A, and some
word of it got back to his mother, and then the more recent
antics of phone calls, nasty messages and the packet she
sent me !! Why, why, why !!!!???

I also feel really hurt that I have been going to his Dr
appointments, counseling, helping with his medication
adjustments, legal stuff, house he's renovating, etc.
and that none of that and all the "Plan A" attempts have
apparently meant nothing to him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Don't know what to do now.
Don't know if he'll really come home back on the D track again now, or if that was another lie to appease OW.

The house he has been renovating (that he said we'd both
move into if things got worked out) is almost done, so I
assume he will probably decide to move there so he can
more easily carry on with OW.

Don't know if there's any point to trying A, B, or just
letting things run their course to D now, as it seems like
nothing I've tried have worked.

Glad I have my IC tonight, but it's going to be a long day.
Just need support, thoughts, and help today.
Slammed