OH slammed..

your husband will be in living color before your eyes..the mantra.....
be careful what you wish for...
be very very careful....

time for you to get new locks for your house...
time to use this week of talking with him and drop hints like you talked to (insert family friends name here) to help you move this or paint that or re-do this garden project this spring...

time for you to change the colors of the house..etc...

and when husband says...protests..

I can do that
I was going to do that
ASK ME to do that...

smile and say...

now...you don't need to concern yourself with that at all.....I really wouldn't dream of asking you...

also is the man driving with a suspended license...
hmmmmmmmm

my suggestion is be nice for a week..which only means UPBEAT on the phone when you talk...

time for you to think of a mediator
time for you to make sure family and friend know exactly what he has done....


avoid any direct answers to how you are doing
avoid agreeing that this is for the best...
tell each time he tries to rationalize that it is not for the best...and it is because he has chosen to pursue other women and for no other reason.

and you will not agree that this came about from some noble joint decision of two people who were once great together and now a days are not...

fill your house this weekend with friends and family..consider a party....in which you HIDE and protect NONE of his actions....
tell him it's not a good time for him to come and get some more stuff as you are having friends over...and it's

time to empty a bottle of wine and leave two glasses out AS IF you had company...
time to get some flowers in your house with a card that says I really enjoyed talking with you the other night...

and say nothing.......

invite people HE enjoys being around....
have a grand time..
better yet fill the house with people during the times he is coming to get more stuff.....

and sometime on a dreary next tuesday or wednesday...a week from this coming tuesday or wednesday....

hit him with a plan b letter.
have the locks changed on the home
and don't waste your time discussing the dog...
he abandoned his dog...

is he driving on a suspended license??
hmmmmmmmm

you are going to be busy...

past behavior is a good predictor of present behavior...
this man had relied on and chosen contact with you even before when he moved out...

he will expect the same...

you will be guilty of nothing except that you HEARD what he has said..

he wants to be alone
he wants to make it decisions alone...

he is about to find out what it is like to be alone...

let the shrew have at him for a while...she is tactless and graceless calling like a fourteen year old to the home where a man lives with his wife...

she will self destruct him...and herself...

he took your bed...what an a##...I assume you put a little hole here and there in the mattress eh??

oh slammed I predict that you will very soon begin to feel the peace and comfort of not living under such duress and idiotic behavior...

I think that while it will feel strange again you will soon find yourself again and realize that there is a much brighter world than sitting next to someone whose cell phone is ringing off the hook while another women calls and the person next to you has the audacity to answer it...

his new home is as empty as he is....
you have done one of the most stellar plan A's on this board....

you have moved with much more grace and dignity than I ever could have....
you have shown this man what a real human does for others...
time for your to stop giving...
and know that letting him feel the reality of his choices is also a kind of giving....

ARK

Slammed, I totally agree with Ark!

Deep, DARK Plan B after giving him a taste of your going on with YOUR life!

slammed

you are in my thoughts and i am praying for you

i know how hard this is

be glad that you found this place before H left so that you have support to get you through this time and so that you can share the hurt with others who have been there and made it through

Slammed, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

How are you doing?

Are you going to follow Ark's advice? Are you going to Plan B?

Why don't you put your Plan B letter here? I have noticed that most plan B letters go through some significant revisions. It usually starts out being way to long for the WS's fogged out brain to get through.

I hope you post it, because I really think in your case Plan B, a very DARK plan B may be just the thing to snap WH out of it, and the letter will be his road map to you.

You have done great so far <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />, by that alone I think you will do great in Plan B!

BEst,
Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

{{{Slammed}}} Just wanted to give you a hug!

Milk

Thanks to you all.
I didn't get a chance to write yesterday, but did read all
the replies and appreciate the support and suggestions.

The rest of the weekend was physically and emotionally
tiring. Went home after work and felt sad to see the
empty rooms. WH must have had a pretty good crew of
big guys and a big truck as well, as he seemed to have
made pretty fast work of packing up all the items he
was taking. He had emptied drawers and cabinets, and
the items were sitting around in neat little piles on
the floor. He had labeled the cables from the TV, DVD
and CD to make it easier to set back up, and also had
brought our old bedroom furniture up from the garage
to the upstairs hallway. Didn't look like he had taken
any of his clothes, toiletries, books, movies, etc.

I didn't feel like tackling much, so did some other
things for awhile, watched a movie, and ate a bite.

WH came over later to return the hoses (for the waterbed),
got some of his clothes and toiletries, and while there
made himself a sandwich and played with the dog. He seemed
very tired (from moving everything no doubt)but seemed to
sit and linger longer than needed. I tried to be pleasant
although I didn't say too much, and felt so "shell shocked"
that I really didn't even get emotional.
When WH left he hugged me (after not initiating that for a
long time),and said he'd talk to me the next day.
I figured he was probably doing something with OW, as that
seems to be their Sat. night "routine".

Sun. I got up and decided I'd shampoo the carpet before
setting up the bedroom. Did some other things, then got to
work on that, and then WH showed up. He smelled of fried
foods and faint cologne, which made me think he stayed the
night at OW's, and then probably went out for breakfast !
He packed more of his books, office supplies and clothes, and asked if I needed help with setting up the bed. I told him I'd have to wait awhile, since I'd shampooed and the carpet was still wet. WH left with a load, saying he'd be back later...
I continued to work on housework and laundry, baked, and
watched a movie. Once the carpet seemed dry, I moved the
bed back into the bedroom, putting it all together except
for the frame, which was too heavy for me to lift.

WH showed up in the early evening, bringing back some empty
boxes and looking tired and dirty. He saw the progress I'd
made in the house, helped lift the bedframe onto the base,
helped attach the headboard, and then packed more of his
toiletries and clothes. Probably sounds silly, but seeing
him take clothes was the hardest thing for me.
As he left, WH told me "he knew this was hard and it was
going to take adjusting for both of us, but that he really
needed to take some time and be alone." Also said "he hadn't
written off the marriage, nothing was over yet, and there
was still hope". This suprised me- and I didn't comment.
Later, with sore muscles from moving things, decided to get
a nice long soak, and while in the tub, WH called.
Nothing particular to say, just some small talk and a
"goodnight".
Yesterday, had to meet WH downtown to sign paperwork that
would extend the loan we have on some property. (We are
trying to sell it, but loan was due end of March, so did
an extension to continue on same terms). I have been
surprised that WH now seems interested in selling this
lot after he was adamant to not sell, but now I believe
the change is due to him needing some money to pay his
big credit card bills. The meeting was brief- just
met, signed paperwork, and came back to work.
Later, WH called me, and had a short conversation about
him regarding some bills. Then WH asked if I wanted to
meet him for dinner (??) We met, and had an okay time at
dinner, although WH was very quiet (as usual) and got
two calls while we were there- ugh !
When we left, we just said "well... goodnight", as though
we'd been on a date (strange feeling) and I came home.
I didn't finish setting up the waterbed, so am sleeping
downstairs in our guest room. It's okay, just cold for me
since I'm used to sleeping in a heated bed (and with a
warm person recently !)

I am re-reading parts of all the books, and prepping for
Plan B. Since still on "A" this week, I guess I will plan
to go to his IC, if he asks me, since I did speak with his
IC last week and she knows what is going on regarding A.
She was going to try to "steer" his IC session back to his
working on his "issues" rather than the MC issues, both
because I didn't want him to be able to use those sessions as a "venue" for him to try to justify his A, (denying it has anything to do with it, of course), and because she wanted to try to "slow him down".

He doesn't have the medical Dr (shrink) this week.
His last "alcohol awareness" class (due to DUI) is tonight.
(At least until he goes to court and may be ordered to do
more).
I'l be going home tonight and trying to get my bed set up
so I can sleep better.
Will post by PBL here as soon as ready....
Slammed

I bumped up my THOUGHTS thread for you...

I'm turning a corner and not sure I'll continue to remember all that I had to say then...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Slammed,

I know it's tough, and am upset with your WH's comment of "there it still hope". He is such a indecisive cake eater! Obviously he does not want to lose you so he continue to give you some hope so that you will wait around him in case the R with OW does not work out.

I truly believe in your case Plan B will be very effective. Be tough, you are strong, smart, loving, and beautiful woman. You do not "need" him. He might "need" you on the other hand. With or without him, you will have a very happy life. Hang in there.

Milk

Thanks, Milk.
It definitely does appear that WH intends to continue with
his same old cake-eating behavior.
I just don't know if he is even capable of ever making a decision. The more I've thought about that, I've realized
that the other person in all his relationships (the few
I know about)has been the "breaker upper", rather than him.
Don't know exactly what the cause, although my IC did say
that he seems like he "can't be the bad guy", so maybe he
always has to wait for the other person to end it, rather
than him ?
If that's the case, it also makes me wonder if he truly
does have any attachment or feelings left for me, and any
hope of things working out, or if he's just sitting on the
fence, hoping I'll end things so it isn't him ??
That's a really depressing thought <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Knew WH had his "alcohol awareness" class last night (last
one, at least for now), and felt sad thinking of the nights
when things were better, when he came home and I'd have
dinner and a nice evening waiting. Didn't hear anything
from him last night, and I didn't call either, as I didn't
have any real need to, or anything to really say.
(But should I have called, since not yet in Plan B??)

I intended to work on re-arranging some of the remaining
furniture and put away things in the drawers, but felt so
tired last night that I just ate and watched some TV, then
felt really bored. Felt bad that I got annoyed with the dog
for wanting my attention, and then really irritated when I
saw a mouse run across the family room (and I'll have to
be the one to set traps and deal with it since WH is not
there !)

Haven't heard anything from WH today. Don't ever know if
I should call, or leave it to him. I plan to run a couple
of errands after work, have a decent dinner, and then tackle
filling up the waterbed and arranging my room.
Slammed

Slammed,

I know it's a hard time for you right now.

I agree with everyone here you di a wonderful planA and I believe a good planb will knock him off the fence.

You are a strong woman with so much compassion and love for your H. You now need to protect that love, lock it away , save it for when he is ready to commit to you. I do believe he will in time.

Take care of you and become stronger. Your in my prayers ....


Hurting

gosh slammed

i remember feeling the same way right after my H left.....
missing the familiar feel of the house with his things there with mine

feeling like the house was empty

feeling shell shocked and so very tired....emotionally exhausted

and even getting frustrated with the dogs when they wanted attention that i was just too hurt to give

and my H hugged me too.....then called and said this was harder than he thought it would be and he didn't know ifhe was going to be able to go though with it......

in fact, he called lots at first.....weaning himself off me gradually....

probably would have been the best time for me to plan B....before he got used to being without me and before he sent through "withdrawl" from me

but i hadn't found this place yet....not for over a year after he left....so i planned A'd all that time...not even knowing what a plan A was....i just did it instinctively

i'm glad that you have people here that can go though this with you, help you understand, share stories and experiences that will make you realize that you are not alone......and give you good advice

you are in my thoughts

EEEK!!! MOUSE!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a big baby when it comes to those little things...

If I were you..I'd mention to your husband about the mouse...and follow that how you called ___________ a friend to help set traps....

ARK

What you need is an icky little kid. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I pay my kids a quarter for every mouse they throw away for me. Course they did their job so well they're broke now, and having to branch out to weedeating to earn some extra cash.

Thanks for your reply, Hurting-
I am trying to stay strong and think of WH moving out as
a chance to gain some strength and energy for myself again.
With so much to do at the house and staying busy with work
this week, at least I haven't had too much time to feel
sorry for myself, although it's been tempting.
I really do hope I can "knock him off the fence", but am
not feeling the most hopeful about things right now-

Eav-
Does sound like very similar behavior by your WH and mine.
I've been surprised that I've not heard from WH as much as
I expected, as he gets used to being "alone" at the other
house, but with work, his class, volleyball, and getting
things set up, all while pursuing OW, maybe he's hasn't
had time for it to "sink it" yet ???
Or, maybe he was already so emotionally withdrawn from me
that it's not taking much to be physically gone too ??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

ARK~
I did mention to WH last night about the "mouse in the house" and his comment was "Well, they are probably all over the place so you're going to have set traps all over".
Gee,YA think ??? Thanks for the great help,WH (didn't say
it, just thought it). I'll either figure out that traps
myself (I'm always afraid of them snapping me !) or get
my Dad to help..

Hadn't heard from WH all day yesterday, and decided I wasn't
going to call (make him wonder). I ran errands after work
and got something to take home for dinner. Got home and had
a mouse in my trap ! uggghhh
WH called later. He asked what I was doing, how was the dog,
and whether he had left a box of computer cables at our
house.Said he was on the way to his weekly volleyball game.
I was pleasant, upbeat, didn't really say too much, and kept
the conversation short-

I felt bummed later, thinking of two things;
One was that WH sounded like he is doing just fine, not
missing us or me, and having no trouble getting used to
his moving out. I sort of thought he'd at least feel odd,
lonely, maybe frustrated in setting up the house alone,
and would miss at least something about being together.
Of course that thought also made me remember that he may
have OW helping him with setting things up and keeping him
company - yuck !! Makes me sick just to think of OW being
at that house, seeing, or using any of our furniture, etc.
Especially the thought of her sleeping in my old bed !!!?

The other thought was something I realized earlier in the
day. Had been thinking about what a "fence sitter" WH is,
and realized that in all his past relationships (those I
know of anyway) the other person always was the one who
broke things off. This made me wonder if WH is just truly
incapable of making a decision and breaking things off ??
Could that be due to cowardice, his character, his being
obsessive about things, or him not ever wanting to "be the
bad guy" as my IC has suggested ??? And if so, then what
will ever end the A ???? Can't count on OW to do it, since she seems to be pretty clingy, dependent, and obsessive herself. That made me feel very discouraged....

Also, made me wonder if WH is just "fence sitting" in hope
I will get tired of it and end it myself, also so he doesn't
have to have any courage, "isn't the bad guy", and can take
no responsibility for his actions or decision ? Maybe that's
what has kept him connected, at least a little, rather than
him having any feelings left for me or M ????
Any thoughts ???

Tonight is WH's IC appointment. My thought is to go if he
asks me, but if he doesn't call, to not show up.
I did get to talk to his IC last week and she knows about the A, and my concern that WH might have been using IC as a
"forum" for his WS script about "wanting to be alone, it
having nothing to do with OW", etc. (I think she was pretty
perceptive about what was going on anyway). She said she
could try to steer things back towards him working on his
issues and try to also "slow things down" with him, if I
wanted to continue to come, or would understand if I didn't
feel comfortable coming anymore-
So far, I've heard nothing from WH, and just plan to work
on putting the house back together tonight, unless things
change.
Slammed

Sorry, Slammed. Much too soon for this. You are unfortunately right. He is probably "playing house" with the OW..YUCK... Where are you on the idea of PLAN B?



I would encourage you to believe in the plans. PLAN A then PLAN B. Also, believe that this is an AFFAIR..cannot be compared to the nature of his other relationships..

According to the MB theory, he is ADDICTED to her and will find it difficult to "break up" with her unless you do PLAN B in order to not ENABLE his cake-eating..getting his needs met by both you and the OW. In PLAN B, she will be required to meet all of his needs. He will see her for who she REALLY is and she will fail.

Have you read the book SURVIVING AN AFFAIR? It will really help you understand the MB Concepts and PLANS and how this whole process works according to MBers.



You see, according to the MB theory, your H is connected to because of the ENs that you meet for him. Of course, he is CONNECTED to you or he would not be fence-sitting or cake-eating as you say.



Sorry. I have major concerns about this counselor and this counseling. She knows about the affair and is not directly talking about how self-destructive it is..how wrong it is..how hurtful it is to you? Given that the counselor is in such a powerful position and is not addressing this, she is being an enabler of his AFFAIR and he definitely will use her for that...YUCK! If I were you, I would definitely not go back to her.

Thanks, Mimi.
I needed the reminder that I'm going to have to be patient
since this could take a long time.
Guess because I feel such a loss and emptiness at our home
but without WH, I was thinking he should too, but then have
to remember this is WH, not H.
When I think about it, I'm sure he has also been busy with
work, moving things and setting up the house, his alcohol
class, and volleyball game, so hasn't even had much time
for anything to "sink in".
I don't believe OW is going to move in with WH but I'm sure
he'll be anxious to "show off" the house to her when he's
ready. I think it's likely they will spend more time at her
house together, because she has dogs and horses to tend to
and seems like a "home body" (maybe that will be an LB !!)

Thanks too, for the reminder, to stick with and believe in
the plans (yes, I'm familiar with A and B, and have read
SAA and most of the other Harley books, "Tough Love",etc)
Guess I'm always still trying to come up with logical
explanations to try to make sense of this all, when with the
A there is no logic !

I have mixed feelings about the counseling, although I do
like WH's counselor. He has been seeing her in regards to
his bipolar disorder and "issues" related to his very disfunctional family. I was going along in order to be
a moral support and to give some input on how he was doing
with his meds, moods, behavior, etc.
We weren't doing MC, although his IC is also a family/
marriage therapist and seems pretty "pro-marriage", so I
had hoped we might be able to start working on some couples/
M issues once he got a "handle" on himself.
The A came "out" a few weeks ago, when we were there for
his regular session and she wanted to work on a "model"
for communication. I had just found out the A was back on
and was too upset to sit and try to not talk about it, so
asked WH if he would agree to talk about it, and it all came
out. Of course WH's "slant" on things was his usual, "he
needs to be alone, nothing to do with OW, etc" but I was
pretty outright about it all. I initially felt like his IC
might be "buying" it, but then at the next session, felt
more like she was seeing through it and was challenging WH
about it. I talked to her privately last week, and let her
know I felt his whole "slant" was basically a "cover" for
the A, that he had been back and forth with OW, was "fence
sitting", and how hurtful and frustrating it was for me.
She said she had been hearing everything I said (I assume
this meant she was seeing through WH's story) and understood
how I felt, even suggested the Dobson book, and said I might
want to go with the "Tough Love" stance and letter.
She said we could go back to WH just working on his issues
(since I said I knew we couldn't work on the M while the A is on), and she wanted to "slow him down" as well, since he
seemed to be on such a "fast track" to moving out, putting
house for sale, getting D.
My concern, and reason I thought of not going anymore was
so that WH wouldn't have any reason to spout his "WS script"
or anything that would allow him to justify his A. (I had
wondered if he thought IC would tell him we should D, and
that would give him an easy "out", keep him from being the
"bad guy") but IC is not going to say that ! I hoped he
would go back to working on his issues, maybe even talk
about the A and OW to IC, and possibly get some positive
influence from IC. OF course, if I don't go, I won't know
what's being said or happening.. so don't know which is
better ????

WH just called a short time ago and said "don't we have the
IC tonight ?" as thought he was assuming I was going. I
guess I will go tonight, but don't know exactly what to
expect. I'd like to show a strong, independent attitude
(kind of like the Plan B, or Tough love stance) instead of
getting upset and weepy.
Slammed

Hi Slammed,

I wouldn't go to IC with him at this time. Tough Love sounds like the best route to take with your WH. Tell him IC is now for him, not us.
And hopefully IC will help him make the right decisions, not irrational ones. And tell him you are sorry he has made the decision to be alone, though with OW. And if he drops OW forever, you would be glad to support him in whatever why you can. Begin to detach.

Lady

Slammed,
I still feel that the amount of cake eating your WH has been endulging in is a strong indication that Plan B will work well.

Here he goes again, counting on you in his life. Slammed, the man doesn't for one second believe that you will NOT be there for him. He moves out, is seeing OW, and yet calls like no big deal. Sheesh.


How is that plan B letter going?

Daisy

Thanks Lady and Daisy~
The IC went okay last night, but I think it will be my last
time of going with WH, unless/until the A is over and he is
ready to really "go to work", because it just seems like we
are now just "re-hashing" the same stuff and not getting
anywhere.
IC spent about the first half of the session talking to WH
about how he was feeling (depression, anxiety,etc) and how
he was handling the issues with his legal situation. Asked
how he would use the DUI and consequences as a learning
situation and turn into a positive. Talked about changing
patterns of thinking and even lifestyle to avoid things
that are self-destructive.
Then, IC asked what had happened with "us" since our session
last week when we discussed splitting up the furniture, etc
in preparation of WH's moving out. WH spoke up and said we
had figured out those arrangements and he had moved out last
weekend. Said he felt some doubts, and sadness at being
apart and splitting up our things, but also some "at ease"
at being on his own and alone.
She asked how I felt about it all and how I was doing, and I said that while I realized I had put a great deal of
"sentimentality" on our furniture and belongings, what I
really missed was our "life" together and my H. She asked
how I was "coping", and I said I was "getting on with life,
staying busy re-arranging and setting up the house, going
to work, and continuing with my normal activities".
Said I hadn't "closed the door" on our marriage and still
felt we could make significant changes leading to a very
happy and satisfying marriage for us both, and a "fresh
start", but only if A was completely and permanently over
with and WH was willing to put 100 percent effort into M.
(At mention of the A, WH "rolled his eyes".)
Wh talked about feeling like he was always "safe and stable"
in our M, but that he didn't always want to feel safe and
stable. IC suggested he ought to "explore" the reasons why
he didn't desire safety and security since those were normal
needs that most people would want. This made me wonder if
part of his attraction to OW is the "instability" and big
drama" and turbulence they seem to have ??? But why ????
WH said he felt like it would be very easy to just go back
to our M, as it was, feel safe and stable, but not happy
and not have to take any risk or do anything different,
but that this wasn't fair to him or to me (pleeeaassseee !)
I said I disagreed- that first of all, I didn't want our
old marriage back if it wasn't satisfying or happy for both
of us, but felt it could be changed in many ways to be a
"new marriage". I said I felt like sticking with a marriage
and making all the effort and hard work to make it work was
anything but easy, but was worth it, and that I felt like
"bailing out, being by yourself, doing your own thing and
having no responsibility or obligations" was the easy thing.

After the IC, WH asked if I wanted to get something to eat,
and said he wanted to talk about our lot. (We had a peice
of land in a nearby town which we have been considering
selling). Went across the street, ate, and WH had the paper-
work to agree to sell the lot. I said I was agreeable to
selling, with the money split evenly. WH immediately started
in with "NO, it's not fair to split the money when I am
paying the biggest chunk of all our bills". This led to a
long, drawn-out evening of disagreeing entirely about the
way the proceeds would be split. I was not trying to be
unreasonable, and do know that WH has been paying the big
chunk of our bills and expenses for us, but also didn't
feel like I should have to lose money to pay for his big
credit card bills and expenses he accrued because of his
A and the new house ! I know his reason for wanting to
sell the lot now (after insisting we wouldn't sell it) is
because he's run up big credit card bills, and is strapped
for money, and he did come out and say he wanted to sell
because he needed the money to pay off his credit cards.
Well, I would like to pay off my car and my one credit card !
He kept arguing that I was trying to get 50pct of the assets
but wasn't paying 50pct of the debts, which is true (I don't
make enough to pay half of our expenses and bills), but I
reminded him that I have worked the whole time we've been
married and contributed my total income to our joint "pot",
have carried him and his kids on my insurance part of the
time, put the equity from my previous home into our current
house, didn't run up all the bills or expenses myself, and
that I'd only had this lower income for a little over a year, since I lost my better paying job. (change of govt
contract). I am looking for options now for a higher paying
job.
I stayed calm, polite, and reasonable through the talk, while he got mad and loud.(always does when something isn't
exactly the way he thinks it should be or his opinion is
challenged). We left without coming to an agreement.

During the time we were in the restaurant (just over an hour) OW called FOUR times !! The first time he got up
and talked to her briefly out of my "earshot". Then, the
second time, he answered and talked to her right at the
table, very annoyed and saying loudly "I am trying to get
this financial matter taken care of, what do you want???"
The third time, he answered again, was really mad and loud,
and told her "WHAT do you want, I am trying to take care of
this, I'm sitting at the restaurant, IS that okay with you??
and I think she hung up on him. Then she called back again
but he didn't answer, and she left a message, as his phone
sat there, beeping. I bet that was one HOT message too !
(Kinda fun to see the LB's on both sides). Probably dumb,
but it really bugged me to know that he must talk to her
about our financial situation and issues, and that she
knows ANYthing about me or us !
When I got home, there was one call on the Caller ID, from
"private caller" that came during the time I was with WH,
and I bet it was OW, checking to see if I was home...

LAter, WH called me. He was totally opposite of earlier in
the evening- very calm, very quiet, and sounding down. (I
think he was in bed talking to me). He asked "what I would
think of us paying off my car and my credit card, and him
using the rest of the money to pay off his credit cards ?"
I thought it was interesting that he had backed down and
really changed his tune, maybe because I had "stuck to my
guns" and not given in about the money ? I said "Maybe,
but I was too tired to think of it and would need to have
time to think about it".

Talked to a friend afterwards, who agreed this might be a
reasonable divison on the money, but also had a really good
idea that if I agreed to this, we would need to make a legal
agreement that I would not be responsible for any further
debts, credit card or otherwise, acrued by WH (since marital
debt is split 50/50 in case of D) so that he can't pay off
his credit cards now, then run them up again and try to
make me responsible for half later...

I have lots to do this weekend, as far as re-arranging whats
left of the furniture, usual housework, laundry, errands,
etc. and will try to arrange something fun with friends too.
I'm sure WH will come around to pick up more of his stuff
and I don't intend to say much, except to propose the idea
above. I will also be working on my PBL so I can post here
next week.

I am really worn out- it's been a long week, then to have
a big hassle about the money last night was just too much.
With the sale of our lot pending, I feel like it's just
another little peice of "us" fading away...
Slammed

slammed...


Plan B slammed, Plan B.

He doesn't get it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />. Get cracking on that letter slammed. He sees you as save and waiting forever. He has made a nice nest on that fence and has every intention of getting nice and cozy there <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />. Ahhhh!

Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />