slammed

yes....i certainly DO get why you are so hurt,,,and i'm sure scared too...because your H might get a new dog

my H said he was going to get one also....he may have already

it hurts so much to be replaced by OW....then to have him replace your home, your things.....your LIFE with him

but, like me, you still want so much for him to ocme back....the more he replaces.....the less likely it seems

we both loved our dogs so much.....the thought of him replaceing them....really seems permanant.....

what is wrong with these men!!!!

Thanks, Mimi,
For the reminder that there is no benefit to talking to OW or letting WH know she still tries to call here. The more I thought about it and remembered how ugly it was to talk to her before, the more I do not want to be involved in any way with her and her little "games", nor do I want to hear anything about her and WH, things they have been doing, things he's supposedly said, etc...
I also remembered that WH did "defend me" to some degree
when he knew she was calling here before, but more often
he would fuss at ME for talking to her (even though she was
the one who called me). I think he probably is frustrated
with OW for her phone games (calling his XGF, snooping on
his phone, answering his phone, calling here, etc.) but he
isn't going to shut down his own "booty call" and "high",
right ???!

From all the things I know and can deduct, I do think that
OW moved out of WH's house around a month ago, apparently
to a rural area outside town where costs are lower and OW
could have her horses and dogs.
I'd assume her moving out meant they had some sort of fight,
she gave WH an "ultimatum", or something happened, and maybe
they did "break up" for a short time, but if they followed
their own pattern of several past "breakups", it wasn't long
and both were back on the phone, promising each other "the
moon", spending weekends at each other's houses, and are
probably fully back involved. Seems like people who have
to keep breaking up and making back up to sustain any kind
of a relationship, who had no basis in honesty from the
start, who both know each other to be cheaters and liars,
and who have nothing in common would have seen the affair
for what it was and ended it ages ago, but not these two-
they just keep going back for more, regardless of all the
damage in their wakes. Both seem to share some real traits
of addiction, obsession, and co-dependency, for sure !

Am anxious for my little trip next week- and am trying to
use the time before I go to get rested up, get the house
and yard caught up, get a little tan ("self tanner"), will
do a manicure/pedicure, plan a new outfit, etc.. so I can
feel good before I go and hopefully have a great time-

Slammed

Well, nothing new to report - just another day of doing some
job hunting, running a few errands, straightening up around
the house, and doing some yard work, weather permitting ~

Went to an "orientation" at the local "Work Force" Center
yesterday (mandatory since I filed for unemployment) which
was okay- had to register as a "job seeker" listing my job
experience, skills, type of work sought, etc. and also got
a pass card that I can use to access their facilities if I
want to use the computers, copiers, fax, etc.. to job hunt.
While down in that area of town I stopped and had lunch at
my parent's house, so at least got out for awhile, which was
nice. I do try to get out of the house some each day, but
still am feeling very "housebound", bored, lonely, tired,
frustrated and depressed. My attitude is not good right now.

Thanks ,EAV, I knew you'd understand about the dog, since
your "boys" were very important in you and H's life, and
like your "kids" too.
The more I thought about WH mentioning that he might be
getting a dog, the more I think he's probably done it,
mostly because he has always tended to think about things
for awhile before even mentioning them, so his saying he
"might" probably means he was going to, or even already had.
I know there's nothing I can do about it, but it does hurt
that our dog is here with me, not getting any of his care
or attention and he's "replaced" her too, just like me,
our house, our life, with "newer models".
I do love our dog, am glad to have her companionship, esp.
since WH left, but it's a lot of work, expense, and time
and effort. Just this morning I woke up to find our dog had
been sick in the night and had several accidents downstairs
so had to start the day cleaning up really yucky mess !

Don't know why WH would have wanted a pet since he works
long hours and will have to leave them alone alot, he's
also not one for cleaning up messes, and likes to sleep or
watch TV to relax, when a dog will be wanting to go out and
play or walk- don't know if he felt lonely and wanted a
companion, if it's just another addition to his "MLC toy
collection", or if it had to do with OW (she has two dogs) ?
Guess it probably has no bearing on our situation, and would
not make/break us reconciling in the future, as if we did
get back together we would just have two dogs, and that'd
be okay.

I'm going to call a friend and see if she's available for
lunch, then go (with or without her) to eat, run a few
errands, do a little shopping. Looks like it might get
stormy later, but if not I'll mow the yard, and if so, I'll
watch a movie. I have IC tonight, which is probably good.
Slammed

It's been a busy few days, although nothing too exciting.
The rest of last week was just "more of the same"- my daily
schedule of job hunting, house/yard work, errands, and I'm
also starting to get ready for my upcoming trip.

Went downstairs to turn on the sprinkler water Thurs night
and found the carpet near the utility room was damp. A
further look revealed water on the floor under the water
heater, so made a call to my Dad who came over right away.
We pulled the "blanket" off the heater, and discovered leaks
in several places, so as you can guess, I had to get a new
hot water heater. I'm fortunate that my Dad is well-versed
in plumbing, so was able to install the new one for me, but
it was still an expense to get a new one (about $300), which
I really didn't need right now. Still haven't gotten any
money from Unemployment, although I did get a notice that
I was "eligible". This notice also goes to my former company
however, who can "appeal", so don't know how it will go.

Friday I did have two nice things happen- I went out to
lunch with my former co-worker and felt really good to hear
that I am missed and appreciated at my old job. She gave her
notice just last week and will be moving out of state at the
end of this week, so was hustling to get her files in shape,
clients notified, and help with training the new agent.
Seems my former company has now gone from being over-staffed
to being severely under-staffed and the new part time person
they hired to replace me is very timid, not very experienced
and will likely have a hard time with making the sales quota.
Secondly, I got a call from a job I applied for, and have
an interview later this week ! The position is for a "Travel
Coordinator" with a national sports organization, and is the
best "fit" with my experience and skills of any of the jobs
I've applied for. I believe it is salaried, not a commission
type job, and should have benefits, so hopefully the pay is
okay and it will work out. Will keep you posted !

The rest of the weekend was cool, rainy, and somewhat dull.
I am trying to do a thorough cleaning of the house prior to
my trip (leaving this coming Sat), so worked on that, did
some laundry, ran some errands, and went to dinner with a
friend Sat. night. Today I am continuing with job search
work, have done a load of linens, will be going to the store
later, and will give myself a pedicure.

Got an email from WH on Saturday. It was short- he just
said he was happy to be back at work after finishing his
Community Service, and then asked if we still had the "baby
gate" we had gotten when our dog was a puppy, because he'd
like to have it to keep his dog from going down the stairs.
(So, looks like he did get the dog, after all <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Lastly, he told me his D13 had called and wanted money for
volleyball at school, so he had sent her some and deposited
some extra money in our checking to make up for it.
I found this interesting since earlier this year his D13
had wanted to come visit, stay the summer, or even mentioned
coming to live with him, and then got mad at WH because she
hasn't seen him for over a year and wasn't getting much
response from him (of course he didn't want her to know that
he can't drive to see her since he lost his license, that he
was busy all summer doing Comm Service, or that he was still
living with OW at the time), so D13 had very dramatically
said she "disowned" WH, that he was "dead to her", and she
quit calling for several months. Don't know if they patched
things up, or if she's just back in contact now that she
wants money for something ??!

Guess I'd better get back to work...
Slammed

Hi Slammed,

I'm so excited and happy for you that you have your first interview this week! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. I know you will be great!

I got an offer from the job (not the one I was interviewing for in May-July time frame, but the other one popped up in July). Even though I managed to not lose my current one, this new position presents much better career opportunities, and I decided to take it. It will be more stressful, but hopefully after a year of going through what I went though, I am a bit stronger to handle the stress. I just gave the HR person my accepting the position over the phone this morning, and she has immediately FedEx the paperwork. I'm excited but also nervous too, but I am trying to stay positive!

I have been quite comfortable with my current job, which I have held for 5 years. If WH did not file for D, I would not have had the nervous breakdown (??) which caused so much stress, pain, and suffering. And I could have stayed focused on my job, and would have never put on probation this spring. Then again, if this unfortunate event did not take place, I would have never applied for this new position, which is a career step-up for me. Quite interesting, isn't it?

I am sorry to hear about your water heater, but am glad your dad lives nearby and seems to be very handy.

I wouldn't worry too much about the dog - in a way, it shows that your WH is very lonely. He needs someone or pets to come to the door to greet him. He needs to go through that before realizing the mistake he has made, if he will ever come to the point.

Milk

Sounds like a GREAT job for you! I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Any more talk from WH about you moving? Not that you would talk to him in plan B.

Thanks Milk and ChaCha,
I am excited about the interview- was beginning to feel like
the resumes and applications I had been sending were just
going "off in space" somewhere since I hadn't been hearing
anything !
Had applied for some other positions, which were either
Admin Assistants or H/R related, but this travel related
one is much more "down my alley", and I had a strong resume
for what they were asking for. I'll keep you posted-

I'm glad to hear about your job situation, Milk. Sounds like
your efforts are paying off with a new, great opportunity.
How soon will you start the new job ?

I do feel upset about WH getting a dog, in the manner that
it feels like him just "replacing" another part of our life,
but am trying to keep it in perspective too. It doesn't seem
like a very well-though out plan, since WH works long hours,
can't have a fenced yard, isn't much for cleaning up, never
wanted our dog to ride in his nice vehicle, may want to go
out of town at times, etc... but he is the one who has to
deal with it...

There's been no further mention of putting the house up for
sale or my needing to move, which I assume has been WH being
a little bit "nice" since he knew I lost my job. Won't be too surprised if he starts up again soon though,since he's now done with his Comm Service and back to regular schedule
with more free time, especially if I start working again. Of course, I'm sure he is not too happy that the better buying season, of summer, is almost over.

Met a friend for lunch this afternoon and when I got home
there was a message from WH's daughter, my SD13, just saying:
"Slammed, thanks for the money, bye".
Guess she is referring to the money her Dad sent her for
volleyball at school, per her request, but thought it was
funny she left the message here, and for me, rather than
calling her Dad on his cell. I think she, along with her
Mom, and WH's Mom, Dad, and brother have just a sketchy idea
of what is going on with WH, so perhaps she thought I sent
it- who knows...

It's a rainy, cool night- guess I will finish some upstairs
housework and watch a movie tonight.
Slammed

It's been a busy week as I've been getting ready for my
trip, and today had the job interview.
It ended up being with the CFO, as well as two other people
which was a bit intimidating, but they were nice and from
what I could tell, it seemed to go well. Sounded like they
are looking to fill the job fairly soon, so hopefully I
will hear something back quickly. Didn't discuss pay, but
the company sounds nice, the job "right up my alley", and
they had good benefits.

At home, I've been cleaning, have done up my laundry, ran
errands, and mowed the lawn, in preparation for going out
of town. To "spiff" myself up a bit, I've been trying to
get to bed a little earlier each night, added some new
exercises to my routine, have been putting on some self
tanner each day, using my teeth "white strips", and last
night had my best friend come over and highlight my hair.
Also had a pedicure, and plan to do my nails before I go-
that and packing is all I have left to do.

Nothing new with WH, except that his D13 called here again
and left a message for either WH or I to please call her.
Then, her Mother called and left a message, saying she
needed either WH or I to call her regarding the money WH
had sent D13 for volleyball last week. I don't know why
they call here when they have WH's cell number, and didn't
want to get involved in it, so sent a short email to WH
giving him the message, and asking that when he call he
remind them to call his cell.
Just a short time later, his XGF (mother of D13) left another message here, saying they were calling because there was a problem with the check we had sent- apparently D13 tried to change the amount on it ! Her Mom had caught
it, knew the bank wouldn't take it, and was calling to ask
WH to send a new check. No more calls, so I assume WH did
finally call them back and take care of it. I'm glad it
was his issue to deal with, that would have made me really
mad and I sure hope both her Mom and WH talked to D13 about
what she had done !

Will be wrapping some things up tomorrow, then will stay
the night at my parents, so they can take me to the airport
early Sat morning for my flight. They will keep the dog
while I'm gone, so I don't have to worry about that.
I would love it if I get to see a long-time friend while
I'm in Cal. but don't know yet if it will work out, so
I'm not counting on it, so as not to be disappointed.
Will be back Wed pm- so hope all have a good weekend.
Slammed

sounds like you are very excited about your vacation! my visit home was all work, no play....

did you find out for sure thatyour H got the dog?

I'm glad to hear that your interview went well. Have a wonderful time in CA!!

Milk

Thanks Eav and Milkshake-
I got home last night; tired, sunburned and with blisters
from all the walking I did, but did have a good time on my
trip ! Had thought I might feel funny going alone, or not
have enough to do, but ended up doing okay and having more
to do than I had time, as always. Did enjoy doing a bit of
family tree "sleuthing" (visited a cemetery where some of
my ancestors are buried), went to the beach, spent a day
at Universal Studios, full day at Disneyland, drove down
the coast to see resort beach towns, went shopping, and had
a couple of nice meals. Unfortunately, I didn't get to see my old friend, as his job had him at the other end of the state while I was there.

Was surprised to get a msg from WH on Fri. night before I
left, wishing me a nice time on my trip. (In an email last
week passing on a phone message to him, I had said I'd be
out of town for XXX dates). Then, got a message from WH on
Sun. saying he was "just touching base" with me, and also
that he'd stopped by our house for a couple of his "things",
Didn't want to get my hopes up, but his messages did make
me wonder if things were falling apart with OW, or if he
might be thinking of wanting to reconcile ? After I got
home I could tell he had taken a few shirts from his closet
(still lots of his clothes here), as well as his set of
luggage, and an antique glass dish that was his grandmothers
which we had in our dining room. Seemed like odd things to
take ???! He also left a bag of our dog's favorite treats
on the kitchen table. (probably felt guilty because of his
getting his own dog)

Today, I was finishing unpacking and getting ready to do
laundry when I heard the dog bark and the doorbell ring-
looked downstairs and WH was at the front door !
I was very surprised as WH has never just stopped by.
The dog was going nuts to see him, and I just went down to
see what he wanted. He didn't want to seem to come in, just
stayed at the door, but had some receipts from our joint
account to give me, then looked sheepish and handed me
paperwork. I looked at it and realized it was divorce
paperwork !!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I was very stunned, but tried to keep
my wits, and had a brief conversation, that went something
like this:
Me: What is this ?

WH: It's the divorce paperwork- we need to get it done.

ME: I don't want us to get divorced, as you know.

WH: Well, I'm sorry, but I don't want to be married. I want
to be on my own, do my own thing, and get on with my life.

ME: I wish that you'd just be honest and say that you want
to be with OW- obviously you are still involved with her.

WH: Well, that's none of your business, and has nothing to
do with this.

ME: Of course it has to do with this- it's the whole reason
for everything that has happened. If you'd end it, we could
have a fresh start.

WH: I don't want a fresh start, I don't want this, I don't
want to be with you. It's been a long time since I was happy
in this marriage or with you. I care about you and Gracie
(dog), but I don't love you like you need to, to be married.
I don't know if I ever really loved you "like that". (ouch)
I think you always thought things were going well, that we
were having fun and doing things, but it really wasn't that
way to me.

ME: I realize you don't feel that way now, but you did before and could again. You don't now, because of your A with OW, but if you'd end it I think your feelings would
change drastically. We never had any big problems, just
some small things we could change, which with love, time,
forgiveness and patience could really make a difference.
We could get back to a happy life for a family that now
has two dogs. (tried to sound cheerful)

WH: (Getting frustrated and/or mad) I don't care about any
of that, it's done, I've distanced myself from you and the
dog, I've made up my mind, and nothing you can say or do is
going to change it. I want to move on, do my own thing, not
have ties or obligations. I'm tired of talking about it,
I'm tired of you saying the same things, I'm tired of us
arguing about it.

ME: What about going to counseling ?

WH: There's no point in that- you aren't listening to what
I am telling you. Accept it. Get a life, grow up, get over
it and move on. (repeated this several times).

ME: I am listening to what you are saying, WH, but I don't
agree with you and feel that a divorce is the wrong thing
to do, and disaster we'd both have to live with forever.
We were best friends for 11 years, I can't imagine not
being able to talk about funny little things the dogs do,
go on trips together, share our little jokes and give each
other support and love, like we used to.

WH: Well, that's just how life is.

ME: Are you really willing to give all that, your home, your family, all that we had up, for someone you barely know and don't see for what/how she really is ?
I'm very sorry if you felt unhappy or discontent, and I
have always felt like it has to be at least partly due to
your illnesses, not all because of me or the marriage.

WH: I disagree, and it really doesn't matter anyway.

ME: I wish I would have known how you felt, or you would have been willing to talk or do something about it, not get
involved with another person. All that relationship has
seemed to bring you is more disaster, WH, and you still
don't seem like you are happy or content.

WH: I'm fine. And you need to get over this, on your own.

ME: IF you insist on doing something, why don't we do a LS ?

WH: No, I don't want a seperation, I want this to be over.
It's dragged on way too long as it is.

ME: Are you doing this because you've been thinking about it, sitting on the fence and not knowing what to do for so
long now, and had to decide something ? I think it's the
wrong decision, WH. Or is it an ultimatum from OW, who is
so determined to have you and get married ? What, is she
pregnant again ? (I know, shouldn't have said it, but I
was getting mad and upset and it came out).

WH: (didn't comment about remark) Just said "I need to get
back to work, and you need to get the paperwork signed and
notarized so I can file it. If you won't do it, then I'll
have to take it downtown, file it, and have it served, which
is stupid when it just costs us both more.

Then, he left. I shut the door, felt sick, sat on the floor
and cried until I was exhausted. Know I probably said more
than I should have and that trying to talk reasonably or
logically with a WS doesn't get anywhere, but I felt like
I needed to say how I felt. WH seemed so cold, so distant
and so unlike even his recent messages on the weekend which
were friendly and nice- I don't get it !!????

This is exactly the same thing he did with the paperwork
last year- he got it, filled out the basic information on
the initial forms, wanted me to sign it, then he kept it
and did nothing for almost two months, before he filed it.
We had to go to an informational conference in late Nov,
at which we told the intermediary that we were considering
reconciliation, then did nothing further and never did file
the settlement or financial information, which is why the
whole thing expired in March.
Now he has the same initial forms filled out again (looks
like he even copied the same info from last year's forms),
wants me to sign/notarize it, and then may or may not take
it to file. (last year he didn't do it until the day after
OW had called me, exposed the A, and found out WH had lied
about so much to her, which made me feel he did it out of
spite and anger). There's nothing I've done that should be
making him angry (except not "accept" it, agree with his
WS "story" or buy his story that "it has nothing to do w/
OW) since we've not even been in contact, so I can only
guess that his reason to do this, now, in a hurry again
is an ultimatum from OW. I'm positive he is still seeing
her, and there must still be drama going on, as I have had
more "private caller" calls on the phone, several while I
was out of town and that always seems to happen when they
are fighting, etc. (I blocked her home number so she can't
call from there, but she could call from another phone, her
cell, etc.)

I know when this happened last year that the attorney said
I might as well sign the paperwork- it doesn't mean you
agree or want to divorce, and has no bearing on any of the
settlement or details, just basically means you acknowledge
the paperwork. Unfortunately there's nothing I can do to
keep it from happening.

I'm so, SO upset, hurt, disappointed, and frustrated that
I've done everything I can think of, from Plan A to B,
remained loving, supportive, faithful and kind during a full
year of the affair now and then this happens...

Also feel bummed that I've heard nothing back from the job
I interviewed for last week, and nothing on any of the other
less desirable jobs either. Can't believe WH would do this
now, when he knows I am looking for a job...

Help please
Slammed

I sent a message to the person I interviewed with, just
letting him know I was back from out of town, appreciated
his time last week, and was excited about their position
and convinced it was a great "fit" but didn't get any reply
yet. I'm feeling very discouraged that I didn't hear anything from him after a week, even if to say they had
filled the position, just so I'd know.

With that, the situation with WH today, and still feeling
very tired from my trip, I'm very down tonight.
Realized while ago that I've not eaten anything all day,
so need to have something decent for dinner.
Could't reach my best friend, to at least vent.

Feel like I've nothing I've done has made any difference
on WH. Guess I always thought that being loving, supportive,
having a great friendship, our history and length of time
together, and our dog would bring him back, but now he seems
long and faraway gone and I feel like I'm invisible.
After all he said today, I feel about one inch tall, fat,
ugly, stupid, and pathetic.

Thoughts, ideas, or just hugs please.
It's going to be a tough night.

Slammed

(((((Slammed)))))

I'm so sorry, wish I could give you something more than just a hug. You will be in my prayers.

Slammed, I wish you would stick to NC, because you didn't have to go through this conversation with him. "Plan B" isn't a recipe for infallible marital recovery -- it is to protect you from scenes like this. It is to prepare you for recovery OR divorce.

You are in a job search. You need your energy for that, not this.

Please stay in NC. It ain't over till it's over. But a long relationship conversation at your front door is going to solidify him in his position, and debilitate you.

I strongly recommend for you to get the book LOVE MUST BE TOUGH tomorrow. You have got to read that book! If you don't want to spend the money, try to get it from the library. I'm so sorry to say this but you did everything that is NOT recommended by Dobson.

It's not over just as AM said. My FWH gave almost the EXACT SAME SPEECH to me VERBATIM..when I went into the BEGGING AND PLEADING MODE..which you did...The WS finds this to be UNATTRACTIVE. It is important to become TOUGH, Slammed.

I wish I could help you understand the importance and value of PLAN B..just as stated by AM....

You were not supposed to tell him about you going out of town..you were not supposed to open the door when he came by...etc. etc. etc. DARK, DARK, DARK!!!

Too late to do anything about the past now...

Time to get serious about this, Slammed....

NO MORE BIG MISTAKES..like this....

OK?

Thanks Mimi and AM. It does help to know this might not
really be the end, even though it feels like the end of
the world right now.

I do understand about staying dark and have tried to stick with NC as best I could, only sending a periodic email when
necessary about finances, or to pass on a phone message from
WH's D13. I realize now I didn't need to add the line about
my going out of town.
As far as the conversation at the door, however, I don't
know how I could have avoided it since the front door was wide open and WH could see right in. When the dog saw him and went nuts I went to see what she was barking about, and there he was standing at the door, and could see me through
the screen. I realize I said more than needed, and that my
trying to reason, or "make a case" for our M or a fresh
start were pointless with a WS, however, and I can see how
it would be unattractive. What does one say when handed
divorce paperwork however ? What should I have done ?

And, what to do now about this paperwork ? I'm sure WH will
be calling and/or stopping by again since he wants me to
sign it so he can go file. Obviously it's not what I want,
and I don't want to make it easy or give the impression
that I'm okay with it, but is there a point to refusing and
being served (and having to pay for it) or just signing it
and seeing if WH really does file it ?
As I mentioned, I signed it (almost same exact time last
year), expecting WH would run right down and file, then he
sat on it for two months, and filed only after he was mad I
had talked to OW and she pressed him about getting D.
Don't know that he'd do the same thing again, but he does
seem to be following same pattern...

I do have and have read "Love Must be Tough" several times.
I know I need to be tougher, and have worked on becoming
more independent and strong. It has been very hard as I was
brought up to be "nice", unselfish, loving, kind, etc. so
it goes against my instincts and grain to not be "nice".
Another thing making it tough right now is the job situation
and having to dependent on WH for financial support-

Also, something that's just started to bother me recently is
that I feel like I'm losing the support of some friends and
family as far as recovering my M. I feel like people, even
my parents, have given up on WH as a "lost cause", and feel
like I should be giving up and moving on. Part of me feels
that way at times too, but my strong reaction today, and
even feelings I had on my trip (felt some pangs of sadness,
sentimentalism when I was at places I had been with WH)
make me know I'm not ready to give up yet.
Don't give up on me yet either, please !

There is a reason the Harleys recommend up to an 18 month Plan B. This isn't over yet!

I don't know if it's over or not over. I didn't mean to extend false hope. Or anything at all.

Stick with what works. Be pragmatic. Encounters set YOU back. Forget about him.

You do have to move on. Your friends want you to move on. Plan B is about moving on. Your friends don't want to see you weepy and bedraggled and obsessed with WH -- and they're right. You shouldn't be.

The only difference between Plan B and being free and single is that you aren't dating anyone or making long-term plans.

No contact with kids can be hard -- but be creative.

As for the paperwork -- get a lawyer. Don't count on him not being serious. Be prepared for business. Know what your rights are. Know what your options are.

Remember that famous line from Faye Dunaway in "Chinatown"? "I never get nasty, Mr. Geddes. My lawyer does."

If he figures it out -- fine. If he doesn't -- get your ducks in a row.

He may not "love" you -- but you can make sure he respects you. That's part of being tough.

I'm so sorry for you, Slammed. I certainly know how it FEELS like the end of the world. It certainly is not. Just recall your vacation to know that there's a lot of world left out there.



This is all in hindsight, I know. BUT, you could have "SLAMMED" the door in his face....and then locked it...if he came on in with his key, you would have run to a room in your house and locked the door.

He is being TOTALLY DISRESPECTFUL of you. How about if you had showed up at HIS HOUSE? He totally ignored the PLAN B letter!



Another indication of how he disrespects you. He should not feel comfortable doing this to you. He needs to contact your lawyer...and if you stay dark this is what he will have to do. I can't recall the details of your situation right now but in no way should you sign any paperwork that he has brought to you in such a disrespectful manner. Let him find a way to get it to you. Make him do all the hard work. Sign only when you are good and ready to sign not when he wants you to.



Didn't we talk about changing your phone number? If he shows up, don't answer the door. If he comes in anyways, do as I suggested above.


Pick up and read LOVE MUST BE TOUGH again, Slammed. You didn't get it. You have a much greater chance of reconciling with your WH if you gain his RESPECT. DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO DISRESPECT YOU. Give him the message that you don't want him until he wants you. I told my H this, quoting almost directly from LOVE MUST BE TOUGH..although you don't need to talk to your WH now, give him this message..."OK, you don't want me. I'll sign the papers"..But, sign them on your own terms..where, when and how you want to sign them. First and foremost, BE NICE TO YOURSELF!!!

Of course, I won't give up on you, Slammed.

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Good points all, Mimi.