This is how he knows, Slammed. You go out of Plan B on the slightest pretext. And I suspect OW knows, too.

Understand what you're saying, A.M., but I don't see that
my reply to a question regarding my job (ie: finances) was
a jump out of Plan B ?
I wasn't showing interest in him, getting back together,
begging or pleading for him to end the A, or mentioning
anything about OW, asking about him or his life, or doing
anything other than a business-like response, which I
thought was a good way to show I was sticking to my plan.

Could have elected to do nothing and not mention OW was
still calling here as I have done in the past, but felt
like WH ought to know this- I don't think he had any idea
and perhaps knowing she is bugging me and lying about it
to him could have been an big LB between them ?
I also thought it would show I was standing up for myself
and not taking any part in OW's games. Wanted him to know
about it so he/she will know I WILL do anything I legally
can if she continues to bug or harass me, and dont' think
it sounded like any kind of begging, pleading, asking for
help, or asking anything of him, just matter-of-fact.

I'm sure OW knows nothing of Plan B- WH would have trashed
the letter as soon as he read it knowing she is a snooper
and lived at his house at the time he received it. I'm sure
she has interpreted my "silence" and lack of any contact or
interaction as her "win" over me to get WH, and as him just
following through with the requirements of her ultimatum
and manipulations. I don't think she views me as a threat
at all considering all the B.S. WH has told her about how unhappy he was, how he married me for the "wrong reasons", didn't ever "love me like that", was already separated and
getting D before they ever met (therefore, to her, they are
not having an affair), etc. Also know our "false recovery"
was based on him telling her he was "soul searchig" while
he told me he broke up with her and was committed back to
us. She never knew I went to his appointments, helped with
meds, that we celebrated an anniversary while back together,
went to Las Vegas together, or were back, living as a couple
while he was home- so, no wonder she thinks she is so far
superior...

Maybe you could explain more ?
Slammed

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

You've got me really confused, Slammed.

I thought it was you that said that PLAN B is a MB STRATEGY.

It's PLAN A or PLAN B...no in between...regardless of the situation...

My H and I shared assets, too...

We had to sell our house. I had to dodge him at the realtor's...You work it to maintain your PLAN B....

This is my CONFUSION. Read up on PLAN B. IT IS NO CONTACT!!!

That is why even people with children have an INTERMEDIARY!!!

The MB PART Of PLAN B is NO CONTACT so that the OW has to meet ALL OF HIS NEEDS AND FAIL..so that you are taken out of the equation..so it is all about THEM!!!

You are most definitely right back into the TRIANGLE..with her being able to call you. YUCK!!!!

How messed up is that?????

How is that not DISRESPECTFUL of you for her to call you with that foul talk? If he had not been having this affair, this would not be happening to you....this is about HIM... what he is continuing to do TO YOU..and not her..HIS CHOICE was to do this to you....he is likely trying to sweettalk you into selling your house...

HE IS A WS, SLAMMED..This is no longer your H...HE IS NOT LOOKING OUT FOR YOUR BEST INTERESTS!!!

H hands you this CRUMB..of helping you with a job...

You deserve much, much better than this...

I wouldn't want his HELP..I wouldn't want to be his FRIEND... All you should want is for him to END THE AFFAIR and to step up and to be YOUR HUSBAND.....

Guess I'm confused too, Mimi- I'm not understanding what
you are saying here ?
I do believe in MB and the associated plans, although I
realize that nothing works for everyone, and it appears
that many here have been given "alternate" variations on
the Plans when they counsel with the Harleys.
I would love to call SH, but with no job, can't afford it.

I'm am trying hard to stick with Plan B, but don't have a
way to avoid all contact at all times when I do have to
depend on WH for financial support. I've tried to avoid
all calls, "hid" in the shower when he stopped by, and
utilize just the email for the necessary correspondence,
so I have tried to stick by what I said in my PBL.

I am trying hard to gain WH's respect, and to some degree
feel like Plan B, at least in my case, has sometimes worked
against that, and made it seem I am passive and weak, rather
than showing any strength. I've felt like WH's actions since
going to Plan B have showed that he doesn't miss me, our M,
any of the EN's I filled, and that he's become more bold
about doing whatever he wants, possibly because he gets no
feedback or resistance from me, doesn't have to feel guilty
since we don't talk or see each other, and it allows him to
feel that I'm "okay" about everything so he can move on...
That's not the message I thought I was to be giving ???

Slammed

Do you have a copy of Surviving an Affair? If so, there are some pages that I would suggest that you read. If not, I will quote some excerpts for you.



I don't think you have a good understanding of Plan B.

There is supposed to be NO CONTACT..Period....

In a SUCCESSFUL PLAN B, you would have absolutely no idea what's going on with your WS....

How can you interpret his actions as you have stated above?

Slammed, if your H was FINISHED with you, he would not be coming around and calling you and E-mailing you..unless he had an ulterior motive...the OW wouldn't feel so threatened by you... Your continued contact with him, breaking your PLAN B, is enabling his A, IMO, and making him feel comfortable with pursuing a D.....

Yes, Slammed, people have varying degrees of Plan B, sometimes, as advised by Harleys. I couldn't afford to have a counselor either -- so I called in to their talk show. Twice. You can, too. It's free.

Have to agree with Mimi. You don't seem to understand the concept of Plan B. You don't understand that it's not being "weak" and "passive" -- terms that already show that you are not thinking about protecting yourself, protecting your love, etc., but still thinking about how it looks to HIM.

This is what I've been warning you about all along ... your obsessive focus on him and what he's doing. It plays out in your actions, regardless of your intentions -- this is what I meant by "intended meaning" over "real meaning" earlier. You said "no contact" in your Plan B letter -- yet he continues to have contact when he wants it. THIS is what will appear to him to be weak. You say things, but don't mean them.

You said he doesn't know anything about you anymore. Apparently he knew you don't have a job, have been job seeking, etc. Now he knows about OW calling you, etc. From your tone of voice, etc., he probably picked up a lot more "news" about you.

You gave him his fix.

Don't you remember how just seeing his picture in the paper yesterday affected you? Don't you think he works pretty much the same way?

Can you see why a dark Plan B is necessary for YOU? Can you see how this has drawn you back in to obsessive thoughts about him, her, what he wants, the way they work, etc. Read your last few posts.

You keep thinking of excuses why you can't go dark. Try to be creative and think of ways you can. Slammed, I went through a whole divorce process with no contact. The only contact was mandated, read, and directly supervised by my attorney.

You can do it too. But, as my father used to say, "First you gotta want to."

It's fine if you don't want to. It's fine to say you hate Plan B and don't want it. But you can't have it both ways -- say you are in Plan B, and then break it when you feel like it, when you feel it's okay contact.

You got your fix, too. You got back into the situation that keeps drawing you back in. It's not healthy.

slammed

if you are ready to stop all contact with your H and OW, you will have to make some hard choices....i know because i had lots of reasons that i thought were good to keep some contact even if just through e-mail

but i finally decided that i had to let my H see what his life would be like without me in it....because if he divorces me...that's how it will be

i won't be his friend and i won't want his help so he can feel all better and i won't be the person he vents his frustration upon

even though the contact that i was having with my H was hurtful and OW was calling and sending me nasty e-mails it was still hard to take the steps that would take his voice away....to take him completely out of my life

but he HAS TO live the life he would have if we were divorced to really know if that's what he wants

that's exactly what Jennifer advised

and slammed....you will "rock his world" if you take the steps to show him that you will not accept being treated this way by him and if you remove yourself completely from his life

IF you are ready, i would suggest a very brief plan B letter with the changes you are making-including your conditions for reconciliation (since you have not been in a dark plan B)

and then:
-mail all bills to him (no contact is needed for that)
-change your home number
-change your cell phone number
-change your e-mail address or block any e-mails from him or OW-if you can't do that, foreward them to your intermediary
-tell your H in your plan B letter that contact with him and OW is too painful for you so you have arranged for a friend to recieve and read all e-mails from him and inform you of only the details that are important and related to your finances
-when you are ready to do this slammed, i would be willing to give you my e-mail address and be your intermediary


i know how hard this will be for you slammed and i know you will think of lots of reasons not to do it....some will be really good reasons too

but i do believe that as long as he still has a little bit of you...nothing will change

my heart is hurting for you slammed and i know that it's hard to make this choice because of the fear of "out of sight out of mind" but that's what plan B is....

let me know if you decide that you need my help

and if you're not ready...i understand

Mimi~
Yes, I do have SAA and think that I understand the theory
behind plan B, as given in the book anyway, as a means to
force the WS to have all their needs met by the OP, and to
make them see a more realistic picture of being with OP-

That has been my goal since going to Plan B, and I thought
after having my PBL draft here and revising it several times
with suggestions from various critiques, that it was a good
letter, clearly stating my position (could not be involved
with WH as long as he was involved with OW, would handle
necessary communication regarding finances, etc. by email).

I guess some of my confusion and frustration is that I HAVE
been doing what I said I would and wouldn't due in the PBL-
I haven't been involved with him (haven't called him, don't
accept his calls, "hid" when he came by the house, and have
stuck to email for correspondence which has been business
type stuff.)
I have really tried to keep the boundaries, and admit it's been hard at times since I can't change the locks, can't change the cell number (my phone is an "add on" to his work phone, so I can't change it), and the biggie; have to have
WH's financial support (he is paying the bulk of the bills
and expenses, including this house).
I tried to simplify the financial stuff to only needing to
send an email once a month listing the bills due, amount,
and due date, totaling them up, deducting my contribution,
and showing the remaining amount needed. He then deposits
that amount in the joint checking, I contribute my part,
and I write and mail the checks...

My comment that WH didn't seem to miss me, our M, any EN's
that I was meeting and seemed to have gotten bolder since
I went to Plan B are based on my observations that :
WH has not tried to contact me except in regards to money
matters, insurance, other business type issues.
WH decorated, furnished, and bought all new stuff for "his"
house, apparently maintains it, does his own laundry, cooks,
cleans, shops, and takes care of his "domestic" needs.
WH got his own dog, presumably so he wouldn't fill lonely
and wouldn't need our dog- since getting his he's not asked,
mentioned or stopped by to see ours.
WH is handling his meds and counseling for himself.
Seems like if WH can handle all of the above for himself,
and has OW to cover recreation, admiration and SF, he has
himself covered, so no reason to need me for EN's.

Mimi- you commented that in a successful Plan B, I wouldn't
know anything about WH's life...my comment was that I DONT,
and that is what is so painful to me, because I really did
care about his family, daughter, job, etc...
WH knows nothing about things going on with me, other than
that I'm looking for a job and that OW's calling here had
made me mad. Thought that my reply was very "businessy"
though, and shouldn't have conveyed anything other than
she was continuing to call and that I would do whatever
I could legally if it continued. (He found out about my
losing my job when he called my office months ago and was
told I didn't work there anymore, and would have found out
anyway because I had to reduce the amount I contributed
towards our bills/expenses).

A.M.~ I know I do talk about WH and OW here, both in my trying to come as close as possible to having a sort of an understanding" I can live with, and in a effort to vent with people who understand and have been there as well.
I do want to get WH's attention, change our "dynamics",
and would do anything in the world I could do if it would
end the affair and lead to a restored marriage too, but
I'm not forgetting about protecting me, my feelings, my
love for H, my health,or my sanity-
I do stay busy working (looking for work in my case),doing
things with family/friends, participating in my hobbies
and other activities, but I have to be honest and say how
I miss H, our life, our plans, and our goals too.

Can't speak for WH, but I sure don't want contact or a "fix"
of any type from WH. Seems like the only contact he wants
with me has been when he's "had to" in regards to money
matters, etc. and those times have been brief and to the
point.

EAV~ Thanks so much for the support, and for always being
very understanding. I know we often think alike, and may
have WH's with some similarities too. Thank you so, so
much for your offer to help-
I remember when you first went to Plan B, and know I did
feel some of the same hesitancy myself- wondering if it
would make it "too easy" for WH, if he'd quit thinking of
me, and if it would just give him what he wanted. But,
I agree, I don't want to be WH's friend, don't want him
to think it's "okay", and don't want to do anything that
"enables" him. (he's got his Mother to do that)

I'm beginning to feel like my WH may be one of the WS that
has to actually lose everything before they realize it,
and might stick with OW even then, just because it's the
"easy" thing to do and he'd hate to admit he was wrong. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
But, I'm willing to keep trying and "keep the faith" for
as long as I can (although with D looming, that may not
be long). I will try to go "darker"-

Does everyone think I should re-write and/or give WH the
PBL again ? IF so, saying the same things, or something
different ?
Thanks to all,
Slammed

BS- (me) 42 WH- 39 Married 8 years, together 11
No kids (WH has D13, D10 from previous relationship)
EA began 7/05- Wh met OW on internet 8/05- Turned PA
and WH moved in with OW (I didn't know it at the time)
DDay- 10/18/05 when OW called, told me all the details
WH and OW break up 10/19/05, he moved to his own place
Affair resumes within two weeks, WH files initial D papers.
12/24/05- WH gets DUI, calls me for help, breaks up w/OW.
Jan 06- WH moves home, diagosed with BPD, says he wants to
reconcile, begins meds and IC.
Feb 06- Celebrated our anniversary with trip to Vegas.
A resumes two weeks later.
Mar 06- WH moves out to "his" house. D papers expire,
WH gets extension.
Apr 06- OW moves in with WH "temporarily". D paperwork
expires again and is dismissed.
May 06- Plan B begins
Jul 06- OW moves out of WH's house- supposed "break up"
Aug 06- WH files D paperwork

You forgot a big chunk of Plan B, Slammed.

It's to detach YOU from the situation, it's to pull YOU out of the triangle, it's for YOU to restore sanity to your own life and stop thinking about "them."

Plan B, through no contact, prepares you for two possibilities: reconciliation or divorce.

AM

i DID NOT go into plan B to detatch myself from the situation. It happened-but that was not my reason. I did it in the hopes that it would save my marriage.

it was just too hard to face giving up the little bit of contact that i had for any other reason.

regardless of why others go into plan B.....that was my reason or i wouldn't have done it.

I hate plan B, I hate having givin up the limited contact that i had with my H. That's the honest truth and maybe where slammed is also.

I can't add much at all to what Eav and Mulan have said to you. IMO, it would be great for you to carefully read back over their advice which is EXCELLENT!!

What you are missing is the ABSOLUTE need to be TOTALLY DARK. You continue to give excuse after excuse. If you can't be totally dark, then you are FAILING at PLAN B. I am saying this strongly on purpose because if you are interested at all in recovery of your marriage ... THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY!!

This paragragh is FILLED WITH EXCUSES....



Eav gives wonderful advice on how to handle this....

Then, you say:



These are ALL ASSUMPTIONS of yours..not backed up by any FACTS. How can you know that he is taking care of ALL of his domestic needs? How can you know WHY he got his dog? She might have bought it for him...He might have bought if for her. The thing is you don't know or don't need to know about him as long as he is with her.

PLAN B IS ABOUT REMOVING YOURSELF TOTALLY FROM YOUR WH UNTIL HE ENDS HIS AFFAIR..PERIOD. As I said before, the HOPE is that your TOTAL ABSENCE...DARKNESS will cause him to miss you.( This is clearly stated in SAA). The REALITY of today is that is is still with her. Therefore, you must accept that TODAY he does not want to be with you.

For me, as Eav knows that I have said a zillion times, I came to not want my H until he wanted to be with me...I didn't want to be his friend..I didn't want to have anything to do with him. I just couldn't handle being part of the triangle any longer. He clearly knew that once I went into Plan B. THIS IS CLEARLY WHAT YOUR H HAS NOT LEARNED, SLAMMED!!! This why I say that he does not RESPECT you. He still thinks that you would accept his assistance in finding a job. He should have gotten the message that you are FINISHED WITH HIM..DEAD TO HIM..DARK TO HIM...UNTIL HE GETS RID OF THE OW. As Mulan has stated, why should he get rid of her if he can still get his FIX from you. HE GOT AS CLOSE AS YOUR BATHROOM DOOR!!! ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS TO THROW OUT A CRUMB of attempting to find you a job.

Slammed, he could have helped you find a job months ago without asking you...IF HE REALLY CARED about your unemployment.....



You see, you don't get it, Slammed. There should have been ABSOLUTELY NO REPLY to him AT ALL whether it was "businessy" or not. There's no information that states that a "businessy" reply to a WS is better. This is you doing it YOUR WAY, Slammed.



Eav, gave you more than SUPPORT. She gave you very sound, specific and helpful advice, IMO.



Slammed, stop saying you will TRY and JUST DO IT.

I'm encouraging you to FIGHT for your marriage. You are being your own worst enemy, Slammed, by not DOING THIS. You are coming up with lots of justifications and rationalizations. Why?

I don't think you need another letter. I think you need to change your phone number, E-Mail address and means of handling the finances...

NO TALK..JUST ACTION..COMPLETELY DARK....

REALLY DO PLAN B....

if you are paying the phone bill, you can get the phone shut off and put into your name. Actually my H name was the only one on our bills so they wouldn't "shut it off" or "transfer it into my name unless he called them to request it. What they DID do.....i pciked a new long distance carrier (with better rates) and the old company had to pass the account on to the new company-the new company fills out a request so it didn't matter that my H didn't call. Then once the new company had it, they changed it into my name.

BUT if you can't get your own phone, block all of OW numbers AND all of your H....she's calling you from his umbers anyway! and use your caller ID-don't answer or even listen to calls from either of them.

Slammed, I wanted my H to see tha if he divorces me, i will have nothing to do with him. NOTHING....and i wanted him to have a chance to decide if he really wanted that.

and...what i was doing wasn't working anyway....so I had to try something new

maybe he will decide that he can live without ever hearing from me or seeing me again....if he does....well...he wasn't going to come back anyway no matter what I did then was he?

i would suggest that you try these things slammed....take a chance that he might relize that he really can't get his needs met from OW alone and that he really does want you in his life

try a dark, dark plan B......give it some time


ps
i really thought long and hard before i m ade the suffestions to you in my earlier post because i know that i didn't WANT to go into plan B....i didn't want to lose the little bit of my H that i had left.....so i think i know how you feel and how hard it must have been to have someone again suggest that you go DARK! but I think you may be at the point where you need to do something drastic....and THIS might be IT!

Slammed:

Eav's advice continues to be GOOD!!

I wonder how you would characterize you, me and Eav...

Is that we love HARD and INTENSELY?

Is it because our Hs were so so SPECIAL for whatever reason? It doesn't really matter....

I'm vividly recalling the time period when I came to the decision to LET MY H GO..I FREED HIM..I even told him this to his face...I'm recalling how SHOCKED he looked..because I was dead serious and he BELIEVED it...

I LET HIM GO and TURNED IT COMPLETELY OVER TO GOD.

I knew that I had done everything that I could possibly do to save my marriage and it was out of my hands.

This is where you are, Slammed. This is where you need to be..this is what we are wanting for you...

That is how I was able to GO DARK. That is how I was able to do PLAN B..and I goofed BIG TIME during PLAN B..but I went right back into my DARKNESS....

I ACCEPTED that I was POWERLESS and it was all in GOD'S HANDS....

Well, eav, I think a very important part of the mindset of Plan B is that you recognize that you are currently part of the affair, that the whole situation is way out of your control, that the affair is going to have to unravel without your help, and the best you can do is leave them to it. That's the "detach" part.

Without this mindset, there is a temptation to view Plan B as another manipulative game. You cut off communication -- and then wait to see if you get a reaction from the WP, then analyze the reaction, and post some more about what they are thinking and doing.

And on some level, I think the affairees know it's a game, and treat it accordingly. WS baits you to see if he/she can get you out of your corner -- as Slammed's WS did.

With the right mindset (and few of us can do this, right off the bat) you don't even care how the WS views it. You mean business. The silence is horrible at first, but you begin to fill your life with good things, as the affairees dree their weird. And they dree their weird, whether or not you know it.

AM:

I agree that some folks can come to view PLAN B as a "manipulative game" but the Harleys/Jennifer definitely see it as a last resort PLAN to save the marriage.

It's PLAN A then PLAN B....a TOTAL PACKAGE... With an effective (for want of a better word) PLAN A, the WS has a high likelihood of missing the BS during PLAN B...when the OP is required to meet all ENs...This is particularly effective when there is a CAKE-EATING WS...

This is spelled out in SAA which is why I was encouraging Slammed to review what Harley says...

Yes, I'm keenly aware of that, Mimi. That's what everyone hopes when they go into Plan B. I did, too.

But I still think it's important to have the right mindset. If you go into it thinking that you are going to manipulate the affair, that it's a foolproof plan to win back your spouse, you are doomed to heartache and Plan B failure.

Conducted rightly, you "win" no matter what the outcome.

I agree with you wholeheartedly about this, AM.

However, it is a PLAN..albeit a LAST RESORT PLAN..to save your marriage. The BS is guarding their love for the WS..in anticipation of possible reconciliation...and PLAN B most definitely is not FOOLPROOF.

I'm concerned that Slammed had the same anxiety that I did..that this is not a MB PLAN.

The only way that I could bring myself to do PLAN B was to see it as MY ONLY OPTION for saving my marriage...

See what I mean?

That's why we all go into Plan B. Nobody goes into it thinking they are "giving up." But they must go into it with the attitude that they are "letting go." Otherwise it won't "work."

And "working" doesn't necessarily mean reconciliation. Saving my marriage was definitely the outcome I wanted. Now I've come to see that XH and OW are two of a kind. They definitely deserve each other, and what is happening to them. It won't be good news -- the good news is that I'm not in the car that's going off the cliff. However, I have to soft-pedal that, because it's the outcome everyone going into Plan B fears.

Yes, it's a plan to save your marriage. But you must go into it willing to turn away from the affair and start your own life, otherwise it won't "work" in any sense. And "working," for all of us, means not being in the car.

The difficulty with Slammed, as with many of us, is that she won't get out of the car. It won't be good for the marriage, and it won't be good for her.

Well, on the UP side this morning, I just got a call to
come for a job interview on a position I just applied for
yesterday. Don't actually remember alot about it, after
looking at so many every day, but it's boosted my spirits
a bit. Also found a couple more positions worth applying
for, so will get that done today.

On the down side, had a long post just ready to "enter"
and it disappeared, so probably will forget half of what
I said as I try it again.

Mostly wanted to say thanks to you all for the outstanding
support and help. Please understand that I don't disagree
with MB, or Plan B, or expect anyone here to be a "mind
reader" and know if it's going to do any good in saving my
marriage or not, I realize no one can know that in any of
our situations.
I am not at all opposed to doing Plan B, and like all here
who's stories I follow, tried my best to "work it" as well
as possible in my circumstances. It would be easiest for me
if I had no contact in any form at all with WH, so I'm not
trying to make excuses, just am stuck with a few issues I
can't get around, largely due to my financial situation.
It's very, very frustrating for me to feel "stuck" because
of not having the money to get my own place, phone, etc.
especially as I've never been in this position before.
I know that getting a job will help me enormously, not only
to be able to be more independent having my own money, but
to be out of the house again, having social contacts, be
with people and not have time to think about everything.

I whole-heartedly agree that I do not want to be friends
or have anything to do with WH, either now while the A is
going on or certainly if we are divorced. I want him to
know that without a doubt, know how things would be and
have to think about if it's what I want, just like you said,
EAV.

The hardest thing for me has been already feeling SO very
detached from WH- that's what I've hated the most as I've
adjusted to it over this whole long time. I don't feel like
I want or need any "crumbs" from him- the tiny bit I hear
from him on email about a question on insurance, or a bill
being paid definitely don't do anything for me, and is not
any kind of a connection with him. I miss the important
stuff, like his family, job, daughter, life.and him knowing
about mine.
No matter how detached I am however, and no matter how long
we have no contact there's nothing that's going to make me
forget the love and life we had or make me feel any less devastated if we divorce. I don't feel a "win" could ever
be had in D.

It's true I don't know much about things between WH and OW,
and I really try not to care or think about it. My saying
I felt like he was filling the needs I used to meet himself
(and the rest met by OW) was meaning things like cooking,
cleaning, keeping his house, shopping, running the errands,
all things he NEVER did for himself before. I don't think
OW would be coming over to do that, especially with them
living 30 miles apart and her having her own house, dogs,
and horses to deal with. I have just felt, especially since
WH got a dog, that he had some kind of a "turning point"
in his thinking, and decided, for whatever reason, that he
was "okay" living alone. Maybe he got tired of going "back
and forth" so much, maybe it was pressure from OW (although
they were "broken up" at the time), or just that all our
good times and love are so far past now and harder for him
to remember or care about, but it feels like he finally put
up a "wall" between us, got "off the fence", and made a
firm decision that with or without OW, he didn't want to be
with me. I can understand WH getting the dog to help him
not feel lonely and have a companion (same reasons I'm glad
to have mine), but I don't think he would have if he thought
he'd ever get back with me, as he knows our dog does not get
along at all with other dogs. The other changes I've noticed
since that time have been his no longer trying to call, not
his usual "just touching base", or "checking on the dog",
or wondering if I want to go for an occasional lunch or
dinner when OW's busy or they are on the "outs", his doing
his own meds charts, no longer using our debit card, etc.
Makes it seem to me that he REALLY is trying to "detach" from me and everything about our life, or has truly decided to make a "genuine" effort with OW, both/either of which
feel so awful.

Heading off to eat some lunch, do a few things out in the
yard before the "cold front" comes in later.
I've had no further emails from WH, no calls from OW.
If I had to take a guess, I'd bet WH didn't say a thing to
her about calling here- wouldn't want to let her know he
had any contact with me or risk "making her mad" (and one
time told me that she did whatever she wanted anyway).
Thought it was funny though, that he would suggest I block
her calls (doesn't know I already had blocked her cell).
Maybe he lives in fear that OW and I would actually talk
because she'd sure find out a lot of things he doesn't want
her to know ! So much for his "genuine" effort, huh !?
Slammed