Whatever the OW said to you was aimed at HURTING you, EAV.

In my mind, she is your ENEMY...and was using GUERILLA WAR TACTICS.

She was NEVER, EVER, EVER, trying to give you a GIFT.

Please try to ERASE anything that she has EVER said to you out of your mind.

Do not let your mind..your life..be INFESTED with her EVILNESS....

That was one of the GREATEST LESSONS that I learned....

From the book, PEOPLE OF THE LIE by Scott Peck...

"..recognize EVIL for what it is, in all its ghastly reality..EVIL is that which kills spirit...EVIL is revolting because it is dangerous..It will CONTAMINATE or otherwise destroy a person who remains too long in its presence....

The evil are the "people of the lie", deceiving others as they build layer upon layer of self-deception.

I understand what you mean Eav- I think the WS really do
get a huge "ego boost" from having the attention of a "new"
person who knows nothing about them as they really are, or
any of their "baggage". I think this must be a huge part of the "appeal"- and the way the "fantasy" begins.

In my WH's case, the info he had on his internet "profiles"
(where he met OW) was so fictitious it was almost humorous.
He had himself sounding like a very successful and wealthy
businessman (when he didn't even have a job at the time) and
like he had "tried so hard" in his "unhappy marriage" when
that was far from the case. When OW called me on Dday she
still had a very unreal view of WH, even after she had been
living with him for two months. She had, however, begun to
see some of his "issues" for herself and brought up some of
them in talking to me- things like noticing he was very
grouchy, moody, judgemental, wouldn't talk about things,
didn't show respect for his family or others, and some odd
sexual behaviors. I found out many things he had lied to
her about and told her the truth about them- not trying to
exaggerate or "enhance" them at all- and she was furious at
finding out so much he had twisted or conveniently "forgot"
to tell her- enough so that she kicked him out the next day
and they "broke up". Of course, as we know they got back together within a couple weeks. I also know, since OW sent
it to me with the other cards, letters, and photos, that WH
wrote her a long letter after that happened, trying to make
me out to be the "vindictive" soon-to-be EX who told her a
bunch of lies just to make him look bad. So, either she just
believed him instead, or didn't but was so desparate to have
someone that she has kept getting back with him, even after
finding out more and more truths for herself.

Our few conversations were always her trying to tell me how
"beautiful, smart, independent, and successful, etc." she
was, and her trying to get more info on H, me, or our M,
which she later would try to use against him, me or us.
Realized how manipulative and insecure she was when she
would try to act "friendly" towards me, even once saying
she thought I was a "cool chick" and that maybe sometime
we'd want to "hang out" together !!! She also seemed very
determined to convince me that I wouldn't want H back after
he had lied and cheated on me, but couldn't answer me back
when I asked WHY she'd want to get involved with someone
who was married, lying and cheating on his spouse !

Since her later calls and messages to me got very hostile
and nasty, I never talked to her again and won't, but I
do very much believe she is EVIL, as well described in Mimi's post.

I agree with your comment that the OW also get a big "ego
boost" and must really think they are something "special"
when a married man will leave his life and wife for her.
Well, at least there is a little comfort to me in knowing
that I got the GOOD part of H, back when he was loving,
kind, sensitive, caring and honest. She will never have
that.

I do feel hurt, anger and a great lack of fairness in the
situation knowing that I was there as H's best friend, help
mate, partner, supporter and lover for so many years when
he was struggling in jobs, having legal and other problems
and we had few "nice" things. Seems like I went through all
the hard times and had to deal with all the hard stuff, was
the one always encouraging and supporting him with his bad
depression and anxiety and urging him to get help, and now
that he was correctly diagnosed and is doing better on the
right meds and in IC, OW is the one getting all the benefits
of all MY hard work. She's also the one spending time at his
nice house, using the hot tub, the boat, and doing on nice
trips with him, not me.

Yes, it is hard to feel like we come out of this with our
dignity or anything at all left.
Slammed

Eav- Please see previous post where I replied to your msg.
from last week.

Mimi- Thanks for the reminder that the OW's are EVIL people
who do not care anything about us and will say ANYthing to
get what they want. In my case, I know the OW to be a very
pathetic, paranoid, insecure person who's behaviors indicate
some serious mental issues, so I try to take anything she
has said or done with an attitude of "consider the source".

Now for an update on my job sitch-
Had the 2nd interview for a job at a law firm last Mon. and
felt it went well, although knowing more about it, I felt it
was a pretty "entry level" job that probably wouldn't pay
too well and might not be very challenging to me. Was to
hear from them by "early in the week". Was also still doing
some thinking about the offer I had from my previous boss
to work for her again (travel) from home. Felt there were
some positives about it (familiar work, saves on gas, don't
need work clothes, comfort/convenience of home, would be
with dog, don't have to go out on bad weather days) and some negatives (no social contact, might not be long term, not as much pay as I'd like, no insur plan in place).

Still hadn't heard from the law firm by Thurs. morning, so
I called them and was told they had "filled the job" and
that I'd be receiving a letter in the mail. Discouraging
for sure, but made me lean more towards the other job- so
I emailed my old boss and told her I was interested, but
concerned about the pay and the lack of insurance. She
later replied that she would call me the following day, as
she wanted to "talk in person".
So, we talked Fri. afternoon. She was far more friendly,
warm and more personable than I remembered her to have been
in the past, and also made me feel like she really wanted
me back. Talked about the salary and insurance issue, and
was very pleased that she was willing to negotiate some.
She offered $2K more than her original offer, and will re-
negotiate that after 90days, with the probablility of me
being offered more to be an account manager, and also is
willing to pay 1/2 of the cost of whatever insurance I can
find for myself, so I took the job !
They need help and were anxious for me to start as soon as
possible, however I had to have "high speed" internet in
order to work with their system and currently have "dial
up", so getting that will dictate my start date. Once the
high speed is up and working, I'll just have to set up the computer and phone equipment which the job will be sending
to me. I called today and got all the arrangements for the
"high speed" internet made, and it is to be "turned on"
next week, so I can probably start working on November 1.
(job pays some towards the internet expense)
Also decided I'd continue to look into some part time jobs,
especially as some seasonal ones are becoming available,
as I might want to work some evenings or weekends to make
a little extra money, and have more social contact.

So, I am at least feeling a little better as far as having a
job and making some money again !
Will post a seperate update about WH and related issues~
Slammed

See previous post for update on job situation-

Wanted to also update on WH, although there has been no new
interaction at all- haven't had one call, email, or message
from him since I sent the revised PBletter (as SH suggested)
Think it's more WH himself though, than having to do with my
letter- he had basically "gone dark" on me well before I
even sent it.

Don't know why but things have just "felt" different ever
since this last time that WH and OW "broke up". (at end of
July when OW moved out of WH's house). I would assume they
probably followed their same "pattern" that they had done
several times already where they "break up", OW plays "hard
to get" for awhile, WH "promises" to be open/honest, etc.,
then OW puts out the conditions and "ultimatums" that WH
must meet in order to "prove" himself, and then are quickly all back together at "full speed" again.
Since the credit card company calling here gave away WH's
trip to Las Vegas over Labor Day weekend, I'm sure they
must have been back together again by then, and OW with him
on the trip.
Since then there's been no attempt to "eat cake", no calls,
not even messages about insurance, finances, etc.. from WH,
as though he put up a big solid wall between us and wants
nothing to do with me or us. When I saw him at the court
meeting earlier this month, he just projected a totally cold
"closed off" image without the slightest warmth, concern,
or even hardly recognition of me, as though we had never
even been together or I was a business acquaintance or
something.

I asked my IC about this last week- as I just don't think
I even have it in me to be able to just totally "shut off"
all memories, thoughts, feelings or concern for someone,
even if upset, mad, hurt, etc. and I don't understand how
even WH could do this. Her thoughts were that WH may have
just gotten SO tired of his indecisiveness that he finally
had to make a decision, and once he did he had to put up a
wall of coldness to keep any remorse, doubts, love or
thoughts of me or us from creeping in since it might make
him doubt his decision or change his mind.
She also agrees that OW definitely plays into this, whether
she's just pressuring him or has put some ultimatum on him,
and the addiction keeps him following her "script".
Just so hard to even imagine doing something so drastic and
being so out of reality to even get D to keep an affair
going <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I am going to have to work on the financial disclosure D paperwork one of these days, but even just looking at it makes me feel sick !

Speaking of feeling sick- I got a small package from MIL
last week. Wasn't surprised, as she has sent some treats or
toys for the dog's bday every year. Inside there was also a
little notecard, which I assumed was for "the dog", so I
opened it. It was actually a note to WH, from his Mom, which
I can only guess she included accidentally, or thought would
otherwise get to him. She talked about the weather, his Dads
health, and the roofing of their house, but what got me was
"When you go on your trip to the Caribbean, please be very
careful and don't trust anyone, but have a nice time". !!!

Obviously, I didn't know anything about him planning a trip
to the Caribbean (with OW no doubt) !!! And, it sucks that
his Mom does know (even though there's no mention of OW and
she does not know the whole details about the A) and even
wishes him a good time- YUCK !
Guess I shouldn't care, but it really bothers me for several
reasons, especially that the Caribbean was one of the first places WH and I went together on a trip, WH hates to fly especially on a long trip like that, but will do it with OW,
and that WH previously griped about his finances but has money for another trip ? (and I'm sure he's paying for it)

Makes me feel like WH and/or OW are in such a RUSH to do
anything and everything they can do together- more like most
people would do over a longer time span. (make sense ?)
But then, they have seemed to do everything at such an
"accelerated" pace- like meeting online, flying to meet in
person, moving her here, WH moving in with her, buying a
horse, and OW getting pregnant, all in the first 3 months
they knew each other !! (and subsequently as well).
Is this supposed to "prove" they have a "real" relationship
or something ?
Do they have to have this constant drama and "excitement"
to keep the affair alive ?
Is this supposed to "prove" their "love" for each other ?
Is it a way to "buy" the other's affections/loyalty, etc ??

Also had a horrible thought later, that maybe they were
going to get married while on the trip, if it's after the
D date <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> As you know, WH has insisted all along that
he "doesn't want to be married", "wants to be alone and on
his own", and he's straight old told me he was not going to
marry the OW, BUT...we also know this is talk of a WS.
OW never told me anything either way, but I did overhear a
phone conversation where she was saying "If you love me and
you want to marry me, you will do XXXX", so I wouldn't be
surprised if that is her plan. And, as paranoid as she is,
I'm sure she'd be in a big hurry to "get" WH.

Hadn't really thought about WH getting married before- it
was bad enough just to think of us D and him still seeing
that w*&#e. Don't know how I'd stand it if he really did marry her- <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> ???? (and knowing this OW, I'm sure she'd
make sure I knew it)

Slammed

congratulations about the job!

(and high speed internet is sooooo much faster than dail up so congratulations on that also!)

like your H, my H isn't attempting to contact me at all....he has made his choice and shut me out of his life ever since i stopped giving him anything that he wanted or needed

i guess OW is meeting ALL of his needs or he'd be back on my doorstep right? It isn't like i moved to Africa!!

i have thought, many times, about my H and OW getting married....it rips my heart apart

even though they are living like H and wife.....in my heart, he's still mine

you know slammed, i think that i've been separated from my H for longer than most posters from what i can recall....and even though Jennifer Harley has said that two years from complete exposure for me will be july....it feels like enough time has gone by that this affair should have burned itself out if it was going to

i'm scared that now they have settled into the friendship/mature kind of love that he and i had and they really are going to last

i HATE it that i don't know anything about thier situation!!

Hi Slammed!

Congratulations! I wanted to post but for some reason I could not log in the whole day yesterday. So when are you starting your new job?

The thought of your WH marrying to OW is absolutely depressing and upsetting. It feels so unfair. I used to do this a lot, which totally drove me crazy. But I'm not really sure now if my WH or your WH can truly find someone healthy and responsible. I don't know about your WH, but mine can be a quite charmer, at the beginning. So he makes 'female' friends pretty easily. But at the same time, he is quite shy and introverted. I think if he was more open and outgoing person, he would have expressed his feelings sooner and we might not have been here now. Also, he probably would not have escaped into his fantasy world, if he was not that introverted. So if he truly wants to develop a serious relationship with anyone - it may be difficult. From what you described, your WH may not be shy, but he is moody, grouchy, controlling, etc., so he has some issues too. That's why your WH is still with OW - she is not stable either, and maybe they do not have to feel so 'low' by staying with someone more stable like you. They can feel that they are in control. But would that kind of relationship last?

If your WH is truly an idiot and chooses to marry OW – that really shows how he is a risk/excitement seeker. And he will always be, so no matter who he marries, it will not work out, because marriage is supposed to provide stability, not constant excitement or a fantasy world.

Cheers to your new job!
Milk

Come on, you guys!!

You absolutely have to STOP comparing yourselves to the OW..

This is an ADULTEROUS RELATIONSHIP...

Nine times out of ten, according to documented statistics, the WS does not marry the OP. If they do marry, it will NOT LAST. Their relationship was established based on LIES AND DECEIT. How can they ever TRUST each other when REALITY eventually sets in?

STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!

She will never be on your level. It's like comparing DIAMONDS TO GLASS....

If your WHs choose the OW, it is a MAJOR, MAJOR LOSS for them. They would be settling for the DREGS, THE SCUM...and a large part of them would know this....

mimi

everything that you say is true

but they still have the man we love and we are still alone

Thanks Milk, Mimi and Eav~
Haven't posted too much lately as I've been busy getting
ready to start the new job- ordered the "high speed" for
my internet last week and the modem and installation disc
are to arrive tomorrow.
The company I'm working for is to be sending me phone
hook-up equipment, headset, and a computer, and I've
not gotten any of it yet, so my start date may have to
be pushed back a little more- don't think it seems like
I'm going to be up and running to work by Wednesday !
Did clean and organize my office area today though, so
it is neat and ready~

After feeling like I'd just had a cold for a few days
I woke up last Wed. feeling very dizzy and nauseous,
so finally went to the Dr. and found out I had a bad
sinus infection also affecting the "inner ear" which resulted in the dizzy feeling and nausea. Got started
on antibiotics and am only having little "twinge" of
dizziness now and then, and fortunately no more of the
nausea- that was really an awful feeling. Hopefully
the rest of the congestion will clear up soon too, as
I'm still trying to drink more, get more sleep, taking
vitamins, etc..

Had to send WH the monthly list of bills and expenses last
week- almost hated to send it, not wanting to initiate him
into any contact. Didn't hear anything for a few days, but
then Friday he left a voicemail saying he was putting the
money in the account for the bills, but was going to check
on an amount that was auto-deducted because he thought it
was not supposed to have been. Then, he said he was "going
out of town for a few days", but that if I needed to reach
him for something important I could call his cell phone and
he'd get back to me as soon as he could.

Thought the part about reaching him if I needed to was kind
of "funny" since I don't ever call him, and wouldn't call
him if I did need help, but mostly just felt my heart sink
a little about the trip, because I'm sure this is the trip
to the Caribbean that I found out about in the note from
his Mom. And, I'm sure that he's gone on the trip with OW.

Posted a bit before about how much it bothers me- and it
really got to me on the weekend, knowing how much fun we
used to have on trips, wondering who planned or thought of
it (since I was the one that suggested and planned all our
trips and activities), wondering where they went, where
they stayed, etc. Tried not to think about it, but the
thought of flying off to the Islands sure sounded way more
fun and romantic than me sitting here being sick, with 10
inches of snow and nothing more exciting than housework to
do ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Probably sounds hateful, but I couldn't help but
wish that they have a horrible time, get sick of each other,
and grumble and gripe the whole time !

Maybe it's some jealousy and envy, as well as hurt and resentment, but I am so bothered by the fact that WH is now
doing all these things I would have loved to do, but with OW. I was usually the one who would suggest activities,
events, want to do things, that H would often reject, yet
he is off doing all these things with OW. Why ??????
Guess I also resent the fact that WH is spending lots of
money to "impress" the OW- trips, dinner, gifts, and all his
"things", when I was happy to just be with HIM, and didn't
care about staying at the fanciest place, getting a gift, or
what brand of stuff he owned.

Seems odd, too, that they seem to be in such a "rush" to do
so many things, as though they have to have something "fun"
and "exciting" to do all the time, and can't just "do"
normal, "everyday" life. (make any sense ?) Seems like they
have done more in the last year than most people do in
several years, as far as trips and activities- maybe it is
their way of trying to make a "real" relationship ?

At least we know that they didn't go on the trip to get
married.-

Am really starting to think a lot about what to do in with
the house, will post about that next time.

Slammed

Hi Slammed,

I hope your congestion is getting better. Keep drinking a lot of water (but try not to drink too much cold drinks - it's not really good for you, based on the Eastern medicine). I went to see the doctor myself for the second-round checkup (the ultrasound), and got a call from my doctor yesterday saying that everything looks good <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> One less worry!

I would be very upset too about your WH's trip, if I were in your shoe. It's funny how he has left you a message about his trip. That's something my WH would do too. They want to be 'alone' and 'away' from us, yet they seem to be comfortable sharing some of their schedules/plans with us. And they don't think we get hurt??? They are so deep in the fog that they are absolutely cluless!!! What, do they think we are their mothers or something? My WH even told me that he had signed up for eHarmony and other dating services last year and met up with 4 women, but none worked out. Why would he share such information with me in the first place??? Crazy.

I personally though, think this trip might be good. IF your WH is indeed going on this trip with OW, and as you said, they seem to be in rush to do many things together - it just means their 'breakup' will happen more quickly too. The more they experience together, the more they start to fight about things and show their 'true' personalities. Your WH being grouchy and OW being crazy would definitely not help during their vacation together.

But again, shift your focus Slammed. There is nothing you can do about their trip at this point. Many people here seem to believe your WH's affair will just die soon. Until that happens, probably nothing is going to change, so focus on your new job and your health for now. Maybe you can start thinking about what you can buy to 'treat' yourself once you get your first paycheck!

Milk

Hi slammed!
Congratulations on the job!! Make sure you don't isolate yourself...make sure you plan field trips to see the outside world. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I know its hard not to think about your WH....especially taking a trip w/ OW...so he was there w/ you 1st. So everything they do he will be comparing it to when he was there with you whether he says anything to her or not...in his mind he will compare. It will not stand up...he is a WS not the H you knew. Sounds like he is trying to recreate his reality...but OW is not you. So maybe the magic is gone from Lala land and he keeps uping the ante to keep the fantasy alive. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Stupid alien!

Hope your sinus infection is better soon you don't want to sound all nasally for your job!!

PS
I'm not posting much but keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

How was your first week at your new job?

Thinking of you -
Milk

Thanks Milk and ChaCha,
Tried to feel better about WH's trip to the Caribbean w/OW
by remembering that he was never a very good traveler- he
always complained about being crowded on the plane, didn't
care much for exotic or unusual food, and didn't usually
want to spend much time at the beach ! Hope that and them
spending the whole week together makes for some huge LB's !

Told IC about it at my session Wed. and she agreed that they
seem to have a need to be constantly doing something new,
bigger or better for "excitement" rather than just living
normal "everyday" life, which as we know isn't always all
excitement. I think this is perhaps because they have so
little in common that now that the initial "thrill" is worn
off they are having to try very hard to keep it going ???
I still don't understand the attraction, unless it's all
physical and SF (tried not to think about OW wearing some
skimpy bikini on their trip). IC suggested it might be more
of WH liking being with someone who seems to "eat up" all
the B.S. he tells her and who doesn't know him well enough
to know that's what it is, all his "issues", background, or patterns, which I DO. (or basically that he'd rather be
with someone who is dumb enough for him to fool !)
Also mentioned to IC that I wondered if WH could be either
still, or again, in the "manic" state of his BPD, since he
seems to be spending money like it's going out of style
(lack of impulse control is a trait of BPD) and she agreed
he might be.

My "start date" for the new job was supposed to be Wed. but
my employer has been slow in getting all the equipment to
me and things aren't yet up and running for me to do any
actual work. Did get my high speed internet installed Tue.
which is great, and received the computer from them, which
I have all set up and connected, but am still waiting on the
phone router and headset, so that I can take calls.
A former co-worker of mine who is also doing this "at home"
job is going to come over Sun. and give me some tips and
help, and hopefully I'll be up and ready to really start
working on Monday.

I've been running various scenarios by my best friend this
week, as far as trying to get ideas and info about the loan
possibilities if I try to re-finance the house and need to
sit down with all the figures and really get a good feel for
whether or not I think I can afford to keep the house or
need to get it up for sale. Not looking forward to it, but
know I need to get this figured out since details will have
to be outlined on the settlement paperwork. I still haven't
done any of the financial disclosure, just because I dread
it so much....

More later- I'm off to the Dr since I'm still not feeling
much improvement(sinus and ear infection) .
Slammed

Well, alot has happened since my post last Friday-

Went to the Dr that morning and was put on a different anti-
biotic, which does seem to be clearing up the sinus and ear
problem.
Came home and thought I'd get a start on my weekend house-
work and started with vacuuming the stairs. Turned around to walk down and apparently missed a step, catching the edge
of the next step with my foot, turning my ankle over, and
falling flat on my back on the landing (carpeted luckily).
Heard the awful "snap" of my ankle and just layed there for
awhile, getting over the initial "shocky" feeling I had and
thinking "NOT AGAIN !!" (have hurt that same ankle several
times before.)
Once able to get up the stairs I called my parents, then my
Dr office knowing I'd need an Xray, and as they didn't have
Xray facilities, was sent to an "Urgent Care" place.
Had an xray and didn't take long to get the word back that
the ankle is BROKEN. I was put in a temporary splint and
directions to stay off of it until I could get a real cast
put on Mon. Thankfully my parents are fairly close and
always willing and ready to help, so they came the next day
and helped me get to the store to get crutches and run a
few other errands. Spent the rest of the weekend mostly on
my rear with my foot up, watching movies and football !

Got into the Orthopaedics place Mon and am now wearing a
"Cam Walker", which is a big, black and "clunky" boot type
cast with brackets and velcro all over! It does feel very
heavy and cumbersome but at least can come off for a bath
and to sleep. Dr suggested I may want to have a fairly minor
surgery to clean up scar tissue and tighten this ankle up
after so many previous injuries or it may just continue to
be easily hurt, so I am thinking about that (as you may
recall I'm really chicken about medical stuff, especially
needles !!) Surgery could be anytime after 2 weeks (too
swollen right now) and would be followed by PT (would have
to do that if I don't have surgery as well).
Have to go back in 2 weeks, and in the meantime am in the cast all day, still elevate and ice, can walk a bit with one crutch (for balance) and have good pain meds!

Not feeling too much pain, but it's uncomfortable and most
definitely a real inconvenience, especially being here with
no one to help me (H was with me during past 2 injuries, so
could help me). "Lugging around" the hurt leg is making me
very tired, and puts extra strain on the back, sides and my
other leg, so I've been exhausted by bedtime. Did take a
bath last night- very carefully- which felt great -

Also have started my new job this week- finally got the rest
of the necessary equipment yesterday and everything all set
up and running. Have been taking some calls as well as doing
computer lessons to "refresh" myself - will sure take some
getting used to working again after being off 3+ months,
but hopefully won't take long to get used to the schedule
and back up to speed.

Nothing new with WH. I guess he got back from his trip, as
I saw that he deposited the Nov bill money in our account.
Didn't even think about it until last night, but if we do
D in the next couple of months (could be as soon as end of
Nov when waiting period is up, although no financial or
settlement paperwork has been filed) I wouldn't be able to
have the surgery or do PT, because I won't have any health
insurance ! (I don't think he could keep me on his if we
are not married, and I'm not eligible for any in my job
for 3 months). Now I'm really worried about this and what
to do. Don't know what WH's current "mindset" is (since he
changes so often) but it'd be nice if he's still set on D
it'd be nice if he'd wait long enough to keep my coverage
for what I need now-
Might have to end up talking to him about that - ?

Slammed

(((((((Slammed)))))

Just stopped in to say "hi." Congrats on your job. Sorry to hear about the ankle.

Praying that all will work together for good for you.

I was wondering if you could find a ladies bible study group in your area. It helps so much, not only in times of crisis, but at all times. We all need each other Slammed, and I hope you don't isolate yourself to much longer.

Online groups help, but when you are in the presence of a lot of mature godly women, and God, it's wonderful. God speaks through them therefore helping and guiding you. They give you prayer support, emotional and spiritual support, which is something I think you need right now more than ever. The Christian Alliance Church has a good bible study and prayer group here. We are doing a study by Beth Moore "A Woman's Heart, Gods Dwelling Place." Well think about it...okay.

With love and huggs,
Lady

{{{Slammed}}}

Sorry, somehow I missed your post earlier and just read it now. I hope you are not in too much pain. I know how you might be scared of the insurance, but if you are going back to the doctor in two weeks, and they may recommend you to do the surgery then, you will be fine. If no other paperwork has been filed yet, it will take longer than the end of Nov. The worse comes to worst, you may need to ask WH to hold on to D process so that you can finish this surgery, but again, I think you will still have time.

Remember how I lost my insurance too because I switch my jobs? WH was very angrily put both me and DS4 on his insurance in the mean time. I think yours will probably do the same (since our WHs are twins...), if necessary.

Take care Slammed,
Milk

i thought that Cobra has to offer insurance to a spouse after a divorce for a certain amount of time?

if the time gets too close though, i would just ask your H

Thanks Mimi, Lady, Milk and Eav~
I'm doing okay. My ankle has been aching a little more for the past day or two, which I suppose might be just a stage of healing, nerves "re-connecting" or even the change in our
weather !
I wear the cast all day, using my crutch if I have to walk
very far, and putting my leg up anytime that I can. Am able
take the cast off before bed, in order to "ice" it awhile,
then sleep with just an elastic support wrap. Feels great
to get the heavy "boot" off, but is a little scary when I
have nothing on- if I have to get up in the night I have to
be very careful !
Did more research on the surgery and think I'm feeling like
it'd be a good idea if the Dr still suggests it, as this
same poor ankle has had 1 minor sprain, 3 major sprains, a
torn tendon and a previous fracture, all in the past 20 yrs.
so likely has lots of scar tissue and is definitely weak.
My fear of medical/surgery is not as bad since I had a good
experience with my minor surgery last year, especially since
they worked with my "needle phobia" by giving me liquid meds
that made me too "loopy" to care when they got ready to do
the IV ! Just makes more sense to me to do the surgery as
soon as I can (Dr said no sooner than 2 wks due to swelling)
then have one recovery period and PT, than to just do the
rehab and PT now, then surgery later- (make sense ??)

My concern is about running out of time and not having any
insurance since D could be final as soon as end of Nov.,
although WH has done nothing further as far as I know, and
I know I haven't done financial disclosures or the required
"proposed Settlement Plan". Only takes about 3 weeks after
paperwork is submitted though, before it can be processed and D made final, so the timing is really bad. End of our
required "waiting period" is Nov 28, so could be anytime
after that date-

If I have to, guess I can wait until I am eligible for my
own insurance with my job, however I have some concern over
coverage since this would be a "pre-existing condition".
I think you are right, EAV, that I would likely qualify for
Cobra, although we used it once when WH was between jobs and
it is VERY expensive, so don't know if I could afford it.

Guess once I talk to the Dr in another 10 days I'll know
more and may have to end up talking to WH if he is going
forward on the D stuff.

Job is going okay- yesterday was my first full day with all
my equipment up and running and calls coming in. Feels a
bit "scary" since I'm on a computer system I haven't used
for 2 years, but I know it'll get more comfortable and my
speed will come up as I go. It's very slow today, due to
the Fed holiday.

Neighbor saw me out "hobbling" yesterday and was nice enough
to take my mail to the box for me, as well as put my trash
out for pick-up today. My parents are going to come over
tomorrow to help with some housework and take me on errands
too, so I can get a few groceries and supplies for work.
I hope to be going to a movie with friends tonight and/or
tomorrow- will be nice to get out of the house.

Oh Lady- liked your idea about a bible study group, just
will have to find out what options there are around me and
will probably wait until after holidays, getting a little
more used to working again, and getting the ankle situation
resolved. Luckily I have a great support group in my music
group friends I see each week, some of whom call to check
on and pray for me often. Just realized I'm going to have
to "sit" for our upcoming concert since I won't be able
to stand yet- bummer ! Guess I'll make a new fashion "trend"
wearing my blakc, clunky cast with my long, formal choir
dress ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Slammed

Hi Slammed!

How is your ankle? Hopefully you are not in pain much anymore. Don't worry too much about the insurance - it will work out, I'm sure.

I'm glad to know that you get help from your neighbors and parents. When I was completely devastated last year by WH's moving out and filing for D, small things other people did for me touched my heart, and made me feel that there are still tons of people out there who are very nice, kind, and loving. It helped me maintain my hope for life in general (because I felt at the bottom by being betrayed by someone I trusted the most).

I'm glad to hear that your new job is going well as well. I just had my first presentation at my new workplace and it went well. Hey, we both had a new 'start' career wise - this must be a good sign!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Milk