You sound good Slammed!

Milk

Thanks, Milk. Like all of us in the same boat I seem to go
through days when I feel pretty good and then others when I am really down and having a hard time. I've not replied on
your thread lately but have been following it- sounds like you are doing well yourself !

Have been staying busy with my job. The new phone system we just got last week has taken some getting used to, but with most of the "bugs" out now it seems to be an improvement.
During slow times I keep up with my personal email, update the checkbook, play with the dog, and have enjoyed learning about and doing some music downloading in order to use the new IPOD I got recently.

My ankle seems to be doing well as far as I can tell, and
just another 10 days until I'll get the cast off and be back into the walking "boot". It's still cumbersome but has the advantage of being able to take it off at night and for
bathing- and I've sure missed my long soaking baths !
I'm having little or no pain- just an occasional "twinge"
or sometimes a "pinching" feeling, so hope it's healing
well both inside and the incision. Unfortunately the bills
have started to come too...
Am also glad that the throat/sinus thing I had for a couple of weeks is mostly gone- just a little congestion still.

Still have had only one showing of the house which is a bit
discouraging (although I'm not in any rush !) I'm sure much of it has been both the holidays and our weather- this past
weekend was 5th in a row that it's been snowy and very cold.
Realized the kitchen floor didn't look too good, so my Dad was here Sat and again today working on replacing it with
tile.

Had a message from WH over the weekend telling me that his Dad had surgery on Fri. for "something to do with his colon"
but that he was okay and that he just thought "I'd want to
know". I am glad to hear that he is Ok- and curious to know more since I've know nothing of what's happening with WH's
family for over a year. His Dad has been in poor health for
a long time although most of his previous issues have been
with his lungs, nothing about his colon.
WH also said he was starting a new job- today ! That really
surprised me as he's been at his recent job longer than any
other since I've known him, did very well financially there
and was well-liked by the boss. He didn't say much, but it
sounded like it was a similiar position at a different bank.
I know he's been "recruited" by other companies before and
keeps in contact with a "head hunter", so would assume it
must have been a pretty good deal for him to change-

Have music rehearsal tonight, so I'm off to make some dinner and relax before I go-
Slammed

hey slammed

i haven't posted much but i have kept up with your situation

just wanted to ask if i can borrow that "boot" to kick some WS in the a$$...yours and mine and any others!

Eav..you are so FUNNY...you're cracking me up again...

LOL...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like you are getting more used to your new routine and getting more comfortable. I'm glad to see that you are doing better. Going through many ups and downs is very natural - still you are doing great!

Milk

Knew February would be a tough month- next week is my 9yr
anniversary with WH (or would have been anyway), plus there
is the dreaded Valentine's Day as well...

Last time we talked, back at end of Nov. when we had to see each other in order to put the house up for sale, WH seemed to still be "on the fence", said he still did remember our good and special times, and although he wasn't committing to ending the A or committing back to our life together, I felt he was not totally "gone" or totally happy in his life with OW either. I felt a little encouraged and uplifted by
this, along with his still seeming to care in his bringing
over Christmas gifts for myself and the dog and calling to
check on me after my surgery, etc...

Since then, I've heard nothing and known nothing other than
a message WH left several weeks ago telling me he had taken
a new job and that his father had surgery but was okay, "in
case I wanted to know".
I've hoped that WH had not filed the final D paperwork,
hoping that would mean that he was not so sure about giving
up a good life and many years together for a "fantasy" life
based on lies and begun on the internet with a sleazy OW.
I hoped that our life still meant something and I've really
and truly believed that "my" real H was still somewhere in
him, even if he's buried pretty deep within the layers of
lies, deceit, mental illness, confusion and affair fog..

Today I got a strange email from our cell phone company.
Looked at it but didn't really understand what it was and
had not yet had time to call and ask about it, when my WH
called and left a message to tell me I should be getting an
email from the cell company because he had called and made
the arrangements to "split" me off from our "family plan"
so I could get my own cell plan/service since "we'd soon
be divorced".
Probably sounds stupid to be so upset about having to change
the cell phone service, but knowing it is just one less thing to have "together", and hearing him say we would soon
be divorced has made me feel so upset and so hurt !
I also feel angry, because the cost of the family plan was
less for both of us than it will be for each of to have
seperate plans and I already have tight finances, so it's
just another thing that I have to deal with and that is
costing ME, due to his affair. Also think part of his doing
it is pressure from OW, in her attempt to wipe out every
reminder or my presence in any way from his life-
(There was a big issue back in the summer when she found my
cell number on his phone, called me to see who it was, and
they had a big fight about the phones).

This also makes me feel that he has filed the final papers
which means it'll only be a couple of weeks before our whole
life and everything that was so important to me is... gone.
I cannot even express how sad, empty and alone I feel right
now, almost like I've been punched and had all the air just
knocked right out of me. I guess that is all the hope and
faith I had, just blowing away in the realization that he
doesn't love me or our life anymore and would chose that
trash and living his "high" life in the fancy house with all
his big bills over us and "real life".
Wish that I just didn't love or miss him anymore, but I still do even after all this time.

The excitement over getting my cast off this afternoon and
looking forward to the weekend are now gone, for sure...

Prayers please, and thoughts if anyone cares to share.

Slammed

BS (me) 43
WH-39 (Is bipolar, has OCD, and has FOO issues)
Married 8 yrs, together 13, no kids, he's my best friend
Plan A- started July 05, due to suspicion of A
Dday- Oct 05, after OW called me and whole affair exposed
WH files D papers but lets them expire.
Dec 05- after WH gets DUI and is diagnosed bipolar, WH
wants to reconcile, starts IC, moves home.
Feb 06- Discover WH still in contact with OW, false recovery
Mar 06- WH moves out to his own house
Apr 06- Plan B
Aug 06- WH files D paperwork again

Hi Slammed,

I'm sorry to hear it looks like divorce is on the horizon for you. But realize this, a better life may be on the horizon for you as well. I have sympathized with you from day one Slammed, and I know it hurts.

Update in my sitch....
My husband did a disappearing act about 4 weeks ago. He got into some bad stuff, then came home. I immediately took him to his therapist to see what should be done with him. She recommended detox. So he was there for two days.
But living with him after was difficult and scary. He is now moved out about 1 1/2 weeks ago.

He was going through a serious med change before all this happened including in Dec chronic pancreatitis which caused his meds not to digest properly. But during detox his pantreas enzymes were checked again, and normal. Needless to say he's been a mess. He is now going through a drug program. But I'm not sure how compliant he's being.

I'm not sure what the road ahead will be. Don't know if there will reconciliation or not. Supposedly he is waiting for an apt. that will be ready in 4 weeks.

Lady

{{{Slammed}}}

I'm sorry you are going through the pain again... I really do understand how much it hurts. You try not to raise your hope (to protect yourself), but you do, naturally, because you still love him and want to reconcile, but then when things like this happen it is like a slap in the face. I've gone through that so many times as well.

All I can say is that this will pass, and you will be in a better place. Regardless of what may happen to you and your WH, you WILL feel stronger and happier. And I truly believe that WHEN you actually get to the point where you feel you are happy WITH or WITHOUT him, you will get some kind of answer - that may be WH waking up, or could be YOU wanting to move on without him, I don't know, but it seems like that is what happens to many people I know.....

Stay strong Slammed, things WILL get better. You WH does not hate you, even that itself is a blessing.... he brought you gifts for Christmas....., he had a courtesy to let you know that he was changing the phone plan....., but HE thinks he has to do this (= divorcing), because he is not happy and wants to 'solve' his issues of unhappiness. Let him go figure that out....., he WILL NOT be happy just because he divorces you, believe me. And he will realize that too, at some point.....

Hang in there.

Milk

Thanks Lady Sheep- hope that the situation with your H has improved.

Thanks Milk. I know our Wh's have been so similiar all along
that you truly do understand my feelings.
I know that WH is not going to find real "happiness" in his
being divorced when he has so many issues and problems in
his own self to deal with, but it sure bugs me to think that
he probably feels it is a big "relief" and the end of all
his stress and troubles (no more indecisiveness, no more
feeling guilty because once single he isn't "cheating",
and no more obligations to me) while to me it's the most
devestating thing that will ever happen and just the start
of big stress and difficulties (moving, finances, etc).

I'm sure OW is thrilled too, and undoubtedly gloating that
she has "won" over me, the poor, pathetic, wife. Also bugs
me that she will now be more convinced than ever that all
the total B.S. he told her was true and that I was such a
horrible wife, we had such a bad marriage, etc...
It would be interesting to see if his getting divorced will
"solve" all their issues or if they will continue to fight
and fuss all the time and "break up" every 3-4 mos like
they have all along with me and our M out of the picture..
(although I won't know it since will maintain Plan B).

Made me feel sad, but I did call and get a new individual
cell phone plan for myself on Mon., then yesterday had to
call to get info on how to get Cobra insurance coverage for
just myself since I won't be able to be on WH's health plan.
Had gotten a letter saying we were eligible to do family
plan coverage due to WH's changing jobs recently but had to
explain we were divorcing and it'd just be for me, and it
made me feel upset as it was the first time I've had to say
outloud to someone that "we are divorcing".

Today is our 9 yr anniversary and although I am trying hard
to just think of it as another day, it's hard to not think
of our wonderful wedding day, our honeymoon, the fun trips
and celebrations of the day we've had since, and what a
happy life and marriage we had together. Last year H was home and things appeared to be going well towards recovery
and he even gave me an anniversary card that said "Thanks for being there for me and believing in our marriage".
I really do miss H who was my best friend and everything I ever wanted until the A.

Just trying to stay busy with work, my music group, and have
just started doing some rehab for my ankle. Am just doing some stretching for the next two weeks in order to get some
range of motion back (it's very stiff right now) and then
will start some strengthening exercises. Quite a scar, but
am putting Vit.E oil on it as well as lots of lotion on
my leg and foot which were so dry !

Slammed

{{{Slammed}}}

Thinking of you.

Milk