say "I am only doing what I need to do to save our marriage'

have you done the plan b letter?

post it here for the wise ones to critique for you.

Somehow I dont think he is going to like that one. Might resent me more than he already does. But I will see how it goes.

He resents the truth because he is living a lie.

Sorry, posted at the same time. No I have not done a Plan B letter yet. I guess I will do that tomorrow and post it here. I can email it but I know it is preferable to snail mail. And I guess I could send it to his brothers where is he is at in Vegas...will be there till the 23rd or so. What do you think?

sounds like a good plan to me.

you're a texan, too?

lol Yeah...how did you guess? I live close to MelodyLane...bout 50miles or so. Do you live in Texas?

yeah in the same town as Melody <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wow!! didnt know we had another. I live in Mt. Pleasant. Maybe we can all do lunch sometime. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Work from the premise that he is confused. Knows he is destroying his family but too caught up in the A to stop.

Now learn to id your tools and use what looks like a disadvantage and turn it into a golden opportunity. That's reverse babble. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Good to hear you contacted OW's parents. When the WS fumes, say something like: 'Oh, thought you wanted her to know? You didn't. Oh, who else?' Keep it simple and vague. WS' hate it and you want the WS to hate what u r doing. Also you want your real H to know you are out there trying to undo that snarly WS every chance you get.

BTW in my case, the WS took the OW to Yosemite. This was his favoriate place for a vacation and I loved it there also. But now, it's more like a trigger point. I can't go there anymore. Yep, the WS ruined it. I saw the hotel bill where they signed in as Mr. & Mrs. WS. YUCK!!! Even say the room service food bill. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I know how you feel.

Don't go to plan B yet. WS' tend to react slow in the fog but the anger can still pour through. Just practice your reverse babble lines. I did. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid,
Could you explain this a little...

Now learn to id your tools and use what looks like a disadvantage and turn it into a golden opportunity. That's reverse babble.

I really dont know what you mean by reverse babble. Seems somewhat catty to me and I am not good at catty. Ya know?

Yes, it is killing me that they are in Vegas. Wondering what he is doing and the whole Valentine thing. I am trying to not think about it. But it is hard. I guess I need to get a different mindset. But do you think after all this time that there is any hope left? It has been 20 months since it started. With lots of stuff in between.

Orchid: You can give me actual statements from the WS, but for now, please read the link in my sig line about reverse babble. You can also do a search on it. Remember the goal of reverse babble is to make the WS off balanced. The WS vs your H are 2 different characters who deserve t/b treated separately. Often the most common mistake a BS makes is to treat the WS as if it is their real spouse.....many BS' are soo nice to the WS, why should the WS want to change? Those are signs the BS has been in plan A too long.


Orchid: Here's what the WS is doing in Vegas. He is screwing around with the OW. She smells with BO and bad breathe. Yet the WS sense of smell along with is common sense has been dulled.

Your H on the other had is being subjected to watching this horrid A. He can't escape. Pray for his escape. Ask for your H to come home not the senseless WS.

Is there hope? The real question is where will you be once his senses return?

Can you call Steve from MB for some phone counseling? Please read SAA.

take care,
L.

Orchid,

I KNOW I have been in Plan A too long, because sometimes the anger and resentment is more than I can take. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I have made comments in the past about how the man I know and love would not do such and such. Or the man I know is different. And he will tell you that he is a different person now and doesnt know that he wants to change. I know that to be different, because my H peeks out sometimes and tells me or hints to me that he hates himself, has no integrity or self respect anymore. He said once that he feels he is on the down hill slide and cant stop.

In a text just the other night, he reminded me that he was getting help with his "issues". I asked him if he considered OW part of the problem? That he said he wanted to get his self respect & integrity back, how could he do that this way? That I consider her what got us and him here. Didnt he? Of course I didnt get a response to that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I have read SAA and all the others. As far as Steve, I cannot. Finances just wont allow that. As it is, we have not been to MC because of that. Insurance will cover IC, so that is what I am doing. Have encouraged WH to go himself and he finally said on Thurs that he thought he should go. That he needed help with "issues". I have read your Reverse Babble page, but it has been a while. I will reread and see if it sinks in anymore. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Thank you for taking the time to post, Orchid. And for the advice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Katie

No word from OW mother or WH. But I have a feeling he is going to blow a gasket.

Ok I need input NOW! WH had some documents come that needed his attention. Well he is in LV with OW. So I scanned them and emailed. Let him know they had been emailed to him. He says, Thank you for helping me out. Im really grateful. This kind of stuff bugs the heck out of me. Should I say something babble back to him? Or just let it go??

Well, when it rains, it pours. Havent heard from OW mother. I am sure WH knows or will know I contacted her.
But my middle DS.... we have had problems with him. Drugs, trouble with the law...
Found a while ago he is in jail. Some really bad charges this time. Texted WH about what was going on. His response..."Thanks for letting me know. He was kind of sad now." Tried to call him but he didnt answer.
I just feel very alone again. WH always seems to be gone and caught up in all his stuff and not around when DS has gotten into trouble. I feel like a single parent most of the time. And today, I just don't see WH coming back. I think by him taking this trip with OW, he is making a statement...
Anyway, just have a very heavy heart today. Feel alone.

WH texted me tonight and asked if I had talked to OWH and told him they were in Las Vegas. I am like noooo, why do you want to know that? Apparently OWH found out and called her...wanted to know why she didnt tell him they were going to Vegas.

Ok I need input here. Do I need to send him a plan B letter? It has been suggested that if I send it now, it will just hit him as a yeah whatever. I dont even know for sure if he has filed. I guess I could ask, but I dont know if I want to know. Really could use some advice here. Been a rough day emotionally for me and I think for him some too, with the situation with our son.

Ideas?

When he asks you stupid questions like that, tell him
'no, should I? Is that what u want me t/d?' Throw it back into his lap. Drives 'em nuts. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Ok, now about your son. You should keep that kind of communication going. Give the police your H's cell as the contact #. Make all contact for your son through the WS. That should put a damper on that LV trip.

I am sorry your son is out there causing more pain. C/b his way of demanding attention....not sure but maybe. If it is, more the reason to give the job to the WS. Don't ask, just send.

Of course, you will be there to do the real fixing but there's nothing like messing with an A vacation. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

IMHO,
L.

Thanks Orchid.
I went to see our son yesterday in the jail. Very heart wrenching day for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />
But I texted WH with the address and let him know his son wanted to see him. Our son is 19 now and an adult, so there really is no contacting us for anything. But I try and keep WH in on all the stuff so he can feel the pain as much as I have to. Always seems he is never here for that stuff. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I had sent a text to WH yesterday morning...he repied thank you and said Happy VT. I ignored that one. Should have sent it back saying return to sender, address unknown!hahahahah <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

But yes, I will make sure to do all necessary to keep him from having a smooth holiday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I really appreciate your comments and you taking the time to check in with me. Have a great and wonderful day.

Katie

Well, I hope I didnt do a no no here. WH had some mail and I texted him about it, needed to scan and email so he could take care of it. Let him know that I had done that. He sends a text back saying thank you, I appreciate you. I texted back and said...I think I need to look up the definition of appreciation again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />