Hi girls
That is every parents worse nightmare. I am glad your daughter is ok and that he is convicted although it would have been nice to see some jail time I am sure. I was just talking with H about that pretty teacher in Fla that had sex with a 14 year old boy. My oldest (boy) is 11.5. I heard them on the radio saying how lucky he was. Its not ok even for boys. Its so wrong especially when its a teacher. We teach our kids to respect teachers and they are like 2nd parents to them. The other day my son called me Mrs. SoandSo and I teased him about it. He says you dont even know how many times I call he mom. They should be prosecuted even more severly.

My oldest just started with IMing his friends recently. We have 1 computer in an office and we check his email periodically. The girls in his calss are so aggressive but he knows we will see it if he does something on the computer. My H is more diligent than I am I tend to let them get away with more playing T rated video games and such H usually puts a stop to it before I do. Its just like anything else I guess you have to be you own advocate. Its hard when you want to make them happy too. Its much easier in diapers!

How is everyone today? H and I had a blow out last night but he left me little notes this am to make it up to me. I am just so angry these days. Listent to this one. We saat down to watch DrPhil the one I taped from 2-3 weeks ago about infidelity. I wanted him to see the 2nd one where the guy had been cheating since her 2nd preganancy and never stopped probably like 3 years. they were young. H was so insulted when it came on he said you are comparing me to him he slept around with w*&^es in bars etc and never stopped. Hes a low life yadayadayada. Almost like he was being an infidelity snob! I was so mad LBed him with "you think you are any better thatn this guy?" Honestly the OW in my case sounds disgusting and she lives in the slums practically so what is he so superior for? Because he had a business suit crumpled at the end of the bed instead of a pair of jean on a car floor? Its all disgusting he is no better. He does feel gross about being with someone like her but he needs to accept the truth as much as I do that she is and was a pig and a low life not some wonderful person who was there to make him feel special!

Anyway about 10 minutes in I am glued to the set and I have seen it before and I look athim and he is sleeping!!!!!!!! Can you believe it???????? Anyway not a good night. I think I need to get more into MB because I was a lot nicer when I was reading it and maybe it will make me more understanding of him.

Hope you all are having good days!
HF

Forgiveandlove,

Thanks for sharing your daughter's story..I am stunned that he did not get jail time. hopingfor is right, that is a parents worst nightmare, and I feel so bad that you are dealing with everything at once....

I have two daughters ages 7 mos and 3 yrs old. I can't imagine what the world will be like when they are teenagers...It is very scary...You think they are safe and they truly are never safe.

Hopingfor, Sorry that your H fell asleep. At least he agreed to watch it. I don't know if my H would, and he would probably say the same as your H--I only did it with one woman, not alot, this was the only time I ever cheated, blah blah blah ....they have to justify this in their mind. Personally I view a ONS alot differently than I view the 9 mos long PA that my H had. If it had been a ONS it would have been much easier to deal with. But it still would have been infidelity. The vows would still have been broken..

Listen, I read Dr. Laura's the proper care and feeding of husbands last night (most of it anyway)...Have either of you read it? She makes good points about how women complain about their Hs and don't make time for them after they have kids. But what I didn't like is that she says that women who do not put their H first are already breaking their M vows because they are not cherishing their H....So when an H has an A, she says it is because the W is not cherishing him...I do not feel that I broke my M vows because I stopped nurturing our M...Of course, I regret that I didn't show him the respect and love he deserved, but I do not equate this with breaking my vows and that is justification for him to have an A....What do you think about that?
It is a quick read but I had issues with a few parts like that... She is basically blaming the wives for driving their Hs away by nagging and withholding sex.

Anyway, hope you are both having good days....I need to get back with the MB principles. This was also in the Dr Laura book that the W has the power to change her M by changing her behavior, being nice (kind of like Plan A) and respectful of H, showing love and admiration, and he will come around to show those things back to her...that was a good part of it.

Hey girls
I have a problem with blaming myself for not nurturing him or the M also. I think that at a point in your life when you are raising children you need to be responsible for the nurturing of the children. I realize that the M should come first but during the infant stages or a difficult pregnancy or any pregnancy as it seems a lot of As happen I still think it is the weakness of the WS. Look we as women give up a lot our bodies our diet, drinking sometimes our health to bring these babies into the world. Babies that love our Hs as much as they love us and babies that will care for our Hs when they are old and sick as you do your dad F&L.

They benefit and want these babies. We live for these babies. I dont think its unreasonable to get caught up in your resposiblities when they are so overwhelming. For my H at least he just checked out. An escape from the reality of the every day difficulty of our lives. I cant help bu thtink he was weak and he says so too. He really does accept responsibility for many many things and often says he was so wrong and weak and self serving even though he does justify by saying it meant nothing. How could it mean nothing? Doesnt it mean everything? Isnt it the first thing that is promised or taken for granted will never ever happen? If it meant nothing it wouldnt hurt. At the very minimum on a good day for me it meant the put his needs before mine. He jeapodized everything for a w&^%e and I have to live wiht it the rest of my life. Thats minimum.

I am trying to be nice and respectful and show the love and admiration he does deserve but boy its hard to do that sometimes knowing what he did. I dont think I broke my vows I did the best I knew how to make him happy and I thought we were both in it for the family. Maybe I was wrong and as Maya Angelo says "when you knew better you did better" I will learn from my mistakes and I hope he will too. But he always knew that adultery was wrong and unacceptable at least my wrong doings were well intentioned.
HF

Hopingfor,

I totally agree and am glad that it was not just me reading something into Dr. Laura's comments. My H always told me what a great mother I was, etc and it was EXPECTED that I would be taking care of the kids and being primary caregiver...

Same with him saying 'it meant nothing' . I also say, It meant everything to me..

After DDay when I was really not sure if I was staying or going, he said, "doesn't 14 yrs together mean anything?" when he was trying to get me to stay. I answered that I thought it did but obviously it didn't mean enough to him.

It's like the old Boomerang movie where Eddie Murphy is in a R with Halle Berry who is this kind of quiet 'good girl' and he ends up spending the night with Robin Givens (the sexy powerful woman who is pursuing him). When EM comes home the next day, HB is waiting and he says He loves her. She says, Love should have brought your a$$ home last night!

That is how I feel. I always have been the good girl. The dependable one and responsible. Not knock out gorgeous w/ guys falling at my feet.

And in the words of Forrest Gump, that's all I have to say about that!

Whats that song "want a lady on streets and a freak in the bed". Sometimes that lady is too tired to be a freak. Just happens that way. As for me I had been telling him for years if he was having less fun maybe I could have more. Just the way the scales were unbalanced for us. I was/am the good girl. I handled everything and neglected the adult I thought I could so he took care of himself in every way.

I would like to see them say it meant nothing to them if it happened to them. I had H close his eyes and asked him to imagine if I was with OM got really graphic about him thinking where he would have touched me etc. you should have seen the pained look on his face. He knows. He understands a lot even though he tires of thinking about it.

Well off to entertain the playdates and make dinner adjust my halo and hope for a good night. Hope you have the same.
HF

Hi hopingfor,

Hope you had a good night. I like your comment about the halo...LOL! Yeah, that song is right...My H tells me all the time how I am such a lady...I'm also the good girl. He said his dad said the first time he met me that he could tell I was a good girl and that he better treat me right...this was before we got Med.

My H CANNOT and WILL NOT picture me w;/ OM> Like your H it is way too painful for him to go there. They dont' want to think about that or talk about it because they know the pain they put us through...they are in pain also..we have to remember that. They had this guilt eating them up inside for a very long time. They probably feel that they don't deserve such wonderful wives as us...:)

A song that my H mentioned after DDay that I don't know but maybe you do, is he said that it's like the song where the woman says, "He wanted one thing from you (OW) and EVERYTHING from me", meaning they only got Sex from OW but every other need was Fulfilled by us...

Hope you had a good night. I sure did. I was cleaning up and my H gave me a big kiss and said just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate everything you do...that made my night!

Have a great day!

Regarding women not being there emotionally and maybe physically when we are caring for children: If we didn't do this - who would? Young children need us. Can they care for themselves? Who would change diapers, feed them, get up in the middle of the night, bath them, take care of them when they are sick, transport them back and forth to school, school games, help with homework, etc.

I wonder if Dr. Laura is married? Has her husband ever cheated on her and put her thru all the pain and agony? Cheated on her when she was pregnant, like you MF? Lied to her repeatedly? I think she is on an internet sight – I think I read some of her stuff. There are a lot of help sites on the internet that we looked up. Psychology Today, Dr. Irene. Psychology Today has lots of free tests that you can take – for everything - very interesting.

Men are quick to say they are neglected by their wives when their children are young - what would they do if they had sole responsibility for the children - almost all women do. I always say if men had children - we'd find a cure for the pain of childbirth. Things would be a lot different in this world.

My husband too,wanted no responsibility, wanted to be free. What about me????

I also told my husband to picture me with another man. I can imagine if I would have cheated on him – he would never forgive me. He thinks women that cheat are sluts. What do you call guys that cheat? Manly – misguided, misunderstood by their wives???? They don’t call them sluts!!!

My husband also doesn't see himself as a cheater, like some of those guys on TV. He just made a mistake - that's different to him! He’s not the same as them. Anyone can make a mistake - sure - but you always have the opportunity at any time to say no, I can't do this. At any given time, he could have said, NO THIS IS WRONG, WE HAVE TO STOP. He was too weak to say that to the OW - I had to put a stop to it. How long would it have gone on - if I didn't stop it?

Well, I vented some more today.

F&L,

Your daughter's situation sounds like a Lifetime TV movie for real... I agree though that it was best to not put your D through more agony with a trial. That was the right thing to do. The court system is not fair, and it is unbelievable to me how they were not allowed to show his previous harassment charges in this case. Anyway, you are right. He will never teach again and has to regsiter as a sex offender for the rest of his life...

I agree about Dr. Laura. Yes, she is married and I think she has kids. She says at the beginning of the book that she does not address the issues of abuse, addiction or adultery in the book...BUT she does say as I said above, that the actions of the W in nagging, and not caring for her H may lead the H to an A, and that is the W's fault. (HA!)

Some of what she says is similar to the Harley principles, but you;re right, if the women didn't care for the babies, who would? My H hands my baby off to me to change diapers still after all this time...But if he is the only parent there, he does do a good job. He does do a good job in parenting them... One thing that Dr. L says is that women today will wipe poop off baby's butts, clean up throw up, etc. but will not have SF with their Hs. Also, she is pretty anti-feminist and says alot of problems started with the feminist movement and women entereing the workplace full time. I just can't buy into that. That rubbed me the wrong way also.

I think my H got trapped once the A was on and he didn't know what to do. He always says that I am his best friend and even after he had stopped seeing her but before DDay, he asked me if I would be his friend no matter what. He was tormented but still could not admit anything to me then. The OW would do anything to get him to come back w/ her, including threatening to tell me. He was afraid of this because he thought something bad might happen due to the baby/pregnancy and didn't want that, and was afraid I would leave him...They don't want to see that they are all cheaters. They think they are DIFFERENT than other men who cheat...

Sorry I don't have more time right now. It has been a very busy week...I'm looking forward to the weekend...Hope you gals have a good one and I'll check in on monday.

Hi everyone
F&L I am so sorry your daughter and your family had to go thru that because of a predator like that. I guess we all in some way know predators (OW) but I am like a mother bear with my kids and cant imagine what you went thru. At least its over now and you have some closure hopefully. A conviction will stick with him forever. I hope that brings some peace to your life. I guess its just like everything only time will make the hurt lessen.

As far as Dr.Laura goes the more I hear about her the more nuts I think she is! Can you imagine yes I can wipe rear ends and clean up puke and boy o boy do I feel sexy after that. Like I said before I said to H for years if he was having less fun I could have more. Well if we were in it together and I only had to wipe half the bums I had to maybe I could have mustered up some SF!!!

Speaking of the responsibility scales I still resent how we have lived our lives for 4 years. He pulled back so much from us because of his guilt and I look at the way he acts now and I think why couldnt you have acted like that all along. Why didnt he try to overcompensate for the A instead of turn into a jerk sometimes. He is so much more plugged in but I resent that we missed out on so much time. I feel my little girls are just getting to know him because he was so afraid to lose us he distanced himself. I know there is nothing I can do about the past I have to just enjoy the present and the future but I am so angry and sad about what we lost.

Its interesting how they all think they are not cheaters. My H always says dont call it an A it glamourises it. Well ok??? He says he would prefer indiscretion. How about we call it the period in time whenyou were *&*&%^& someone else? Would that be less painful for you honey?

I know I shouldnt be so hard on him. He is trying and he is a differnt person or the same person I married I should say. I just still cant believe he is capable of something like this.

Anyway the question of the day is....H is at a seminar today about an hour away. He said there is a 50/50 chance OW could be there. I am meeting him for dinner tomorrow night. So the million $ question is do I go check her out. I cant imagine I would be stable enough to approach her. I am so non confrontational I wouldnt say anything and I could go in with out my H so she wouldnt know who I was. On one hand I think it would bring closure and I wouldnt wonder about her. H says she is not that great fat a$$ and bad skin etc. But what if I see her andshe is not as bad as I think. I saw her pic on website and she looks ok kind of plain. H always tells me I am so much more beautiful than her. I cant imagine him being in the same place as her (she lives a thousand miles from us literally) and I am only and hour away and I dont seize maybe the last oppotunity I have to see her.

Reasonably as I type this out I think it may be self destructive. Just need some advise on that. When I think of what she put us thru I sometimes get so angry. Granted it was him that broke our marroage vows but she persued him and I know if she hadnt been there at the wrong place ant the wrong time he would have stayed faithful to me and we would have been spared all this agony. I wonder what she thinks of me of him. Like does she think boy I really screwed them up haha. Does she not care? She probably doesnt know anything. She doesnt even know I know. Its probably better that way let her wonder if he pulled it off and is living happily ever after after her H caught her with her other OM. Bleck!

Ok so thanks for letting me ramble on <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. Hope everyone had a good weekend. I did. The pain seems to be dulling and reality seems to be coming back. I still cant be at parties for very long we were at one Sat night for 7 hours and I am mentally exhausted from putting on a happy face for everyone since noone suspects anything is going on. We wentout last eeekend with 3 other couples for dinner but it was shorter and I did better then.
Take care
HF

Good morning,

HF, I was laughing reading your post about how if we weren't always wiping poopy butts, we could have had more SF...No Kidding!! They don't think of it that way, unfortunately....

I also liked how he said it should be an Indiscretion...uh, I don't THINK so...an indiscretion would have been if it was just the flirting/emails....This is what also gets me about my H's A...A ONS would have been much easier to forgive IMHO... THAT is a mistake...to have a long term PA with the same person, that is a love affair, whether you are in love or not...and of course my H says NOT.

I think you have a good point about your H withdrawing from your girls because he was afraid he would lose them. I think my H withdrew from me/my pregnancy and the kids for the same reason..The guilt was eating him up. I also don't understand why my H isn't trying to overcompensate by making it up to me....

As far as going to see the OW tonight goes, If you have made plans to meet your H for dinner, keep them. I am also non confrontational and am not sure what I would say to OW if I saw her, if anything. I'm sure she would give me looks to kill. So in your case, I would go and see what happens, but not seek her out. If she sees you together, she will know that your M is strong. In my case, my H tells me that if we break up, then she (OW) will win....I would not give her that satisfaction.

I know what you mean about parties being exhausting. we went to my work Xmas party and I was a wreck. No one knew. I wanted to dance w/ my H and he didn't want to dance. This, after he told me ahead of time that he would dance. That got me in a funk.. He said he noticed all the men checking me out and that I was the prettiest woman there. But it was bittersweet to me. I think if we had danced, i would have broken down crying because it would have been too emotional for me....All I could think of was how a year ago, he blew me off for my Xmas party, the one night a year that we would go out and have a nice dinner and dancing...Last year he had to work...

So to me an indesrection is someone flashes you on a busy street. Its not oops I fell into her again...hate when that happens. I dont know my H was involved wiht OW for a long time even though they had very few times together. It still cuts to think of him thinking about her during those months. His mom died when he was on a trip and going to meet the OW the next day. Just the way things played out I flew with 4 kids ages 7, 4, and 2 7 month olds to his parents hometown and he would have been sleeping wiht her instead of with me that week. Its so hard for me to put some of these things down. I wish I could fast forward my life without missing out on raising my kids to make this all seem duller.

I dont know about tonite. H wants me to go but keeps telling me its weird. His boss and everyone from work and me?? he thinks if I go I will feel better about what he does while he travels but I dont want to look weird like all of a sudden I show up. I would like to go to see the dynamics between him and his asst. to put me at ease and also to "pee on a tree" stake out my territory you know?

H is calling in a little while to let me know if OW is ther so I will let you know. How was your weekend? Hope all is well.
HF

Sorry to hear about your H's mother's death in the midst of the A. Similarly, My H's grandmother died after the A had just started. We went to VA in separate cars (500 miles) and he was calling her throughout the week, came back and went to work/to her...i thought he was grieving because he withdrew from me. He says he withdrew from everyone because he was so upset. I said, not everyone.

It' s hard to put the past away...My anniversary is tomorrow and I am feeling kind of sad. Went to look at Anniversary cards at lunchtime and didn't buy one. They are all too sentimental. I bought him really sentimental cards for Xmas and Valentines Day, and it was hard to find ones that fit the situation, but I did. I told him that I just wanted cards telling me how he felt. At Xmas, I didn't get a card at all. At V Day, I got a funny card w/ cartoon animals saying I'm your Guy...Quite a letdown...So I am kind of preparing myself that I will not get the mad declaration of love and commitment that I am dreaming of. I'm sure he will remember since we talked about it last week. But I think back to last year when he was with OW on our anniv, not me. It hurts alot. I am feeling really jaded about M right now.

If I were you, I'd go to dinner tonight. If he says he wants you to go, just go and enjoy it...Don't worry about the other people. Maybe it will set the stage for more events that spouses are invited to, who knows. and it won't hurt to show the [censored]'t you support your H and love him..:)

Have a good night.

Hi Ladies,

My husband too, hates when I call his relationship with the OW an affair. He tells me not to say that - he hates that word! Then what was it? He may not have loved her, but he listened to her, she listened to him, they had drinks, coffee on occasions. He went to her house, met her kids. They had sex - he's married. Hmmmmm, sounds like an affair to me!

It's so hard to forget all these things. He was so cold and heartless. Why did we have to go thru all this, for him to change?

It was very hard for me also to go to functions and act like everything was fine - I always had to be an actor. Sometimes, I just felt like screaming out, "my life isn't happy - I'm so miserable". Even on the holidays - it was so hard, but I managed somehow.

Hoping: The curiosity would kill me if I had a chance to see the OW and I didn’t . I knew the OW and I still had to confront her. If you do go, make sure you hug your husband a lot, dance with him, whatever it takes to make you two look like everything is great between the two of you. This will make the OW see green! Remember she wants what you have. The OW wants the two of you to break up – then she will be waiting in the wings for your husband. If you see her and she is a “plain Jane”, this will make you feel better.

MamaFish: There was a good Lifetime movie this Sunday “Night of Terror”. Husband has affair, wife finds outs, has revenge affair. OM doesn’t like getting dumped. I don't know if you can watch movies about affairs - I know

Take care, both of you.

After my mother in laws death he called her from that city to tellhe the funeral was over etc. I was like where was I? Probably getting all hot and bothered by a poopy diaper (LOL)! A month before speaking of anniversaries was our 10th. He surprised me wiht a limo to the hotel we got married in. Limo to a beautiful restaurant back to the hotle. Dozen roses inthe room. ??????? I dont get this???In the middle of the A???? He says he compartmentalized it. I asked him if he told OW he was doing that he said yes we were just friends she just said oh arent you wonderful! Can you imagine? Its really hard to think ofthese things. Sometimes I am unloading the dishwasher and just want to scream or sob.

The card aisle is tough for me too. It reminds me now of my dad b/c we are not that close I always look for one that says Happy Fathers Day inside. I am always looking for generic cards now for the love of my life. I certainly cant get "youve always been there for me"! That stinks!

As far as functions I am getting much better New Years I kept going to the bathroom and crying now I just have to leave when I cant take it anymore. I remember after XMas people asking me how my holidays were and I just wanted to throw my arms around them and sob "my H cheated on me". I guess you never know what is going on in other peoples houses. I know noone would suspect this was going on with us. Like you F&L people are always saying what a great guy my H is coachs kids patient with them always volunteers. Oh ya real saint to everyone else I guess.

These past 4 years he really changed I hope now that he knows how much I love him by forgiving him he can go baack to being the person I married and I will think he is wonderful again. I will never think he is flawless again which hurts but I guess no one is.

Movies, TV? I told H we could not rent Walk the LIne b/c of what I read here. Do any of you watch Six Feet Under? One of the characters has an EN with a stripper and his wife kicks his a$$!!! Kicks himout not questions asked (he did do 1 sexual act in a car with her now that I think about it). I remember saying to H how great she was. Boy what he must have been thinking then huh? So many years I didnt know what he knew. At least now we can start healing.

F&L have fun watching the plumber!! haha. OW is not in the same place as H so no fireworks tonite. I thinkI am going to dinner so I will let you know about that in the am. Have a good night ladies!
HF

Hi Ladies,

Don't get me started on the whole what my H was doing when I was dealing with everything...I could write a book on that topic. But F&L, yours with your daughter, that takes the cake. My car broke down on the highway, with both kids, and pregnant...he was with her and would not come to help me. I had to call someone from work to pick me up. Had tow truck driver call. Mind you, all of this was when I was pregnant, so ...up all night throwing up. Called H on cell phone in am, to ask if he could come bring kids to daycare so I could rest. Was told, "you should have called me in the middle of the night. I would have come home to help you". I was like, well I wanted you to sleep, and I'm calling you NOW" Well, he couldn't come, stayed at OW's, I drove kids to daycare, then we got a blizzard, so he got stuck at work (OWs) and I had to go back and get them at daycare in the blizzard...So many times he was not there for me.. The last one was I thought my water had broken and it took him an hour to return the call on his cell phone. I punched in 911 a million times...he finally called back, called into work and came home...Turned out to be a false alarm, so he drops me off at work and where does he go? To her place...Luckily the next night when I went into labor, he was home (night off)...Talk about heartless, he told me that I was being DRAMATIC!!! I'm in labor here, could you at least walk me to the car...??!?! JEEZ!

I hate picking out cards now...I can't stomach the "my loving husband" ones especially...People also thought my H was THE family man, always showing pics of his kids, this was what used to bother OW so much, that he wouldn't tell anyone at work about them.

Movies and TV are hard. On a lot of shows, there are affairs. We watch a few shows that deal with it as a side issue...I would not be able to watch the Lifetime movie, F&L . I used to love these kinds of movies...I broke into tears at The Family Guy (a cartoon) back in Dec when it talked about an A...I've come a long way since then but he tends to change channels if it gets too close to home...

The whole company/transfer thing at your H's job is so ridiculous F&L . It is good that your H is out of there!

Enjoy the plumber (F&L) and the dinner (Hopingfor)...My H also plays the role when we are out...

Good morning,

It's nice talk to you guys. Even though I poured my heart out in the beginning to people on this site, you two are the first people I feel connected with - I was the most open with the two of you. I really feel I made two new friends. Thanks.

Mamafish: I think your husband takes the cake! Don't tell me about being dramatic. That's my husband favorite line to me.

Even though my husband did what he did, he's acting better now than he used to. He listens more and I think is being more honest and, well, sort of, caring. I too, think about the cards I buy, so I just buy funny ones - that solves the problem.

Hoping: I don't have HBO, so I don't see "Six Feet Under". We cancelled it and rent movies instead. Also, I think no one knows what goes on in other. Everyone has "skeletons" in their closet.

Both of you will be able to watch movies, eventually, that deal with infidelity. Like I said, I couldn't watch them at first - too close to home.

Talk to you later.

Hi Girls
Me too F&L I appreciate both your friendships especailly since I didnt tell a soul about what FWH did. I was justat preschool pickup and felt so depressed I saw one of my best friends there and alll I could think of was getting on the computer to talk about how I feel today!

I think when I am tired and sick I feel so much more depressed. It really takes all the energy I have to be chipper each day and when I dont feel up to par its just not good.

Last night was ok. Asst and I hung out a bit. Shes young 24. I said to H last night she is closer in age to our 11 year old than she is to us! I dont think she has any intentions with H but I do think he flirts with her she and I went to ladies rooma nd we were talking about H and how he can be such a girl. She said he is always saying "do you like my outfit?" He is joking around but I think its inapropriate. He calls he "kiddo". I was reading anothe post which said As dont start out to be As they just develop ususally because of a friendship and then turn into them. I mean should I give him wiggle room here? He obviously did this same thing before friends/flirt/sex.

Its all so &*^%$% depressing to think I have to worry about this stuff. He was upset he thought I would be all happy because he is so innocent but even the slightest thing sets me off.

F&L regarding your plumber...seems like if hes putting it out htere is a real possiblity he cheating and the wife not being that social could be a sign of he being on guard for it dont you think? Who knows you never know whats going on with people.

My H too has been so much more loving and accepting of me since dday. Its just never enough. I am so insecure. I could really kill him sometimes for making me like this. I hate being like this.

Hope you both are having good days I feel better now that I have vented!
HF

Hoping,

Who's Asst? Did I miss something or am I not understanding abbreviations?

I'm insecure too. My husband says he doesn't understand why I am so insecure. I'm definitely a "worry wart". If I have something on my mind - it stays with me - can't stop thinking about it. I'll go to sleep thinking about what I'm going to do or say the next day and I can't go to sleep.

Well, hopefully the plumber comes today because we can't use the tub upstairs. Good thing we have more than one bathroom.

Since all this happened my husband and I go out dancing once in a while. I love to dance - club type dancing. When we were dating, we used to go out dancing all the time. He knows I love to dance, so we started going out every once in a while. Once my husband gets into it, he'll dance all night. Makes both of us feel good. We also get a good laugh at all the guys/women trying to make moves on each other. If my husband steps away from me to get a drink or goes to the men's room - the guys come immediately and try to pick me up. Those places are such a "meat market". Thank goodness I'm married. I feel bad for some of those people - just looking for someone to be with.

It's starting to get warmer here. I can't wait till I can start planting my veggies and flowers. I love doing this. I'm always busy in the spring and summer.

Talk to you later.

Hi ladies,

I also feel like I made new good friends. It's hard to talk to people about this. I have only told my 2 oldest friends who live out of state, and they have been supportive in whatever I decided (ie. to stay with my H), and that is basically it. They call me every blue moon and ask how I am, but that's about it. They don't understand so it is hard to talk to them...I'm glad no one really knows, that I know. All my H's friends /old coworkers/ most of his family know. That has been very hard for me even though I don't know any of his coworkers...It is hard to face people that know because you wonder what they think of you....

F&L
As for the plumber and his wife, I wouldn't be surprised at anything after what I have read on these boards.

My H is also big on telling me to stop the drama (LOL!)...I laughed when I read that in your post...Unbelievable. He would say Save the drama for your mama, and stuff like that...He would say I was a drama queen. The sad thing is that I am anything but a drama queen, but the OW is the ultimate drama queen. He sees now that all she wanted is to be the center of attention and is a selfish b---h. This is what galls me, that he would call me dramatic when he was dealing with her at the same time...This was all pre DDay. He hasn't said anything about me being dramatic since then...He has changed for the better, but I too wish that I could shake off these old feelings...The more I think about the past, the harder it is to face the day ahead.

As for cards, I still haven't bought one and I'm not sure if I will. He used to always pride himself on the fact that he would buy ones that meant alot, or that said what he wanted to say. He would never just run in and pick a card fast. I think I may skip the card. We have never done much on our anniversary anyway....He just called and said he would pick up something for dinner. (He is a great cook and expresses his love through making special dinners...this is what he loves to do).

Hoping,

I wouldn't give your H much wiggle room with the Asst (F&L, the ASST is Her H's assistant who travels with him--you would have to go back to previous posts to read more)...He needs to absolutely set the boundaries here. Workplace affairs develop that way. They flirt a bit here and there, and then progress. I don't watch 6 feet under either but there are As in many many movies and tv shows.

F&L, I am also insecure and the worrier. I am trying to let things go but it is tough to do. I get really obsessive over stuff, I used to be worse than I am now. Now I kind of feel like things don't matter as much as pre DDay. I have a different perspective. But I still feel insecure even though I try not to compare myself to OW. I find that I am not as insecure if my H is being attentive to me. But if he is not, then I get more insecure and depressed. I try not to base my attitude on what he does, but I find that how he is treating me is how I will feel. Last week we were communicating and everything was going really well. This week we are sick and so , like you Hoping, it is harder to keep that positive attitude.

On the plus side, we are having lunch on Friday, just us, and then the afternoon off. He made the plans (a first)...kind of an anniversary celebration in a way...we will have a nice dinner tonight for our anniv. .

We don't go out dancing, but used to go once in a while when we dated. We really need to start a Date Night, but it's tough w/ the kids. It is too much for my mother to handle all 3 at once so we don't go out very much at all.

Always good to check in, catch up and vent. I always feel better once I've chatted with you both. Hope you are having good days. here in CT it is in the 50s today and I think Spring is in the air....

Good afternoon.

I read some of your old posts. First of all, I noticed MamaFish that your birthday is in April, so is mine.
Second, I noticed that we're all on the east coast, so am I

I like the "Drama Queen". That's what my husband used to call me when I would cry and be upset. Told me I was "on the soap box". Now he says the OW is the "Drama Queen".

My kids are older, so it's easier to go out. But, it does make a difference to go out alone with your husband - makes it feel like you're dating again.

Hoping: I read back on your posts. I hate to say it, but I wouldn't trust my husband with his assistant anymore. That's how affairs start. First, the admiration of the boss, her complimenting him, then telling problems and the close settings.

In my situation, my husband was with his assistant longer during the day then with me. He just comes home, eats, stays up about 2-3 hours and goes to sleep. He's at work 8-9 hours, sometimes. My husband was also friends with the OW - I knew her - we went out for company parties, etc. - with all the other office staff.

The OW would also joke about how she had to do things for my husband in the office and bring him coffee. How all men were lazy and babies. Little did I know that later she would be boinking him!

Hoping, I'm not saying that your husband is doing something, but keep your eyes and ears open.