Okay my husband and I have been married since dec 2003 and we were separated since july 2004...Later in jan of o5 our daughter was born... I didnt hear anything from him till nov 05 and now he wants to be in her life and so we moved in with him so i could find a place near by. We have been getting closer I gess my question is should I try to make it work with him? We still talk about getting a divorce and all but we are doing really good rightnow.. I think its a good thing for my family to be back together... What is the best way for this to happen? Please... Even if you have the smallest clue... please just try to help...

Crimson, welcome to MB. A little more background information would be helpful. Why were you separated and why did he not contact you for so long? Was the infidelity in your relationship?

we separated because he thought he wasnt ready to be a father.... so i left.. moved about 10hours away... and he just didnt want to contact me... he knew how.. just didnt.. now he loves his daughter and we get along good now. HERES THE THING .... we still talk about getting a divorce and still talk to other people but we just havent even thought about trying to get back together.. we live in the same house sleep in the same bed.. we are married... but we're separated.. odd i know..
Should I just give it time and see what happens or should i say something?

Why not try at least for the sake of your daughter? What do you mean by you both talk to other people? Are you dating others? If so, stop!

Read this site very carefully. Get the book His Needs/Her Needs by Harley. Find a good pro marriage -- marriage counselor and go. You won't know unless you really try. If it doesn't work out then at least you both know you did your best for your sweet baby girl.

Oh,I forgot to ask how old you both are?

well i dont know how to bring it up.... Not to mention the fact that we both no longer have "feeling" for eachother. John saw a girl for almost a year right after we split up. I havent seen anyone yet. I attempted to but didnt.
oh to to answer your question we're both 20

20 is so young. You both need at least a few years to mature before you really understand all this. Does your H understand that he was having an affair? You are not legally divorced so yes, it was adultery. Do not try to date until you are legally divorced!

How to bring it up...how about "we have this beautiful daughter together that deserves to have two parents together giving her every chance for a happy, secure life. Why don't we try to work this marriage out and rediscover our feelings for each other for her sake?"

If you read the Marriage Builder's Basic Concepts http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html (see list on left), you will see that you "fall in love" based on what you put into the relationship. "Love" doesn't come out of thin air... it's basically a choice. If you commit yourselves, you can usually make the marriage work. Share these concepts with your man.

Do I think you should try? Yes.

Click on "Questionnaires" above, click each of the questionnaires on the left side of the screen. Print all 5 and do them together with your husband.

I don't think age is an excuse. DH and I married at 18. While I know realize NOW that we had a lot of growing to do and might have been better off waiting, the fact is we took vows before God "'til death do you part"... and I ain't dead yet!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Very best wishes on your marriage,
J
married 19y and counting

thanks ill look at them as soon as possible..

As far as how to bring it up its still strange to me because we already tried once.... well we desided to try..but didnt.. and john and i have been doing soooo good here latly i dont know if me bringing it up will mess that up. Gracie(our daughter) is staying with her nana this week so we can get the house painted and we have had alot of alone time and we were ble to learn more about eachother. I just dont know if i should. I would love to make it all work, god knows that, but i just dont know

crimson, this is the IDEAL time to bring it up. When you have time alone to put those deposits in each others love banks. Gracie deserves her parents together and an intact family. I wish you could know how many times I have tried and I still have not given up because my committment to marriage and my children are what keep me going.

i am just afraid that if i say something to him then it will push him away again... I just dont know what HE WANTS...

There's only one way to find out... and faithful gave you a great opening line! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />